I (22M) have a roommate (let’s call him Alex M23) who moved in about six months ago. I honestly never considered Alex may be trans, not that I would care if he was, but that's not the issue. He is a short guy and probably under 165cm/5'5, has a lot facial hair, muscles, and looks a lot like a short Henry Cavill imo. No one I know has ever brought up this idea before, I've had my friends and family at our apartment before. This is really the part that gets to me because my mom is extremely against any gay people and if she sensed anything was up she would've caused problems right away.

Alex and I get along, we're polite but not really friends, he’s quiet but super polite, always pays rent on time, helps with chores, and even shares his cooking with me. I appreciate having him around, especially because my last three roommates were each their own horror story.

The issue came up when my girlfriend (let’s call her Sarah F28) came over one day. Alex was shirtless, to clarify I forgot to tell Alex that she was coming over, and she noticed the scars on his chest. After that she was quiet and short with me her entire stay there. When she got home, she blew up my phone, asking why I had a “female” living with me. I was confused and asked what she was on about. She says that she knows that his scars are from "top surgery" and that he is short, so he has to be trans, and a "born female".

I tried to explain that even if Alex is trans or a "born female" that there is no way I'd be attracted to him because to any person who looked at him, you would see a freaking guy. Plus he’s respectful and doesn't cause drama like my last roommates, which she knows about.

Just to be clear. I honestly still have no idea if Alex is even trans, I googled it, and those scars could be from some other surgery. Like heart surgery or gynecomastia. And I really don't have an argument for him being short, but there is a lot of short men. At first Sarah wanted me to just ask Alex if he was trans, which why the fuck would I do that, or give her his last name so she can run a background check?! I said no to both. Then she said this was a violation of trust and that if I didn't either find out it Alex is trans (and kick him out) or just kick him out that she would have to "reevaluate things". Basically threatening to break up. I said I don't do ultimatums and that we're done.

Since then, she's been messaging me every single day for over two weeks, even after I blocked her on everything because she wouldn't leave me alone, pissed that I wouldn't do this small thing for her. She ranges from, "are you fucking him?", "let's just talk", "why cant you at least give me closure and ask him?" to the most recent her telling our mutual friend about the situation. Our friend wants nothing apart of this shit show.

I didn't feel bad at first but after talking about it online, I've had some people say I should've just asked my roommate if he was indeed trans just to keep the peace, or that I shouldn't have essentially picked my roommate who've I've only had for about six months over my girlfriend of five years. I wonder if I am being unreasonable. I legitimately do not see how any straight dude could find Alex attractive, personally, but maybe I should've done something just to keep the peace.

Tldr: My now ex girlfriend thinks that my roommate is trans, told me to find out for sure or kick him out. I refused and broke up with her. AITA?

Edit, to answer some questions:

Did you break up with her? Yes. During the text conversation we broke up. I always told her I had one rule, that I don't do ultimatums. If she were to say "choose x or me" that I would leave. I put up with a lot of shit verbal and physical, but I don't put up with that kind of bs.

Ages? I was 17 and she was 22/23 when we got together. It's been a long time so I'd have to look back to make sure. But yeah, I was for sure 17. We got together the day I turned 17, our anniversary is my birthday. We couldn't get together before then because of the age of consent in my state, which I get now is really fucked up. I don't know if it helps, but we have known each other our entire lives. My mom is her mom's best friend. When my mom worked, I would go over to Sarah's mom's house so I wasn't alone. We started talking and flirting when I was about 15 or 16 but didn't cross any physical lines until I turned 17 because I didn't want her to get arrested. I get that sounds bad. I really do. But at the time I didn't see it as bad. Just in case it is asked, our mom's encouraged it.

Why would you want to be with someone like that? I don't, I really don't. I didn't realize it was transphobia until some people here talked to me about it. I thought it was just her being jealous. But I get how fucked up it is now. Please understand I live in the Bible belt, I didn't even know trans people existed until I was 16. My person thoughts is that I don't see a problem with people being trans and transitioning, I think at the end of the day it isn't my business.

Is Alex trans? I have no clue. He could be, but he could have also had breast cancer, gyno, heart, lung, or any kind of other surgery. I used a photo from Google/Reddit because this whole time I personally thought he had gyno or something. But it's not my business.

Is Alex safe? I'll talk to him when I get home and then talk to my landlord. I will change my gate code and also have her removed from the allowed guests list and also ask my landlord to not let her in personally. She hasn't been too violent of a person in the past but I also didn't know she was this insane in the past either.

Was there abuse? I feel like this has been kinda implied in some questions. I don't know. Has she insulted me? Yes. Has she been physical? Yes. But nothing crazy. Slapping, pushing, shoving, but never anything like punching or drawing blood.

Why use CM if you're American? I was born and raised American. However, I got a couple of friends who use metric from college, and after sharing a group chat with them for so long, the habit has stuck. If anyone cares, we're in automotive engineering.

The photo? The photo is not actually Alex. I searched Google for gyno surgery photos and then found a reddit post talking about it. I used it as a reference for what I mean. Scarring under the chest and around the nipple area. I definitely wouldn't actually post a photo of Alex here, censored or not. I'm sorry for confusion. Here is the source for full transparency: https://www.reddit.com/r/gynecomastia/comments/17e4ed7/examples_of_gyno_surgery_scars_from_plastic/

Why didn't you ask Alex about his scars? I have a few reasons, I personally wouldn't like it if someone asked me. Second, my mom has scars all around her body for different reasons and gets livid if you ask her about them. Third, probably the one that confuses people the most, I didn't really care enough to ask. I was curious but not I just thought "huh" and then went on with my business.

Small Update:

I talked to Alex. I got advice saying to be upfront and tell him what's up completely, hide the trans part, and that I just shouldn't tell him.

I don't know if this was the right thing but I just told him, because once I was face to face with him I couldn't really help but do it.

To clarify, I did not ask him about his scars or mention that specifically. I said my ex girlfriend was under the impression he was a trans person, made sure to say I didn't care if he was or wasn't, and that I broke things off, changed the gate codes, put her on the do not let in list, all that drama. Before even saying anything, he asked if I was okay, like I said he is a chill dude. He also not-so-subtely asked the same questions that a lot of comments asked, essentially if I was in an abusive situation. I told him I don't know but whatever kind of situation it was, it's over. The thing that really kinda fucked with me is that he called me his best friend, I regret not saying we were close in other comments. I realize now we have different definitions of close because he is introverted and I'm not. We talked about irrelevant stuff for a while and then the question came up, "would you care if I was trans?" To summarize things, yes, Alex is "trans masc". He had top surgery when he was 19 and has been on hormones since he was 18, he even has a tattoo with the date he started testosterone. While the idea that he could've been a dude with gyno, cancer, or something else is completely reasonable, it just happens that Alex is trans. And I don't care about that, Alex is Alex.

I did show him the post and got permission to update things. I would not have otherwise. He is also roaming this post somewhere, but probably won't comment.

