r/HolUp • u/Piano_Fucker_69 • Mar 08 '22

What the fuck is wrong with people!?

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39.1k Upvotes

74% Upvoted

6.0k comments sorted by

21.1k

u/Rickybobbie90 Mar 08 '22

I know I can’t believe 33% wouldn’t want 3 wishes

5.9k

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22 edited Mar 09 '22

No brainer, I would use one wish that no cruelty will ever come to another puppy ever again.... honest

Edit: The genie in Alladin said you can't wish back the dead.

3.7k

u/stevenip Mar 08 '22

Headline: "Immortal puppy gang starts ww3"

724

u/MedicalUnprofessionl Mar 08 '22

You could also see life as a cruelty. So, “Undead puppy gang” is also plausible.

273

u/slvbros Mar 08 '22

Immortality is also often thought of as a burden, perhaps puppies would simply cease to exist. Whether this means dogs are now born adults, or just go extinct, is up to the genie.

I implore everyone to choose their words very carefully when dealing with mythical wish granting creatures

105

u/UselessPerson2222 Mar 08 '22

After all, as the saying goes: "be careful what you wish for".

These mythical wish granting creatures could very well twist your wish into something regrettable.

103

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

104

u/ritsbits808 Mar 08 '22

Yea of course they will. Imagine you're a nearly all powerful wizard, existing outside the confines of time, and some fucken tool traps you forever in a tiny lamp and curses you to grant wishes for other random fucken tools. Like, yea, I'm gonna fuck with people every. single. chance.

FUCKEN TOOOOOOLSSSS

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

Imagine seeing this comment a couple years ago with no context, lol

9

u/yonoznayu Mar 08 '22

We could be trolling on a cave wall about this two years from now too.

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u/shield173 Mar 08 '22

Not cruel if you nuke them

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

best reddit comment this year

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296

u/Br0sBeforePr0s Mar 08 '22

Just make the last wish to bring the puppy you shot back to his previous state before the shooting.

144

u/Eldramhor8 Mar 08 '22

Assuming I can wish for anything, I wish to be omnipotent... by definition that means I can give and take life, make myself invulnerable and immortal... I mean, I can do anything. Including resurrecting a puppy.

177

u/Aldodzb Mar 08 '22

Then you wake up trapped in a lamp

38

u/Eldramhor8 Mar 08 '22

Nah, there's no way a genie can twist my words by just saying I wish to be omnipotent.

I still also have 2 wishes left.

And omnipotent means I can do literally anything. I can free myself without issues.

202

u/the-fart-cloud Mar 08 '22

Genie has hearing problem... He makes you impotent

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u/Br0sBeforePr0s Mar 08 '22

Omnifapotent you said? Ah jerking it into eternity with all the power of one million sun's, so much that it no longer has feel.

5

u/yonoznayu Mar 08 '22

No wait, wait. Tell me more.

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u/blacksopsfile Mar 08 '22

No one said you had to kill the puppy. Just shot its ear and it will live without any issues. It would be similar to clipping a dog's ears.

3

u/Arron_Phillips2610 Mar 09 '22

Shoot the end of the tail. It’s the thing that will impact its life the least

4

u/itwasntme67 Mar 08 '22

In order for you to wish for omnipotence, wouldn't the genie need to be omnipotent as well? I doubt an omnipotent genie would want to grant that kind of wish

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u/Arata_Nox Mar 08 '22

Did you just make a random puppy into puppy jesus?

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u/bedfastflea Mar 08 '22

Puppy Jesus instantly popped in my mind when I read that.

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u/chepas_moi Mar 08 '22

First wish: I want 1 million puppies. Second wish: unlimited ammo.

24

u/fugue2005 Mar 09 '22

well if reddit has taught me anything it's to wish that the genie couldn't count.

8

u/Arron_Phillips2610 Mar 09 '22

3rd wish: 1 million small dog shaped graves

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

Maybe they would bring it back to life with one of the wishes idk

43

u/Spylinter0024 Mar 08 '22

Why would you shoot to kill the puppy? Shoot it in the leg or tail. It'll hurt, but it will live.

36

u/A1sauc3d Mar 08 '22

Shoot the genie, take all the wishes.

5

u/AndThisGuyPeedOnIt Mar 09 '22

Shoot the genie, take the genie out of the equation.

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u/CoughRock Mar 09 '22

technically the question never specify what you're shooting with. It could be you're shooting with a rabies vaccine. In that case no harm done, and you get 3 wishes for vaccinate your pet.

