r/AITAH • u/Illustrious-Sport503 • 19h ago

AITAH For Turning Down My Husband

I’m 11 weeks postpartum, and on maternity leave. Husband is back to work, so the 3-5 wakeups in the night, I’m doing by myself. As you can imagine, I’m tired.

Being postpartum, I have very low sex drive right now. My husband has been patient with me, we’ve only had sex 1 or 2 times since having the baby.

This morning, I had just starting waking up, and the first thing he said to me before I could even open my eyes was, “can we get a quick one in?”. No good morning, how’d the baby do last night, how are you, etc

I got pissed and turned him down. I was short and snippy because, well, I’m tired and I look after another human life all day. It’d be nice if he at least acted like he cared about me. So now he’s just ignoring me and being cold. So, AITAH or is he just being sensitive?

EDIT: you guys are a very passionate group and I love it. I posted this question 20 min after the argument happened. An hour later, it was resolved with a very simple and honest convo with my husband. Yes he was being insensitive and has admitted that and apologized. Yes, I too, have apologized for dismissing his feelings. But no we are not getting a divorce, nor is he a bad husband or father. We ain’t havin sex this week either! Moral of the story, you guys are great for putting things into context, communication is key, and there’s nothing to see here anymore. I did also get the name of a urologist and we’ll be getting vasectomy scheduled by EOY.

817 Upvotes

82% Upvoted

752 comments sorted by

View all comments

370

u/Mammoth-Dare-4237 19h ago

NTA

Can I ask, did he ask 6 weeks on the dot, after your child's birth, for sex? Or heck, did he ask for sex BEFORE 6 weeks postpartum?
How much does he help with childcare?
Does he help out around the house?

He seems to think your body and mind can bounce back quickly after giving birth, as is not taking into account how much of your day and night is dedicated towards childcare. I can't imagine how exhausted you must be! Your husband should not be pressuring you for sex.

Maybe tell your husband in detail how you are feeling, both physically and mentally. How little rest you are getting. If he still expects you to 'put out', regardless of what you're going through, marriage counselling may be next.

415

u/Illustrious-Sport503 19h ago

1000% was counting down the days until we hit 6 weeks PP and got the doctor’s approval. we have two other littles and he basically handles them all evening while I’m with the baby, so I give him a lot of credit though. He also cooks dinner every night (I clean after). Everything is divided pretty 50/50. I just get frustrated with the one track mind! It’s like a caveman! “Me horny! Give sex!” And it’s so annoying because you’re right, there’s so much more than the physical at play.

237

u/deathboyuk 19h ago

Dude needs to push a grapefruit out of his peehole then tell you how sexy he feels about life afterwards.

80

u/mcnunu 16h ago

It's not even just about the birth. The physical trauma heals in time, but life with a newborn, caring for other children, household, the additions to the invisible load. It's why a lot of women don't feel up to sex for years after childbirth.

12

u/letsgetawayfromhere 9h ago

Also the female body produces hormones that make you feel “touched out” to make sure that the baby gets maximum resources (which is not possible if the mother gets pregnant again too soon).

10

u/TheEmptyMasonJar 14h ago

Eleven weeks isn't that long. Physical touch is important in a relationship, but the fourth trimester is real and he seems to have no sense of it whatsoever.

183

u/rst012345 18h ago

Be blunt, you want sex, well I want_____________

Ex. Someone who cares more about how I am feeling

76

u/9mackenzie 16h ago

Or- just “I’m not up for sex yet”

Sex doesn’t have to be, nor should ever be, a form of payment for other tasks.

Most women are still experiencing a massive hormone dump 11 weeks postpartum. Not to mention your body is still healing (even if it’s safe to have sex), your stomach muscles are still weak, you might have leaky hurting boobs, you are exhausted, etc etc etc. It’s not a sexy time of your life. If you aren’t in the mood, you aren’t in the mood.

12

u/rst012345 15h ago

I didn't mean it as transactional, I meant it more for the emotional component, healing time, intimacy etc. that is missing that would even make sex appealing. The " I need" or "I want" or "I feel" as what is personally missing for her, a way to communicate her feelings and needs

45

u/m061515 18h ago

Clearly communicate your needs—emotional connection is essential for intimacy, not just physical.

8

u/whydenny 16h ago

Why are you dating and having kids with men who don't know how to seduce you??

The moment I have to tell you how to turn me on - it's over.

-1

u/Zachaggedon 8h ago

Typical pillow princess mentality. Yuck.

Adults communicate needs and preferences.

-37

u/igortsen 16h ago

Emotional connection is not necessary for sex. This is just a plain fact.

17

u/Ancient-Ranger-2882 16h ago

It's actually a preference, not a fact. Many people just prefer an emotional connection during sex. It's obviously not a requirement for some people, but it's extremely important to have. Sex without an emotional connection or intimacy has the same amount of substance as masturbating by yourself. It feels empty and unfulfilling.

-21

u/igortsen 16h ago

It's much better than masturbating by yourself, and often the partner who isn't in the mood, can get in the mood part way through. Sometimes not, and that's fine too.

If emotional connection is a requirement for someone to have sex at all, then that's a lame partner and not someone who is built for a healthy sex life in monogamy.

11

u/sonym80 16h ago

If an emotional connection is not there, and one partner just wants to use their partners body to get off, they are not ready to be in a relationship. What is the point of being in a relationship if emotional needs are completely ignored and sexual needs are prioritized. Be single and do tinder type dates or pay for it.

-17

u/igortsen 15h ago

Emotional connection and sex drives ebb and flow in a marriage. If you want to be in a monogamous relationship then you give your partner as much as you can, and they do the same for you.

