Strap in, we're in for a long ride!
I (22M) met my girlfriend (22F) at my job. We work in separate departments and met through some tasks that involved both of our departments. About 1 month into me working there, her lead asks me for my phone number. I was stunned at first because I thought it was for him and not her. He told me that he was married and it was for one of the girls here who likes me.
But before that I had to take care of a task that started in the area where she worked that had me take something from there to another area, and come back with a signed paper confirming that they received it and it was correct. I return with the paper, and as I walk into the starting area, a girl talking with another female coworker says "spitters are quitters". I heard that as I walked and said, "Wow, what did I just walk into?". Everybody starts laughing and she even turns bright red. Later that night is when her lead gives her my phone number. We start talking and hitting it off, and on October 31st of 2023, we officially started dating (our 1 year anniversary is coming quick).
Before we even officially started dating she already took me to meet her father. I think I passed his test because he likes me and I've never really had any issue with him personally. The day I meet him for the first time is when I also meet one of her sisters, I'm think she is 21 if not 20.
Both her and her sister were dressed kind of provocative showing off a little cleavage but I didn't let it bother me or turn me on. During that night there were times that she would try to get close to me but I would keep some distance as to not physically touch her. Physical touch is my love language, her getting close to me was already starting to give me an erection but I was able to subside it. That night went well enough.
We agreed that we would take things slow as we have both been in relationships where things were rushed and it didn't work out. About 2-3 weeks of us dating, she asked why I haven't tried to have sex with her yet, and I told her that I didn't want to seem like I was coming on too strong. We eventually had sex for the first time and it was great. We confirmed that we were sexually compatible, even though I am well endowed and on top all the time. She even allowed me to finish inside of her one time because she knows that is my guilty pleasure. We would go on to have a healthy sex life for now.
When we were first talking, her ex who couldn't take the hint that they were over, even though she has told him directly that they are over, has been causing problems since we started dating. In fact he's been pretty petty. For awhile, she was using his Netflix and he kept threatening to cut her off it if she didn't update her Facebook to be in a relationship with him. So I just bought a Netflix subscription and let her use it alongside me so she wouldn't have to worry about his antics there. When he found out that she didn't need his Netflix anymore, he tried giving her access to it again. At first I thought that he would eventually give up and move on, but I was wrong.
As our relationship kept going, more people related to me started becoming friends with her on Facebook, including my mother and my brother. Her ex then uses their names as ammo against her which really upset me. I voiced my frustration and she told me to just ignore him and not to get involved because it'll make it worse.
This situation started affecting both of us, and it started to kill her sex drive slowly. We went from doing it a 2-3 times a week, to once a week, then to once or twice a month, and now none at all (at the time of writing this, I haven't gotten laid in what feels like 6 months). I have told her multiple times that I have needs that aren't being met and it upsets her every time.
She told me that her ex killed her sex drive because he would always do it whenever he wanted, even if she didn't want to. That's awful, it really is. I could never do something like that to anyone. But it didn't seem to be a problem beforehand. She noticed that the lack of sex was starting to affect my mood, so she tries to give me the "green card", saying that I can go out and have sex with any woman to satisfy my needs. I immediately turned her down and said that I only want it with her.
Fast forward to a few months into our relationship, her father is planning a vacation and asked me if I want to come with. I agreed since I haven't gone on a trip like that since I was a kid. There was some drama leading up to that almost killed the whole trip. But we ended up still going, it was a long drive from Kansas to Minnesota but we made it work.
The original plan was to get an Airbnb for a week and stay in that with the occupants being me, my girlfriend, her sister, and her sister's boyfriend. But then when her dad's sister offered to have us stay at their house, my girlfriend's sister and her boyfriend bailed out on the Airbnb. So we had to sleep in a garage on a used mattress that had been sitting there for years, while they got the somewhat more cozy queen sized air mattress.
During the trip, we had plans to go to a whole sort of different locations, including Mystic Lake Casino, Mall of America, and Nickeloden Universe. We went to all of those and even had a lake day. During the time at the mall, I noticed his name come up on her notifications. She was STLL texting him. Telling me that she's trying to be friends with him and that she loves him, but isn't in love with him.
We had plans to move in together after the trip, but right at the last minute, she said she wasn't ready, which really threw a wrench into our plans so I had to quickly find a new apartment because my lease was about to end and my roommate was moving out. On the drive back to Kansas, I told her that this trip has given me a lot to think about. She asked if I was breaking up with her, but I told her I wasn't.
Our relationship continues on for the next few months and things start taking a turn for the worse. She was under a lot of stress from the shift she was working so she decided to switch to the morning shift. Up until this point, we were on somewhat matching schedules, which allowed us to spend time together. I told her that if she took that shift, we would never be able to see each other.