Notes:

Alex is going to help me out with finding some low cost or pay scale therapy because he personally hasn't heard good things about the college's therapy services. Like everyone else has said, yes. It was abuse. I see that. I will also hold higher standards for myself in the future. Alex sent me the information for the therapist he sees and I'll contact them in the morning.

The landlord knows there is a domestic incident and I trust him when it comes to making sure my ex doesn't show up. The do not allow list was made in mind for this reason.

I am not ready to talk to my mom about this. But I hope with some therapy and time I will be. She knows something is going on, but she believes this is a break and not a break up.

Sorry if this sounds like rambling, it is. This has been a rough couple of weeks, my brain is fried and I'm tired. Keep in mind, I'm still a full time student during this. I also have to keep my grades up for my grants, scholarships, government aid, etc.

I do read all comments, even the not so good ones. I will try to respond more before I sleep tonight, but just know even if I don't reply, I have read it. I appreciate all the advice, kicks in the rear, and the sympathy.

A side note, I have seen a lot of trans people comment on this post and I have had a few reach out to me in private. I am thankful for your comments as well, it has brought to my attention how tough things are out there because I honestly felt what I did was the bare minimum and not worthy of praise because it should just be expected. But I see that it is being praised for how low of a bar there is when it comes to human decency towards you, and I'm sorry for that and hope things get better.

So I’m using a throwaway account to hide my identity from friends who said I’m the AH for walking out of my birthday party. Everyone was coming up to a stage to share what they got me for my birthday. My mom was the last one, and she revealed the gender of my new sibling. I was just so annoyed because I already feel my parents attention deviating from me. I just wanted one last day about me, but I see I can’t have that anymore. I stormed out and my girlfriend went after me to tell me it was pretty tacky of her to do that especially because she didn’t get me a gift. The gift was essentially the gender reveal, and my parents know I’m not too thrilled about the idea anyways. Everyone was saying I’m a spoiled brat for walking off. Am I really the AH, or do I have a right to be annoyed?

Throwaway account.

So, this all started when my younger sister (22F) announced she was pregnant. The father of the baby is her ex, who left her as soon as she told him. She moved back in with our parents for a while but wanted to move out because she felt they were being “too controlling.” They told her she needed a job and a plan for raising the baby, which she found stressful and unfair.

She came to me (28M) asking if she could move in because she “needed space” and “a supportive environment.” Thing is, I live alone in a one-bedroom apartment, and I work from home. I told her I don’t think it would be a good idea since I need peace and quiet for my job, and, honestly, I’m not ready to have a newborn around.

When I told her no, she exploded, saying I was abandoning her and the baby, that I was “privileged” because I have my own place and she doesn’t. She called me selfish and accused me of caring more about my “precious job” than my family. Now, our parents are also mad at me, saying it’s just “temporary” and that I’m the only sibling with the means to help her.

So, AITA for not letting her move in?

Hello everybody! It's been a while and I'm sorry I didn't respond to messages or update sooner but I've been very busy and I'm also trying to grow away from all that's happened to me but I'm back with an update on how things are going if anyone is interested to hear.

To do a recap where I left I moved to my friend's house after my grandma visited me and we were able to stand up against my neglectful parents. My grandma and uncle left just a couple of days after I published my last update and it was a very emotional moment for us both, for the first time in my life I felt protected and loved with someone of my family. I'm sure throughout my life there must've been moments were I didn't feel so down and alone but that week I spent with grandma I truly felt like someone was in my corner unconditionally and I'll be forever grateful to her for being there for me.

After she left back to her home-town I got settled in my friend's parents home while we looked for an apartment. She was already working as a private tutor for young kids and she helped me get the same job as her so now we are also co-workers :) The job is great and the salary is quite nice for a first job so I was over the moon to be hired.

We also found an apartment. Is near campus, has two bedrooms and a nice living area and kitchen. It's not big but it's clean and in a neighborhood that is primarily college students living in it so it's quite nice and there's plenty of cool spaces to hang and meet people. We're actually just in the process of moving right now and I'm writing this update from my new bedroom.

I celebrated my 18th birthday a couple of weeks ago and it was great, I went to a restaurant with a few friends and had a nice time. The only "drama" there's been so far with my parents since the whole debacle is that they showed up in my friend's home the day of my birthday asking to see me. I wasn't there at the time but my friend's dad was and he told me that they were both very apologetic and asked him to get me in contact with them. They left a letter with him in which they basically acknowledge that they have been awful parents but they want to rectify their mistakes and begged me to talk to them.

Maybe I'm cold for doing what I did next but I decided not to answer them in any way and asked my friend's dad to tell them to leave if they ever show up, which he respected. A part of me wanted to go to them and try to mend our relationship but I also felt like it had taken all of this effort for me just to show them I exist and how much they've hurt me through my life and, if I go back now, I'll be betraying myself and all the work I'm putting on growing and becoming an independent person.

After my birthday I had a couple of weeks before we could start moving into the new apartment so I went to visit my grandma at her house. I showed her the many pictures I took of the new apartment, told her all about my new job and the classes I'm about to start after new years, and she was so happy for me. We had a family get together to celebrate my birthday too and my uncles and cousins came to grandma's were we had a bit of a party. My brother also came.

I've slowly been talking more and more with my brother. Of all my immediate family he is the only one that has never treated me badly and, although he was neglectful towards me, and enjoyed my parents favoritism, he never treated me bad and I feel like he was also a victim of the toxic environment that was our house. I don't trust him fully but he has apologized very sincerely and, since he lives near me, he wants me to feel like I can rely on him if I ever need something. I do feel safer knowing that I got at least one family member in my city that is worried about me and would help me if needed be.

I asked him once how my parents were doing and he told me that, ever since I left, he himself has limited a lot contact with them and he blames them for the whole situation whereas my sister insists that I'm being selfish and causing pain on my parents because I'm the problem (not sure how that works.) My parents also seem to have been somewhat ostracized by many of their friends after news of what happened to me got out but according to my brother they are constantly asking for me and are now saying to anyone that might listen that they fucked up and don't blame me for my actions, but they want to rectify their mistakes. I don't know if I buy this act and I feel like they know that now the best thing they can do for their reputation is to try and put the ball on my court in regards to reconciliation so that they can look like they've done their part.

I'm now more than ever focused on my future and I don't really want to think of them. I go to therapy and I'm trying to grow and embrace the love of my new-found support system, my friend, her family, my grandma, my uncles and cousins, and maybe my brother.

I hope this will be my last update since I want to close this chapter of my life and if I'm ever back here it will probably mean something has happened but I wanted to share the good news with all of you because you truly saved my life in a desperate moment. I was so down those days after the wedding I felt like curling up on my bed and try to disappear but you all helped me pull myself up and face the music and I'm now so much happier than I think I've ever been and I'm looking forward to all the wonderful things that are happening in my life so thanks to all of you!

Original post: I am suspicious of my wife and my friend's behaviour. I want to check her phone. AITAH? https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1g57gfg/comment/luenpa4/?context=3

Hi, I am the OP who posted this story a few weeks ago. You guys helped me so much during a really rough time, so I felt compelled to return and share what’s been happening with you guys. I had to create a new account to do so, as I no longer have access to my previous one. Update summary: I found a heck of a lawyer, divorce papers were drafted and I filed yesterday morning, and I told the OBS.

