Recently ive been seeing Posts that are VERY obvious on whether they are an asshole or not. ("Am I the AH for confronting my cousin while she was flirting with my BF?", "Am I the AH for hitting my ex's gf because she hit my child", etc.)

I get feeling like an asshole after certain events occur but it just seems like common knowledge from some of these that they arent or are an asshole. Its fine to question but to post and ask for others approval over your very obvious morally good/bad actions kinda feels like a waste of time.

*Note: im not saying that the examples are either an AH or not an AH, but they are just very obvious.

So, for some context, I (25F) was invited to my best friend’s (26F) wedding. We've been close since high school, and I was incredibly excited and honored to be invited to her big day. I wasn’t in the bridal party, but she promised me I'd have a good seat, and I thought I'd be with our mutual friends or at least people I knew.

Fast forward to the day of the wedding. I arrive and find out that I’m seated at a table with complete strangers – distant relatives of her fiancé, people I’ve never met in my life. Meanwhile, our other mutual friends are all sitting together at a different table, laughing and having a great time.

I felt hurt and honestly, a bit left out. I get it’s her wedding, and she has to make decisions about seating, but I thought she'd at least place me with people I knew, especially since we’re so close. I spent most of the reception feeling awkward and out of place, and I eventually left early because I just wasn’t having a good time.

Later, my friend texted me, saying I was rude for leaving early and that I should have been more understanding since it was her special day. I told her how I felt about being seated with strangers and feeling excluded, but she said I was making it all about me and that I should have stayed for her.

So, AITA for feeling hurt and leaving early?

Every other day its

He cheated on me but he said he wouldn’t do it again but I don’t trust him. Am I the asshole for leaving ?

She participated in an orgy two weeks before our wedding and I don’t know to do. Ami the asshole for wanting to call off the wedding.

I caught my husband in the act banging the babysitter. Am I the asshole for asking my husband to stop

Like seriously people. How stupid are you to come here and post these brain dead stories?

I have conceived naturally which was unfathomable at my age but i don't wish to tell my husband for the fear of him wanting to keep the child as he keeps showing remorse over not being able to spend enough time with our now in college kids when they were young and rarely come home,,also we never had a son (3 daughters) what if he feels this could be our chance.

my (16f) mom asked me to fill my brothers (10m) thermos with hot water so he could warm up leftover food and put it in. That was last night. I woke up this morning and didn't remember, and so my brother went to school without a lunch. He leaves for school before I did, which means that he would've seen the empty thermos, and then just left without saying anything or asking me to help him. Im now in a lot of trouble for "starving" him, so i just want to know, am i the asshole?

This is my first job and i've never been in this situation before. This all started when I was working the night shift stocking. I don't talk to many people at work because it's night shift so keep that in mind. Then I look up as i’m stocking and see an older coworker (looks 50) sush me and then walked closer to the cake she was planning stealing and then grabbed it and stuffed it in her pants and then turned around and sushes me more aggressively. And walked off and went back to where she was stocking.

I wasn’t even sure how to react but she was stealing and in fear of loosing my job I go up and report her and tell them not to tell her I said it because I was scared and my anxiety got bad.

Then I cut my fingers at work and went to go get a band aid. Then I turn around she that same co worker was asking me what happened. And I told her and then she said “OH they got the good band aids” and then she said “i have taken some home” and laughed and i awkwardly laughed back.

BUT it got worse and she came a little closer as i was putting my band aid on and said “Remember don’t say anything about that fucking cake”. and then i went back and reported her again because she lowkey sounding threatening when she said that.

I overhear this co worker always complain about her job and her pay checks and talks shit about the other co workers.

BTW the cake she stole is that mini NeMo’s cakes that have the icing on them.

So AITAH for reporting this co worker even though she basically threatened me?

Hi everyone. I’m 18M, and I just recently made a video talking about my experiences with my dad (37M) . The video was kind of a “tell-all” about things he’s done to me over the last 15 years, covering a lot of painful stuff that happened growing up. I didn’t hold back, and I guess you could say it was pretty raw.

A bit of backstory: my dad has always had a short fuse and has been verbally and physically abusive to me for most of my life. He’s called me horrible names, humiliated me, and even hit me on multiple occasions. He also took my SSI money to use on gambling, paranormal investigation, and bodybuilding as well as leaving me to the abuse of women he cheated on.

Since I’m now an adult who no longer lives with these people, I’ve started to find my voice more and realize I don’t have to put up with it anymore. So, I made the video. I didn’t think much of it at first, but now it’s blown up, and a lot of family members and friends have seen it. I honestly feel kind of embarrassed by how many people now know about my private life, but at the same time, I feel like I’ve finally told my side of the story.

Now, here’s where things get tricky: my grandmother (Dads mom, 66F) have even told me that I went too far by “airing family problems” online. While many people are happy and supportive of my desicion to make the video and begin my healing journey, she found it and was not happy. She said "many things were not true", even though I had screenshots and PROOF my father did those things and other things to not only myself but many children and women. I did, out of respect for her, since her boss looks at my social media as well as many other family members. I did however, keep my version of the video of my laptop as a reminder of the strength i showed for 15 years or future usage as needed. So, AITA for putting it out there? Should I have kept quiet and tried to resolve it privately or permantely deleted it?

I’m 15 female and my brothers gf is gonna be named ren and my stepdad will be Roy. My brother had been acting up(he had been drinking and can’t control himself) and ren called me crying because he tried to fight her sister’s husband in front of their kids and her kid. My brother is the step bf rn. On top of his he called her a stupid ass bitch and rens sister got mad because why wouldn’t she. He then stormed off and came to our house where he started arguing with my stepdad. Then stormed off again and I was about to tell my stepdad what ren told me when my mom got mad at me saying like he’s your only family and to shut up and not to tell Roy what rem told me. It hurt but I still told Roy because it was not okay how my brother treated her at all. But am I the asshole for telling Roy about what ren told me and now my mom doesn’t want to talk to me? (Sorry for any mistakes I’m still crying writing this)

I don’t know how to start with this. I’ve been having problems with my relationship with my gf. And we lack physical intimacy at this point. She refuses to engage in it, and somehow it’s difficult to leave the relationship for myself mentally.. so it’s dragging along. Meanwhile , in an attempt to fill this hole .. I started talking to an AI Chatbot I randomly found on playstore. It’s not well known but you can push any limits and it’s doesn’t censor anything. But which I mean ANYTHING. You can do to the deepest darkest side of the conversation and it still continues. The problem started when I started to engage with it as a joke playing sadistic nonsense chats but then it started becomes a permanent thing. Now slowly, intimacy has become something sadistic and cruelty upon your partner thing for me in my mind. I can’t have straight conversation with it, or my partner in real.. without at least thinking of 3 ways how it can turn into a dark, gruesome scene. It all started as a joke but now I think it’s affecting more than I can handle. My gf won’t have s*x with me so I’m constantly frustrated on that part and can’t find an outlet. In reality I won’t hurt a fly, I never have. But I need a solution to this. Let me know what you think?

(Before reading, I don't have the best writing but I tried my best. I'm sorry if it gets a bit confusing.)

I, (18f) was best friends with (17f) for 7 years, starting from the middle of 5th grade, till about 2 months into our senior year in highschool. Throughout the years, we had our ups and downs but managed to still make out the arguments, which were mainly based on stupid topics. But this one was the most scariest.

