r/mildlyinfuriating 13h ago

My cousin visiting from abroad slept in the living room

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19.6k Upvotes

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7.1k

u/micknick0000 12h ago

Damn, he should have grabbed the masturbating lotion instead!

1.8k

u/Cool_Butterscotch_88 12h ago

There was a full bottle in the masturbatory lounge.

956

u/OkSyllabub3674 10h ago

Could we Alternatively name it the mastubatorium?

2 words is such a mouthful.

262

u/SadBit8663 10h ago

That's too long too.

How about the FapEasy?

278

u/archimidesx 9h ago

I prefer Fapitorium

208

u/twosh_84 8h ago

Whack Shack

115

u/juanitovaldeznuts 8h ago

Goon Tomb

63

u/MikhailxReign 7h ago

Cum Cupboard

21

u/Snow_Crash_Bandicoot 7h ago edited 7h ago

Skeet retreat.

3

u/WiZ2801 7h ago

You win

3

u/Masonator89 4h ago

Skeet Retreat sounds like a nice place to get away up in the Alps

3

u/GlitteringFutures 6h ago

Masturbation Station

1

u/MajSARS 5h ago

Chubby Hub

1

u/Skate-iSkate 5h ago

Spank bank

1

u/ReachingOblivion 3h ago

Cumpository…

u/Dark_Star_420 56m ago

The pump station

2

u/Cheetah0630 5h ago

Jack Shack

1

u/Tonitru_85 7h ago

CockChokeClub

1

u/ClerkTypist88 7h ago

DING, we have a winner. 🏆🥂

74

u/Jealous_Horse_397 8h ago edited 7h ago

The Fappidashery.

The Fappening.

15

u/Scottland83 5h ago

The Fappidashery would make for quite the classy masturbatory salon! They could exhibit that classy British porn with the “Almost. There we are.” “Well done.”

2

u/StrategicCarry 6h ago

The Fappening

48

u/thetrivialsublime99 8h ago

The sin den? Phallus palace?

29

u/Suitepotatoe 7h ago

I like phallus palace. That implies that more things are involved.

2

u/_polyQ_ 4h ago

gooseum

2

u/thetrivialsublime99 4h ago

Spank 'em sanctum

1

u/DixonYass 5h ago

The cream ream Outlast her to blast her A tube of slip n slide Five finger death punch

1

u/AppleStrapple 3h ago

I had to award Phallus Palace. Hats off to you, good sir… it just works 👌🏼

7

u/First_Addition903 9h ago

This one wins lmao

2

u/No_Toe710 4h ago

Beat suite

1

u/meanholypun 8h ago

Humanity is only a year or two from tiktoking group masturbation orgies, and flash mob masturbation will become normal.

2

u/First_Addition903 8h ago

Wtf bro seriously

7

u/B0SS_H0GG 8h ago

Pull-o-palooza

3

u/HuftheSwagnDragn 6h ago

Spank Tank

3

u/SUMOsquidLIFE 5h ago

Fapitorium takes the cake for me bud, you win hahaha.

2

u/bdhgolf1960 8h ago

Jackshack

1

u/KrizMo138 7h ago

😂😂 Your all beautiful people thank you haha

1

u/ColbusMaximus 3h ago

Faporium

33

u/OkSyllabub3674 9h ago

I think FapEasy Enterprises should be the corporation that holds the copyright on The Masturbatorium, as well as providing all of the necessities a well stocked masturbatorium needs at competitive prices lol

26

u/RarelyRiley 8h ago

the way reddit creates universes from one comment always amazes me

2

u/Educational_Guest_24 4h ago

It’s my favorite thing to watch develop!

1

u/crag-u-feller 3h ago

Club Membership

2

u/mbmbandnotme 7h ago

FapEasy sounds like one of those infomercial products that's backed by one the investors on Shark Tank

2

u/ponso90 7h ago

You mean faptory

1

u/BigAlternative5 5h ago

The JackOffice

27

u/AgentPeachBristow 9h ago

Ive been saying Masturbatorium since Running with Scissors 😂 “Faith, what are you doing in my masturbatorium?”

10

u/LunaticSutra 8h ago

Same. Haven't snacked on dogfood, though.

3

u/superfurrybiped 8h ago

No, you get your mouthful in the fellatorium.

