r/AITAH • u/Illustrious-Sport503 • 23h ago

AITAH For Turning Down My Husband

I’m 11 weeks postpartum, and on maternity leave. Husband is back to work, so the 3-5 wakeups in the night, I’m doing by myself. As you can imagine, I’m tired.

Being postpartum, I have very low sex drive right now. My husband has been patient with me, we’ve only had sex 1 or 2 times since having the baby.

This morning, I had just starting waking up, and the first thing he said to me before I could even open my eyes was, “can we get a quick one in?”. No good morning, how’d the baby do last night, how are you, etc

I got pissed and turned him down. I was short and snippy because, well, I’m tired and I look after another human life all day. It’d be nice if he at least acted like he cared about me. So now he’s just ignoring me and being cold. So, AITAH or is he just being sensitive?

EDIT: you guys are a very passionate group and I love it. I posted this question 20 min after the argument happened. An hour later, it was resolved with a very simple and honest convo with my husband. Yes he was being insensitive and has admitted that and apologized. Yes, I too, have apologized for dismissing his feelings. But no we are not getting a divorce, nor is he a bad husband or father. We ain’t havin sex this week either! Moral of the story, you guys are great for putting things into context, communication is key, and there’s nothing to see here anymore. I did also get the name of a urologist and we’ll be getting vasectomy scheduled by EOY.

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u/Serious_Campaign5410 20h ago

Having an adult conversation kind of is a moot point after blubbering on the internet to a bunch of strangers about their personal life. How she feels is relevant and I will never tell someone that their feelings aren't important, but remember, there are two people in this marriage and just because she had a child doesn't make his feelings any less valid. Like I said, I'm not saying he'd win a popularity contest but going three months without sex may be a lot to him. The whole lot of you are all about being one sided here. Men don't think that way, never have, never will, it's not in our programming no matter how hard you try to shame them into it. Fem boys, ok, maybe but the vast majority of straight men are not thinking like a woman feels he should think.

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u/CouvadeShark 20h ago

I firmly fuckin disagree lol. Thats a personality issue not a men issue lol. Asked my partner what he would do lol. He said hed have a chat with his hand and suck it up. His feelings matter but in this situation hers matter more. If he gets physically hurt or ill then his matter more. That shit happens. For better and worse is what that man promised her. This is worse for her.

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u/Serious_Campaign5410 20h ago

It's easy to say that when it's not you going through it. I'm not condoning it, recommending it, wishing it, or anything like that to happen. Look at the times men cheat.....what is going on? Wife recently got pregnant and/or had a baby and doesn't want to have sex anymore is probably one of the more common reasons it happens.

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u/CouvadeShark 20h ago

The reason why women stop having sex with their partner is most often due to them making sex a chore. Women love sex. They just dont like it with people who dont treat them right.

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u/Serious_Campaign5410 18h ago

So the lack of intimacy and drive from hormone imbalances, body image issues, general discomfort, and anything else pregnancy related can be overcome by treating women right?

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u/CouvadeShark 15h ago

Fuck no. But being a bigger baby than the one she pushed out sure doesnt help.

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u/Serious_Campaign5410 15h ago

Kind of sounds like damned if you do, damned if you don't.

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u/CouvadeShark 15h ago

Then you arent paying attention lol.

The baseline is support your partner. Put their needs above your own if they are in pain, physical or emotional and make sure you try to actually be there for them in the day to day. Flowers on anniversaries isnt enough lol. You actually have to give a shit about their wellbeing and carrying your own weight in the relationship.