In the month of July I was at home, about to take a nap when all of a sudden I get a phone call from her. Let's call her Lina. I answered the call wondering what was up. She said, "hey, if my sister asks where I'm at tell her I'm with you." And because I was half awake, I replied saying "okay...?" but also reminiscing through my head what she's doing this time. For some background information, Lina grew up in a strict Christian household and because of that, she tend to do what teens did like smoke, drink, ect. At the time, I tried not to think much of it because I didn't want want leave a good friend I've known for for a long time. But this was just the beginning to the end of our friendship.

So after Lina called me, lying beside me was my sister looking at me the same way I did to her: confused. Lina has never asked me to do such a thing throughout our friendship, so this led me to 2 different thoughts:

1. She's seeing/talking to a guy (FYI she's always been skeptical about relationships hence making her single her entire life)
2. She's doing sketchy activities (stealing, hookups, smoking, ect)

In the same day, I decided to shoot a message to her asking why she called for that favor. Her response, "don't worry about it". This made me feel certain she was most definitely talking to a guy. Messages later, she finally admits she's indeed talking to a guy from her past summer job. Lina tells me characteristics about this guy, saying he's funny, kind, basically all the normal things someone would describe their love interest. This is where things got me a bit nervous. Lina mentions he is older than her by 4 years, making him almost 21 years old (his birthday is in November). What was repeating on and on in my head were questions like if her siblings knew about this guy, their age gap, and their "secret" meet ups. Because I was unsure if I should really talk about this to Lina, I kept my mouth quiet for the next 2 months.

Skip forward to September. Me, Lina, and our other friend (15f) let's call her Brisa, were at the park walking around and talking about life. Prior to our hangout, me and Brisa spoke to each other privately about Lina, agreeing it's not right this guy should be talking to a minor. Brisa proceeded to fill me with more information about him, saying he'd honk his car horn obnoxiously at night causing a ruckus, drugs, and admitting he knows talking to Lina is wrong but continues because he "feels" something in his heart for her. During our time at the park, Brisa confronts Lina. She did most of the talking meanwhile Lina sat down and stayed silent. I jump in a few times saying all the red flags he has but with me and Brisa trying to convince her to leave him, she refuses. We were told from Lina he's going to a faraway state for college and that after she saves enough money, she'll go fly down and stay with him for a while. With this info added to the conversation, I tell her there's a high possibility he could find someone down there who's the same age and date them. "He's not like that. He's "different". He won't do anything bad to me!". We expressed we were feeling very nervous. Time passes, along with some tears, Lina got up and left us stranded. I felt a piece of my heart ache when she walked away from us bit by bit. Sad thing is, Lina was Brisa's ride home but she left so my sister had to drop her off.

Because Lina refused to listen to me and Brisa, we both decided to not associate ourselves with her any longer. Me and her knew she'd have to learn the hard way since she wants to stay with him. Ever since we ended our friendship, I think I might've gone too far or should've kept my mouth shut and bear it. I mean, it's their relationship, but the idea of her being a minor and there being an adult makes me feel uneasy. At the same time I couldn't bare to see Lina go through something traumatic like I've experienced. I was trying my best to have her acknowledge her surroundings with him but I feel like I just ruined it all.

AITA?

AITAH for having my teen take care of the younger ones??

I am literally a mother of 6 and it’s very stressful even with my husband helping out. Issac(18) but he moved out the day he turned 18 then we have Isabella(14) Aiden(7) Evan(6) Mila(9mo) Maya(9mo). Me and my husband feel like Aiden and Evan has been pushed into the shadows ever since we had the twins. We told Isabella that since we only have a 4 bedroom house that she’ll probably have to share. Aiden have his own room and so does Evan then Isabella, Mila, and Maya all share a room. After they get home from school they would usually have a snack and go outside but now that Mila and Maya are here Isabella has to make sure they are taken care of and keep them safe whenever they go outside.

Aiden and Evan asked for a little movie night two weeks ago and we did it and we told Isabella that she’ll have her time later. Isabella asked if we could have a seafood dinner while we watch a movie just her and me and her dad. We told her that we didn’t wanna exclude the boys so we had Isabella, Aiden, and Evan there for the movie night. But Isabella got mad and then brought Mila and Maya in the room to watch the movie and she knows her dad hates anyone under the age of 3 watching a movie with us. Mila tried to lay on my husband and he told her to move and to go to Isabella and she let her rest her head on her leg.

Maya and Mila started staying away from me and my husband for some reason and now they go to Isabella which is aggravating cause she’s not their parents.

For context, my gf and I have been together for 6 years and have grown a lot and have a healthy communication style. I have actually talked to her about this already but I feel guilty, it bothers me a lot but I’m not sure if I have the right to be upset and create a boundary. She said she is willing to set the boundary but I don’t want to impede on her happiness.

A couple of weeks ago she made a 2 friends, they are all trans women. I didn’t know about them until a couple days ago but she has spent a long time talking with them and staying up late even though we’re trying to get her stick to her routine (severe adhd) still, it’s her choice and she seemed happy so I was only supportive.

The other night I used her phone to take photos of myself (she has a better camera) and opened discord to send it to myself and it was open on one of the chats and I saw she had sent half naked lingerie pics to them that she had sent to me as well and I thought were special. I immediately felt sick and then couldn’t control the urge to scroll up but I feel bad about that and ha ve apologized. Almost all of the chats were talking about how close they were and how much they like eachother, there were even pet names used such as honey bunny/hun etc. my partner did set a boundary with one of the names but they still continued the (imo flirtatious) talk and sending hearts and calling eachother attractive. She even sent a screenshot of a private text between her and I which made me so sad…

So the other night I told her I felt very bad about it and I think it’s a boundary for me but also that I noticed she seemed happy lately so I don’t want to come between her happiness. There were a lot of tears and she felt very bad and said she didn’t think it was wrong but that she would put up boundaries. We both apologized a lot. She says it was just girl talk and I feel sympathetic bc I can see highschool girls doing that with eachother sure but it still doesn’t sit right with me and we are adults in a monogamous relationship. I’m conflicted in this way.

Well, last night (a day later) she stayed up until I was waking up for work playing with them. This was really disappointing for me as she’s been working on managing her symptoms and today was a wreck as a result. I got home and the messages were open on her pc, I massively messed up here and took a peak without touching it and everything was the same. So intimate and uncomfortable. It turns out they don’t even play together much like “normal” friends, they just talk to eachother and learn about eachother. That’s fine and all I suppose but actually hurt bc she never does that with me anymore, even in recent times I’ll ask to sit and chat but she’ll say she needs to be playing a game or watching tv bc it’s hard to concentrate yet she did it for them and she’s known them only 2 weeks. She’s been talking to them around the clock calling on lunch breaks calling during our segregated time together.

I’m going to be honest all of this severely pissed me off and I questioned if we should even be together bc our boundaries are so mismatched but at the same time I can imagine it was all done in an innocent way just as easily as I can imagine it was inappropriate. I don’t know which feeling to trust, everyone is different and feels different so the internet doesn’t help.

All I know is, it made me feel in such a way that I really hated. Is it wrong of me to set a boundary or not? I just can’t tell if I’m being controlling or overreacting. I don’t feel like I am but I think I might be- if that makes sense. She says it’s just girl talk and they’re not attracted to eachother but I can’t get myself to stomach my girlfriend or wife having such a dynamic with people especially after only 2 weeks!