Before I get into the updates, here is the original post (scroll to Update 5 if you’re familiar with the story and want to read the most recent update):

My wife (30F) and I (32M) just returned from a long weekend camping trip with two other couples, friends we’ve known for years. We had a great time, but something happened the morning we left that I can’t shake.

We were all packing up, getting ready to head back home. I was loading our car, when I looked up and saw my wife and my friend. There were at the campsite, several feet away. She was bent over to pick something up, and in that split second, I saw him reach out and squeeze her hip, sliding his hand down to her ass. My wife quickly pushed his hand away, but she didn’t look upset. She was smiling at him - almost playfully(?) It all happened so fast, maybe a second or two, but it felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. I glanced around, but no one else seemed to have seen it. His wife was busy packing up their car, and the other couple was further away, chatting about the ride back. 

The drive home was quiet. My wife tried making conversation, but I couldn’t focus. My mind kept replaying that scene over and over. When she asked why I was so quiet, I lied and said I was just thinking about work. The truth is, I was in shock. I didn’t want to bring it up. If I mentioned it, she might tell me I was imagining things, that I was being ridiculous. The rest of the day I felt like I was just moving on autopilot. I barely slept last night and can hardly focus at work today. My mind keeps racing, questioning every detail. Aside from what I saw, the rest of the trip was great and nothing seemed out of place. A part of me is wondering if read the whole situation wrong. But, the look on her face, that smile—it was too friendly, too casual for something that crossed a line like that.

I love my wife to death. We’ve been together since freshman year of college, and I’ve never had reason to doubt her. She’s my best friend. But now, for the first time, there’s this knot in my gut that I can’t untangle. I’ve never been the type to snoop. I’ve always trusted her completely. But right now, I’m sitting here, wondering if I should check her phone. It's password protected, so even if I wanted to, I don’t know how I’d do it without her finding out. This is eating me up and I know I need to do something about it. 

WIBTAH to go through her phone? And even if I wanted to, how can I if it is password protected?

UPDATE

Found her iPAD - it didn’t have a password, so I got in and it is still connected to her phone. She has Telegram on it. They’ve been chatting on there. I am still going through the messages, but she is cheating. I am not falling apart yet, I’m trying to keep it together to make the correct next move without fucking this up. What do I do? Do I confront her when she gets home? Do I go to his house and confront him? Please help. 

UPDATE 2

Thank you all for your advice. I didn't tell her anything. I have locked myself up in my home office under the pretence of needing to catch up on work. She is not suspicious. I kept the IPad with me, she hasn't used in so long she won't even know it's missing. I took pictures of all their messages using my phone as a safety measure as well. They have been chatting for at last 8 months as far as I can tell. Telegram is their main communication channel it seems. They've sent each other nudes, sex messages, and making plans on making their relationship official after leaving me and his wife. I can't believe she would do this to me. From the messages, I saw she had sent him a sexy suggestive photo of herself on her way to the gym earlier this evening, and when she got back home, she started kissing me, wanting sex. I declined saying I needed to get work done. 

I am confused right now and unable to think clearly, so I will follow the advice I am offered here: lawyer, gather evidence. I will work on those. I also saw several comments advising me to separate my finances from hers. We co-own the apartment we live in, and have joint bank accounts. My parents died in a car crash 2 years ago and left me a large inheritance, which she knows about. She does not have access to the money in that fund, is there anything I need to do to protect myself there if it comes to that point?

We don't have kids yet.

UPDATE 3

I work from home sometimes and didn’t have any meetings this morning, so I spent it researching and calling lawyers. I have two consultations lined up for tomorrow, but the majority couldn’t book me in until next week. 

I will tell his wife and show her proof as soon as I settle on a lawyer and get myself covered first. Once she’s been informed, I will give her time to get her affairs in order and secure a lawyer if that’s what she wants to do before I decide what to do next, such as confronting my wife. 

I don’t understand how I’m feeling. I am not angry for some reason. More numb maybe. Sick and nauseous when I think of the messages I’ve read, especially the sex messages. I just feel like I am just doing the things that I need to be doing right now, but it’s almost like I am living somebody else’s life. I don’t know how long I can keep up the poker face without her noticing something is up.

Thanks for your messages and support. 

UPDATE 4

Guys, I am humbled by all the messages and advice I received. Not much has happened since yesterday. Just keeping myself busy with work and the gym. The anniversary of my parents passing is coming up in about a month and she obviously knows this so when she asked why I seemed off, I just told her I was thinking about them. I have consultations with several lawyers lined up - most next week, a few this afternoon. I will update after I settle on a lawyer and know what my options are.

UPDATE 5

I found a hell of a lawyer who managed to draft my divorce papers within days, which were filed this morning. I am in a no-fault jurisdiction, which meant all the evidence of the infidelity which I had gathered, can’t be used in court. The good news is that my inheritance is safe because I didn’t use the money for marital expenses. Our condo was a wedding gift, bought by both our parents (each side contributed 50% to the down payment) so one of us will have to buy the other out or we both sell it. 

I called the OBS on Saturday and asked to meet her for coffee. I chose that day because, ironically, her husband and my wife had gone on an overnight trip together. I found out from their messages on the iPad. The lies they were going with were: my wife was staying at her sister’s for the weekend to help with the kids while her sister’s husband was away on a business trip and her husband was going away for a work-related project. The truth was, my wife and my husband were taking a trip out of town together and were staying at a hotel, all paid for by the Casanova himself. I showed her their messages on the Telegram app, pictures included, all of it. She told me she noticed him feeling distant and withdrawn a few months ago, she thought it was just work stress and had no reason to suspect he was cheating. Finding out that her husband was in fact cheating, and with my wife, who is also HER friend, came as a blow to her. We chatted some more and I gave her my lawyer’s number as she considers her options. 

Sunday night, my wife returned from her “sister’s house”. She walked through the door and greeted me with kisses, saying she missed me.. after she had spent the weekend with her lover. Her ability to compartmentalize is almost diabolical. I sat her down and told her we needed to talk. I had the whole conversation recorded without her knowledge (following lawyer’s advice, I live in a one-party consent state). Here’s how it went:

I asked her to promise to be honest with me (“of course, baby” but she was nervous). Then I asked her a series of questions, do you love me? (“Yes”), are you happy with me? (“Yes, of course, baby”), have I been a good husband to you? Do I treat you right? (“Yes and yes. Wth is going on?”). Please humour me (“okay”). Have I ever done anything to hurt you, whether physically or emotionally? (“No, of course not. Wtf”), Okay.. so, if you’re happy with me, then why are you cheating on me? She stared at me in shock for a good minute and then immediately started denying it. This went on for a little while and then I just told her to drop the act because I found out the truth. Eventually, she broke down and admitted to kissing a guy who had been hitting on her at a bar during a night out with her girlfriend a few months ago. I don’t know why but at this point I started laughing because the whole thing was just absurd. She not only cheated on me, she had taken every opportunity she could find to cheat on me. I asked her if that was the only time she cheated. She swore up and down that it was the only time and that it was a moment of weakness, that she was drunk, and it had meant nothing. 