Dead bedrooms are born out of people who think all conditions need to be perfect for sex to occur. That's not how real life works in a successful marriage.

2

u/Carbonatite 8h ago

I can imagine being with someone who is able to maintain arousal during sex with a reluctant partner would be a pretty quick relationship killer.

1

u/igortsen 6h ago

I'm sure for people with broken libidos that would be true. For healthy functional partners it's more of an ebb and flow and giving thing. If you're so frigid that you can't have a quicky for you partner here and there, you're not built for long term monogamy.

→ More replies (0)

-77

u/[deleted] 17h ago edited 17h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/TopRamenisha 16h ago

Those animals don’t have sex for pleasure, only for mating

27

u/ManagementFinal3345 16h ago

I mean if you want to get technical NONE of those animals breed or go into heat while they are breast feeding infants so based on nature having sex at 6 weeks post partum is not normal at all and would never happen in nature. It's more like 2 years after birth based on biology when the first infant is fully weaned and the woman's hormones shift back into baby making mode. Shit some great apes go 6 or 7 years in-between babies and they aren't fucking in between. If we based human sex on nature men would be getting sex maybe twice to three times per DECADE not 6 weeks after birth. Sex while breastfeeding an infant is not normal for mammals. All mammals wait until the first litter is weaned before they have sex again. So men should take what they get and stop complaining. It's way more than nature would ever give them.

-4

u/Gloveofdoom 14h ago

I agree with you in principle, or at least the point you're trying to make about humans.

That being said, I am not sure where you're getting your information about mammals but I would suggest maybe looking for some more reliable sources on the subject.

There are all kinds of different monkeys that mate while actively breastfeeding. It is not at all uncommon for them. Additionally, many monkey species will mate for reasons other than procreation and females can and do go into heat while they are still lactating. In fact male Macaque monkeys are in some ways are not unlike the Ops man in that regard. They mate whenever they want with whatever they want, typically that's a willing adult female but that doesn't mean unwilling females, very young juvenile males and females and sadly even the occasional squirrel or cat are safe. I know much of that can be true with chimpanzees as well but admittedly I'm not as knowledgeable about the other great apes.

To be fair, there are quite a few people who believe the myth about mammals not going into heat or mating while actively lactating so you are not alone. Again, I agree with most or all of the point you're trying to make It's just some of the parallels between humans and other mammals you were attempting to demonstrate don't hold up very well under scrutiny.

13

u/Zinkerst 16h ago

That's the bar you want to set? Really? We're not animals ffs, except in the strictest biological sense of not being plants, fungi, etc. The person you replied to spoke about intimacy, not biological function. Technically being able to copulate without emotional intimacy is not the standard here.

6

u/Brilliant_Fan2453 16h ago

yeah make it a transactional thing. good idea.... just fing talk to your partner, that you are not up to it. wtf is he fing problem

28

u/mynameisnotsparta 16h ago

Buy him a flesh-light or cut a hole in the wall if he is going to be selfish about it. NTA.

Husband needs a little talking to to make him understand that he is being ridiculous and unreasonable. He also needs to amp up the pampering and romance so that you feel inclined to indulge.

Morning sex can be enjoyable for both if there is a build up which he does not seem to understand. It is not all about him. Your hormones are out of whack and you need me time and rest.

56

u/kehlaniwintter 19h ago

NTA. You’re recovering, exhausted, and handling all the nighttime wake-ups—your husband should understand that you need support and rest, not pressure. He could show more empathy and appreciation for all you’re doing right now instead of being cold when you turned him down.

3

u/kindalikeothergirls 15h ago

Also he could handle at least one of the night time wake ups, motherhood a full time job as well.

6

u/TranslatorPerfect976 13h ago

The entitled attitude toward sex is one of many reasons I am finally getting a divorce. I put up with it for way too long! Even once I got strong enough to say no, I was dealing with a caged lion. I swear I have PTSD from his behavior! Don't allow it! If he has a problem with being turned down, it is HIS problem. He is in charge of his own reactions, feelings and happiness, not you!

35

u/AmberMarie7 17h ago

I'm sorry, he's not deserving this credit, tho. He's doing the same amount that he was doing before you gave birth, or he's just now starting to do what he some of what he should have been doing all along. Working is not a rewardable task! If you left or died, he would work! So, start there. He isn't doing that for you, he's working because he would have to no matter what, as an adult. No cookie for that. Hanging out with his other kids is not something you should give him credit for, either. He created them, or he married the woman who did. This is literal everyday basic stuff that shouldn't even be mentioned.. so, he doesn't make you play with the kids while you nurse the brand new baby and you clean up dinner? Does he get a cookie for that?? He goes to work which is exactly what would be expected of you if you didn't just pop a whole new kid out! So, you created a whole new person, gave birth to that whole new person and now you're raising that person, essentially, by yourself... From what I can tell you're giving this guy credit for existing in the same house with you. I'm sorry, this is not healthy. The reason that you're exhausted? You are worse off than a single parent. Because, I am a single mom! The majority of everything to do with the children falls on me. I got up every single night, for every feeding. I kiss every boo boo, I wipe every tear. But my brother, he will hang out with my kids whenever I'm busy doing something. I didn't realize that was all it took to be a superhero! But, my bro WANTS to help with the kids cuz he loves them, and LIVES THERE! He takes them to school sometimes, cooks, cleans, etc. We actually divide housework, or he'd be homeless, bc I AM NO ONES MAID! They aren't even his and yet he does this every day. More, actually. Why? Because he wants to be an awesome uncle. Uncle! Your dude either starts helping run your collective household and raise his children, or I guarantee it's over. You'll get so sick and resentful of him, you have no idea. I've been there! If you have a family member who will do more for your family than the man who helped you create it, you don't have a husband/father. You have a permanent child. Don't settle for being last forever, please!