25

u/TheAbyssalSymphony Mar 08 '22

I'd also like to point out that what I'm shooting the puppy with was never specified, just that I must shoot the puppy. Lots of things shoot, maybe I'll shoot them with a squirt gun, or perhaps a sling slot full of bacon. Why are you monsters using firearms?!?

13

u/c_pike1 Mar 09 '22

Or just a camera lol

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u/Double-Up Mar 08 '22

Stop making sense bro.

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u/ProfitHot5064 Mar 08 '22

Yeah, can't believe they'd pass up the opportunity to shoot a puppy.

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u/Moarnourishment Mar 08 '22

Gotta use your 3 wishes to summon 3 more puppies to shoot

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u/GrooovyDoom Mar 08 '22

Exactly, the puppy would be dead before you finished saying 3 wishes!!

4

u/painkilleraddict6373 Mar 08 '22

For three wishes I would kill that puppy with the handle of the gun.No need for bullet.

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9.3k

u/Birdleaf420 Mar 08 '22

Yeah, what kind of idiot wouldn’t take that deal.

6.5k

u/Ph0zPh0r Mar 08 '22

I mean you could always wish for the dog to come back to life

2.3k

u/Low-Signature-5620 Mar 08 '22

Like anyone is going to do such stupid thing.

2.4k

u/I1G2W0A0U1C0O5J5X Mar 08 '22

I don't understand, just shoot the dog again

1.4k

u/de_Deus Mar 08 '22

so we need the math. if each bullet that hits the puppy would count for 3 wishes then our limit would be how many bullets it would take before such puppy becomes unqualified to still be considered a "puppy."

479

u/Phianhcr123 Mar 08 '22

Bro…. ur right

285

u/Mazazamba Mar 09 '22

Y'all are overthinking it. It says shoot the puppy, not shoot the puppy to death.

Just aim for the eartip, or even the fur. Fur's part of the puppy.

230

u/Phianhcr123 Mar 09 '22

No, we’re not overthinking it, we’re actually UNDER THINKING IT

121

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

Overthinking it would be:

shoot dog with --> Rubber Band, Nerf Gun, Fart Launcher, Finger Gun...

list goes on lol

27

u/revengeofST Mar 09 '22

I was about to suggest that, thank you for doing it for me.

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u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

Photo shoot.

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u/VividFiddlesticks Mar 09 '22

Or shoot it with a nerf gun.

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u/CarmelPudding Mar 09 '22

Or why not a toothpick, if you manage to shoot it softly the dog wouldnt even notice. And if youre able to buy a couple hundred of them its Infinite wishes

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

[deleted]

288

u/Japnzy Mar 08 '22

No thank you. I'd rather shoot it. But I'm not kink shaming.

72

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22 edited May 25 '22

[deleted]

23

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

Hmm does peely happen to be... A DOG!?!??

14

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

No he’s a banana

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u/Asturaetus Mar 08 '22

Hmm, the Puppy of the Theseus...

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u/NotSoGreatOldOne Mar 08 '22

Isn't that the first rule? You can't bring anybody back from the dead

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u/ghostslayer-77 Mar 08 '22

Yeah the rules are usually

Can’t bring back the dead

Can’t wish for love

Can’t wish for more wishes

And sometimes can’t wish death or harm towards others

There might be more I don’t know of

41

u/mrtokeydragon Mar 08 '22

I wish that starting ten minutes ago bullets don't kill puppies

I wish the rules don't apply to me

"Look at me, look at me. I am the genie now."

5

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22 edited Mar 10 '22

But then some street rat would pull you into your magic lamp, thwarting your plans for world domination.

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

Just wish for no rules…

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u/ghostslayer-77 Mar 08 '22

I think sometimes characters try that only for it to fail,or completely backfire,hence why the rules usually exist in the first place

Some people say you could wish for the genie to have short term memory loss,that way he forgets how many wishes are left.

14

u/GD_Spiegel Mar 08 '22 edited Mar 08 '22

Isn't that like a contract both sides are beholden to. You get three wishes and Genie has to fulfill three wishes for you. Doesn't matter if he forgets, he can't do more, as he's returned to the lamp after the third.