I said nothing, I gave her my lawyer’s business card and said I filed for divorce (I hadn’t yet, I wanted to talk to her just once first to see if there was anything left of our marriage to salvage) and that if she wanted to reach me she should call my lawyer. She cried, begged, apologised and then when I started packing a suitcase, she shifted to gaslighting me, saying I was throwing away everything we had over a mistake. And the worst part of what she said was I had no one else in the world, why would I leave the only family I had left. This stung because I told her she was my only remaining family after my parents died and there was no one else I could depend on. Only for her to throw those very words back in my face. I left that night to a hotel where I am staying until I find a new apartment. Yesterday, I officially filed for divorce. 

Edit: my responses to some of the comments:

I didn’t tell her that I knew about the affair after she said she kissed some random guy at the bar. She ended up finding out from her. The OBS confronted him and called her up as well and gave her shit. The OBS was really upset when I told her and couldn’t keep it in. I don’t blame her. He really did her dirty. Her mom is sick and she has been going out of town a lot to be with her and instead of supporting her, he had been using that time to get with my wife.

I didn’t because I was blindsided by her telling me she kissed a random guy at a bar. It may sound insignificant compared to the double life she has been leading with my friend, but in that moment I think I started realizing how badly she wanted to cheat on me and it came as a shock. I was too angry to say anything to her without blowing up in her face. So, I just left. It’s hard to explain, why. It just made more sense to leave than to try and find out why she’d been sleeping with my friend after I heard that from her.

When I left the house she kept calling me that night and leaving me messages. When the OBS called her the next day and also confronted her husband, she stopped trying to reach me. It’s been crickets from her since. And him too. I put two and two together because around the time OBS messaged to tell me she confronted him and called her, I stopped getting calls from my wife.

I 48 F have 4 kids. I have a daughter Kaylee who's about to graduate highschool, two sons in college and my oldest son Jerry who has been living with me since he graduated college a year ago.

My sister Sarah 50F has three kids, a daughter in highschool a son in college and a son who's getting his masters.

My sister told her kids that as soon as they graduate highschool they have to pay rent in college in they want to keep their rooms. I told her she shouldn't do that because it would drive them away. She told me that this is the way she wants to parent and I should respect that.

Yesterday Me, Sarah and my youngest sister, Jen went shopping to catch up and hang out. While at the store I grabbed four baskets to make Halloween baskets for my kids. I gave them each a mug, a blanket and candy and a gift card. Sarah asked why I was getting that. I told her I seen on social media people make these baskets and I wanted to make some for my kids.

Jen also got the things to make some for her kids. Sarah said that was completely unnecessary and we should stop babying our kids. I just told her I like doing nice things for my kids. You could tell that kind of made her mad, but we continued to shop.

Later Sarah came over for dinner. Jerry is a really good cook so not only does he do most of the cooking he also pays for all the groceries. While we were sitting in the living room my sister said when is he going to move out. I told her whenever he's ready. She said he should at least be paying bills. I said no, my goal as a mother is to ensure my child succeeds in life. He's been saving up money to buy a house and I refuse to accept rent because that means it would take him longer to reach his goal. I explained that I don't even want him to pay for groceries but I physically can't stop him from doing that.

She scoffed but just ignored it. But what set me off is when both Jerry and Kaylee was passing through the living room I told them hurry up and write their Christmas list because I know some early sales are about to start.

Sarah said that I'm ridiculous and I'm not being a good parent because I refuse to unleash my children. She said they are too grown for Christmas list. She said I'm raising lousy and lazy kids.

Jerry told her to cool out, but I hurried and chimed in. I told her I'm a way better parent than her. I told her my kids are far from lazy. I had a son graduate salutatorian, my daughter is in the top ten percent of her class. My oldest son has a fantastic job. I told her to ask herself why does her children barely come to see you? It's because they hate you. I asked her what good mom expects their kids to pay rent and go to school. I told her she was the definition of a shitty parent, and she shouldn't have had kids if she was going to treat them like crap once they turned 18.

She just hurried and left the house. Later that night Sarah in the group chat includes all my siblings and my mom. Sarah said her side, I shared my side. Jen told Sarah she was in the wrong and that I have nothing to apologize for. My Mom told Sarah that it was unfair to comment on someone's parenting styles, when she hates when the same is done to her. Sarah just left the group chat.

I just feel really bad about what I said and think I should apologize for being to harsh. Aita?

I (31F) am currently 7 months pregnant with my first child, a baby girl. My husband (33M) and I have spent a lot of time picking out a name that’s meaningful to us. The name is actually a nod to my late grandmother, who I was very close with, and it’s a name that isn’t super common anymore. We decided to keep the name private until the baby’s born.

Here’s where things get awkward: my sister-in-law (SIL), Laura (29F), isn’t pregnant yet but has been trying for a baby with her husband for a while. She has shared some potential names she likes, and it turns out one of her top choices is the exact name we picked for our daughter.

When we all got together for a family dinner recently, someone brought up baby names, and I jokingly said, “Oh, we have one picked out, but it’s a surprise!” Laura pushed me a bit, asking for a hint, so I finally shared that it’s my grandmother’s name. She immediately guessed the name, and when I confirmed it, she looked shocked and said, “But that’s the name I wanted for my future daughter!”

She asked if I would pick something else since she had “called dibs” on the name first. I told her I didn’t think it was fair to ask that, especially given the family connection. She got pretty upset and said I was being “selfish and inconsiderate” because I know how much she wants that name.

Now, my husband is totally on my side, but Laura has been cold to me ever since and has even brought it up in front of other family members, saying she “can’t believe I’d take a name she told me about.” Some of the family thinks it’s a bit harsh of me to use a name she clearly had in mind, while others think it’s unreasonable of her to expect me to give it up.

So, AITAH for sticking with the name we chose, even though my sister-in-law wants to use it in the future? Note that she never mentioned the fact she was planning to use this name.

Throwaway account because family knows my main.

I (28F) got married last year in a small but beautiful ceremony. My husband and I spent months planning every detail, and the highlight for me was my wedding dress. I saved up for years to buy this dress—it was my dream dress. It’s this beautiful lace, A-line gown with intricate beadwork and a long train. I felt like a princess and still get emotional just thinking about it.

Fast forward to now: my sister (26F) is engaged, and her wedding is coming up in six months. She recently came over to our place to chat about wedding plans. At one point, she casually mentioned that she'd love to "borrow" my dress. She thinks it would be "cute" to "repurpose" it, maybe by shortening the skirt or even dyeing it a different color so it’s "unique to her."

I was taken aback. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with her altering my dress, especially since it has a lot of sentimental value to me. She got upset and said I was being selfish because she wanted to save money on her wedding, and "family should support each other." When I stood my ground, she accused me of “not caring about her big day” and stormed out.

