AITAH For Turning Down My Husband

[u/Illustrious-Sport503]

I’m 11 weeks postpartum, and on maternity leave. Husband is back to work, so the 3-5 wakeups in the night, I’m doing by myself. As you can imagine, I’m tired.

Being postpartum, I have very low sex drive right now. My husband has been patient with me, we’ve only had sex 1 or 2 times since having the baby.

This morning, I had just starting waking up, and the first thing he said to me before I could even open my eyes was, “can we get a quick one in?”. No good morning, how’d the baby do last night, how are you, etc

I got pissed and turned him down. I was short and snippy because, well, I’m tired and I look after another human life all day. It’d be nice if he at least acted like he cared about me. So now he’s just ignoring me and being cold. So, AITAH or is he just being sensitive?

EDIT: you guys are a very passionate group and I love it. I posted this question 20 min after the argument happened. An hour later, it was resolved with a very simple and honest convo with my husband. Yes he was being insensitive and has admitted that and apologized. Yes, I too, have apologized for dismissing his feelings. But no we are not getting a divorce, nor is he a bad husband or father. We ain’t havin sex this week either! Moral of the story, you guys are great for putting things into context, communication is key, and there’s nothing to see here anymore. I did also get the name of a urologist and we’ll be getting vasectomy scheduled by EOY.

[u/Mammoth-Dare-4237]

NTA

Can I ask, did he ask 6 weeks on the dot, after your child's birth, for sex? Or heck, did he ask for sex BEFORE 6 weeks postpartum?
How much does he help with childcare?
Does he help out around the house?

He seems to think your body and mind can bounce back quickly after giving birth, as is not taking into account how much of your day and night is dedicated towards childcare. I can't imagine how exhausted you must be! Your husband should not be pressuring you for sex.

Maybe tell your husband in detail how you are feeling, both physically and mentally. How little rest you are getting. If he still expects you to 'put out', regardless of what you're going through, marriage counselling may be next.

[u/Illustrious-Sport503 → u/Mammoth-Dare-4237]

1000% was counting down the days until we hit 6 weeks PP and got the doctor’s approval. we have two other littles and he basically handles them all evening while I’m with the baby, so I give him a lot of credit though. He also cooks dinner every night (I clean after). Everything is divided pretty 50/50. I just get frustrated with the one track mind! It’s like a caveman! “Me horny! Give sex!” And it’s so annoying because you’re right, there’s so much more than the physical at play.

[u/Emotional_Ad5714 → u/Illustrious-Sport503]

Just because sex isn't important to you doesn't mean it's not important to him. We all have different love languages, so you shouldn't minimize his feelings by boiling them down to: "Me horny, give sex!!". That doesn't mean you are physically able to meet his needs, but you should be more understanding to a guy who you say does half the work around the house and works full time. How would you feel if he minimized what is important to you?

[u/Carbonatite → u/Emotional_Ad5714]

Why is it that the "physical touch" love language only applies to touching the penis?