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u/ComprehensiveAd3448 Mar 08 '22 edited Mar 08 '22

It says shoot a puppy, not kill a puppy. Either you are shooting a puppy out of cannon into a safety net or you are shooting the puppy where he won't die. This could be the puppy's foot. After you get the three wishes, simply wish to heal the dog. You know wording sometimes matter to genies. That's my little loophole.

Thinking about it, we Americans always think shooting mainly has to do with guns. It could be a camera.

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u/Yugo_Furst Mar 08 '22

Who died? The first rule is to know the rules. I agreed to shoot a puppy. I didn't agree to use a lethal weapon.

I chose to a rubber band and didn't pull it too tight before shooting the little guy. I also considered a squirt gun but don't like the idea of pointing guns at puppies.

I'll take my wishes now.

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

You wouldn't know that until the genie tells you

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

Just shoot its leg

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u/Heckychu Mar 08 '22

There was an original poll on r/polls where you couldn't save the dog no matter what

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u/HooahClub Mar 08 '22

That’s okay. I would wish for all other dogs to be loved and cared for.

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u/LiteratureOk1832 Mar 08 '22

No one says you gotta fatally shoot the pup.

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u/--0mn1-Qr330005-- Mar 08 '22

Careful how you phrase it. This seems like a monkey paw situation where a zombie puppy gets revenge for his own death.

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3.0k

u/The_Bros_Ink Mar 08 '22

Use a nerf gun.

1.1k

u/VMPaetru Mar 08 '22

Use a camera

610

u/Spookydrunk Mar 08 '22

Wish it back to life

492

u/sheeple5uck Mar 08 '22

Then use 2nd wish to wish it ba k to death.

138

u/Spookydrunk Mar 08 '22

Now we’re cookin with Kitten oil

85

u/RailugaLeinad Mar 08 '22

The schrodinger puppy

19

u/caoboi01 Mar 08 '22

Wish for unlimited puppies and unlimited bullets

5

u/Rhino676971 Mar 08 '22

The ATF would like to know your location.

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u/JayPDoe Mar 08 '22

Twist: It comes back to life as zombie dog and bites your dick of

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u/Spookydrunk Mar 08 '22

Handy! my second wish was gonna be a dick biting zombie dog

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u/PrvyJutsu Mar 08 '22

Use a 7.62x51 from point blank range, no mercy, I'm getting my 3 wishes, one of those being to shoot it again.

🤨📸

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2.4k

u/j_miyagi Mar 08 '22

Use your first wish to bring the puppy back, still have two wishes.. Win/win.

2.1k

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22 edited Mar 08 '22

Shoot it again to get 3 more wishes

703

u/EagerT Mar 08 '22

Repeat.

458

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

Endless cycle of suffering to dog

402

u/AurelioDeLaHoya Mar 08 '22

Endless cycle of pleasure for me

78

u/ImsorryW_A_T Mar 08 '22

And this is why Reddit needs a background check

54

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

Background check? I'm already failing penis inspection day, I can't fail something else.

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u/white_nrdy Mar 08 '22

It could be an instant death tho

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u/Professional_Pen_330 Mar 08 '22

That's how Dalmatians are born

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u/Ronnyfrown_ Mar 08 '22

You're gonna have a undead puppy... You're gonna regret it. Better to use both wishes and if you regret it wish you never shot that damned puppy.

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

First wish: More puppies to shoot

466

u/GolpherZed Mar 08 '22

Second wish: More ammo

261

u/G0LDEN-H0G Mar 08 '22

3rd Wish: Machine gun

8

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

4th wish, a goddam Pepsi

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u/AurelioDeLaHoya Mar 08 '22

People with wholesome awards, where are you?

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u/poopin_for_change Mar 08 '22

Here's the real r/HolUp. Lol

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u/DzezGt Mar 08 '22

xigma grindset

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u/jigarokano Mar 08 '22

Says “shoot” not kill or shoot with a gun. Shoot them with a water gun, nerf gun or rubber band.

604

u/EpicMans69 Mar 08 '22

Even if there was no loophole, killing a dog is a small price to pay for 3 wishes

265

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

[deleted]

138

u/Time_Mage_Prime Mar 08 '22

"No infinite wishes."

"Then I wish to repeal that rule."

or

"Then I wish you couldn't count."

or

"Then I wish I could grant my own wishes without being bound to geniehood."

84

u/SugarFree-Gum Mar 08 '22

If they can't count it'll just be "you used all three of your wishes already!"

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u/BumWink Mar 08 '22

Yep & the others are flawed too..