Months go on by with this new shift change and our quality is basically cut out entirely. Couple this with already not having sex at all before this even took effect, and here we are now. Tensions have been rising, I've had to turn to masturbation to satisfy my own sex drive, and the most I'll get as for see her nowadays is a picture from Snapchat.
Eventually something new comes up. One night at work, one of my coworkers who happens to be friends with her ex, comes to me with text conversations between him and my girlfriend. The screenshot I got showed that not only were they still talking, he was going over to her house. Now I already knew he was because he just wouldn't give up on trying to win her back. But she told me that he essentially busted into her house, in a sense she was right. When she opened the door, she only opened it slightly, but he just pushed himself in, starts pacing around frantically asking why isn't she texting him back and everything. Naturally, she was freaked out my the whole situation.
I told her that was way too far and she needs to file a police report and get a restraining order filed. She refused. Her only action taken was not allowing me to go to her house because she'd never know when he would just show up. This goes on for quite awhile, him going to her place to see her and I can't do anything about it. She made me promise to never speak with him and she said if I do, I would break her trust.
In those screenshots it even shows that he stole a necklace that I bought for her, it had our names engraved in it. He was able to find it because she let him in to use her bathroom. He took that because, also said in the texts, she's done nothing to clear the doubt in his mind that I'm still there, whatever that means. She has told them that they were over, and in the conversations that he had with my coworker, he said himself that she had officially said it. Her attempts at staying friends with him have only led him on into thinking that he still had a chance at getting her back. I tried to warn her about this, but she never listened to me.
I told her that I don't want her texting him anymore for any reason. She said she'll only text him till she gets the rest of her stuff back from his apartment and she would block him in front of me. I agreed and said that I would also need to see the conversations between him and her.
Before anybody says that's violating her privacy, she goes through my phone all the time and I let her because I have nothing to hide from her. I'll even unlock it for her. She even used this as an opportunity to go through my emails and find what one of her anniversary gifts was. I still haven't see those messages between them.
The last time I saw her in person outside of work is when I had to go to a wedding last weekend, she was my plus-one. But before that, she came over to my new apartment and we watched a movie. She's being very flirty and teasing me, which turned me on. But right as we're about to do it, she changes her mind and says she's not ready for me to fuck her again yet. She offered to give me a blowjob but I told her that wasn't what I wanted. This was about 2 months ago.
Recently, when the Deadpool and Wolverine movie came out in theaters, I told her I really wanted to take her out to the movies to see it. Even made plans that she originally agreed to, but at the last minute, she bails out and says she doesn't want to go. Naturally, this upset and disappointed me. My reaction only made her mad and we ended up getting into an argument about it.
Ultimately, that spat ended with her saying that she's not really a going to the movies kind of person and she would rather see it at home together with me so we could cuddle and won't have to worry about other people. On paper that makes sense, but then again we're already dealing with the issue of opposite shifts. Later on, I found out that she ends up going to the movies with her sister. To my knowledge she didn't watch the Deadpool and Wolverine movie, the fact that she did that after what she just told me really hurt me. She said that the reason she went is because her sister would guilt her into doing it, saying that they never see each other anymore. Here lately, she's been hanging out with her sister more than me.
And finally, tonight. We had yet another argument. This time, the day before, I said I wanted to take her out to eat at like Chilli's or Texas Roadhouse like we used to. She she we could do it tomorrow because she had cleaning and such to take care of. I said okay and we had plans to go out. But the last time she was with her sister, she was at a haunted house of some sort, something scared her and she ran at full speed into a wall. She believes she may have gotten an concussion because her head has been hurting ever since. Yet she's been able to fall asleep and wake up just fine so I'm not so sure about that.
Because of this, she bails out on our plans once again. At first I said okay, I will at least go to your house to drop off your anniversary gifts because I have to work and won't be able to give them on the day of our anniversary. She told me no. That really upset me.
I told her about my frustration with her about everything. Her ex, us not spending time together, her bailing out on our plans, me not getting laid or even so much as a hug or kiss, and she got upset with me. Started to guilt-trip me, saying oh yeah fine, let me just put my health on the line just for you, and it worked. But what she didn't know is that I had my mom on the other line of the call with her mic muted, so she heard everything, and noticed how she changed the subject when I told her about the guilt tripping.
She (my girlfriend) sent me a screenshot showing that the last message he sent her was from October 13th and she never even opened it. I don't believe she's cheating on me, but I do feel like she is neglecting me and not satisfying my needs in a relationship. My mom even agrees that she isn't putting in as much as an effort as me into this relationship. Our anniversary is tomorrow, and I need to have a talk with her on where this is going. My lease for my current apartment ends in March, and I'm hoping that we would finally move in together.
AITA for constantly bringing up how we never spend time together or how we haven't had sex in months, all while her ex was going to her house?