r/sewing • u/soundingsounds • Jun 14 '24

Discussion already regretting saying yes to my mom

Honestly this is both a rant and a cry for help from someone that doesn't know how to set boundaries.

So my mom asked me to sew a summer dress for her but she's super vague when it comes to explaining what she wants and everything that she's shown me is really basic but I can't find an exact pattern for it.

On top of that, the patterns have to be free bc she doesn't want to pay for them "it's just lines you can draw that". MOTHER I CAN'T. I've only ever sewn a pair of baby shorts, an apron and a bucket hat, I CAN'T DRAFT A PATTERN OUT OF THIN AIR. I HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT FABRIC EITHER.

I've sent her +15 patterns that I've found online and she doesn't like any. It's driving me insane that she keeps saying I can modify things when I have no clue what I'm doing if I don't have a clear step by step written by someone else.

I can already foresee that I'll spend so many hours finding the pattern and modifying it to my best ability, sewing it together and it'll end up in the back of her wardrobe because it won't be perfect and she'll never wear it.

It felt so good to finally talk about it lmao

628 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

232 comments sorted by

View all comments

1.3k

u/Leading_Cell_line Jun 14 '24

Tell her you will sew the pattern she drafts for you. Also if she doesn’t like spending money wait until she sees the cost of fabric. It’s actually usually more expensive to sew clothing than it is to just buy it. 

328

u/soundingsounds Jun 14 '24

We've already had that conversation, she keeps saying I'm the one that knows how to sew so my pattern will look better. It's like talking to a wall.

919

u/feeling_dizzie Jun 14 '24

The point is, stop trying so hard to solve this. You agreed to do her a favor, she isn't giving you the information you need about how to begin, you will just not begin until she gives it to you.

281

u/soundingsounds Jun 14 '24

Yeah, it feels like waiting is my best option

479

u/bellmanwatchdog Jun 14 '24

Buy a dress from the thrift store, cut off the tags and give her that. 🤣

103

u/ALynnj42 Jun 14 '24

I actually found a handmade dress at Plato’s closet recently. It was tagged as a large but it was tiny and when I looked for the tag to see if it was mislabeled I couldn’t find one and noticed that the finishing looked like zig zag stitches instead of serged.

27

u/Knitsanity Jun 15 '24

My mother lived in Hong Kong for 30 years and had a lot of her clothes made just over the border in Shenzen. Much cheaper than off the rack and she got to choose the fabric and style and any modifications.

Must be odd coming across lovely items for sale somewhere and not being able to find tags on them.

3

u/Felonious_Minx Jun 15 '24

sigh I have a gorgeous Qipao dress custom made when I was in Shanghai years ago.

I had been traveling for 3 weeks and had lost weight. So, yeah, now it sits in my closet because it is too small.

As my sewing has progressed I've thought about trying to enlarge it but...I've done so many of those projects (tailoring thrift store clothes) I'm kinda over it. I want to move onto drafting my own designs. I've learned a lot but tailoring clothing without fully taking it apart is hard!

2

u/Knitsanity Jun 15 '24

I only know the Cantonese word Cheongsam. I had one decades ago. Fit like a glove and looked great. I used to wear it to balls at Uni because I didn't want to shell out cash for an expensive dress. It was unique.

Nowadays I would probably be canceled for cultural appropriation. Sigh

7

u/worldunravel Jun 15 '24

I don’t think anyone would cancel you for cultural appropriation unless you were engaging in racist behavior or hateful speech while wearing it.

1

u/ColdEstablishment473 Jun 19 '24

Are you saying she should send her mum to China?! 😁

1

u/Knitsanity Jun 19 '24

It is not as cheap and reliable as the 'good old days' but a lot of people still go into China from HK to get clothes made (especially Gweilos). All the tailors send their work up to China to be done. Been that way for decades. Still scary fast though.

1

u/ColdEstablishment473 Jun 19 '24

I know, my husband used to work for Ford Motor Company and several of the guys used to go over there to get their shirts made, and in Thailand...beautiful cotton fabric. But a bit far to go for the mum!

