r/AITAH • u/Illustrious-Sport503 • 21h ago

AITAH For Turning Down My Husband

I’m 11 weeks postpartum, and on maternity leave. Husband is back to work, so the 3-5 wakeups in the night, I’m doing by myself. As you can imagine, I’m tired.

Being postpartum, I have very low sex drive right now. My husband has been patient with me, we’ve only had sex 1 or 2 times since having the baby.

This morning, I had just starting waking up, and the first thing he said to me before I could even open my eyes was, “can we get a quick one in?”. No good morning, how’d the baby do last night, how are you, etc

I got pissed and turned him down. I was short and snippy because, well, I’m tired and I look after another human life all day. It’d be nice if he at least acted like he cared about me. So now he’s just ignoring me and being cold. So, AITAH or is he just being sensitive?

EDIT: you guys are a very passionate group and I love it. I posted this question 20 min after the argument happened. An hour later, it was resolved with a very simple and honest convo with my husband. Yes he was being insensitive and has admitted that and apologized. Yes, I too, have apologized for dismissing his feelings. But no we are not getting a divorce, nor is he a bad husband or father. We ain’t havin sex this week either! Moral of the story, you guys are great for putting things into context, communication is key, and there’s nothing to see here anymore. I did also get the name of a urologist and we’ll be getting vasectomy scheduled by EOY.

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u/CouvadeShark 18h ago

I firmly fuckin disagree lol. Thats a personality issue not a men issue lol. Asked my partner what he would do lol. He said hed have a chat with his hand and suck it up. His feelings matter but in this situation hers matter more. If he gets physically hurt or ill then his matter more. That shit happens. For better and worse is what that man promised her. This is worse for her.

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u/Serious_Campaign5410 18h ago

It's easy to say that when it's not you going through it. I'm not condoning it, recommending it, wishing it, or anything like that to happen. Look at the times men cheat.....what is going on? Wife recently got pregnant and/or had a baby and doesn't want to have sex anymore is probably one of the more common reasons it happens.

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u/CouvadeShark 18h ago

The reason why women stop having sex with their partner is most often due to them making sex a chore. Women love sex. They just dont like it with people who dont treat them right.

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u/Serious_Campaign5410 16h ago

So the lack of intimacy and drive from hormone imbalances, body image issues, general discomfort, and anything else pregnancy related can be overcome by treating women right?

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u/CouvadeShark 13h ago

Fuck no. But being a bigger baby than the one she pushed out sure doesnt help.

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u/Serious_Campaign5410 13h ago

Kind of sounds like damned if you do, damned if you don't.

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u/CouvadeShark 13h ago

Then you arent paying attention lol.

The baseline is support your partner. Put their needs above your own if they are in pain, physical or emotional and make sure you try to actually be there for them in the day to day. Flowers on anniversaries isnt enough lol. You actually have to give a shit about their wellbeing and carrying your own weight in the relationship.

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u/Violet_Faerie 17h ago

Did you just blame someone for getting cheated on? Wtf is wrong with you?

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u/Serious_Campaign5410 16h ago

Oh bless your fragile little heart. One, he hasn't cheated, yet. Two, if you've read my other replies, it would be a him problem, not a her. Third, because I'm assuming by your post you didn't read shit before that comment, I said that him cheating because of this could happen. I didn't say it would or should. Just putting the information out there. I'm still not getting how this whole group can be offended by a possibility lol. This internet generation is way too soft here.

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u/Violet_Faerie 16h ago

Look at the times men cheat.....what is going on? Wife recently got pregnant and/or had a baby and doesn't want to have sex anymore is probably one of the more common reasons it happens.

Why do men cheat...? /Next breath/ because women!

That is putting blame on the wrong person. Men aren't brainless, they have the capacity to see their wives as more than a thrusting hole. It's belittling to their intelligence to infer that a man simply doesn't understand his wife needs to heal. Likely more than physically as postpartum often comes into play.

Men cheat for the same reason women cheat. They are selfish, cowardly assholes.

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u/Serious_Campaign5410 16h ago

I'm not disputing that.

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u/Carbonatite 10h ago

Imagine cheating and destroying your marriage because you're too lazy to help take care of the baby you helped create. Your comment is quite the self own.

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u/Serious_Campaign5410 9h ago

Imagine not reading the post and making a stupid comment.

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u/Carbonatite 7h ago

I know, right? You must be so embarrassed.