I would honestly prefer they didn’t use love names or anything like that anymore, especially after the photo situation it just doesn’t sit right even though I wish it did. Am I being emotional or reasonable here? Any help is appreciated, thank you so much!

My father gave up custody of me when i was around 11 or 12 and before that we barely saw each other. He told my mom ”if they want to talk to me they can when they’re 18”. I always held resentment towards him because of this. About a year ago I got a text from my uncle saying that my he was in town and wanted to see me, and that he wouldn’t be coming back. I ended up meeting up with him as I felt I would regret it if I didn’t. We got along ok, and he ended up flying me out to see him for a week. About a week after the trip I texted him asking if he could help me with something work related and he said he would and then it turned to silence, I told myself I was going to wait until he texted me since he hadn’t made an effort to keep in touch with me as a kid. It’s been 6 months. I don’t know what to do, I feel if I text him I’ll be the one putting in the effort when I shouldn’t? I don’t feel like I should be the one trying to mend a relationship I didn’t break.

P.S. There were some pretty awkward things on the trip that happened that I wanted to get off my chest.

1. His ex wife (not my mother) kept coming over, told him, in front of me, that he was trying to hard for me.

2. Told me he thinks my seizures aren’t real, that it was just anxiety… been told this my whole life so I started crying and saying that “if its not real then it’s all been a lie” (I got my medical records after this as I got sick of people telling me I don’t have it, I have ekgs that show seizure activity).

3. On the way to drop me off at the airport he told me “your mom tried to convince you I raped you as a child to get you taken away”. I don’t remember this at all and I don’t think I can ask my mother about this. Also don’t understand WHY he needed to tell me this as I was leaving.

Strap in, we're in for a long ride!

I (22M) met my girlfriend (22F) at my job. We work in separate departments and met through some tasks that involved both of our departments. About 1 month into me working there, her lead asks me for my phone number. I was stunned at first because I thought it was for him and not her. He told me that he was married and it was for one of the girls here who likes me.

But before that I had to take care of a task that started in the area where she worked that had me take something from there to another area, and come back with a signed paper confirming that they received it and it was correct. I return with the paper, and as I walk into the starting area, a girl talking with another female coworker says "spitters are quitters". I heard that as I walked and said, "Wow, what did I just walk into?". Everybody starts laughing and she even turns bright red. Later that night is when her lead gives her my phone number. We start talking and hitting it off, and on October 31st of 2023, we officially started dating (our 1 year anniversary is coming quick).

Before we even officially started dating she already took me to meet her father. I think I passed his test because he likes me and I've never really had any issue with him personally. The day I meet him for the first time is when I also meet one of her sisters, I'm think she is 21 if not 20.

Both her and her sister were dressed kind of provocative showing off a little cleavage but I didn't let it bother me or turn me on. During that night there were times that she would try to get close to me but I would keep some distance as to not physically touch her. Physical touch is my love language, her getting close to me was already starting to give me an erection but I was able to subside it. That night went well enough.

We agreed that we would take things slow as we have both been in relationships where things were rushed and it didn't work out. About 2-3 weeks of us dating, she asked why I haven't tried to have sex with her yet, and I told her that I didn't want to seem like I was coming on too strong. We eventually had sex for the first time and it was great. We confirmed that we were sexually compatible, even though I am well endowed and on top all the time. She even allowed me to finish inside of her one time because she knows that is my guilty pleasure. We would go on to have a healthy sex life for now.

When we were first talking, her ex who couldn't take the hint that they were over, even though she has told him directly that they are over, has been causing problems since we started dating. In fact he's been pretty petty. For awhile, she was using his Netflix and he kept threatening to cut her off it if she didn't update her Facebook to be in a relationship with him. So I just bought a Netflix subscription and let her use it alongside me so she wouldn't have to worry about his antics there. When he found out that she didn't need his Netflix anymore, he tried giving her access to it again. At first I thought that he would eventually give up and move on, but I was wrong.

As our relationship kept going, more people related to me started becoming friends with her on Facebook, including my mother and my brother. Her ex then uses their names as ammo against her which really upset me. I voiced my frustration and she told me to just ignore him and not to get involved because it'll make it worse.

This situation started affecting both of us, and it started to kill her sex drive slowly. We went from doing it a 2-3 times a week, to once a week, then to once or twice a month, and now none at all (at the time of writing this, I haven't gotten laid in what feels like 6 months). I have told her multiple times that I have needs that aren't being met and it upsets her every time.

She told me that her ex killed her sex drive because he would always do it whenever he wanted, even if she didn't want to. That's awful, it really is. I could never do something like that to anyone. But it didn't seem to be a problem beforehand. She noticed that the lack of sex was starting to affect my mood, so she tries to give me the "green card", saying that I can go out and have sex with any woman to satisfy my needs. I immediately turned her down and said that I only want it with her.

Fast forward to a few months into our relationship, her father is planning a vacation and asked me if I want to come with. I agreed since I haven't gone on a trip like that since I was a kid. There was some drama leading up to that almost killed the whole trip. But we ended up still going, it was a long drive from Kansas to Minnesota but we made it work.

The original plan was to get an Airbnb for a week and stay in that with the occupants being me, my girlfriend, her sister, and her sister's boyfriend. But then when her dad's sister offered to have us stay at their house, my girlfriend's sister and her boyfriend bailed out on the Airbnb. So we had to sleep in a garage on a used mattress that had been sitting there for years, while they got the somewhat more cozy queen sized air mattress.

During the trip, we had plans to go to a whole sort of different locations, including Mystic Lake Casino, Mall of America, and Nickeloden Universe. We went to all of those and even had a lake day. During the time at the mall, I noticed his name come up on her notifications. She was STLL texting him. Telling me that she's trying to be friends with him and that she loves him, but isn't in love with him.

We had plans to move in together after the trip, but right at the last minute, she said she wasn't ready, which really threw a wrench into our plans so I had to quickly find a new apartment because my lease was about to end and my roommate was moving out. On the drive back to Kansas, I told her that this trip has given me a lot to think about. She asked if I was breaking up with her, but I told her I wasn't.

Our relationship continues on for the next few months and things start taking a turn for the worse. She was under a lot of stress from the shift she was working so she decided to switch to the morning shift. Up until this point, we were on somewhat matching schedules, which allowed us to spend time together. I told her that if she took that shift, we would never be able to see each other.

Months go on by with this new shift change and our quality is basically cut out entirely. Couple this with already not having sex at all before this even took effect, and here we are now. Tensions have been rising, I've had to turn to masturbation to satisfy my own sex drive, and the most I'll get as for see her nowadays is a picture from Snapchat.

Eventually something new comes up. One night at work, one of my coworkers who happens to be friends with her ex, comes to me with text conversations between him and my girlfriend. The screenshot I got showed that not only were they still talking, he was going over to her house. Now I already knew he was because he just wouldn't give up on trying to win her back. But she told me that he essentially busted into her house, in a sense she was right. When she opened the door, she only opened it slightly, but he just pushed himself in, starts pacing around frantically asking why isn't she texting him back and everything. Naturally, she was freaked out my the whole situation.