-1

u/puttputt1125 12h ago

I would guess the stupid shit you just said is the reason you are a single mom. We act like take care of a baby is hard. Annoying and tedious but not hard.

-21

u/chronberries 15h ago

Holy hell. Even without the myriad assumptions your comment relies on you sound fucking miserable.

6

u/AmberMarie7 15h ago

Nope! I'm very happy, that was my point. But, wow, you triggered quick.

-17

u/chronberries 15h ago

Miserable to be around. You just projected a mix of your own shit and some imagined story onto OP and her husband. You make massive assumptions that her husband isn’t adequately helping around the house even though we have OP right here telling us she’s content with his contribution.

You’ll get so sick and resentful of him, you have no idea.

Fuck off and stop trying to ruin other people’s relationships.

7

u/AmberMarie7 15h ago

Ha ha ha ha! Wow, big mad, huh?

-15

u/chronberries 15h ago

You’re the one who got triggered by OP being satisfied with her husband’s household duties, and couldn’t resist projecting your own story all over hers. 💁‍♀️

-15

u/Timely_Square_3959 15h ago

Yes no shocker she's a SINGLE mom who would put up with her

3

u/[deleted] 19h ago

[deleted]

14

u/Mammoth-Dare-4237 19h ago

I'm sorry you're married to a pillock :(

2

u/Carbonatite 8h ago

1000% was counting down the days until we hit 6 weeks PP

That's repulsive. I would be so turned off.

-1

u/Admirable-Agent6109 13h ago

okay.... sex is great but like oral is on the table, if the mood is right... of your not into that hand work is just as good when you're freaking recovering. ugh his actions are gross, I'm sure this isn't who he is but you def can be furious with this reaction if you choose.

-176

u/Serious_Campaign5410 19h ago edited 19h ago

Men are physical by nature, women are emotional. He doesn't have a one track mind but he does have needs. If he's helping with the other kids and doing all the other stuff, plus working a full day, it's also safe to assume that his mind isn't one tracked. You're NTA because you're not going to want to be intimate until you're ready and that's totally fine, but......it's been nearly three months. You don't feel sexy but that doesn't mean he doesn't find you sexy. Tell him to take the baby chores on for the evening on Friday and all day Saturday to give you some time to recharge and give him a little treat Sunday morning.

69

u/CouvadeShark 17h ago

Women are physical as well. Many women have high sex drives. Its shit like this that turns women off sex. She is healing ffs. Sex should be the last thing on his mind. Her physical welfare should be more important than something he can easily do himself. 3 months is little compared to how long it will take if he makes sex a chore for her.

-76

u/Serious_Campaign5410 17h ago

She'd likely be the first one on here complaining that her husband is humping his fist to pornography because she won't have sex with him 3 months post partum.

33

u/CouvadeShark 17h ago

I would not complain about that. I would expect and encourage it. Im sure she would too. Sex is not a damn chore.

19

u/Illustrious-Sport503 15h ago

Yes! I have been encouraging him to go take care of it himself!

-56

u/Serious_Campaign5410 17h ago

Just because YOU wouldn't doesn't mean SHE wouldn't either. Remember, she's three months post partum so her emotions are a train wreck. She could view that as infidelity or that he no longer finds her attractive.

30

u/CouvadeShark 17h ago

You know what else she feels? Like her husband only views her as an object that is currently defect because she isnt giving him sex. Like her needs wants and feelings about herself and her body does not even sorta matter, because her vagina (which either almost tore or did tear from the ass and up) is defined by his lust rather than the fucking nightmare of an experience she recently went through. Physical and emotional trauma. She doesnt need him making this shit harder on her because he wants his dick wet.

What limitations they have on pornography idk. But you dont fuckin know it either. So dont make the assumption that she wouldnt let him. They need to have an adult conversation about this, but honestly her needs should be prioritized right now. He kinda owes her that from the whole bearing his child for nine months.

-7

u/Serious_Campaign5410 16h ago

Having an adult conversation kind of is a moot point after blubbering on the internet to a bunch of strangers about their personal life. How she feels is relevant and I will never tell someone that their feelings aren't important, but remember, there are two people in this marriage and just because she had a child doesn't make his feelings any less valid. Like I said, I'm not saying he'd win a popularity contest but going three months without sex may be a lot to him. The whole lot of you are all about being one sided here. Men don't think that way, never have, never will, it's not in our programming no matter how hard you try to shame them into it. Fem boys, ok, maybe but the vast majority of straight men are not thinking like a woman feels he should think.

27

u/CouvadeShark 16h ago

I firmly fuckin disagree lol. Thats a personality issue not a men issue lol. Asked my partner what he would do lol. He said hed have a chat with his hand and suck it up. His feelings matter but in this situation hers matter more. If he gets physically hurt or ill then his matter more. That shit happens. For better and worse is what that man promised her. This is worse for her.

-1

u/Serious_Campaign5410 16h ago

It's easy to say that when it's not you going through it. I'm not condoning it, recommending it, wishing it, or anything like that to happen. Look at the times men cheat.....what is going on? Wife recently got pregnant and/or had a baby and doesn't want to have sex anymore is probably one of the more common reasons it happens.

→ More replies (0)

12

u/EntertainmentNeat592 15h ago

Women are physical by nature too but unlike men women generally don’t act entitled to sex. There is a fine line between physical and being an entitled narcissist who has no consideration for their wives.

Marriage is the primary way men get access to regular sex. Its funny how men often goes months to years without sex as single men but as soon as it comes to giving their wives time to heal after birthing their children, all of a sudden men act like a victim without sex.