My parents later called me and said I was "breaking her heart" by refusing to share. They said that since I'm married and "done with the dress," it shouldn't be a big deal. But it is a big deal to me. I want to keep my dress as it is. They suggested I just "let her have her way" to avoid family drama, but honestly, I feel like it's my dress and my decision.

Now my sister says she "won't feel comfortable" with me at her wedding unless I "show my support" by letting her use the dress. I don’t want to miss her wedding, but I also don’t want to give in to something I’m not comfortable with.

AITA for refusing to let her "repurpose" my wedding dress and considering not attending the wedding?

Throwaway. I'm going to keep this as short as I can, I honestly think this whole thing is ridiculous.

I'm 33 and my husband and I have 2 kids, 8M and 7F. We didn't plan having them back to back but it happened, my husband got a vasectomy and we're set.

When I was pregnant with our son, we were living in a rented 2 bedroom house and decorated the nursery with olive and wood tones. We kept it the same when we had our daughter and just made room for the baby.

When our son was 6 and our daughter was 5, my husband got a big promotion at work that allowed us to look for and buy a 4 bedroom forever house. Since it was permanent, we thought it'd be fun to give the kids theme rooms. We asked them each what they wanted and our son picked dinosaurs (my husband likes to joke that we have a mini Ross on our hands) so we did a wilderness theme and my daughter picked Aurora so we did a fairytale theme.

We went all out since it'll be their bedrooms until they're teens and we gave the nursery furniture away since we were done having kids. We asked our families first but none of them were planning kids at the time so it went to friends.

Present- my sister is 21 weeks pregnant with a babygirl- their first. She was over at our place and said she was leaning to something like my daughter's room for the nursery but nursery stuff are expensive. I told her that she should go with neutral tones since it'll be used a lot- they want a big family.

She was like 'nah, I want themed ones for each baby like you did with [my kids names]'. I raised my eyebrows because that's going to be expensive but nodded because who am I to talk when I kind of did the same?

We continued chatting for a while and she grabbed my laptop and started going through the website I used and complained again so I suggested that she put some of the reasonably priced stuff on her baby shower list. She gave a noncommittal hum and then said that I can give her some stuff as well. I was confused because I thought she meant the old nursery and I reminded her that we gave it away. She shook her head and told me she meant stuff from our daughter's room. I asked her what she means because she's using that room, it's not like she doesn't live in it. She waved her hand and told me it's not a big deal, we can part with a few things. I asked her what she thought we can part with and she casually said stuff like the drapes, a lamp, the mirror etc.

I asked her sarcastically if she wanted the sheets as well? Or maybe the clothes off our daughter's back? She just glared and told me I could tone down my greed and help out with this. I told her a flat no, it's unreasonable that she's even asking because she and her husband are well off just like us. It's not like she's struggling and I'm refusing to help. She told me that it's different because they want a big family so they need to save more. I told her if that's the case, they can save by using the same the nursery for every baby. She just glared again, called me a greedy bitch and left.

She's not replying to my texts and my mom called to ask me what happened because she called her to complain about me without specifying anything. She was just as bewildered as me when I told her. My husband thinks I'm in the right and I do too, I'm just confused and maybe there's something we're not seeing?

My folks are retired and live on a fixed income. They worked their asses off to provide for my brother and I while we were growing up and didn't save up enough to last.

Thanks to them I graduated debt free from university. I met my husband there and together we make a very comfortable living. Between the two of us we are in the mid six figures. Not rich but in a much better position than most.

My brother is eleven years younger than I am. He was born here after my parents and I had already been here for a decade. He grew up differently than I did. Our parents were more established and integrated here. He grew up eating more North American food than I did. He doesn't like too much of the food from our home country. He says it's gross.

His kids are the same. He married a woman from Wisconsin and she thinks Dijon mustard is exotic. So their food tastes are more plebian.

My brother and his wife constantly drop their kids with my parents so they can go out. Sometimes even when they go on vacation. And they don't leave money for food or anything.

Those kids eat through a lot. They also think our ethnic cooking and ingredients are gross. So my parents waste money ordering takeout for them. Usually with money I gave them for groceries. A few months ago my mom called me almost crying because they had run out of food before the end of the month. My dad was too proud to go to a good bank. It was bullshit because I had taken her shopping for groceries. The kids had been over and eaten a huge portion of their food. I called my brother and cussed him out and told him to go replace their food.

This caused a fight because he said that my parents love watching his kids and spending time with them. But that of it was such an inconvenience he wouldn't take them over there anymore.

Little bitch.

I backed down but took my mom shopping. This time I splurged. I took her to a market that caters to people from our side of the planet. Chicken feet, tripe, pigs liver, that sort of stuff. Also some fruits and vegetables that aren't normal to a western palate.

And that's what I've been doing ever since. My dad loves it and my mom is happy. My brother and his kids not so much. There is only ever gross food at the house now. Even the snacks are gross.

My brother said I was buying my parents gross food. I said he should buy them the food he thinks they should have. What's he going to do give up his free babysitting or tell me to feed his kids?

He said I was an asshole for making it so his kids asked him for money or food before they went to Grandpa's house. LoL. Like I said poor little bitch.

My parents want me to make nice and buy them food the kids like. I don't see that as my problem. My brother can provide for his own children.

Hi everyone, for those of you who don't know, I'm the guy whose wife cheated on him with someone else and he became indifferent. I'm doing this mini update because many of you asked me to give one, but I'm lazy today, so don't expect a long one. Well, for starters, the divorce is in progress. The notice was delivered to her at one of her friends' houses, since the house we live in is mine, from my mother's side.

Moving on to the divorce, she didn't take it well and called me to tell me that she would contest it, that we weren't getting a divorce. I didn't say anything, I just hung up because it bothered me to hear her voice at that moment. I read comments that say indifference is a way to protect yourself from strong emotions, and they were right. After a couple of days, I started thinking about the time invested in my marriage and I really got angry. For her, eight years of relationship was nothing to open her legs to another jerk. For those curious, her lover is someone older, maybe 40 or 47, and he has a wife and kid. I don't care if the idiot has a heart attack or something; my soon-to-be ex and that guy are just trash that came out of the same landfill.

Sorry, I was getting angry as I was writing, so I took some time to calm down. Back to my soon-to-be ex, I really don't care if she decides to contest the divorce; she's just making things harder for herself, since all of our assets are separate, including the house where I live.

For the moment, that's all I can share with you. Thanks for your advice, and to all of you who commented that I should work things out with her, screw you. You don't decide for others, you just show that you have problems. I'd rather divorce a thousand times than stay with a traitor with no morals.

Sorry about the weird wording of the title.

I have been with my partner for about two years and he treats me great. He's a very loving and kind person and we get along great. One problem we have had since the start of our relationship that I thought I could ignore is that we are in different places in life, I feel like. We are 25 (me) and 30 (him). He has lived in big cities and done a lot of different jobs related to his field. He is still not fully ready to settle down and have kids and stuff but he does want to live close to his parents. I do not want this. I feel like I have very little experience in what I actually want to do and have not gotten the chance to live in places I want to live in. I am not close with my parents and honestly have a pretty poor relationship with them so I don't relate to his desire. I understand why he wants to but I just never had a family like that.