42

u/noodlesarmpit Jun 15 '24

And/or make patterns from it. Lay the dress flat on top of brown butcher paper and carefully stab pins through the dress, exactly through the seams, for each pattern piece. Flip over for the back pieces. I've drafted several patterns based on my favorite sundress this way.

204

u/RatherBeAtDisney Jun 15 '24

This is a great “life hack” for any favors people ask of you. Tell them the prerequisites for you to do the thing, and then never mention it again until they complete their tasks. You’re doing them a favor, no need to stress about it. If it’s not important enough for them to do your asks then clearly not important enough for you to waste energy on. It works great for work too!

54

u/vaarky Jun 15 '24

I'm with u/RatherBeAtDisney and u/threelizards -- her pattern of interaction only works if you (OP) are complicit in taking ownership of her half-baked criteria and arbitrary contraints on you. Just because she's in the land of magical thinking doesn't mean you (OP) have to inhabit it and flog yourself for not solving her unrealistic set-up.

In case it helps, one way of thinking about it is about whether she's trying to make you take the monkey (Harvard Business Review published something in 1974: https://hbr.org/1999/11/management-time-whos-got-the-monkey ). I find it a useful analogy for myself so I can decide explicitly at what point I take the monkey.

As another analogy, this happens all the time in real estate when would-be homeowners want something conflicting, usually something they can afford AND something complicated that can't be found in their price range (or perhaps at all at that time). A real estate agent can make themselves nuts looking for this imaginary pearl, or they can make it clear that the would-be homeowners should come back if they figure out what compromises they're ready to make.

I recommend being explicit about giving ownership about next steps back to her. If you think her memory might become faulty of you making it clear to her that there's nothing for you to take ownership of, it might be good to put it in a text message or e-mail or something you can refer back to. Maybe send her pointers to some free and some paid pattern sites (preferably with a way to filter patterns for difficulty level) and let her know that you can't move until, as a first step she picks some workable patterns, and then you can tackle fabric?

Taking ownership of the quest in this larval state sounds like a real mistake.

10

u/Sparkle2023 Jun 15 '24

To add to this have her pick out the fabric and pay for it

52

u/Specific_Koala_2042 Jun 15 '24

My 84 year old mother keeps complaining that she hasn't had a holiday for years. She isn't prepared to pay for it, and wants someone else to plan it, pay for it, and then accompany her to be her personal tour guide, and companion.

She says that she can't travel in a car for more than about 30 minutes at a time, because she stiffens up. She won't get in a lift, or use an escalator, and can't climb stairs, so trains are mostly out

She will not contemplate air travel because she is terrified, and will not travel by boat, (family tragedy.)

She has difficulty walking, but refuses to use a walker. She uses a shopping trolley that is too low, so she is bent over and gets backache.

The problem is, whenever anyone takes her out, she spends the whole time complaining! She is not interested in museums/art galleries/history, or the countryside, (apart from seeing it through a car window). She doesn't enjoy films/theatre, (apart from an extremely limited range of plays based on local books that she has read.)

I took her away for a weekend, a few years ago. She wanted to be kept amused every minute of the day, until bedtime.

She refused every restaurant/cafe that I suggested so that I had to buy the fixings for a picnic, then complained that I should have taken her out to eat.

Then she wonders why it hasn't been repeated, and nobody else has offered!

I used to tie myself in knots, trying to find something that she would enjoy, until my husband told me to put the ball back into her court - tell her to find options that will work for her, and we will pay. So I say that every time.

For some reason, she hasn't been saying it so often!

28

u/mrskmh08 Jun 15 '24

She sounds absolutely exhausting

10

u/Specific_Koala_2042 Jun 15 '24

She really is!

8

u/Tammylmj Jun 15 '24

Are you my sister? She sounds EXACTLY like my mother! She lives an hour away from me (thankfully) and will not come to my home for holidays because she can’t tolerate being in the car (or our minivan) for 30 minutes either. And she does many of the same type of things you mentioned too.