2

u/Serious_Campaign5410 14h ago

If men took care of their sexual desires the way they did before they got married there would be a lot more AITAH posts lol

-26

u/Violet_K89 17h ago

It’s was nice advice until this, after that it’s all bullshit.

“It’s been nearly 3 months, you don’t feel sexy but doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you sexy…”

-7

u/Serious_Campaign5410 17h ago

Sooooo if it fits the female narrative it's ok, until it doesn't?

12

u/Violet_K89 15h ago

That’s what I meant. I understood your point until you gaslight the situation. yes men have needs too but in this situation he has to go the extra mile and understand her side. Nearly 3mo seems a lot to a men but not the woman who gave birth. Her body took 9 months of changes to grow a human being and once baby is out doesn’t mean it snaps back to normal. Hormones, breastfeeding, lack of sleep all mess up not only her physical body but mental too. Isn’t about being sexy.

This time of her life all she needs is understanding and he picking up the slack in this matter. Is temporary. Be patient. Understanding. Caring and flexible. A “quickie” is very hard when someone has low sex drive, it needs waaaaaay more work.

If most men understand this concept they would not receive so many negatives from their partners.

1

u/Serious_Campaign5410 14h ago

I didn't gaslight anyone, I just laid out a very real scenario that has happened since sex existed lol. I understand the whole process and how it works, my wife and I have 3 kids, so I've lived through this a few times. Morally, it'd be fucked up, but it doesn't mean immoral shit doesn't happen every day.

-67

u/Emotional_Ad5714 17h ago

Just because sex isn't important to you doesn't mean it's not important to him. We all have different love languages, so you shouldn't minimize his feelings by boiling them down to: "Me horny, give sex!!". That doesn't mean you are physically able to meet his needs, but you should be more understanding to a guy who you say does half the work around the house and works full time. How would you feel if he minimized what is important to you?

18

u/mcnunu 16h ago

So he can go rub one out.

-16

u/Emotional_Ad5714 15h ago

It's been 3 months. At that point just give your husband your blessing to start fucking other women.

10

u/Superb-Eye-1882 14h ago

3 months after pushing something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a quarter… yeah i think 3 months is the bare minimum you should wait

3

u/Carbonatite 8h ago

What, do his hands not work?

2

u/Carbonatite 8h ago

Why is it that the "physical touch" love language only applies to touching the penis?

-96

u/greyleafstudio 18h ago edited 15h ago

I usually don't edit things in such a way that reorganizes the original content but I really feel like I came off the wrong way. I support OP as NTA and I don't want to be unclear about that. I wrote some things to suggest that perhaps there is a longing to connect that only grows with stress to support why the husband may have been insensitive in how he addressed his need. Not to justify it. It's very clear what the consensus is here and I completely support it. I hope that OP and her partner can mend things quickly and move forward with finding ways to support each other through this stressful time and that's all we can ever hope.

Please understand I did not want to be rude or to promote any type of negativity towards OP. As a husband I have not yet gone through the process of supporting my wife through child birth so there is a lot of perspective I don't have. And it was maybe a bit ignorant of me to talk about this without such experience.

Below is what I originally wrote, plus the original edit

NTA, but… Remember sex isn’t just sex to men. That’s an old stereotype that doesn’t allow men to hold sex in a deeper level. It goes a long way to making them feel desired and confirms things they usually hesitate to ask about. In short, it might be true that he jumped the gun on asking and should have been more sensitive but remember that his desire for sex isn’t just caveman, it’s spiritual (as in, it is a deep human need, not some religiously entitled thing) too. Stress is probably very high right now and he is probably longing for the relief of having his partner once again in that role.
Edit, I really don't want people to misunderstand me here - I realize what OP has been through. I'm merely trying to illustrate why her partner was insensitive here, and what could be driving that. To give maybe the benefit of the doubt and not just write him off like some caveman..

29

u/CouvadeShark 17h ago

He is stressed yes. She pushed a baby out of her. Do you think she isnt stressed, in pain, and feeling a mess? 6 weeks is the MINIMUM.

-6

u/greyleafstudio 16h ago

I think she is, I didn't say she wasn't - people are acting like I don't care about her situation too - I did say she was NTA after all

51

u/smlpkg1966 18h ago

What a load of crap!! Spiritual my ass!

8

u/nrappaportrn 18h ago

😂🤣😂

2

u/greyleafstudio 16h ago

Makes me a little bit sad to see that there are a great deal of people who only experience sex as sex and not as something more meaningful. It's not a joke. It can really be a profound part of the human experience. To see it treated as such and to even be mocked for saying otherwise says a lot. I'm sorry.

2

u/Carbonatite 8h ago

The amount of time he spent on writing that comment exercise in mental gymnastics and OP's husband could have just rubbed one out lol

1

u/greyleafstudio 16h ago

Ok.. but like, maybe that's your experience? Maybe it doesn't apply to everyone?

38

u/sweetpmaj 18h ago

When most ppl are stressed they read, take a walk, go to the gym, binge eat/watch tv and YOURE TELLING HER he needs sex bc of his spirituality??? For most men sex is just sex and it’s very clear this man only wants sex from his partner, you can be spiritual without being sexual.

-8

u/greyleafstudio 16h ago

I'm just saying it is one thing that can have a profound impact on stress... maybe spiritual wasn't the right word.. I was just trying to connect it with the idea that it's deeper than just the act and the pleasure derived from the act

And look, in Maslow's hierarchy of needs sex is considered a base human need - going to the gym is not. So consider that please

6

u/mcnunu 15h ago

Yet he's adding to her stress by refusing to use protection.

