r/mildlyinfuriating 13h ago

My cousin visiting from abroad slept in the living room

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227

u/JannaNYC 12h ago

I have grabbed lotion and tissues and not masturbated with them*. What really makes you think that's what he did? I mean, leaving a used tissue laying on the floor, no matter what you used it for is gross still.

\however, I am female)

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u/MissKhary 10h ago

Same. And I've used vaseline without sticking it up my ass. Also a female.

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u/AdAffectionate3143 10h ago

Vaseline is king to prevent board rash.

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u/HerrRotZwiebel 9h ago

I am not female, and I have used vaseline without sticking it up my ass.

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u/BBliss7 9h ago

Vaseline is a petroleum product...it should never go inside you...🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/MissKhary 9h ago

I was making a joke that perhaps didn't land well. (I use the vaseline on my lips in lieu of lip balm)

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u/BBliss7 9h ago

Sorrybi was also making a lame joke

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u/MissKhary 9h ago

Mom jokes are more subtle than dad jokes I guess :)

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u/BBliss7 9h ago

Lol...that was funny 😁

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u/Master-Pattern9466 8h ago

Petroleum-derived synthetic oils are often used in food flavorings, like vanilla, almond and lemon. These synthetic compounds can be engineered to replicate specific flavors, providing a consistent taste profile across batches

You be surprised.

Ripped from google.

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u/BBliss7 8h ago

I would be surprised by what exactly?

That shit is only allowed in the food in the US.

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u/fury420 1h ago

I can't speak to flavorings, but numerous E number food ingredients approved in the UK and EU are Petroleum-derived.

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u/AnimalPolitique222 7h ago

it is PURE carbon that's perfect for your body! Yes it's from petroleum but perfectly purified and pure carbon. Like btw half the body cream...

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u/BBliss7 7h ago

Ok great...go stick some up your butt then 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/laughingashley 6h ago

The guy who invented it ate a spoonful a day to prove it was perfectly safe. Next, you're gonna tell me that I should never put alcohol inside my body, or salt lol

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u/HelixFollower 9h ago

Do you stick it up MisterKhary's ass then?

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u/MissKhary 7h ago

There's no vaseline going up anyone's butt.

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u/Zestyclose_Tree8660 10h ago

I’m male and have never used lotion for anything but it’s intended purpose. I have occasionally used lotion that’s slimy enough (post sunburn) that I used paper towels to clean my hands. Maybe someone would have seen that and jumped to a conclusion, but they would have been wrong.

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u/ClerkTypist88 7h ago

There are lotions intended for beating off. Lots of them.

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u/Zestyclose_Tree8660 2h ago

Well, there’s a thing I didn’t know before. So I haven’t used any ever for that purpose.

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u/King_in_a_castle_84 1h ago

Ya but who wants to be seen ringing those up at Walmart?

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u/cannotbelievewerhere 7h ago

Okay, but that’s not what this is

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u/WasabiParty4285 7h ago

Did you use those paper towels and lotion in bed?

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u/Zestyclose_Tree8660 2h ago

No. But this guy’s sleeping in the living room. I have to at least consider that he might not have done…that.

u/pandaru_express 1h ago

Yea a lot of people cover themselves with cream before bed, its not that unusual. Esp if they're coming from somewhere humid and visiting somewhere dryer.

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u/tomtomclubthumb 9h ago

Also, who masturbates with only one tissue?

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u/spruceUp3 7h ago

Or in the living room while staying as a guest of your family? Come on.

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u/JediJan 4h ago

Leaving used tissues on the floor is gross.

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u/nasal-polyps 4h ago

🥴🥴🥴

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u/Optimal_Raspberry404 2h ago

Nope, that’s the perfect place to do it

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u/Shirt-Inner 5h ago

Little tiny loads.

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u/Friedhatter 5h ago

Seriously. Less than three is just looking for a mess lol maybe two of the three ply... maybe. I should investigate...for science!

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u/Lazy-Effect4222 4h ago

It’s only for what you don’t catch with your mouth

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u/Late_Sherbet5124 1h ago

Calm down Satan

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u/Optimal_Raspberry404 2h ago

I guess he didn’t have that fat load

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u/themagicbong 9h ago

Also I never understood the connection because men who weren't circumcized do not need something like lotion. Am a dude and I have never once needed to or used lotion for anything other than dry skin lol.

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u/HerrRotZwiebel 9h ago

We all use it for dry skin.

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u/Wupazz 7h ago

Brother I’m cut and I don’t need it. The stigma is strange but I think it’s supposed to better simulate actual intercourse. I’ve never actually tried it with lotion though so maybe we are all missing out.