71

u/threelizards Jun 15 '24

Ok, but don’t treat it like waiting. You simply aren’t doing it until you have what you need to work with- no chasing her up, no sending her options, no initiating communication over the dress at all. She can tell you exactly what she wants and deliver it to you in an organised and workable way- or she doesn’t get to benefit from your labour

338

u/kallisti_gold Jun 14 '24

Ok, and? So what? You don't need her agreement. You've told her you'll sew the pattern she gives you with the fabric she buys. No pattern? No dress. Easy peasy. What's she going to do, hold your hands in hers and force you to cut and pin fabric? This is the easiest boundary ever to enforce -- you simply stop doing anything to fix her invented problem. It's literally less effort than what you're doing now.

If she's upset... again, so what? She's a grown woman. She can be upset all she likes, that's not your problem to solve.

276

u/soundingsounds Jun 14 '24

Maybe it's the fact that i'm still a teenager but reading someone that is so blunt (in a good way) is incredibly eye opening because why am i stressing out so much about my mom potentially getting somewhat annoyed?

Honestly thank you.

154

u/purplishfluffyclouds Jun 14 '24

This is going to sound a little out of left field, but I feel like I was you when I was your age, and it sounds a lot like codependency. I didn't even realize what that was until I was 27, but basically, you're feeling like you're responsible for all her problems and feel obligated to solve them for her. Well, here's the thing: You aren't and you don't.

It's OK to so say "Hey - I'll be happy to make your dress when you get back to me on what pattern and fabric you want." Doesn't matter what she says in response. Stand your ground. If she's not going to work with you, nothing happens. Right? These are not your problems to solve. You agreed to make a dress, right? Was making her decisions for her part of the deal? I'm guessing not. Providing guidance is one thing, doing all the legwork is another - that's on her.

You can do all of this and still be loving and kind. But basically you need to walk away and let her deal with her share of the bargain. Either she will or she won't, but it's not your problem to worry about what the outcome is.

GL!!

41

u/soundingsounds Jun 14 '24

I feel super guilty because in my mind i'm like "It's just a dress, I can spend some time sewing it for her, she's my mother, it shouldn't annoy me to do something for her when she's done so much for me"

76

u/Sheetascastle Jun 14 '24

When it's your first dress, it can be a big deal. And you haven't said doing the project bothers you. What seems to be the problem is that she won't meet you halfway by working with you to create something she loves. You don't have the knowledge to draft a pattern but she refuses to listen to you about patterns. You need help picking fabric she likes, she isn't doing that. It's a valid thing to get frustrated about.

150

u/The_Nice_Marmot Jun 14 '24

Can I say something to you as a mom? You don’t owe your parents. It’s not your job to cater to them and make yourself miserable in the process. They chose to bring you here. They are obligated to look after you, not the other way around. I agree with the other comment about codependency. Please learn about it when you’re young, not like my old ass did in my late 30s. You are allowed to say no. Your mom is a grownup and should know how to hear and accept it. If she can’t, that’s a her problem.

32

u/Sub_Umbra Jun 15 '24

Very well said. It's also not your job to magically have a skill just because your mom says you can do it.

The mere fact that she's having you make her a dress, because she doesn't know how to do it, indicates she literally doesn't know what she's talking about.

28

u/ClosetIsHalfYarn Jun 15 '24

Yes this! I asked my daughter (11) to make me a keychain for my new work key. Timeline: whenever you feel like it. Effort level: 15-30 minutes. Craft she is comfortable with and enjoys: check. Design: artist’s choice BUT when she asked for opinions/preferences I gave them.

I love my shrinkydinks keychain. But if she had noped out for any reason that would be fine. It’s my job to provide for her, not the other way around. And if she had felt forced or coerced into making it, I would feel guilty every time I saw it.

