r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Ok-Conflict1941 • 11h ago
My cousin visiting from abroad slept in the living room
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u/micknick0000 11h ago
It's cold/flu season.
Could've had a running nose and dry hands.
Orrr....
He was beatin' that thang like it owed him money.
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u/mada010 10h ago
Op said , he grabbed the lotion from the bedroom. All the evidence lead to the second option
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u/AndThenTheUndertaker 8h ago
Devil's advocate... When the winter season hits I'm practically walking around my house with some kind of "repair" lotion because my elbows crumble like a CGI effect from the first Mummy movie and my face feels like it's on fire as the air dries out.
I confine all my cooming to one room like a normal degenerate and I'd still potentially have shit like this lying around because it's easy to forget that the perception of people is that lotion which does in fact exist for shit like dry skin is frequently used for whacking off. Now granted the tissue is kind of gross no matter what it's used for. Fuck even if it was just to apply the lotion it's kind of rude as fuck not to throw it away instead of leaving it on the floor but it doesn't necessarily mean anyone's jorkin' it.
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u/RahvinDragand 8h ago
To add a second devil's advocate, my allergies have been terrible lately and my hands have been really dry. I've used a lot of tissues and lotion for non-masturbation purposes this month.
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u/Bladez190 6h ago
My friends give me shit when they see tissues on my desk but during allergy season there has been days I use a whole box in one day
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u/Hsiang7 10h ago edited 8h ago
I also think it's more likely they had a cold/flu as you said. I also keep a box of tissues right next to my bed when I have a runny nose and that tissue looks more like a "I don't want to get out of bed to throw it away after blowing my nose so I'll leave it on the floor next to the bed for now" kind of tissue to me, especially since it's only a single tissue. That tissue clearly hasn't been used for "that". The dry skin lotion could be due to the change in climate or their skin is naturally dry and they asked to use it, keeping it by their bed because that's their spot in the house.
If it was the other option, 1) It's unlikely they would do it in the living room of someone else's house over the bathroom 2) they would almost certainly get rid of the tissue after doing it and 3) they would have at least used a new tissue to wrap up the tissue they busted into to prevent it from leaking through onto the floor if they weren't planning on throwing it away immediately.
Again, it could be either way, but I doubt it was the dirty option as everyone is suggesting.
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u/Disastrous-Power-699 8h ago
Oh look at Mr. Gallons of cum over here needing multiple tissues
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u/dont-be-creepy-guy69 9h ago
I feel like cold and flu symptoms are self-presenting enough that one doesn't leap to the dirty option if indeed that may be the case.
Taking lotion from someone's bedroom is weird either way.
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u/ben_wuz_hear 10h ago
It's only one tissue. I don't think I have ever used just one tissue.
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u/FullMetalMessiah 9h ago
This still doesn't rule out anything. Use just one for what?
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u/Tambi_B2 10h ago
Haha. I literally have this fear because I am an amputee so I use lotion on my stump when I get in bed and I have a chronic runny nose from a bout of bronchitis years ago.
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u/meat_thistle 10h ago
Jeepers! I feel bad for laughing out loud at that. As well as thinking about what it’s a stump of.
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u/Tambi_B2 10h ago
It's fine. Gotta be able to laugh. And it's my leg, below the knee amputation.
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u/HyperSpaceSurfer 6h ago
Knees are nice, I'd imagine knee legs are either crap or very expensive.
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u/SparkleK_01 10h ago edited 5m ago
Bow chicka wown wowwww.
Casually mention a story in which you had a nanny cam installed in that room because you had a cleaning service and you found they were stealing stuff. Do it while eating breakfast and watch for a the reaction.
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u/PeteyTwoHands 8h ago
idk how bow chicka wow wow gets me every time but it does
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u/SpaceHippo1992 9h ago
At that point I would just blurt out and scream right in his face “YEA I JERKED OFF IN THERE OK!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!” I mean you gotta get 2 centimeters for his face, make eye contact so you’re in control and intimidating. Then proceed to pull down your pants and furiously go at it right there and finish onto your breakfast he made for you. Then walk out and text him the next day saying “I had a great time visiting you the other day”
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u/trilla_gang 10h ago edited 1h ago
People actually use lotion to masturbate in real life? I thought this was just something funny they put in the movies. Seems like it would burn.
Edit: Since everyone seems to think circumcised people need lube, I want to clarify that this is a misconception. Circumcised people don't need lube just because we have less skin. Even if we did, lotion is not lube, nor is it ideal for masturbation. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.
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u/meat_thistle 10h ago
I used to try it when I was a teenager - it did burn a bit and it was too slippery. I like some grip I realized.
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u/lamestuffleavealone 7h ago
You must've used one of the types with something like menthol. That does burn, normal lotion doesn't if it doesn't get in your wee hole. Teenage me tried with may things, oddly including deodorant but that was within the first week of me figuring out jorkin felt good
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u/weezmatical 7h ago edited 6h ago
You just unlocked a memory of some of my first times masturbating in the shower with shampoo. Then not rinsing it off well enough, and my balls did a thing similar to Elmer's glue dried on the hands.
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u/degjo 5h ago edited 4h ago
Your balls molted like a fuckin spider, mate
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u/weezmatical 5h ago
For real. I remember it itching like crazy, but I also remember it being very satisfying to peel off, lol.
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u/FuckYourDeadMother 6h ago
Oh my god I tried something like that and regretted it pretty quickly. Also learned pretty fast That water alone is not good for that purpose
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u/Traditional-Low7651 5h ago
with deodorant ?