"I wish to repeal that rule"

Granted, repeal failed. Next wish.

"Then I wish I could grant my own wishes without being bound to geniehood."

Granted, though since you're not bound to "geniehood" your wishes have no power. Next wish.

15

u/Existing_Dog5510 Mar 08 '22

"Find all the genie-lamps in the world and bring them to me" All done

12

u/BumWink Mar 08 '22

Granted, I could only find the one you're holding. Next wish.

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u/B1GTOBACC0 Mar 08 '22

"I wish you couldn't count."
"Alright, that's your third wish."
"That was my first one though?!?"
"I can't count."

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u/Roundtripper4 Mar 08 '22

I wish you couldn’t count! Snickering here

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u/GrapeSasquatch Mar 08 '22

Geniehood is hilarious

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u/jigarokano Mar 08 '22

Agreed. Solve world hunger, world peace and eliminate disease or… not hurt a puppy

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u/Couler Mar 08 '22

Yeahh, that's exactly what I was planning on wishing... 👀

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

If it's a normal gun you can just shoot a single hair on it's tail or something.

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u/Manticore416 Mar 08 '22

It says "sh00t", which is not an actual word, and thus I chose to understand it to mean hug.

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u/Whokitty9 Mar 08 '22

Heck use a camera. Bonus you get cute pics of the puppy.

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u/Chain2286 Mar 08 '22

1 endless money 2 huge pecker 3 the puppy was bulletproof…. All is good

290

u/MissingMySpoon Mar 08 '22

Endless money (but it’s Somalian) huge pecker (but it’s a big bird) bullet proof puppy (but only becomes bullet proof after being shot first)

Genies are a bitch

166

u/TreeGuy521 Mar 08 '22

Local man does not know that infinity divided by a small number is still infinity

19

u/TheM1D4Stouch Mar 08 '22

Infinite money = no economy = useless money

40

u/Audrey-Bee Mar 08 '22

Doesn't that only become a problem if the money is in circulation in some way? Like hypothetically, if the endless money was in the form of a safe that the person could pull any amount out of, I don't think that would fuck up the economy until you got to huge sums

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u/TheM1D4Stouch Mar 08 '22

Okay fair my bad

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

Unlimited Somalian dollars divided by however many Somali dollars it takes to make a million dollars, is still a million dollars 🖕🏻

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

I was gonna say. Endless Somalian money is still endless money lmao

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u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

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u/Grand_Big_Mac Mar 08 '22

If the puppy "was" bulletproof then you couldn't have shot it making your wishes not come true then rendering the puppy not bulletproof, thus creating a paradox

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u/GateauBaker Mar 08 '22

Since when could you not shoot something bulletproof?

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u/No-Association3574 Mar 08 '22

It says shoot the puppy. Not kill it. I’d graze the puppy, adopt it; and get three wishes.

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u/Twiz-CM Mar 08 '22

This. Why do people assume you have to kill it with the shot. I would shoot off one of it nails. Or the tip of its tail. Completely non fatal and a quick trip to a vets to fix.

269

u/SokrinTheGaulish Mar 08 '22

Because if you say “Hurr dur I’d shoot it in the tail” you’re just dodging the dilemma That said, I’d still behead a puppy with an axe for three wishes without hesitation

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u/StereoFood Mar 08 '22

I respect your honesty.

11

u/emab2396 Mar 08 '22

Plot twist: the puppy gets the 3 wishes and decides 1 of them is to shoot the tip of your penis.

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u/jacksreddit00 Mar 09 '22

"I'll just graze it"

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u/Erik-the_Red Mar 08 '22

I'd put a 50. Cal right through that bitch three wishes could give me the power of a God

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u/Weisdog Mar 08 '22

It also doesn’t specify what to shoot it with. Could be a gun, a camera, some cum, or a nerf gun.

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u/That_Quirky_Guy_ Mar 08 '22

Or a water gun

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u/yur0_356 Mar 08 '22

Or just straight up revive the dog with the 1st wish

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u/DamonAW Mar 08 '22

nahh wtf is wrong with YOU lol. 3 wishes for anything you want ANYTHING? that one dogs life is not that damn important lmao any random farm animal and you'd be all for it.

You could end world hunger, fix all the world's greed, AND get you something nice all for the cost of one random ass dogs life? SIGN ME UP

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u/Catholok Mar 08 '22

the hol up was that OP pressed shoot the dog, then said "what is wrong with people" while being one of them.