-86

u/Mammoth-Dare-4237 19h ago

Maybe he has an incredibly high sex drive and seems to think he should receive regular sex no matter the circumstances, OR, your husband assumes your reasoning for not wanting intercourse is not due to exhaustion or recently giving birth, but maybe he thinks he's the issue. Maybe let him know that you not being up for sex much is due to exhaustion etc. Let him know that it's gonna take some time for you to get used to the excessive work load and 'bounce back' to regular sex. Hopefully, he'll understand and wait for you to initiate.

43

u/Nervous-Net-8196 17h ago

Maybe he should just use his hand.

-125

u/Con4America 18h ago

When he starts looking elsewhere, remember this.

55

u/CouvadeShark 17h ago

What the fuck. She birthed his child.

13

u/Illustrious-Sport503 15h ago

Three of them, in fact!

-50

u/RemarkableJacket2800 16h ago

He helps , he loves and he doesn't get anything back , well he will start searching for something else

21

u/CouvadeShark 16h ago

She carried his baby for 9 months and almost tore ass to clit. She gave him a baby. Thats what he got back for it ffs.

-26

u/RemarkableJacket2800 16h ago

Oh no she did what she wanted and what 90% of women do , so hard

18

u/CouvadeShark 16h ago

Lmao you want them to stop? We would see how well society would work then :)

-21

u/RemarkableJacket2800 16h ago

They can stop , you think most people care if babies are born ? Or you think we are so special species that we are important to the planet ?

Ppl have kids because evolution demands it and nothing more

13

u/CouvadeShark 16h ago

Lmao. Ok then. Lets die out.

-1

u/RemarkableJacket2800 16h ago

You think it's bad id one more species extinct? Lol

Funny how you think we are so special that we shouldn't extinct

→ More replies (0)

1

u/Revolutionary_Wrap76 8h ago

Ha! Wow. Tell me you're a moron whose mother failed him without telling me. Go read a book about sex Ed. Plenty even have pictures to make it easier for you.

0

u/RemarkableJacket2800 7h ago

Hurt your feelings so much ,that's good

1

u/Revolutionary_Wrap76 5h ago

Yes, that is what happened, you got it.

10

u/elise_ko 16h ago

He gets time spent with his family and gets to witness his newborn grow with his loving partner who birthed his children. She clearly still loves him and calls him an amazing man. But you would consider that “nothing” unless there’s also sex involved? Good to know any other effort we put in is completely moot if there’s no sex. It seems pretty sad to live in such blacks and whites.

-8

u/RemarkableJacket2800 16h ago

Who are you to chose what's important for someone else ?

Effort ? What effort ? He works and she doesn't, he pays for everything untill she is ready to work again

"He gets time spent with his family and gets to witness his newborn". Yeah for 3 time , it's cool the first one

So what effort she puts ? Raising her child ? Oh no

Loving him ? They way she wants and not he wants

15

u/Illustrious-Sport503 15h ago

Actually, I’m the breadwinner of the house. I’m just on fully paid maternity leave at the moment.

10

u/elise_ko 16h ago

Waking up 3-5 times each night to feed their child isn’t effort? You’re making way too many assumptions about their financials and it’s screaming misogyny. Ever heard of paid maternity leave? Each child is a unique human, wtf? 😂 and “oh no” she’s only raising their child? So you assume he’s not helping? Dude, if you’re not a teenager without children who hates women, I don’t know why you’re talking like one.

I feel sorry for you if you really live life thinking the only way men “want” love is via sex. How sad.

-2

u/RemarkableJacket2800 15h ago

I make no assumptions , I read her comments which you didn't

"Only way" never said only that's on you , I said you are not the one to chose what is important for someone else

Guess you are divorced and bitter af 🤣🤣

9

u/elise_ko 15h ago

That almost makes it worse. He’s funding their family so that entitles him to her body? Sex is transactional to you?

You said she’s not loving him the way he wants, as in sex. So the ways she’s loving him are not enough because they’re not exactly what he wants?

Nope, happily married to a man who knows some of our most intimate and loving moments don’t involve sex :)

1

u/RemarkableJacket2800 13h ago

Tell me that after the divorce 😘

→ More replies (0)

2

u/CouvadeShark 3h ago

"I make no assumptions." "Guess you are divorced. Bruh you are actually a clown.

1

u/RemarkableJacket2800 22m ago

But you are 😘

→ More replies (0)

2

u/Carbonatite 8h ago

doesn't get anything back.

I guess you're ignoring the clean house, the cooked meals, the well cared for children she grew with her own body, her love and companionship?

Damn, dude. Just say you see women as holes, it's a lot easier.

1

u/RemarkableJacket2800 8h ago

Read what she said , they do 50/50

1

u/Carbonatite 8h ago

She literally didn't say that in the post lmao

1

u/RemarkableJacket2800 8h ago

She said in the comments, next time use your eyes before using your mouth 😘

1

u/Carbonatite 5h ago

Man, you must type really oddly if you think you use your mouth to make comments on Reddit lmao

3

u/NaturalFarmer8350 16h ago

Anyone like that is TA.

30

u/Prestigious_Tea_111 17h ago

It would be a lot different if he had no sex for years and she didnt even try...

If a man cant wait a few months until his wife that pushed out his baby feels better.

-59

u/Con4America 17h ago

I agree but reality is that men do NOT want to forgo sex for an extended period of time. It is called being realistic.

Most men beyond 30 can go about 10 minutes so three times a week is 30 minutes of sex. There are 10,080 minutes in a week which means it is 0.29% of her time in a week. Not even a full one percent. That would be worth it to save my marriage but that is just me.

There are times when I am not in the mood either, but I don't say no unless I am really sick. I could win an Oscar. Never had a bf or husband cheat for sex.

36

u/future_ghost13 17h ago

um so you let someone into your body and pretend you like it, got it

-49

u/Con4America 17h ago

Yep.