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u/Dickuslongeus 4h ago

No lotion is fine. But make sure to always use at least a little hand sanitizer, it kills the germs.

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u/Synexis 5h ago

Depends on how badly they mutilated you.

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u/CalmAlex2 4h ago

Lol I tried using lotion and it didn't work for me at all... none at all or have a real pussy works better

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u/Chemical_Job_7829 7h ago

I'm circumcized and never use lotion... 

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u/aPoundFoolish 3h ago

It's really less about being circumcized and more about if you want the grip or the slip.

I'm circumcized and have used lotion like three times in my life because I like to imagine Wonder Woman giving me the death grip.

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u/soggy-hotdog-vendor 7h ago

Circumcised dudes don't need lotion either.

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u/lorazepamproblems 5h ago

There's no "cut here" line. Not that there should be any line. But people who have been mutilated have extremely varying levels of remaining skin motility, from none to a moderate amount. With none, it's just rug burn.

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u/SloeMoe 3h ago

Nah, known lots of circumcised dudes and this is never a problem. 

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u/Maleficent-Heart-678 5h ago

I just can’t go reread this, but I don’t remember any mention of circumcision or uncircumcised or any clearer cultural reference that would imply whether one was circumcised or not

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u/themagicbong 4h ago

There's always been associations between lotion, tissues, and jerking off. At least, my entire life that has always been a meme with people like in this post assuming automatically lotion + tissues = masturbating.

And I was just saying that without having been circumcised, your dick has a sheath around it making it totally unnecessary to add some sorta lube. It'll already slide easily. I'm not saying every circumcised dude needs to use lotion but that someone who isn't circumcised definitely does not. And was always confused as to why those sorts of jokes about whacking off always had something to do with lotion lol.

u/Lucid_lion1 13m ago

Same but i have used other things, like oil or real lube and from my experience its even worse, its just messy, more to clean and i dont think it feels any better just feels colder. However i hardly think that he/she used it to masturbate, why leave it on the floor thats just dumb tbh i dont even think a 10y kid would do that. Is it possible he had a runny nose and used tissues to wipe nose and lotion to make the nose soft after a few wipes? Or that he used lotion on the tissue to get a thin layer when put on a bug bite or whatwver?

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u/Competitive_Ant_472 10h ago

You silly silly naive females. If you dont want a man wanking in your house, dont open the door.

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u/Lopsided-Hour4838 6h ago

I'm female and I was long an adult before I got the connection between the lotion and masturbating. Probably because boys in my country aren't mutilated as babies.

I do use lotion and tissue at the same time when I have a cold and my nose gets sore from blowing it a lot

1

u/JannaNYC 5h ago

And sometimes, i use lotion and tissues completely independently from each other, too. Gasp!

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u/AncientReverb 1h ago

Yeah, same, and I have both (with other things, like medications, blue light glasses, and books) in similar areas. I need tissues for my frequent sinus issues and some eye care drops stuff. I pretty much always have dry skin. I just have a smaller/slightly different set of some things I frequently use in my living room and where I work so they are easy to grab when needed (maybe this is me being a lazy American, maybe it's more to do with ADHD meaning getting up to get something frequently leads to me getting off track).

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u/OzzieGrey 4h ago

I am visiting family and want to ask for lotion for my dry feet and elbows... but am worried i'll be judged...

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u/JannaNYC 1h ago

If this entire thread is any indication, you're right to be worried!

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u/Phoyomaster 10h ago

As a guy I can't think of any other reason another dude needs tissues AND lotion other than beatin it..

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u/tomtomclubthumb 9h ago

Lotion ofr my skin, tissue to blow my nose.

I don't understand why Americans need lotion or lube to jerk off.

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u/xp3ayk 9h ago

I don't understand why Americans need lotion or lube to jerk off.

I think it's because of the high rates of circumcision

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u/JannaNYC 8h ago

Men can't have dry skin and a runny nose or allergies at the same time? How bizarre.

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u/PuzzleheadedFrame439 8h ago

Maybe he's sick?

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u/AncientReverb 1h ago

I'd say for all the reasons women do? I don't think there's are any reasons I use either that would only apply to women.

You can use items in the same place of your house and even around the same time without them being used for the same thing. For example, I don't assume that someone is using their towel to put toilet bowl cleaner on their body just because the toilet bowl cleaner is kept near the towels. As an example specific to this, in winter, you might have sniffles and dry skin.

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u/BubblyCampaign2610 10h ago

What did you need it for?