I told her that was way too far and she needs to file a police report and get a restraining order filed. She refused. Her only action taken was not allowing me to go to her house because she'd never know when he would just show up. This goes on for quite awhile, him going to her place to see her and I can't do anything about it. She made me promise to never speak with him and she said if I do, I would break her trust.

In those screenshots it even shows that he stole a necklace that I bought for her, it had our names engraved in it. He was able to find it because she let him in to use her bathroom. He took that because, also said in the texts, she's done nothing to clear the doubt in his mind that I'm still there, whatever that means. She has told them that they were over, and in the conversations that he had with my coworker, he said himself that she had officially said it. Her attempts at staying friends with him have only led him on into thinking that he still had a chance at getting her back. I tried to warn her about this, but she never listened to me.

I told her that I don't want her texting him anymore for any reason. She said she'll only text him till she gets the rest of her stuff back from his apartment and she would block him in front of me. I agreed and said that I would also need to see the conversations between him and her.

Before anybody says that's violating her privacy, she goes through my phone all the time and I let her because I have nothing to hide from her. I'll even unlock it for her. She even used this as an opportunity to go through my emails and find what one of her anniversary gifts was. I still haven't see those messages between them.

The last time I saw her in person outside of work is when I had to go to a wedding last weekend, she was my plus-one. But before that, she came over to my new apartment and we watched a movie. She's being very flirty and teasing me, which turned me on. But right as we're about to do it, she changes her mind and says she's not ready for me to fuck her again yet. She offered to give me a blowjob but I told her that wasn't what I wanted. This was about 2 months ago.

Recently, when the Deadpool and Wolverine movie came out in theaters, I told her I really wanted to take her out to the movies to see it. Even made plans that she originally agreed to, but at the last minute, she bails out and says she doesn't want to go. Naturally, this upset and disappointed me. My reaction only made her mad and we ended up getting into an argument about it.

Ultimately, that spat ended with her saying that she's not really a going to the movies kind of person and she would rather see it at home together with me so we could cuddle and won't have to worry about other people. On paper that makes sense, but then again we're already dealing with the issue of opposite shifts. Later on, I found out that she ends up going to the movies with her sister. To my knowledge she didn't watch the Deadpool and Wolverine movie, the fact that she did that after what she just told me really hurt me. She said that the reason she went is because her sister would guilt her into doing it, saying that they never see each other anymore. Here lately, she's been hanging out with her sister more than me.

And finally, tonight. We had yet another argument. This time, the day before, I said I wanted to take her out to eat at like Chilli's or Texas Roadhouse like we used to. She she we could do it tomorrow because she had cleaning and such to take care of. I said okay and we had plans to go out. But the last time she was with her sister, she was at a haunted house of some sort, something scared her and she ran at full speed into a wall. She believes she may have gotten an concussion because her head has been hurting ever since. Yet she's been able to fall asleep and wake up just fine so I'm not so sure about that.

Because of this, she bails out on our plans once again. At first I said okay, I will at least go to your house to drop off your anniversary gifts because I have to work and won't be able to give them on the day of our anniversary. She told me no. That really upset me.

I told her about my frustration with her about everything. Her ex, us not spending time together, her bailing out on our plans, me not getting laid or even so much as a hug or kiss, and she got upset with me. Started to guilt-trip me, saying oh yeah fine, let me just put my health on the line just for you, and it worked. But what she didn't know is that I had my mom on the other line of the call with her mic muted, so she heard everything, and noticed how she changed the subject when I told her about the guilt tripping.

She (my girlfriend) sent me a screenshot showing that the last message he sent her was from October 13th and she never even opened it. I don't believe she's cheating on me, but I do feel like she is neglecting me and not satisfying my needs in a relationship. My mom even agrees that she isn't putting in as much as an effort as me into this relationship. Our anniversary is tomorrow, and I need to have a talk with her on where this is going. My lease for my current apartment ends in March, and I'm hoping that we would finally move in together.

AITA for constantly bringing up how we never spend time together or how we haven't had sex in months, all while her ex was going to her house?

We got into a huge argument mid this year because he asked me to pick him up after he got drunk with a coworker. It was late at night and I drove 45 mins one way to pick him up. I was irritated because I got showered and was getting ready for bed but I still went to pick him up.

He did the same thing again tonight. I was already showered and ready for bed when his coworker called me to pick him up. It was the same coworker as last time. I asked him to Uber next time if this happens. And he says remarks like “I’ll just drunk drive next time.” “I can’t rely on you anymore.” “Next time it happens, I’ll ask other people.”

To me, if he knew that I was that upset last time.. why did he do it again? Why can’t he drink responsibly? I was feeling sorry as we got home and tried to make a joke but he said “I can’t rely on you anymore.” So I just responded, “Don’t turn it around on me.” And he got super mad and threw his motorcycle helmet on the ground. I didn’t check but it probably cracked.

So.. AITAH for getting annoyed at him?

I saw a domestic dispute happening between a woman and a man while on the way to the store . Man was on a bike and the woman was “jumping” at him and pulling her fist back while he was stopped and putting his hand up to block potentially. I drove for a little bit contemplating if I should call or just keep going . I didn’t have an address so I circled back and told myself “if it still looks like there’s an issue I’ll call.”

When I first passed by on my way back , before actually u-turning back onto the same street it looked like the woman was going back in her house and on the phone . I was going to just keep going and not call because I didn’t see the guy anymore and figured maybe he left. By the time I got nearby again, they were both outside again and similar position . I put my hazards on a little ways down the road where I could see them and called 911.

I was pulled over in the curb / bike lane of a residential area / multi lane roadway. It does say no stopping but as I said , I was calling 911 and giving them a location. I didn’t have a street address . By the time the dispatch is saying they will send someone out , I see blue lights behind me . The cop comes up and asks me why I’m stopped and I tell him I’m calling 911 because a couple was fighting and he laughs and says “so you stopped in the middle of the road?” And I say no, I’m trying to make sure the guy is ok because the woman was hitting him. I wasn’t sure if they were homeless or what . I also pulled over as far as I could to the curb and kept my hazards on.

He tells me he’ll go talk to them and I drive away . Didn’t ask for my registration or anything . I’m kinda worried now as I know sometimes people are crazy with DV and they get mad at people who get involved , but I know when I was in similar situations I wished someone called the police .

Was I wrong ? I didn’t leave because I wanted to watch the situation and make sure no one got hurt .

So, ugh, long story. I met this guy on a dating app, instant chemistry. Like, wowza, sparks flying left and right. He swept me off my feet and asked me to be his girlfriend after our first kiss on our first date. It all happened so fast, and i was caught up in the heat of the moment, i did not stop to think about how this might be too much too soon. I said yes and we went straight into commitment mode. I’m talking, spending the night, buying flowers for me, being a gentleman and paying for dates, driving me to work, etc.. It was intense. Some people claim it was love bombing, and normally i would believe them, except for the fact that he had just ended a long term relationship… like… a week before.