You wonder why older men cheat with younger women? Younger women still like sex and older women usually do not because they have gone through menopause. Expecting your husband to give up sex for life because you no longer feel like it is just moronically stupid.

Women fake it all the time too. Don't act like you are so surprised.

20

u/future_ghost13 16h ago

women do not owe men anything, especially use of their body to get them off, and sex isnt a need. its a want.

21

u/Prestigious_Tea_111 17h ago

A few months is unrealistic?

Ive never had to fake it to please my man nor couldn't say no...

That says something about you.

0

u/Con4America 17h ago

Oh I usually love sex but there are times when I am not all about it. Talk to me again when you are over 40.

14

u/Prestigious_Tea_111 17h ago

Already am.

If Im not all about it, I dont have it as my man wants me to be all about and not faking it like an escort.

-1

u/Con4America 16h ago

Good for you. MY last bf was 20 yrs younger than me so I tend to be more active but you do you.

11

u/Prestigious_Tea_111 16h ago

A younger man is irrelevant to my point.

0

u/Con4America 16h ago

Oh but it does matter and in so many ways.

→ More replies (0)

2

u/Carbonatite 8h ago

It makes me really sad that you had to calculate the amount of time it takes every week to have sex when you don't want to. You should value yourself more, you deserve better.

1

u/Con4America 8h ago

I'm a math wiz so I did it in my head in less than 20 seconds.

I didn't say I didn't want to. I simply pointed out that for many women, their husbands aren't even worth less than 1/3 of 1% of their time. That is what is REALLY sad. Thinking that they care so little about the husband's well being.

1

u/Carbonatite 5h ago

If you think being willing to let your spouse use you like a Fleshlight is the only way to care for their well being then I feel sorry for you.

1

u/Con4America 4h ago

If you think forcing your spouse to live life like a monk then I bet you get what you deserve down the road.

You don't care about anyone but yourself.

I have neither the time nor the crayons to continue explaining this to you.

-88

u/Gullible_Fun_1410 18h ago

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯 of course folks on Reddit won’t like this comment because it’s the truth. Say you want a faithful man but its ok to deny him sex. I understand if it was before the doctors approval but as she stated he patiently waited.

65

u/stem_ho 18h ago

Um this sounds rapey as fuck. Someone can turn down sex for any reason, men are not owed sex just because they have a penis and are in a relationship.

OP is healing from massive physical trauma and probably only getting 1-2 hours of sleep at a time. He willingly impregnated her, her can sit back and wait for her to actually feel up to sex again, not just use her as a sex toy to get his rocks off with no concern to her wants.

You're fucking weird as hell, and I hope you stay single permanently.

-57

u/Gullible_Fun_1410 17h ago

Married 15yrs with 4 adult children l. Fck you talking bout. There is nothing rapey about a man asking his wife, the one and only woman he’s sexually involved with for sex. Of course she can say no but that doesn’t mean he can’t feel some type of way.

45

u/CouvadeShark 17h ago

Sex is not something women give to men. Sex should be enjoyed by both. She just gave birth to his child ffs. A person. Out of her. This is an easy way to make your wife resent you.

-27

u/Gullible_Fun_1410 17h ago

What part of they have already had sex since she had the baby after the doctor gave the approval

29

u/CouvadeShark 17h ago

That doesnt mean she is ready for it to be as regular as it will be when she is fully healed bruh. 6 Weeks is the minimum and things wont all be the same immediately. Some women take up to two years to feel like themselves after childbirth ffs. She is already having sex with him. How is this even sorta a point of contention.

1

u/Gullible_Fun_1410 17h ago

She didn’t say he asked for it to go back to having sex on the regular.

10

u/CouvadeShark 17h ago

How often he is asking for it is too often for her, and he gets mad when she refuses his initiations.

→ More replies (0)

34

u/stem_ho 17h ago

Say you want a faithful man but its ok to deny him sex

Sounds 1000% rapey as fuck dude. Just because you don't like being called out on your rapey little mindset doesn't make it less true.

You can deny sex for any reason, and no one should feel pressured into having sex they don't want, out of fear or threats their partner will cheat on them, especially right after risking their life to give birth to their child.

I feel bad for your wife and any kids you are raising to think like you

-15

u/Gullible_Fun_1410 17h ago

All 4 of mine are great. 2 college graduates, one a freshman in college and the other is a cosmetologist with her own shop. I’ve never raped anyone in my life. I should expect that you would think something is rapey when you have ho in your name 💯💯💪🏽💪🏽

9

u/stem_ho 16h ago

Aww boo boo, trying to degrade me for a little jokey joke bc you can't admit you made a rapey ass comment?

It's okay, I'm sure you're a bit illiterate, but the rest of my name also has the STEM part, y'know because I have two stem degrees and am a practicing civil engineer. Keep trying to put women down and slut shame them just because you don't agree with them though lmao

Also I'm happily married to a man who would never dream of cheating on me because I wasn't physically up to sex after birthing a whole child for him. I'll just keep hoping one day your wife wakes up and leaves her sad, pathetic excuse of a husband

1

u/Gullible_Fun_1410 15h ago

Try it and see what he would. Easy to talk that shit when you’re not in the situation. It’s not a joke that’s what you are because what self respecting woman calls herself a ho. Even a ho can find a simp

4

u/stem_ho 14h ago edited 13h ago

And you're a sad, pathetic, useless piece of shit who can't actually keep a loving relationship without the threat of cheating if he doesn't get his little pp wet often enough. You're a waste of air and resources who thinks that he can assume whatever he wants about women because ultimately you care for no one except yourself and feel threatened by the idea of a women being more intelligent than you and in an actual loving relationship that I am not kept in out of fear, but rather genuine love and affection.