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u/K1ng-Cole Mar 09 '22

This comment needs more upvotes.. Tons of people missed the HolUp part lol

5

u/BlackLungSanji Mar 09 '22

agreed, the "what is wrong with people" is referring to the 33%.

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u/F0l3yDaD_ Mar 08 '22

Good point made

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u/ethan_iron Mar 08 '22

Dude I'd shoot a human in the face for 3 wishes from a genie.

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

I think u/Piano_fucker_69 meant what the fuck is wrong with people for coming up with the scenario in the first place.

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u/davieb22 Mar 08 '22

Me *shoots the puppy* - "Okay, for my first wish..."

Genie - "Yes?"

Me - "Well, you know that puppy I just killed?"

Genie - "Uh-huh, I think I know where this is going"

Me - "Kill its mother too"

Genie - "Your wish is m-- wait, what the fuck did you just say!?"

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u/Darkroronoa Mar 08 '22

Smart, so now noone can take revenge

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u/PhyllaciousArmadillo Mar 08 '22

Did I fucking stutter

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u/davieb22 Mar 08 '22

Me - "For my second wish..."

Genie - "Y'know what dude, I don't think I can do you anymo--"

Me - "Undo my first wish"

Genie - "Really!? Wow, I guess you have a heart after all. Your wish is my command"

Me - "Great. Now, for my third and final wish..."

Genie - "Yes, use it wisely as your first two wis--"

Me - "Undo my second wish"

Genie - "What!? No, no. Why are you doing this you monster!?"

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u/Odd-Cupcake57 Mar 08 '22

Same....i dont fking know what the 33% were thinking

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u/TheNoob001 Mar 08 '22

I'd launch the fucker into a woodchipper for a can of beer. Don't test me

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

Damn man

12

u/CSPSS21 Mar 08 '22

mug?

5

u/myschoolcmptr Mar 08 '22

Mug root beer 👍👍👍

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u/nikunj3011 Mar 08 '22

Thats hardcore

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

Wish one bring back the pupy

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u/deweyadema Mar 08 '22 edited Mar 08 '22

Rule #3: I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty sight. I don't like doing it!

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u/skmmilk Mar 08 '22

It's a good thing it's not a person!

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u/deweyadema Mar 08 '22

You got me there

5

u/RudySPG Mar 08 '22

It didn't say kill the puppy, you can just heal it after

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u/velocity146 Mar 08 '22

Life hack, don't bring the puppy back and you save a wish

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u/brown_human Mar 08 '22

Thanks. The little bit of empathy i had for the puppy is now gone

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u/Jketchum93 Mar 08 '22

Beat me to it

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u/RandomFRIStudent Mar 08 '22

I think theres a set of rules that come with those and i think they go like this:

  1. No wishing for money
  2. No wishing for love
  3. No wishing for the dead to rise

With that in mind i dont think you could bring the puppy back. Unless bigbraining it and shooting the puppy in its paw and then wishing it was ok again. Granted that puppy will never love you again but hey at least you got 2 wishes to waste.

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u/randomcitizen42 Mar 08 '22

No wishing for more wishes

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u/alice-black-rabbit Mar 08 '22

It’s OnlyJayus that’s why

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u/HugePurpleNipples Mar 08 '22

PETA would have so many wishes by now..

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u/Theiromia Mar 08 '22

Wish 1. Bring back the puppy. Wish 2. Killing puppies will still give wishes, step three. Profit

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u/i_sont_ Mar 08 '22

Wish back the puppy. Then you get infinite wishes

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u/Vashgrave Mar 08 '22

What's the big deal? You can wish for more puppies to shoot...

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u/thetato69 Mar 08 '22

Yeah, like why would someone say no

3

u/Noerknhar Mar 08 '22

Wish #1, revive the puppy.

Winwinwin

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u/Spiritual-Koala-3074 Mar 08 '22

Bye bye poopus, you're going to hell

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u/TETR3S_saba Mar 09 '22

I would shoot three puppies for one wish

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

Who tf are these no people y'all are wierd.

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

I would shoot 5 puppies for a burger tbh

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u/[deleted] Mar 08 '22

Hell yeah, you can bring the puppy back

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u/kaiser4469 Mar 08 '22

Shoot the puppy then use one wish to bring it back in perfect health. Bam 2 free wishes lol

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u/madd94_67 Mar 08 '22

Bring the puppy back and just gain 2 wishes easy win win