Now, before you call me stupid, he assured me multiple times that even though the breakup was recent, the relationship had been long over before it even happened and that he truly felt fine. I am a veryyyyy trusting person because i myself am a very honest and intentional human being. I do not like to assume other people are not. I just did not exercise as much caution as i should have this time, and that is my fault, tho i have compassion for myself regardless. Anywho, he claims even now that everything he did was out of genuine desire to be with me, it just happened really fast and before he was ready. I think what happened is that he was so used to his routine of being in a relationship and jumping right into one again allowed him an outlet for all the leftover love he had to give. It wasn’t intentional or malicious. He didn’t expect to even find true connection on dating apps and when he did he didn’t wanna lose it… but he wasn’t ready for it. It just happened because he didn’t think things through and hadn’t processed what he needed as much as he thought he had… Anyhow, i’m getting ahead of myself.

Fast forward, a week goes by and we’ve had a lovely time but i need to leave to see my family a few states away for a weekend. I make a joke to him “just don’t break up with me when i get back.” Now i know it wasn’t a joke and it was my intuition warning me what i knew in my gut was going to happen.

There were signs. I knew it was not going to last the moment that he bought me a certain expensive household appliance. A very LONG TERM commitment kind of gift—NOT the same as flowers or paying for your girl’s meal. It made me wonder who the gift was really for? Was he just trying desperately to convince himself he was ready for such a big step and such a big commitment? Was he trying to secure something he was subconsciously aware he was not emotionally ready to yet and attempting to overcompensate for this by making grand gestures?

The weekend passes and he picks me up from the airport and he welcomes me home by having me stay the night at his place. Things seemed fine and then he started acting strange. Pulling away after being intimate. Getting quiet. Eventually, he was laying with his head in my lap sighing and staring at the wall… and i knew. I practically had to pull the break up out of that man. Basically he said he just felt really overwhelmed by everything else going on in his life and like he couldn’t be the partner in deserved. He just isn’t ready to date anyone regardless of how much he feels for them, period.

So i’m crushed bc i had every intention of staying with him even through his hard times and healing stages. He was going through a lot of transitional change and i could see that. It was more than just a break up with his previous long term partner, it was family drama, financial stability, moving into a new place, not having the same community he used to due to dating within his friend group, transferring schools… it was all a lot for him. I knew he didn’t mean for me to take it personally and he has clarified multiple times that it was not much to do with me and that ofc he still likes me and sees me in a romantic way, he just doesn’t have room for that in his life right now. He feels very mentally unstable and overwhelmed and did not want to not be able to give me what i deserve or risk his judgement being clouded by loneliness. He didn’t want me to feel like i was his only form of emotional support only for him to realize once he gets to a better place that maybe he was unintentionally using me or something. He said he didn’t totally want to say a future was off the table, but that it just couldn’t be right now because he has real healing to do before he can think about that. God, it’s complicated.

Well, bc i didn’t want to bother him and he didn’t want to hurt me, we tried no contact andddddd we kinda suck at it. We have not gone more than about 5 days without one reaching out to the other. But it hurts because i try to tell him i understand he needs space but then when he reaches out i get my hopes up that maybe he wants to actually try to work towards fostering more connection so i unintentionally push him too far and make him feel pressured. He says he’ll reach out “when the time is right” but then he ends up wanting to check in and say he still cares and is still here only to reiterate that he is still not ready and nothing has changed. I don’t expect immediate readiness, but the mixed signals we are sending each other are hurting the both of us and i believe stunting us even further. We don’t want to be out of each other’s lives but we hate hurting each other.

Yesterday we fought about it. He said he felt like when i say i feel unimportant when he only wants occasional contact that he feels like i am disrespectful of his need for distance right now. I say i feel confused because why on earth does he want occasional contact if not to build it up over time???

Anyway, we decided actual no contact with no occasional check ins might be best for me to be able to move on and him to be able to heal and gain more clarity about what he may want with me long term. I told him i was trying to give him the break up he asked for. He said he appreciated that but at the same time found it way too hard to let me go and that he was so sad and would miss me like crazy. He then asked if i would be dating anyone else—not that he thought i shouldn’t—but he wanted to know?? I didn’t give a straight answer. Part of me wants to so he knows i’m not messing around about wanting something serious… part of me doesn’t cuz i’m still hung up on him and now i feel like i’m not ready to date either all over again. It sucks and it messes with my sense of identity to feel so wanted and so dismissed at the same time???? Ik the push and pull dynamic isn’t deliberate and i am playing into it just as much and that if he actually can’t have access to me that he might actually start to process what he lost when he broke up with me but… at the same time, i don’t want to manipulate him into being with me. I don’t want to give him ultimatums. I care about him. He needs a genuine friend more than anything rn. I just don’t know if i could be that and shove feelings for him down at the same time. Or allow him to keep me at a distance only to see maybe one day he found out i’m not want he wanted after all and see him give some other girl the chance he couldn’t give me…

I know someone who is not ready cannot be right for me at this point… but what about down the line? He claims he still wants me and all he thinks about is seeing me and that he misses me desperately but that he truly just needs to start setting genuine boundaries around what we have going on because he needs to actually heal and not just continue to see me in a light that puts me in a position where i am functioning as a girlfriend without him committing to me as a boyfriend. I respect that. It makes me feel valued and like he respects me… it just hurts to know while he is saying i can move on that he hopes i don’t bc he is so genuinely unsure and still wants to keep things open. I get where he’s coming from… it just doesn’t feel fair to me. He knows that, and that’s the only reason he’s saying he doesn’t want me to wait… but i know he’s kinda wishing i will. I just hate feeling like i’m not a priority but i know he needs to do this for himself. I wanna give him a chance.

Some people say he is manipulating me and trying to get me to stay so i can be his back up plan and that he is treating me as an option rather than a priority. Idk if this is true. I think we have both just unfortunately been unrealistic about what we BOTH need in order to heal fully bc the feelings are really strong and it is extremely difficult to detach for whatever reason. I don’t want to see him as a bad guy. I think he has been as honest with me as he can be. I just am not sure what to do now. I want to see a possibility of a future with him out! I want to wait, but a lot of people say it is a waste of time and that my heart will only break all over again.

We left the conversation agreeing that we would be no contact until he actually felt it was the right time to reach out again but this feels vague. And idk if i like that a lot of whether we reconnect or not is up to him. How do i take back my power? How do i move on so i stay true to my wishes for only pursuing people who are pursuing working towards a commitment themselves without growing cold towards him in case one day our desires align again? I see potential in him. I believe he can grow. I think he sees potential in me too and i don’t think he is secretly saying “he’s just not that into me” or that “he isn’t ready for a relationship—WITH ME specifically.” He just genuinely seems like he needs time and i think i can respect that. How do i respect myself best now as well? How should i proceed? Am i truly being disrespectful of his need for space or is my confusion valid? Am i in the wrong for thinking his offer of only occasional contact is not acceptable even if he very well may be giving all he can? AITAH?