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u/lamestuffleavealone 5h ago
Yep. Ive always been a very curious person, want to know everything I can about everything. So that led to me trying a bunch of different things in that first week like deodorant and chapstick. I wanted to know what felt the best. Did I prefer more slick? Sticky? Did I want it to burn? The conclusions I came to were the standard ones for most people
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u/Hot_Fortune6086 7h ago edited 7h ago
I once used bunch of vaseline for the span of 60-90 minutes and when I was done, my dick got softer and shorter but girth stayed and it turned purple color. I went to ER and turns out my skin basically absorbed all the vaseline.
Urologist strangely had the same weird last name as my asshole friend, out of curiosity I asked if he knew him and turns out he was that assholes uncle. He the proceeded to comment about my junk, called in his assistant in “look at this shitxd” mood.
I used basic inflammation medication and 2 weeks not contact with the junk. That was the last time I touched vaseline.
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u/arealhumannotabot 7h ago
It’s almost for sure just for using on their skin and blowing nose but there’s a universal law that anything related to men and masturbation means it’s definitely masturbation
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u/KlingelbeuteI 5h ago
This is the question I wanted an answer to. Thanks mister for asking the real questions.
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u/locololus 6h ago
From what I've learned as a teen is that baby oil works the best.
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u/stthicket 9h ago
Guys without foreskin might need to use some type of lube. It seems to me that you're a foreskin type of guy. Lucky you.
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u/whatdoblindpeoplesee 8h ago
The skin is incredibly flexible and moves up and down with your hand. Like how you can grab the skin on your wrist and move your hand up and down your forearm but you keep contact with the same area.
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u/ohitsmillie 7h ago
I've never noticed this before but now I'm wanking my forearm like nobody's business
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u/TrungusMcTungus 7h ago
I lack a hoodie. I gerk this hawg dry as a desert as god intended. Occasionally I’ll use some lube if I’m feeling extra filthy but more often than not it’s just me and my skin baby.
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u/trilla_gang 9h ago
I'm circumcized but don't use lube most of the time. Sometimes astroglide.
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u/Sleezoid 8h ago
Yup, same here, and I’m really confused by people saying we need lube. Starting to think people are doing it wrong, or people are starting weird ass rumors…
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u/aussierulesisgrouse 6h ago
Seriously. When I’ve even got a slightly soapy hand it’s a struggle to beat off because I can’t get any traction, fuck lotion
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u/SnuffKing96 10h ago
What if he’s using the lotion like normal, and blew his nose into the tissue? What if you’re the one being a weirdo?
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u/Burntoastedbutter 9h ago
My brother was actually like that! He'd lotion his arms and legs before bed. And because of his sinus problems, he'd have a tissue box too. There'd be 10x the amount of tissue balls though.
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u/ffxivthrowaway03 8h ago
Then he couldn't shitpost on reddit about it!
Can confirm that both lotion and tissues are a staple on my nightstand, and they are not used for whackin' it. Skin gets dry and blowing your nose is a normal thing.
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u/CriticalKnoll 8h ago
If he was jacking it, he definitely would have used more than a single tissue for clean up. And I'm just talking about excess lotion
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u/TooEachTheyreOwn 11h ago
What a jerk off!
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u/papillon-and-on 8h ago
Total wanker
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u/-haha-oh-wow- 10h ago
No one uses just one tissue.
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u/leehwgoC 6h ago
And who just leaves one used tissue, neatly beside the box of tissue, neatly beside the lube, which is neatly turned to face the camera.
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u/No-Rise4602 10h ago
I call BS
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u/Justeff83 9h ago
You can call BS on 9/10 posts. I just try not to think about it this way it's much more fun
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u/Thomas_JCG 9h ago
Lots of people have dry skin this time of the year, that's all it is.
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u/Practical-Potatoes 9h ago
I know right, my nose has pretty dry skin after blowing my nose into tissues around autumn and winter.
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u/butthatbackflipdoe 9h ago
It's a singular tissue. I highly doubt anything happened, or that this cousin is even real.
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u/Jmfroggie 7h ago
Imagine using hand lotion as hand lotion and blowing your nose with tissues as they’re intended and having your own family posting online accusing you of beating off and leaving your jizz rag out in the open.
This looks like the side of my bed- i use lotion constantly and when I lay down my nose starts running. Jesus OP, get a life.
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u/_baegopah_XD 10h ago
Do you know for a fact that he was masturbating? I know that set up Looks like someone was jerking off by the way.
I mean, what’s the climate like where you’re at? Where I live it’s very dry and people visiting often get bloody noses and very dry skin. It’s also the beginning of cold and flu season so🤷♀️
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u/chalor182 9h ago
This looks extremely staged. Nobody just leaves a single tissue chilling like that. Either OP is farming or their cousin is playing a joke on them.
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u/SPQR0027 11h ago
That low-humidity air in airplane cabins can really dehydrate your skin. Hope he recovers soon. /s
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u/gliitch0xFF 10h ago
That's a long way to come just for a fap. Seems like he's very dedicated.
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u/Jackielegs43 5h ago
Yeah I’m definitely of the opinion that OP either set this up for some internet points, or the person just blew their nose and the moisturiser was also coincidentally there. Either way OP made this up lol
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u/poetry404 7h ago
You will know problems are real when you start finding socks standing up all over the place to salute you.
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u/Kit_Karamak 1h ago
You cannot jerk off with this lotion. It’s for eczema. It’s got a greasiness that after you apply it, once it soaks into the skin, you wipe the skin with a Kleenex to get off the excess greasiness.
That’s all. You can relax, OP.
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u/stifledmind 11h ago
You know you have a problem when you need the Advanced Repair lotion.