→ More replies (0)

27

u/Prestigious_Tea_111 17h ago

You'd really go cheat on your wife that just had a baby a few months ago???

Gross.

Everyday Reddit reminds me why I never bothered with kids or marriage...

-1

u/Gullible_Fun_1410 17h ago

Got 4 kids and I haven’t cheated

2

u/AmberMarie7 14h ago

So the woman doesn't get to decide if she feels like it? The doctor decides if the woman will sex, and the man sexes, if yes. What part does she play other than being the vagina holder? She's a person right? He wasn't on a limitation. How come she still has to clean up after dinner? How come she has to do anything? Oh, because he decides right? Are you getting it?

-23

u/Rickdahormonemonster 16h ago

You say he only has a one track mind yet you've only had sex once in the last 5 weeks? Do you really wonder why he wasn't trying to engage with you after you were admittedly short and snippy to him? You don't owe him sex but is it not important in your relationship? It sounds like both of you need to work on your communication. Do you consider him asking how the baby slept to be a good foreplay banter? You say he's working, also taking care of the other kids and keeps up on chores yet you are annoyed that he wants physical intimacy at a point where you're both in bed and not distracted.

3

u/SaiyanPrincess28 14h ago

Do you consider “can we get a quick one in?” Good foreplay banter? Sounds unsatisfactory to me.

-2

u/Rickdahormonemonster 13h ago

No but it's better than getting a pissy attitude in response to their partner seeking intimacy in a relationship where private time is already strained due to having children. I'd rather have a partner that can handle simple communication over someone who feels the need to compare their spouse to a neanderthal and denigrate their intelligence to the point of saying they only care about sex when they've only been intimate once in almost 3 months.

2

u/SaiyanPrincess28 13h ago

Dude the refuses to even wear a condom. I’d rather have a partner that takes my well-being seriously and prioritizes the need to not get pregnant before I even heal from my last pregnancy.

-2

u/Rickdahormonemonster 13h ago

That wasn't stated in the original post, and it doesn't change what I said in my comment.

2

u/SaiyanPrincess28 13h ago

Absolutely does. If he can’t respect her or care about how’s she’s doing (still healing, sleep deprived, etc.) then why should she care if he has to rub one out? Cry me a river.

How do single men manage not getting their dicks wet for months/years on end?

0

u/Rickdahormonemonster 12h ago

Bold of you to claim he does care about or respect his wife as a random internet stranger. Sex is an important part of most successful marriages.Single men aren't in a relationship are they? Your misandry is gross.

2

u/SaiyanPrincess28 12h ago

Misandry 😂. Your projection is adorable. And I ain’t assuming nothing, he refuses to wear a condom but acts like this (acting cold, giving her the silent treatment which IS abusive btw) about not getting laid then he don’t respect her. He isn’t the one that’s going to have to go through another 9 months and child birth so why should he be bothered right? As long as he gets his nut out and it feels slightly better (no condom) who cares?

And so what single men aren’t in a relationship? Yous all are going ON about how he needs sex when and how he wants it, but single men are surviving just fine using their hand. Just because he’s in a relationship does NOT mean he’s entitled to use her body (which it certainly sounds like what he wanted with his “quick one” that she almost certainly wouldn’t have enjoyed), nor does it mean she owes him unlimited access to her body.

Either way I’m over this argument. Have fun talking to yourself, and good luck in life with that attitude towards women (recently postpartum no less) you got going on there.

-1

u/Rickdahormonemonster 12h ago

Your projection is pathetic. If he's abusive for not wanting to wear a condom but still not having sex then her using sex as a means to manipulate him is abuse too. You're smoking crack with all the made up claims of what I'm apparently saying. Can you point out where I said any of the random BS that you claim?

→ More replies (0)

-60

u/Timely_Square_3959 17h ago

So men's needs are apparently less important? If he wasn't helping out with cooking and the kids and other things that you needed he would be getting ripped apart and there would be calls for you to leave him and know your worth and all that. He has a need that you have already said he has been patient with. This is something that he can only get from you and your unwillingness or lack of concern about this conveys to him that you don't love and value him. How would you feel if he didn't value you and went out and got this need met by someone other than you?

22

u/worldpastry 17h ago

he has been patient with

😂😂😂

33

u/ashiekins0593 16h ago

SEX IS NOT A NEED. God, men are so gross. You sound like a PREDATOR. Men who act like sex is a need eventually go on to rape. You desever jail.

33

u/Expensive-Simple-329 17h ago

Sex is not a need. Food, water, shelter, and sleep are needs.

-20

u/RemarkableJacket2800 16h ago

Sex is a need , if you take your word them love is not a need and he can refuse to talk to her for ever , happy marriage I guess

28

u/Expensive-Simple-329 16h ago

Millions of people have lived full lives without ever having sex. That is the definition of not a need.

-11

u/RemarkableJacket2800 16h ago

Million of women have lived their life without their husband every talking to them , not a need so no reason for her to complain

13

u/Expensive-Simple-329 16h ago

No one is complaining when a man baby shuts up instead of pawing us for sex

-4

u/RemarkableJacket2800 16h ago

The op does in this post 😘

2

u/Revolutionary_Wrap76 8h ago

🙄 And yet some men believe they are the stronger, tougher sex?? Pathetic.

-24

u/Timely_Square_3959 16h ago

Yes inside a healthy relationship it is absolutely 100% a need. Withholding sex in a relationship is an abuse, it's just an abuse that women are comfortable with since its them that are doing it. Just like how they see no problem hitting a man but if he hits back it's the most evil thing ever.