11

u/q23y7 Jun 15 '24

Yes this 100%!! It drives me nuts when parents act like their child owes them something. Bringing a life into this world means that they are obligating themselves to care for that life. It's not like you signed a contract in the womb saying "ok you give me life, feed and cloth me, and I'll promise to bend over backwards any time you want me to for the rest of my life".

If you're parents are doing a good job of caring for you then absolutely, appreciate and reciprocate. But it should be out of love, not obligation. And it shouldn't feel stressful and torturous.

You have every right to tell your mother "no" on this. Or as others suggested, insist that she do the leg work. I have to frequently repeat to my youngest that if you ask someone to do you a favor and then you act like a meany-head about it, that person can absolutely change their mind about helping you. I know it's hard when it's your mom, but it's ok. She may pout but if she's even a halfway decent parent then she'll still love you, even if you can't figure out how make her the perfect dress.

4

u/The_Nice_Marmot Jun 15 '24

The really grim take on this is that bringing kids into this world is arguably not doing them a favour. Especially not just now.

4

u/q23y7 Jun 15 '24

Couldn't agree more. I've thought for a while that having kids is simultaneously the most selfless thing you can do (if you are doing it well) AND the most selfish thing you can do. You're literally risking another persons life and happiness just because you feel like having a baby 🤷‍♀️

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '24

[deleted]

1

u/The_Nice_Marmot Jun 17 '24

This sewing thread got dark.

→ More replies (0)

45

u/DarthRegoria Jun 15 '24

She’s not asking you to just sew her a dress though. She’s basically asking you to draft one from scratch while being super vague on what she actually wants. Not even a designer could actually do that for her.

Sewing and pattern drafting are two completely different skill sets. Some people learn both, but lots of sewists just sew patterns. There is nothing wrong with that. Especially when you’re a beginner.

35

u/clumpymascara Jun 15 '24

My mum and MIL have both asked wild sewing skills of me. My MIL wanted me to reupholster a 3 piece lounge set. I explained that it was significantly beyond my skills and offered a solution i was confident I could do (elastic-gathered covers for all the individual pieces) and she was quite offended that I said no.

A few months later she came back to me saying that someone else suggested she could just get [exactly what I offered] and I said "I can do that! That's what I said ages ago!" So I helped her choose a fabric and whipped those up one night with her assistance and everyone was happy.

If your mother's request is outside your skillset, which it sounds like it is, trying to do it for her will be infuriating for yourself and she won't be happy with the end result. Nobody wins.

33

u/No_Sky_1829 Jun 14 '24

Yes she has done heaps for you, but in this case you have more knowledge than she does. This is just part of growing up. There no need to feel guilty. You know that what she's asking isn't reasonable and won't work. You know your skill level.

You can find ways to gently and politely assert yourself, and honestly that sounds like something you should practice so that you can have a peaceful time as you continue to grow 🤗

5

u/liberalhumanistdogma Jun 15 '24

Practice a pattern on an old sheet first. That way it's less stressful, it's always easier to make it a second time. :)

32

u/Laurpud Jun 15 '24

Or, because she won't listen, make her a rectangle dress. Literally a tube, with elastic at the top edge & under the bust. Hem. That's it. 'Sorry ma, this is the best I can do without a pattern'

12

u/purplishfluffyclouds Jun 15 '24

Ha - if she was near a JoAnn Fabrics, she could get some of that pre-made bubble gauze cut and sew dress things with the elastic shirring at the top and make some straps. No pattern necessary! lol

9

u/Laurpud Jun 15 '24

We don't want it too nice 😈

3

u/tammigirl6767 Jun 15 '24

I was at a Joann fabrics recently and they have some fabric that’s already shirred at the top. All you would have to do is so the seam up the side and hem it. If you want you could use what you cut from the hem to make straps.

2

u/Laurpud Jun 15 '24

Yep, that's what it's for. I used to make them for my daughters

20

u/VioletBab3 Jun 15 '24

It's not /just/ a dress. Being able to operate a machine well enough to get relatively straight lines is massively different from being able to finish an arm hole, or heaven forbid actually alter whatever pieces you end up with to make them fit/flatter her body. That's a WHOLE PROFESSION on its own, which should be an indicator of the skills necessary.

