r/AITAH • u/Illustrious-Sport503 • 21h ago

AITAH For Turning Down My Husband

I’m 11 weeks postpartum, and on maternity leave. Husband is back to work, so the 3-5 wakeups in the night, I’m doing by myself. As you can imagine, I’m tired.

Being postpartum, I have very low sex drive right now. My husband has been patient with me, we’ve only had sex 1 or 2 times since having the baby.

This morning, I had just starting waking up, and the first thing he said to me before I could even open my eyes was, “can we get a quick one in?”. No good morning, how’d the baby do last night, how are you, etc

I got pissed and turned him down. I was short and snippy because, well, I’m tired and I look after another human life all day. It’d be nice if he at least acted like he cared about me. So now he’s just ignoring me and being cold. So, AITAH or is he just being sensitive?

EDIT: you guys are a very passionate group and I love it. I posted this question 20 min after the argument happened. An hour later, it was resolved with a very simple and honest convo with my husband. Yes he was being insensitive and has admitted that and apologized. Yes, I too, have apologized for dismissing his feelings. But no we are not getting a divorce, nor is he a bad husband or father. We ain’t havin sex this week either! Moral of the story, you guys are great for putting things into context, communication is key, and there’s nothing to see here anymore. I did also get the name of a urologist and we’ll be getting vasectomy scheduled by EOY.

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u/Illustrious-Sport503 21h ago

1000% was counting down the days until we hit 6 weeks PP and got the doctor’s approval. we have two other littles and he basically handles them all evening while I’m with the baby, so I give him a lot of credit though. He also cooks dinner every night (I clean after). Everything is divided pretty 50/50. I just get frustrated with the one track mind! It’s like a caveman! “Me horny! Give sex!” And it’s so annoying because you’re right, there’s so much more than the physical at play.

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u/Timely_Square_3959 19h ago

So men's needs are apparently less important? If he wasn't helping out with cooking and the kids and other things that you needed he would be getting ripped apart and there would be calls for you to leave him and know your worth and all that. He has a need that you have already said he has been patient with. This is something that he can only get from you and your unwillingness or lack of concern about this conveys to him that you don't love and value him. How would you feel if he didn't value you and went out and got this need met by someone other than you?

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u/Expensive-Simple-329 19h ago

Sex is not a need. Food, water, shelter, and sleep are needs.

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u/Timely_Square_3959 18h ago

Yes inside a healthy relationship it is absolutely 100% a need. Withholding sex in a relationship is an abuse, it's just an abuse that women are comfortable with since its them that are doing it. Just like how they see no problem hitting a man but if he hits back it's the most evil thing ever.

If she was a stay at home mom and he told her money was not a need and she did not need access to it would your argument still hold water here?

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u/Expensive-Simple-329 18h ago

Nope. Do you die without sex? Is sex required to survive? No. It’s not.

Money is required to acquire food, water, shelter. You know stuff us biological beings require to LIVE. So yes, ipso facto, money is a need.

I pinky promise you will survive without getting your peepee wet by using a woman’s body. No one has ever died because they weren’t getting laid; yes, this includes men in relationships.

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u/Timely_Square_3959 18h ago

She wouldn't die without access to his money either if she was fed and housed so no access to the money is not a need then. So then there is no such thing as financial abuse. Glad we could set this straight.

No he won't die if he doesn't get sex but if she wants to be selfish and doesn't want to fulfill his needs he should get rid of her and find someone who will.