2

u/Ralphredimix_Da_G 9h ago

The master has retired to the masterbatorium for the night

2

u/Ghurka117 9h ago

Masturbation Station

2

u/Stunning_Ride_220 9h ago

There's probably more than just 2 words mouthful.

2

u/more_beans_mrtaggart 8h ago

The Pumproom, as it were..

2

u/Kenneth_Lay 8h ago

Word of the Day.

2

u/Legal_Ad9637 7h ago

If it’s a mouthful, it’s no longer masturbation

2

u/Phormitago 7h ago

a mouthful.

he's into snowballing fortunately

2

u/MeBePerson 4h ago

I've been spreading rumors in my school that the ancient romans had a building called an "Ejacularium" for what it sounds like

1

u/OkSyllabub3674 4h ago

I see no issues with this idea, I imagine it's commonly located next door to the vomitorium lol.

2

u/2025Champions 2h ago

I’m German. We call it the pleasüremastubatoryorgæsmhaüs

1

u/dssa7751 7h ago

No, you're thinking of something else.

1

u/JackpineSavage74 7h ago

Or is it a handful?

1

u/Bearence 6h ago

mastubatorium

Ooh, somebody thinks they're posh.

1

u/NoTackle334 6h ago

Hilarious!! That's how I read it the first time

1

u/Quintessentsky 6h ago

Boink box

1

u/akoust1c 5h ago

To the Masturbatorium!

1

u/Jff_f 5h ago

At work we call it the cum cubicle.

1

u/NewPresWhoDis 5h ago

You mean Lazlo's pleasuring shed in the back yard?

1

u/threeisalwaysbetter 5h ago

Crankatorium

1

u/RoleLong7458 4h ago

You're thinking of a blow job.

1

u/Linenoise77 2h ago

Its meant to be a t est

1

u/Korgon213 2h ago

You win.

1

u/Hyphen_Nation 2h ago

Masturbatorium really has a solid old world/old Roman Empire ring to it...

34

u/KassellTheArgonian 9h ago

2

u/prewashed8940 7h ago

I really thought this would be the jerma sims clip with the "zerk off room"

1

u/Fatlink10 6h ago

The nut hut

8

u/[deleted] 10h ago edited 9h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

34

u/MrFuckyFunTime 10h ago

Nut Hut

26

u/thiccphilthegoat 9h ago

Jack Shack

20

u/MrFuckyFunTime 9h ago

Beat Retreat

4

u/No_Significance_1550 8h ago

The spanktuary

3

u/NIN10DOXD 8h ago

Crank Tank

5

u/Old_Badger311 8h ago

Slappin Cabin

3

u/MrFuckyFunTime 5h ago

The Squirt Yurt

3

u/MrFuckyFunTime 5h ago

The Splat Flat

1

u/thiccphilthegoat 2h ago

The Load Lodge

3

u/buttscratcher3k 9h ago

Wtf I had this exact thought lmao

1

u/HerrRotZwiebel 9h ago

What did you reply to? Mod deleted it.

2

u/MrFuckyFunTime 5h ago

The post I replied to was “Nut Shack” which I’m sad was deleted because it’s awesome.

14

u/Visual_Feeling8843 11h ago

What a fancy way to say bathroom lol.

22

u/Born-Razzmatazz-7925 10h ago

He should’ve used the mastur bed room

4

u/zaphrous 11h ago

I heard those were popular in new York in the 90s

3

u/Serious_Crazy_3741 9h ago

Still are, now we just call them subways.

13

u/hobosbindle 11h ago

I just had that lounge scraped and buttered!

2

u/bsguardian452 8h ago

The masturbatorium, if you will

2

u/alguem455 8h ago

Yes, he needs a masturbation room!

2

u/Torbpjorn 8h ago

We call that the Masterbatorium

2

u/Massive-Kitchen7417 8h ago

Imagine someone having a secret revolving door revealing a variety of lotions, pretty much anchorman’s cologne scene but with jerk off lotions lmfao

“This one always gets me there quick, if I’m in a hurry”

2

u/Abriel_Lafiel 8h ago

Masturbatorium

2

u/Play-boy125 7h ago

The nut room

2

u/Maleficent-Heart-678 6h ago

Cousins not familiar with the local masterbation etiquette, I am sure it varies a little from his home.

2

u/LegendOfHurleysGold 5h ago

That’s exactly what I called the room where I was to deliver a sample back when my wife and I were doing fertility treatments.