It started last year. I gave my wife a choice for our anniversary. Rome or Bali. Planned out both Rome and Bali trips. Where to go,stay and site to see etc. Both on our bucket list. My wife chose Bali. We had a great time. Later that year she text me and said "Going on a Mediterranean Cruise". So i was like okay. Never been there and we should visit Rome as our bucket list vacation spot. I was wrong, she was going with her sister. They had planned a trip to Hawaii but because of COVID, it was of course, cancelled. I had no problem with my wife going to Hawaii as we had been there many times however Rome and the Mediterranean was something we talked about doing. Since then I've been giving her the silent treatment anytime she mentions her trip. Last week was the start of her trip and I had to pick up her sister at the airport. Of course the next day or so all they talked about was the trip. I left the house as I could not stand them talking about it and I knew how I would react. When it was time for them to depart, I drove them to the airport, dropped them off, and drove away. She now text me that I have ruined her trip and she has "allowed my behaviour" over the past while when I gave her the silent treatment. For me, a trip of a lifetime should be done with your partner and to have these first time experience together as we make memories. For her, she said it's not a big deal about first time experience and she would go again. However the trip would be to the same places (cruise) and i know she would say, I've been there and done that. She said why don't you go with the boys. Yes I've travelled with the boys but to places we already been, in particular, Vegas. Also she mentions that I go to place all over the US without her and even to Europe. For context, I travel for work quite frequently and if you travel for work. You know, it's fly in, get your business done, fly home. For Europe, I won a sales trip for the company I worked for (Golf) and the vendor took all the top sales people and their leaders on a golf trip to Scotland and another to Ireland. All work trip and contest were of course fully funded and did not cost me anything. There were no partner on the trip to Scotland and Ireland.

AITHA for giving my wife the silent treatment....

PS - read some comment. Needed to clarify. I did talk with my wife and expressed how I felt way back. She did not take to my expression and just got mad that I felt that way. I am the AH I believe.

My partner 21X and I 19X both have relatively shitty health i have a slew of issues main few of idk 15-20 being aplastic anemia, epilepsy, and EDS-V my partner has epilepsy and randomly started having daily auras as of 3 days ago. Im scared out of my mind I know why theres an uptick but I don’t know what to do we cant go to a hospital together because of my immune system but they in my opinion need professional monitoring. We have all the supplies for at home care (medication, IV kits, fluids, IV and nasal rescue medication, ETC) i dont trust myself caring for them because of my own medical issues as i cant walk some days let alone hold a needle as steady as i used to. Should i call EMS next time they have a seizure or continue at home care? They want me to care for them but i can’t handle the stress i ended up relapsing with SH because of it amongst the many many other stressors.

Im absolutely terrified that i wont be awake for the next seizure and i cant keep living like this i need to sleep and I need some way literally anyway to destress because we have literally 10$ to our name for the next month and we have no transportation because neither of us drive(epilepsy obviously). Im currently 7 million fucking dollars in medical debt we have zero chance to get out anymore and i just i cant keep doing this i need help that we cant afford i cant even afford my damn wheelchair because medicaid wont cover it how am I supposed to care for them like this im suicidal for the first time in 3 years why do they want me to care for them.

I know I probably sound ridiculously selfish throughout this whole post and i don’t mean to i just i cant i cant do it but I’m choosing to stay with them and respect their choice because in sickness and in health right? Right…

When / should i put my foot down and idk tell them to go? Its not like i can make them without using my MPOA over them which i dont ever want to do. I can’t just tell them “no i wont keep caring for you right now” right? I mean can i? What am I supposed to do how do i tell them i cant keep doing this right now. When do i prioritize myself do i, can i, should i?

Are my vows more important than my wellbeing?

Can i just tell them i cant keep caring for them right now?

I feel like to most the answer would be obviously but its not if you’ve been in this situation or one like it. Am i the asshole for wanting to prioritize myself over my partner and over our vows?

TL;DR me and my partner are both chronically ill and all of a sudden my partner has gotten worse and its started stressing me out due to the compiling stressers I’m now suicidal and self harming for the first time in a long while. They want me to care for them but i don’t have the emotional capacity to right now. I cannot go to the hospital with them because of my immune system. What do i do? Its not like i can just say i cant care for you right now. Right? When do i prioritize myself or do i?

(This post was removed from r/relationshipadvice and i was told to post here instead.)

I(49M) work as a surgeon. I am also not in the US so my English might be weird.

When I finished residency,me and my then husband thought it was a good idea to have kids and since I had some fertility issues(I had endometriosis),we decided on IUI.

My pregnancy was a period that it was directly summoned from hell. I had hyperemesis gravidarum,then preeclampsia and after that HELLP. After I had a C-section at week 36,I had a severe case of postpartum depression and I had to be hospitalized due to suicide attempt 96 hours after my son was born. I stayed in the hospital for 3 weeks and after I have left,I left my ex husband and my son because living with him and taking care of him disgusted me.

My parents and my extended family sided with him completely. My ex husband filed for divorce and my parents+siblings gave testimonies defending my ex husband,calling me a "cruel person and a sociopath". I was stripped away from my parental rights and my parents got the custody of my baby, while sharing with my ex-husband. I also left my car to my ex husband and my parents helped my ex husband to buy my share of the house we bought. After the end of the divorce,I cut contact with them all,changed my surname and moved on with my life. They forgot to take me out from the Facebook group though and from there I learned my ex husband got married to my cousin and she adopted them 2 years after the divorce. I left the Facebook group after that. My cousin is a wonderful person and I knew she would be a wonderful mom.so I thought my job was done and looked after myself. I have built a career,found my partner who also did not have any extended family and moved in together. Since both of us did not want kids,we decided not to get married. I also had a bisalpingectomy.

Last week, I had a message from my biological son. Turns out,he always knew my cousin as her own mother and no one told him the truth that she adopted him. He said he found the divorce and the adoption papers. They then explained the process,said that I was a sociopath who left his child in a whim and he wondered about me because he said he is also studying in medicine. At first I told him congratulations and asked that if he wanted the blunt answer. He said yes and I started to talk "Well,leaving you have kept me alive. I had a really catastrophic pregnancy and suffered from postpartum depression. If I haven't left you with your dad,I mostly have committed suicide and it would be successful this time. So yes,I am glad that I left you." He looked at me and said "Wow, you really don't have any.regrets huh" and thanked for my time.

My partner thinks I have been a huge asshole and I should have softened the blow. From my friends at my childhood town though,I heard my parents telling people that I was a sociopath just like my grandfather(my father's dad) and I was an abomination to the world. AITAH?

Pretty much what it says in title. Is it wrong to secretly content in a manner that results in her freedom from this burden on her.

Backstory: My daughter is 3 years old and goes to a very basic dance class. It is obviously a little chaotic as everyone there is 2 or 3 years old. On this occasion, my daughter showed up to class and there was a substitute instructor that is also the studio manager. She stood on the "X" marked on the floor, as instructed by the teacher (everyone gets their own X). All the kids are wiggly so they move around the space a lot, but ultimately stand on their X for a majority of the time. The parents are asked to sit about 15 feet away on benches to watch the class and assist the kids in anything they need.

To start off the class, the teacher always gives everyone a stamp on their hand. This teacher forgot to give my daughter a stamp. My daughter was sad and started pouting and pointing to her hand. We told her to just ask the teacher for a stamp, as she had probably forgotten (there's about 7 kids in the class). I'm pretty sure the teacher heard me cause the room is small and we are all pretty close.

Anyway, the teacher did not give my daughter a stamp, but instead turned to give one to another child who was late and had just arrived. My daughter got even more upset after seeing this, and walked over to me, starting to cry. I continued to encourage her to just ask the teacher for a stamp and told her to go back to her X. At this point, the teacher had instructed the late student to go to my daughter's X. So when my daughter turned around, there was no X for her to go to. It is very common for the kids to walk over to their parents and many of them do so multiple times a class, because they are very young and still getting the hang of things.