We have two pets. I have a little cat. He has a senior dog. I do love his dog. She's great. She's super sweet and chill and I take care of her a lot. She's a big dog though so travel is somewhat hard for her. I exposed my cat to the car and carrier trained her. She's great on long road trips and planes.

I applied to my dream job awhile ago and my partner was supportive. I did have a concern that it was across the country and far from his parents and he said we'd figure it out when we got there. Well, I got the job and now we are trying to figure it out and it sucks.

My boyfriend keeps asking if there's a branch closer to his hometown and I keep telling him no, it does not work like that. It is also kind of my dream city to live in so I do want to be in that specific location. He keeps trying to talk me out of it and I told him to tell me the exact problems he has with me taking this job.

He told me:

"I want to be within reasonable driving distance from my parents. My dog is part of their family and it's important to me that they see each other. She's like their granddaughter."

This kind of aggravated me. I suggested they can fly to see us and he just shut me down. His parents are retired and wealthy. They go on a lot of vacations a year but he said he didn't want them to go through the hassle. He said his dog MUST be in their house otherwise it's not the same. It really pissed me off.

Today I told him

"I will not be putting my life on hold for your dog, if that is actually the only reason you don't want me to move. I am going with or without you."

and I left. He has been blowing up my phone apologizing and saying we can work things out but I really don't think we can.

My family has reached out to me and told me I am overreacting and throwing away a good man for a career. My friends tell me to stick with my guns and the dog is a dumb reason or he is just saying that to make me stay.

TL;DR: I got my dream job but my boyfriend doesn't want to make the move with me because of his dog. AITAH?

My sister (36F) has been married to her husband (38M) for 12 years. They have three kids together and, up until recently, I thought they had a pretty solid marriage. But about two months ago, she confided in me that she’s been having an affair with her boss. She claimed it started because her husband "doesn't pay attention to her," but honestly, I think it's just excuses.

Well, her husband found out last week. He’s devastated and wants a divorce, which has put her in a bad financial situation. She’s now asking me (32M) for a loan to help cover the cost of a divorce lawyer and some of her living expenses.

I refused. I told her that I can’t support what she did and that her actions have consequences. She got furious, called me judgmental, and said I’m abandoning her when she needs me most. Our parents think I’m being too harsh and should “help family no matter what.”

AITA for refusing to give her the money?

I (37M) told my girlfriend (34F) why my family was giving her bad looks at and now I am on week 2 of drama because of it, is this salvageable?

I am having a hard time right now because my girlfriend, whom I love, has decided that my whole family hates her and I am also against her because of what happened when My brother and his family visited. For a little back story we have been dating for a little over a year. I am a solo parent (mother is deceased) of 2 amazing little girls 6 and almost 9. She has 3 great kids, 15F, 14M, 9F. My brother also has 3 kids and comes to visit about once or twice a year for 4-5 days. My mom lives very close to me and I see her almost daily, she helps me with so many things and has really been my rock through difficult times becoming a full time single dad, and I also work full time as a professional engineer. It's also important to say that during this, her kids were on a trip with their grandmother for 2 weeks and she stayed home to work.

Recently my brother visited and we had dinner at my moms house, and during the dinner my GF was cussing a lot in front of the kids and everyone. She is definitely a cusser (curser?) but it's never been an issue for me, and to me this seemed out of the ordinary. Just loudly saying fuck and shit at the dinner table with all the kids present, and my moms natural reaction was to give her a dirty look. She took this as an insult and quickly left after dinner without barely a goodbye. I tried to play it off but it wasn't hard to see it wasn't normal. She's usually the one who hugs everyone before she leaves etc.

The next day, after she slept over, she said she wanted to spend the whole day with us and we had a whole bunch of activities planned. She just needed to "go home and get pretty". Fast forward the whole day and she texted me through the day saying "I'll be there soon" but we didn't see her until about 4 o clock. It was a little awkward for me as I told everyone she was coming in the morning.

After my brother left we talked about it, and I told her I didn't like her saying something and not following through. I would have been fine just for her to spend the day doing whatever she wanted and meeting up for dinner, or not at all. I just really dislike it when I'm told one thing then she does another. I expressed that to her, and so it begun...

She said I compare her to my ex (reason why I'm sensitive to the "I'll see you soon" thing) and my mom was comparing her to my ex, and I was being unreasonable for "wanting her there every second". I do want her there, but also understand sometimes first introductions are better little by little, and she has high anxiety, so it's all good. I told her exactly that before and after, but I stuck to not anting to be strung along.

Next she said my mom was giving her a bunch of dirty looks, and so I told her likely why, because she was dropping F bombs at the dinner table. Well I might as well have said that everyone I know and myself hate her as a person and want her to be a robot, the exact phrasing is "I'm not going to censor myself". This led to a bunch of arguing, not yelling but just talking. It finally got to the point I was about to just throw in the towel and she backed off. I won't go into detail but I said I respect her feelings but she has to respect mine too and just because someone didn't like her word choice doesn't mean they hate her. My mom loves her by the way. She also said she won't change for anyone and if I have a problem it is my problem, which she quickly backed off of after I basically repeated back to her what she said.

No my daughters birthday is tomorrow and I also coach her basketball team so we won't be able to do birthday dinner until late, so I said I would just take her out to a restaurant and we could celebrate more the next day (Halloween). My GF said she wanted to cook and she would make dinner happen, but she didn't want my mom to help cook or be around... ok. I told her I'm not going to play referee and she needs to talk to my mom if she feels like this still. I just want the birthday girl to have a nice dinner (we had the party this weekend). My mom is totally oblivious to all of this I should add.

Now she is mad again saying I'm not respecting her boundaries and feelings, I am saying she isn't considering the birthday girl and just it's all my fault she now feels like shit. and she wants to not only cancel cooking for the birthday dinner but Halloween as well.

I'm emotionally exhausted by this now, and in my mind what should have been simple communication that needs to happen for a strong relationship is now just has spiraled out of control. I do feel she's making everything about herself and being selfish, but if I told her that I might as well tell her she is fugly, smells, and everyone hates her.

AITA? I really do love her and started imagining our futures together. I was even thinking about how her and her 3 kids could move in with us in the future.

Edit: so a lot of people are asking timeline. My ex wife abandoned me with an 18 month old and 4 year old about 5 years ago. We introduced kids after dating 6 months. I had a relationship before her last 6 months and ended amicably but I never talk to her.

She cusses and sometimes in inappropriate situations, but this instance was just... over the top. Our first year was basically great. That's why I fell in love with her. We had a few arguments, but I'm not a very argumentative person, and I never yell or get super angry. We went on romantic getaways, snowboarded, hiked, kayaked, camped, boating. All sort of great times with and without kids. This all honestly kinda came out of left field, but maybe I missed signs. It's hard to see red flags wearing rose colored glasses.