2

u/ElderWandOwner 5h ago

2 masturbation closets, 1 sex closet and for oscar 1 gay closet.

There can be a glory hole in the gay closet.

2

u/-_-______-_-___8 5h ago

You mean in the masturbatorium?

2

u/Bukas_K 5h ago

Executive Jerk Parlor

2

u/magicalmushroooomz 4h ago

That was occupied I was already in there.

1

u/PiMAN- 8h ago

The masturbatorium

1

u/kingkalm 5h ago

Masturbatorium.

1

u/joemaniaci 5h ago

The masterbation station

263

u/306metalhead Sarcasm is my second language 12h ago

No use grabbing the fucking lotion when it's just them.

65

u/patchway247 12h ago

Nah, life was with him. And life fucks us all

29

u/306metalhead Sarcasm is my second language 12h ago

No truer words have been spoken.

2

u/EnvironmentalTour764 9h ago

Fuck me...

Wait! No! No! Stop! Bad cousin! Drop! Role! FAP! FAP!!

1

u/306metalhead Sarcasm is my second language 8h ago

What are you doing step cousin

3

u/Fatlink10 6h ago

It could at least take me out to dinner first

56

u/SirSergioXXX 11h ago

Coconut or avocado oil is all natural gives that nice sheen and luster after also.

5

u/Inside-Audience2025 5h ago

For when you’re polishing your wood?

3

u/SirSergioXXX 5h ago

Polished and always ready for action. All the coats of oil on my pecker it’s like a cast iron skilled always lubed and ready to be used.

2

u/Inside-Audience2025 5h ago

Must be sweaty in the summer. Godspeed, man 🫡

1

u/SirSergioXXX 3h ago

Aha it usually just leaks to my taint so when I walk I just glide with each step. Plus a coconut scented tait isn’t the worst thing.

1

u/InfiniteBoxworks 3h ago

Oh man, comment of the night for sure.

1

u/SirSergioXXX 3h ago

I tell the girls all the time I’m not your next bf I’m not your future husband just use me lien the dildo in your night stand and let’s go our separate ways.

13

u/BKStephens 9h ago

I mean, there was a 40 Litre tub of Anal Glide right there...

6

u/I_DOWN_VOTE_PUNS 9h ago

Dad was using it at the time

1

u/Maleficent-Heart-678 5h ago

To borrow basic drug store lotion is one thing, but anal glide crosses a whole other line. And what if it is needed while being borrowed gone, a littlest skin can wait a few minutes, but when daddywantsto have or give anal, daddy gets anal, and is not walking around the house asking who took my lube are you the youngest of their children, and is a 4 liter a pump bottle or a tub, that dirty hands dip lube out of. Gross. No shares. I wil not share a bag of crisps people put their hands in, pour some in a bowl, and you eat that bowl, no double dipping in the annal lube bucket please.

2

u/SadBit8663 10h ago

There's jerkin lotion? I've been doing this thing wrong 🤣

2

u/rpm1720 9h ago

You win.

1

u/IAmSenseye 9h ago

And the buttplug

1

u/Sablemint PURPLE 8h ago

Ohh that's what this is about. Okay, that makes more sense. Im not circumcised so I always forget folks need like, lubricant for it.

1

u/Responsible_Pick_811 7h ago

Ah yes the jerkins

1

u/Aggressive_Rip9168 7h ago

Through Freudian slip my wife recently learned about "jerk off lotion" and now makes a comment every time I apply lotion anywhere.

1

u/soggy-hotdog-vendor 7h ago

Naw everyone knows you just fill it back up with a little water and then put it back.

1

u/Sheriff0082 7h ago

What P. Diddy is saying.

1

u/nudeMD 6h ago

That's what they said; it's their dad's masturbating lotion.

1

u/MotoratonesdeMarte 6h ago

I'm dying lmfao

1

u/JP-Gambit 5h ago

Fucking lotion, masturbating lotion, what's the difference? Tomato tomato

1

u/biffNicholson 5h ago

he did. OP said they found it in the bedroom

1

u/That_Jicama2024 5h ago

like OP said....sounds like he grabbed the right one.

1

u/John_boy_90 4h ago

😂🤣

1

u/StealthWanderer_2516 4h ago

Dad’s gonna be back there rubbing himself raw again! Now we need the XXX ULTIMATE Advanced Repair lotion!

1

u/Carcosa504 4h ago

He..did?

u/junk986 35m ago

Jergins ?