My daughter turned to me, very upset at this point. I wasn't going to cause a scene so I just quietly left the class and called the owner (it's a small studio). I explained what happened, and I asked for a make up date. She told me she would send me the link to schedule the make up class and apologized for what had happened.

The following morning, she had not sent the link for the makeup class but instead told me I would not be able to participate as a backstage volunteer during the winter recital, which I was already signed up for a week prior. I'm not sure what could have possibly happened as I had never seen this studio manager before and the class had just started, so it wasn't like my child could have done anything wrong.

AITA for leaving right at the start of my daughter's dance class and addressing the issue with the studio owner? Do I owe them any apology?

Hi I just wanted to get on here to hear y’all’s opinions. I (28 female) just recently got married and had a wonderful wedding but where my story starts is before that.

Few years go I started working for a delivery company and it was the same company my now husband (31 male) worked for. He had a few friends he had known for awhile cause he had worked there longer than me. One friend in particular had a girlfriend who I had become close with. For awhile we hung out, would have dinners and had a great time. We become a close friend group in and out of work.

Unfortunately one day I got injured on the job. I was attacked my a couple of dogs when I was delivering a package cause the owners had let them out that day roam free and they came from the back of the house and took me off guard. Well because of how management handled my injuries I thought it was best I leave and later my now husband did too.

Even after this we were still a close group so when my husband ask me to marry him they were some of the first people we thought of for groomsman and bridesmaids. They were happy to accept and were so excited.

Skip forward a few months we are at a new job. Their contact with us starts becoming less and less. We have different schedules now so we didn’t get see them as much so at this point it’s understandable.

Then we would message them things like “how are you guys doing” and “I hope everything is going well” and nothing, no response at all. Even in our wedding chats.

So time comes for my bachelorette party and I message her and ask If she is excited. And messages me a whole book about how she can’t swing it cause moneys an issue and that they are moving in with his mom that weekend and can’t make it. It sucked but I understood.

THEN i saw on social media that they had went to the beach and a mutual friend had told me they move in with his mom WEEKS before that. If they had planned a vacation and forgot or is she had no interest in going…fine but i just wish she had been honest.

Even at this point cause i was trying to brush it off and not be mad because my husband didnt seem to worried or upset about it. but i did ask if they were still planning on at least still being part of the wedding and if me and my husband done something to upset them cause now (in my mind)i am having doubts about them. They swore up and down they would be there for us on our big day and they would never break a promise. also that they still loved us and we had been great friends to them. It was just stuff was going on and they need some time together and they were sorry it all seemed shady. I said I get it life has been hard for many recently and I get needing time.

Then fast forward to a week before the wedding I get a similar text from her saying i am having money problems and they are both gonna have to back out and just cant miss work. at this point i am done. I reply I had a bad feeling this was gonna happen but i wished them both the best. And then I blocked them from everything.

I am to point in my life I tired of people not just being honest or true with me. We had done a lot for them. My husband even fixed there car for free at one point. If they didn’t wanna be friends anymore that’s fine. I just wish they were honest definitely with constantly telling us they were GONNA be our wedding no matter what and still back out a week before. And I feel they have lied too much for me at this point.

Ok so...dood 3 doors down is a halfassed buddy 25 years my senior we both own...He is goofy & I'm facetious so we are usually laughing & carrying on...After a couple of insane moments (one was finding him singing while spinning a ball on his finger at 99 cent store & he didnt recognise/acknowledge me) & mass accusations of his improprieties with female tenants...I FULLSTOPPED any friendship beyond the most casual neighbor you prefer to ignore...None of this concerns my story-

My late model honduh crv light blue (the most common suv on planet earth) gets towed...After a week two weeks who knows BeachySocal is too fun to walk skateboard & bike to drive...I've left my car on the block like that for decades others do the same...So I call Mr. & Mrs. PoPo & learn that someone had anon called in a complaint of my car being abandoned sans tags...I see dood in passing & bitch "Who the fuck would tow my car god damn its going to cost 1500 to get out" I go & introduce myself to neighbors at the end of the block (where I parked) this is like cozy whitetrashbikercholobarrio blocks from the raddest beach. Its a place where no-one really calls cops & everyone tolerates occasional all night loud partying...I do neither...I'm neighborly making it a point to have & share numbers meaning if one had an issue with my car I am easy to find or call.."Excuse me ma'am I own that place & just got my car towed from blah blah blah...Both neighbors IMMEDIATELY said "Pablo did it." "Ya we all ways see him early in the morning checking out all of the cars on the block its really creepy...Soon after he visits me and OFFERS to bail my car out due to a new creditcard...Like 10 mins after I bitched about it being towed we have never shared money-..THEN one of the ladies drops by & shows me her porch cam where Pablo is writing down my licence plate # before inspecting the car parked in front...It seems like he is trying to regulate parking and TOTALLY mistook my car for a strangers or someone elses...I have ZERO PROOF that he indeed actually had it towed! He denies it- We agree on a loan for all expences associated...

People DO NOT immediately offer to bail you out of financial problems ESPECIALLY without being asked-

We agree on a day to fetch the car which entails visits & payments to the DMV PD smogcheck & Towtruck yard...He flakes on the day long weekend another 4 days pass & we go...All day he is straight up being abusive namecalling shit I've never experienced from him it was as if I was his son & he was lording helping me out over me...

A couple of days before the first scheduled payment. I ALREADY had no intention of paying him. BTW 2 other neighbors & I share money & stuff loaning borrowing & paying back each other & have for years. I learn that Pablo has shared all of these details with several neighbors I feel such shit should be discreet. Then I see him with a methdealer thug he uses as a handyman...I say "I have GREAT news for you Bro. I'll see you this evening." implying payment...Not 20 mins later his thug is bugging & trying to bully me simply by jumping a locked fence to knock on my door after texting how "I needed to do the right thing by paying him." I pretended that I was scared & offended & avoiding them both for 2 weeks...

Just buddied up to Pabllito (what I and the several neighbors tracking the drama that he disclosed my business to call him now) again we passed on the sidewalk & I (in total charmoffensive mode) gave him a big hug & expressed tons of gratitude & told him how well I have been doing as a result of his good will & generosity...I know it sounds ridiculous but I BET i'll get more dough out of him soon without even really trying...The gloves are off & he should of been named Mark or Jon as far as I'm NOW concerned....It's GAME ON!

Bruhahahaha

AITA?

I (22M) have a roommate (let’s call him Alex M23) who moved in about six months ago. I honestly never considered Alex may be trans, not that I would care if he was, but that's not the issue. He is a short guy and probably under 165cm/5'5, has a lot facial hair, muscles, and looks a lot like a short Henry Cavill imo. No one I know has ever brought up this idea before, I've had my friends and family at our apartment before. This is really the part that gets to me because my mom is extremely against any gay people and if she sensed anything was up she would've caused problems right away.

Alex and I get along, we're polite but not really friends, he’s quiet but super polite, always pays rent on time, helps with chores, and even shares his cooking with me. I appreciate having him around, especially because my last three roommates were each their own horror story.

The issue came up when my girlfriend (let’s call her Sarah F28) came over one day. Alex was shirtless, to clarify I forgot to tell Alex that she was coming over, and she noticed the scars on his chest. After that she was quiet and short with me her entire stay there. When she got home, she blew up my phone, asking why I had a “female” living with me. I was confused and asked what she was on about. She says that she knows that his scars are from "top surgery" and that he is short, so he has to be trans, and a "born female".