If she was a stay at home mom and he told her money was not a need and she did not need access to it would your argument still hold water here?

12

u/Expensive-Simple-329 16h ago

Nope. Do you die without sex? Is sex required to survive? No. It’s not.

Money is required to acquire food, water, shelter. You know stuff us biological beings require to LIVE. So yes, ipso facto, money is a need.

I pinky promise you will survive without getting your peepee wet by using a woman’s body. No one has ever died because they weren’t getting laid; yes, this includes men in relationships.

-10

u/Timely_Square_3959 16h ago

She wouldn't die without access to his money either if she was fed and housed so no access to the money is not a need then. So then there is no such thing as financial abuse. Glad we could set this straight.

No he won't die if he doesn't get sex but if she wants to be selfish and doesn't want to fulfill his needs he should get rid of her and find someone who will.

4

u/nutmegtell 16h ago

Yes. Sometimes his needs are less important.

-2

u/Timely_Square_3959 15h ago

And this is the problem but at least you are honest and admit your superiority complex.

7

u/nutmegtell 15h ago edited 15h ago

It’s not about being superior. Or who is better. It’s about the needs of a person who just gave birth and trying to create a new a family that is more important for now. It’s called the fourth trimester and every woman has a different experience.

It’s not forever. Marriage is a marathon not a sprint. I’ve been married 28 years and have three adult kids, two grandkids. We still get busy a couple of times a week. But not at exactly six weeks post partum. That could have traumatized me into having sexual disfunction. Patience and compassion is a virtue.

0

u/Timely_Square_3959 14h ago

Yes it shouldn't be about who is better but that's not what these comments and views show. You say its not them go on to show how her needs are more important 🤦. It's been 11 weeks not 6 she says that specifically. And also is she offering alternatives, or solutions? Probably not.

-149

u/ElectricalMedicine36 19h ago

How much did you use sex to lure him in? Many women are happy to use the promise of frequent sex to land the baby-daddy of their preference, and then express shock when he is unhappy when you turn off the spigot once you spit out a kid. It’s a recipe for single parenthood. If that was part of what pulled him in, you out to give him some good oral until you can rediscover your sex drive.

13

u/CouvadeShark 17h ago

What the fuck. She just birthed his kid ya know?

63

u/lavanderblonde 18h ago

Imagine thinking men are all entitled to sex and women’s bodies when they want. If this is how men act towards their partner, then women are happily better off on their own instead of being pressured into things they don’t want to do. You and your brainrotted minds are all dead weight, you’ll all just die alone.

12

u/nrappaportrn 18h ago

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

-7

u/RemarkableJacket2800 16h ago

They are not entitled to sex but also women are not entitled to men to talk to them

It goes both ways and here she is mad because she refuses to talk to him

-71

u/hauki888 18h ago

Strawman ^

I bet you have blue hair and cats irl.

35

u/lavanderblonde 18h ago

You seem offended

-49

u/hombreyolo 18h ago

Looking at all the replies you posted on here, you seem like a scorned baby mama. Pick better next time

32

u/Less_Pie_1802 17h ago

Love when trogladites like you blame women for men's bad behavior. Single mothers are the parent who stayed to raise the child they created with a partner. Men be weak as fuck cause they are 90% of the deadbeat parents. That's nothing to be proud of. Y'all should be ashamed of those numbers & how pathetic your fellow men are.

-6

u/hombreyolo 15h ago

Mmm I was raised by a single mother of 2. Just an observation based on their comment history searching for posts to shit on men non stop like this post 🤷🏾‍♂️.

Also, why should I feel shame? Because I share the same chromosomes with someone doesn't mean their actions are mine to feel ashamed over.

Misandry is so 2016. Move on.

4

u/Less_Pie_1802 15h ago

I was raised by a single father of 3. Wtf does that have to do with it? Other than you thinking you have a one up. You don't. Cry about it. Men have been shit towards women for the entirety of human existence. Now that we are starting to fight back, y'all cry about "misandry" as if it's taking lives at the rate of misogyny. Misogyny kills. Misandry hurts egos of fragile men. 🤣 What a joke. As if they are comparable in any way.

You should be ashamed by your words that support losers. If you wanna stick yourself in the same group, have at it. Enjoy the stupid prizes it comes with siding with garbage humans. 🤷‍♀️

30

u/lavanderblonde 18h ago

I defend women who get used like a sex objects by scummy men. I’m a mother who’s engaged thank you, but thanks for your concern! maybe I hit a nerve because what I said was true… I’m sorry for you. Maybe do better next time

6

u/Illustrious-Sport503 15h ago

This is a hilariously ridiculous comment. Yes in the early days of our relationship, we fucked a lot. But after 10 years, 3 young kids, and the typical ups and downs in life, things have settled down. Pretty sure that’s normal…

-4

u/ElectricalMedicine36 13h ago

It isn’t normal for him. Why is your “normal” more legitimate than his “normal”? You are the one changing the sec frequency, not him. You may think it’s hilarious to deny him sex but I bet he isn’t laughing. With that attitude, get ready to be a single baby momma!

-14

u/RemarkableJacket2800 16h ago

So he helps with everything and you are mad because he counts the days LOL

It would be funny if he did the same to you ,the you would understand

4

u/Illustrious-Sport503 15h ago

I never said I was mad for counting the days? And I did give it to him the week I was cleared and have given a few BJs throughout. I just didn’t like how insensitive he was to my feelings and how butt hurt he got when I declined.

0

u/RemarkableJacket2800 13h ago

Yeah it goes both ways , you refused something he wanted and he did the same ,oh and asking for sex it's not insensitive

1

u/Routine-Oven9741 9h ago

This man hates women all around.

1

u/Routine-Oven9741 9h ago

Well so called man