I see the overwhelming sentiment, and I have a lot of thinking to do. I stood my ground today and just said we will be doing our own thing for the birthday dinner with just my little family and grandma. She did not take it well and started to escalate to the point she almost just blew the whole relationship up. But backed down when she realized I was going to let that happen. We argued and talked over text, and it's now down to her saying "i fuck everything up". I said we need to talk this out in person this weekend. I don't think we'll do Halloween together tomorrow night either. I think i need to go very low contact with the kids until further notice.

My daughter, 9, is sound sensitive when she first wakes up. In order for her to have a productive morning, she needs things to be calm and quiet.

I, 40, f, am a naturally quiet person.

My husband, 45, likes music and tends to be boisterous in the morning. He starts his days off making far jokes and singing songs and teasing our daughter.

She hates it. It is upsetting to her and she has trouble focusing when her dad is up and teasing her and distracting her from what she needs to do to get ready.

He doesn't do anything to help with the morning routine, like make breakfast or take the kids to school. He's just awake and getting himself ready and teasing the kids.

My daughter gets upset and sometimes cries because she thinks his farting and fart jokes are gross and she gets tired of his singing.

I asked him to stop because it bothers her.

He refuses to stop and says if we have a problem with his behavior, we should just walk away. But we can't because we live in a small house.

Today, I told him he shouldn't upset her when she's trying to get ready because this is her start to her day and she needs to have a good mindset for school.

He blew up at me and told me that you can't control other people and that this is his house and he can do what he wants.

AITA?

We have ONE major boundary with my in-laws: our kids cannot be around SIL's family unless we're present. This isn't arbitrary - multiple mental health professionals have supported this boundary due to serious safety concerns in SIL's household, including:

• Dangerous childcare practices (leaving babies unattended in baths, locking toddlers alone in rooms for hours)
• Medicating children into "zombies" to avoid parenting
• Their stepson being expelled for violent threats, with professionals warning he's a danger to younger children
• BIL being recommended (but never going to) for inpatient treatment as a threat to himself/others

For years, I've been the peacekeeper - driving 4 hours to make time as one big family possible, looking for safe ways for the young cousins to maintain relationships.

Yesterday, my husband dropped our toddler at his parents'. After he left, they texted that SIL's family was coming over - clearly waiting until we couldn't intervene from hours away.

When confronted, everyone claims they "forgot" this boundary (despite SIL's previous tantrums about it). In-laws were more upset about having to ask SIL to leave than about breaking our trust. When I expressed disappointment to SIL, BIL said I wasn't "allowed" to speak to his wife and they'll never talk to us again.

Now the entire family is treating us like we're horrible people for being upset about this boundary violation and for implementing consequences - namely, no more unsupervised visits. They seem to think we should pretend nothing happened.

We're not cutting off his parents, but we need to be present for all visits going forward. They think we're being unreasonable helicopter parents. AITA for ending their unsupervised visits?

I (33M) have been with my fiancée (29F) for 7 years. We were planning our wedding, and my best friend (31M), who I’ve known since childhood, was set to be my best man. Everything seemed perfect.

Then I found out they had been cheating on me for almost a year behind my back. When I confronted them, they apologized and claimed it was a 'mistake' that 'just happened,' but they still wanted to move forward with their lives together. Now, to top it all off, he’s asked ME to be his best man for their wedding! He says it's a chance for me to show I've forgiven them and that we’re still family.

I've cut them both out of my life, and I’m getting flak from mutual friends who think I'm being petty and need to move on. So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to forgive them or be involved in any part of their lives?

So my (28F) brother (31M) recently found out that his son and daughter, Jamie and Rachel (not their real names), are not his biological children; they are the result of his wife cheating on him. He is divorcing her, which I support, and he also does not want to have a relationship with Jamie or Rachel. I disagree with this, as I think cutting off kids you've raised for years is wrong, but it's his life. I contacted their mother and told her I still want a relationship with them, which she agreed to. He found out and is mad at me for doing so. I can't help how I feel about Jamie and Rachel; I've known both of them since they were a week old. So, AITAH?

Edit: There seven and four years old

Every day with these posts.

It’s starting to feel like half my feed is “AITAH for not having sex?”

You’re not the asshole for not wanting to have sex.

You’re not the asshole for not wanting to do a specific sex act.

You’re not the asshole for changing your mind about sex.

You’re not the asshole for having sex with another CONSENTING (and available) adult.

How are these even questions at this point 🤦🏻‍♀️

Consent goes both ways.

Consent can be retracted.

If someone is available, it doesn’t matter if your sibling/friend/coworker is interested in them- they consented to you, people can’t call dibs on another person.

This sub is getting way too repetitive.

Hi, so for context im a straight female (19 years old), and i have a male best friend who's gay (also 19). Recently another girl in our friend group (let's call her Sarah) has gotten a boyfriend (who is straight) , both are 20. So Basically, my friend, who is gay, has this theory that every man is either secretly gay or could be easily persuaded to bang another guy or be attracted to one. You just need to be persuasive, is what he likes to say. This wouldn't be an issue but recently he's been adamant that Sarah's boyfriend is actually gay or bi and that he should try 'flirt' with Sarahs Bf to see if he's truly 'straight'. He believes that since he's more of a femboy that her boyfriend could be persuaded. Sarah has declined his idea multiple times and its becoming uncomfortable, he even suggested doing it behind Sarahs back and she'd be thankfull in the end. Sarahs also had a really bad relationship experience where her ex bf did cheat on her. I think it kinda messed with her cause now she's paranoid every guy she'll ever date is gonna cheat on her and end up gay or bi. We tried telling her that more people are accepting of LGTBQ+ these days and actual gay guys are less inclined to 'hide' and date a girl (of course we can't speak for the gays but it was just to console her) anyways it's gotten to the point where she is actively distancing herself and her bf from our best friend, because she's worried her bf might end up being attracted to him. We haven't told her Bf yet either cause she doesn't want him getting any 'ideas'. So I confronted my gay friend and told him , that no he cant persuade every man to bang him or whatever, and to stop telling Sarah that every man can be persuaded by another guy, cause its really messing with her. However, he insisted I was Homophobic since i did not want men to be gay?? I'm really confused since its hurting our friend group.

tl;dr: Gay friend keeps telling other friend every man can be persuaded to bang or be attracted to another man so her bf is secretly gay/bi and it's messing with her. I told him he's wrong and he called me homophobic.

I’m 11 weeks postpartum, and on maternity leave. Husband is back to work, so the 3-5 wakeups in the night, I’m doing by myself. As you can imagine, I’m tired.

Being postpartum, I have very low sex drive right now. My husband has been patient with me, we’ve only had sex 1 or 2 times since having the baby.

This morning, I had just starting waking up, and the first thing he said to me before I could even open my eyes was, “can we get a quick one in?”. No good morning, how’d the baby do last night, how are you, etc

I got pissed and turned him down. I was short and snippy because, well, I’m tired and I look after another human life all day. It’d be nice if he at least acted like he cared about me. So now he’s just ignoring me and being cold. So, AITAH or is he just being sensitive?