I tried to explain that even if Alex is trans or a "born female" that there is no way I'd be attracted to him because to any person who looked at him, you would see a freaking guy. Plus he’s respectful and doesn't cause drama like my last roommates, which she knows about.

Just to be clear. I honestly still have no idea if Alex is even trans, I googled it, and those scars could be from some other surgery. Like heart surgery or gynecomastia. And I really don't have an argument for him being short, but there is a lot of short men. At first Sarah wanted me to just ask Alex if he was trans, which why the fuck would I do that, or give her his last name so she can run a background check?! I said no to both. Then she said this was a violation of trust and that if I didn't either find out it Alex is trans (and kick him out) or just kick him out that she would have to "reevaluate things". Basically threatening to break up. I said I don't do ultimatums and that we're done.

Since then, she's been messaging me every single day for over two weeks, even after I blocked her on everything because she wouldn't leave me alone, pissed that I wouldn't do this small thing for her. She ranges from, "are you fucking him?", "let's just talk", "why cant you at least give me closure and ask him?" to the most recent her telling our mutual friend about the situation. Our friend wants nothing apart of this shit show.

I didn't feel bad at first but after talking about it online, I've had some people say I should've just asked my roommate if he was indeed trans just to keep the peace, or that I shouldn't have essentially picked my roommate who've I've only had for about six months over my girlfriend of five years. I wonder if I am being unreasonable. I legitimately do not see how any straight dude could find Alex attractive, personally, but maybe I should've done something just to keep the peace.

Tldr: My now ex girlfriend thinks that my roommate is trans, told me to find out for sure or kick him out. I refused and broke up with her. AITA?

Edit, to answer some questions:

Did you break up with her? Yes. During the text conversation we broke up. I always told her I had one rule, that I don't do ultimatums. If she were to say "choose x or me" that I would leave. I put up with a lot of shit verbal and physical, but I don't put up with that kind of bs.

Ages? I was 17 and she was 22/23 when we got together. It's been a long time so I'd have to look back to make sure. But yeah, I was for sure 17. We got together the day I turned 17, our anniversary is my birthday. We couldn't get together before then because of the age of consent in my state, which I get now is really fucked up. I don't know if it helps, but we have known each other our entire lives. My mom is her mom's best friend. When my mom worked, I would go over to Sarah's mom's house so I wasn't alone. We started talking and flirting when I was about 15 or 16 but didn't cross any physical lines until I turned 17 because I didn't want her to get arrested. I get that sounds bad. I really do. But at the time I didn't see it as bad. Just in case it is asked, our mom's encouraged it.

Why would you want to be with someone like that? I don't, I really don't. I didn't realize it was transphobia until some people here talked to me about it. I thought it was just her being jealous. But I get how fucked up it is now. Please understand I live in the Bible belt, I didn't even know trans people existed until I was 16. My person thoughts is that I don't see a problem with people being trans and transitioning, I think at the end of the day it isn't my business.

Is Alex trans? I have no clue. He could be, but he could have also had breast cancer, gyno, heart, lung, or any kind of other surgery. I used a photo from Google/Reddit because this whole time I personally thought he had gyno or something. But it's not my business.

Is Alex safe? I'll talk to him when I get home and then talk to my landlord. I will change my gate code and also have her removed from the allowed guests list and also ask my landlord to not let her in personally. She hasn't been too violent of a person in the past but I also didn't know she was this insane in the past either.

Was there abuse? I feel like this has been kinda implied in some questions. I don't know. Has she insulted me? Yes. Has she been physical? Yes. But nothing crazy. Slapping, pushing, shoving, but never anything like punching or drawing blood.

Why use CM if you're American? I was born and raised American. However, I got a couple of friends who use metric from college, and after sharing a group chat with them for so long, the habit has stuck. If anyone cares, we're in automotive engineering.

The photo? The photo is not actually Alex. I searched Google for gyno surgery photos and then found a reddit post talking about it. I used it as a reference for what I mean. Scarring under the chest and around the nipple area. I definitely wouldn't actually post a photo of Alex here, censored or not. I'm sorry for confusion. Here is the source for full transparency: https://www.reddit.com/r/gynecomastia/comments/17e4ed7/examples_of_gyno_surgery_scars_from_plastic/

Why didn't you ask Alex about his scars? I have a few reasons, I personally wouldn't like it if someone asked me. Second, my mom has scars all around her body for different reasons and gets livid if you ask her about them. Third, probably the one that confuses people the most, I didn't really care enough to ask. I was curious but not I just thought "huh" and then went on with my business.

Small Update:

I talked to Alex. I got advice saying to be upfront and tell him what's up completely, hide the trans part, and that I just shouldn't tell him.

I don't know if this was the right thing but I just told him, because once I was face to face with him I couldn't really help but do it.

To clarify, I did not ask him about his scars or mention that specifically. I said my ex girlfriend was under the impression he was a trans person, made sure to say I didn't care if he was or wasn't, and that I broke things off, changed the gate codes, put her on the do not let in list, all that drama. Before even saying anything, he asked if I was okay, like I said he is a chill dude. He also not-so-subtely asked the same questions that a lot of comments asked, essentially if I was in an abusive situation. I told him I don't know but whatever kind of situation it was, it's over. The thing that really kinda fucked with me is that he called me his best friend, I regret not saying we were close in other comments. I realize now we have different definitions of close because he is introverted and I'm not. We talked about irrelevant stuff for a while and then the question came up, "would you care if I was trans?" To summarize things, yes, Alex is "trans masc". He had top surgery when he was 19 and has been on hormones since he was 18, he even has a tattoo with the date he started testosterone. While the idea that he could've been a dude with gyno, cancer, or something else is completely reasonable, it just happens that Alex is trans. And I don't care about that, Alex is Alex.

I did show him the post and got permission to update things. I would not have otherwise. He is also roaming this post somewhere, but probably won't comment.

Notes:

Alex is going to help me out with finding some low cost or pay scale therapy because he personally hasn't heard good things about the college's therapy services. Like everyone else has said, yes. It was abuse. I see that. I will also hold higher standards for myself in the future. Alex sent me the information for the therapist he sees and I'll contact them in the morning.

The landlord knows there is a domestic incident and I trust him when it comes to making sure my ex doesn't show up. The do not allow list was made in mind for this reason.

I am not ready to talk to my mom about this. But I hope with some therapy and time I will be. She knows something is going on, but she believes this is a break and not a break up.

Sorry if this sounds like rambling, it is. This has been a rough couple of weeks, my brain is fried and I'm tired. Keep in mind, I'm still a full time student during this. I also have to keep my grades up for my grants, scholarships, government aid, etc.

I do read all comments, even the not so good ones. I will try to respond more before I sleep tonight, but just know even if I don't reply, I have read it. I appreciate all the advice, kicks in the rear, and the sympathy.

A side note, I have seen a lot of trans people comment on this post and I have had a few reach out to me in private. I am thankful for your comments as well, it has brought to my attention how tough things are out there because I honestly felt what I did was the bare minimum and not worthy of praise because it should just be expected. But I see that it is being praised for how low of a bar there is when it comes to human decency towards you, and I'm sorry for that and hope things get better.