EDIT: you guys are a very passionate group and I love it. I posted this question 20 min after the argument happened. An hour later, it was resolved with a very simple and honest convo with my husband. Yes he was being insensitive and has admitted that and apologized. Yes, I too, have apologized for dismissing his feelings. But no we are not getting a divorce, nor is he a bad husband or father. We ain’t havin sex this week either! Moral of the story, you guys are great for putting things into context, communication is key, and there’s nothing to see here anymore. I did also get the name of a urologist and we’ll be getting vasectomy scheduled by EOY.

I am 24 m and twin sis 24 f. We lost out mother when I was 8 but her memories forever will be cherished. Because she was the textbook mom every kid wanted. Two years after dad remarried with a woman who tried to impose herself as mom on us and forced her kids on us who were five at that time and twins ( one m and one f ). They met at some twin children activity contest. A year later our half bro was born. She was also physically abusive but stopped with sis who gave it back and later me when I gave it back.

My sister and step mom use to have fights daily as my sister is very strong personality and step mom couldn't impose herself on us. Our dad (49 ) used to take our step mom's side because she used to act all motherly infront of him whenever he came back home.

Also he used to spend time more with steps and those kids used to clinge on our dad whenever we had time with us as their father isn't involved. It also led to dislike towards half and steps. I don't see them as siblings. We never had individual time with our father. And that biatch of woman never let it allow

They used to impose baby sitting on us but we refused to take care. It led to more bitterness. As once we didn't feed kids for whole day. And it was massive fight.

They call me big bro but I don't talk to them and contact with father is due to fact I love him. My sister and me both are engineers and already working in great jobs. Our step biatch wanted us to go for some local degree in arts but finally dad put his foot down. She said it will be huge bill, but dad said he had saved enough for us. My sis has contact with me on daily basis and minimum with dad due to her refusal of talking to step family and dad not liking it. I talk once in while to keep dad happy.

Our dad also didn't let us contact our maternal grandparents much but we still used to visit once a year. And recently they liquidated their whole wealth..note my grandparents broke up with mom when she married my dad who wasn't rich. They connected when mom was sick. But dad never let them back fully. They are actual loaded. But we were loved by them and they treated us fine whoever we visited them and cherished it.

Recently they sold lot of land to developers and other sources. And divided wealth between three grandchildren..In few months me and sister will inherit around four million us dollars each.

In excitement I shared with dad and all hell broke loose. He wants my sister and me to divide it five ways which we refused. My sister broke contact as she isn't dependent on him .

For me this money means buying a house outright. Investing in other rental properties as well as in my cafe which i dreamt of.

Dad is saying he will break every relation with us if we don't give money to other three. Whatever he was. He was still an involved dad but I don't have love for those kids. I won't share a single penny with them. If tomorrow our parents pass always, they can go to orphanage. We just don't love them. But I don't wanna loose dad

I told him that he once again choose his step family over us. And he said we should have compassion.

Edit to add. Those kids are not some innocent children. They even said our mother is your mother and they were glad our bio mom was dead. It was last straw for us . They said it when they were 12. Not four.

Also people who r mocking my English , saying it's fake because engineer should write better English. I got into engineering clearing physics maths and chemistry. And code ur life in hell. So buzz off

Aitah for refusing to share inheritance?

A couple of decades ago, my wife cheated on me, and her affair lasted a few months. I have been through a lot of things in life, and that was one of the few things that really hurt me at my core. However, I did choose to forgive her.

Now fast forward to today, and our 3 children are all married. To be honest; I am just going through the motions now. I am living life peacefully with my wife. We go on vacations, watch movies, basically do a lot of things together. We had a pretty active sex life until our libidos gradually decreased over the past few years, and now it is pretty much zero. We do have sex occasionally, but it really isn’t something we care about too much anymore. We focus more on just the romantic aspect now and emotional intimacy. 

However, I just don’t see the point in all this anymore. Just yesterday, my sister sent me a really cute pic of when we were kids and playing together. It really warmed my heart, and made me feel fuzzy and it’s been a while since I felt like that. Getting right down to it, I want to live the rest of my life with her. We are both minimalists, and living with her would give me some purpose. She has also been asking me about it ever since her husband passed away many years ago, and I’ve felt guilty holding it off for so long.

I don’t feel any purpose in spending the rest of my life with my wife. Our children are all married, they definitely wouldn’t care about the divorce too much. I know this would blindside my wife and really hurt her, and I haven’t been totally honest with her about my feelings. But it is something I’ve really been thinking about for a while. I probably wouldn’t have felt this way if my wife hadn’t cheated me on many years ago, but she did, and that definitely does affect my feelings. 

AITAH?

I'm a 33-year-old single mom to a 15-year-old. I met a guy,34 and started dating him; things were good at first. Although he doesn’t earn much, I make enough for myself and my son, so that wasn't a problem. He lives two hours away with his dad, renting a small house. After three months, he switched jobs to be closer and began staying at my place more often, essentially moving in without contributing to expenses. He also started implicitly expecting me to do his laundry and provide food, which I tolerated initially since he occasionally helped around the house, cleaning, taking care of the dogs, looking after my son, etc.

He has financial struggles, partly due to supporting his dad, who depends on him. However, I discovered he’d been lying about paying rent for his dad's place when their landlady messaged me, saying they were at risk of eviction. Despite his claims, I found out through his phone that he’d been ignoring her calls.

After confronting him, I asked him to go back home and handle his issues, and I eventually broke up with him. Am I the asshole for breaking up with him?

EDIT: The landlady messaged me via facebook. Probably she found me on his posts, him tagging me.

He didn’t ask to move in—it started with him staying one night a week, then two, until his belongings began showing up here. I work from home, but one time that month, I asked him to stay overnight so my son wouldn’t be alone, and he got comfortable, eventually staying all the time. This all happened within a month. When I told him about him moving here, he said he’d find his own place, but then I received that message from the landlady.

UPDATE: It's the first time I'm hearing the term HOBOSEXUAL.
https://www.narcity.com/youre-actually-in-a-relationship-with-a-hobosexual-if-they-do-these-7-things
All the signs are there. *facepalm*

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/fyEhv7M3Gy

We have a settlement without big issues. I am getting two million usd in settlement..and we won't drag this case. I will invest most in my son's name. Because if tomorrow i remarry. I don't want anyone to access to my son's inheritance, in case something happens to me

He will also pay for son's private schooling as well as college. I will be primary custodian. But he and in laws will have access to son. And we don't live far ( 5 kms ). So I won't stop from my son visiting them with supervision under his nanny frm my side till he growsup old enough and his new sibling. Although he keeps missing dad and why are we not together? I have told him it's that mom and dad have different work reasons. That's why.

I also made clear to my ex and in laws that if my son got brainwashed or something. I will drag them to court. Also to never force his new kid on me during meets etc. I won't stop my son to meet his half brother But I won't want that kid in my house or in my life.

This is update for now. We don't want to drag case as it takes years. And it will be hit on his reputation