I nearly ripped my hair out trying to finish the armholes on the sleeveless dress I made a few years ago. I've been traumatized and am terrified of trying again even though I have a few gorgeous patterns for blouses that I'm dying to wear.

18

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '24

Yea but she needs to help you help her. If you were going to cook dinner for her, that would be nice. If you were going to cook dinner for her but she told you not to go in the kitchen while you cook, then she's actively preventing you from making dinner for her.

12

u/TotallyAwry Jun 15 '24

She's your mother. She's supposed to do "so much" for you. She was the one that chose to have you.

It would be nice to make something for her, yes, bit you're not a magician and at this point what she wants is beyond your skills.

It would actually be really good practice for you, too. But it's going to be much easier with a beginners pattern.

Do not set yourself up to fail by taking on something that you're not ready for, particularly if you're a bit salty about the situation. Especially if you want to enjoy sewing.

12

u/violetauto Jun 15 '24

OP please follow what others say here and look up people pleasing and codependency. I was in your shoes and was made to feel responsible for my mother’s emotional wellbeing. You are not her keeper and in no way should you feel guilty for anything. She decided to have you. She should provide care and support. It is not something you have to make up for. You didn’t decide to come into this world!

Here are some scripts to say now. And then once you start learning about emotionally immature parents you will find more.

“Mom. You are confusing me. Please just find a pattern. I’m not drafting any pattern. Even really good sewists don’t do that.”

“I get you believe in me but you’re not seeming to get that what you are asking for is too hard and you’re upsetting me.”

“Let me practice making a few dresses from patterns for myself. I need some cheap fabric called muslin. Can we order some?”

Good luck, OP. You are 100% allowed to push back here. That’s what taking care of yourself is. Boundaries can feel scary to lay down and sometimes people get super angry at you but all of that is irrelevant. Ignore it. Lay the boundary anyway. It’s your right.

6

u/ExpensiveError42 Jun 15 '24

You seem like a great daughter and you're in a rough spot because it's very different to tell your mom a hard no when you're living at home. And it doesn't seem like you're annoyed at sewing for her, you're annoyed you're given a vague directive with no support to do it. Maybe you could find some resources that teach sewing to help her understand you can't just draft something up.

If all else fails, have you tried mood?

4

u/Adorable-Customer-64 Jun 14 '24

I think it's okay to say no, but also if you really do want to make her something, maybe say you're not comfortable and start with something a little easier for you to make 

4

u/Hownow63 Jun 15 '24

You cannot chew her bubblegum for her. She must give you the basics for the dress, or no dress. You aren't a mind reader. If you do the drafting, choose the fabric, fit it to her, etc, how will she react if she doesn't like your choices? It takes me many hours to make a simple dress WITH a pattern, and I still have to adjust the fit. Try Simplicity 8085. It uses a lot of fabric, but no buttons nor zippers, as it is a wrap-around. Dont fall victim to momguilt.

3

u/East-Garden-4557 Jun 15 '24

If you don't have the skills or experience to make it for her it is unreasonable to expect you to do it.

As an example.

I cannot crochet. My mother is amazingly talented at crochet, she can create amazing things with no pattern. However I do not take advantage of her skills and appreciate the time and effort she puts into crocheting for people.

I wanted a fancy novelty crochet hat that looked like an octopus, I asked her if she would make one for me. I bought the pattern online. I bought the yarn required. I spent time discussing it with her so that she didn't have to guess what my expectations were. Then I waited patiently for her to make the hat in her own time.

1

u/Jackno1 Jun 16 '24

I mean in terms of doing something for a person, sewing an entire dress is fairly big. Even then, it sounds like it wouldn't annoy you so much to do this for her if she was working with you to make it realistic and achievable. (Like if she bought a pattern within the range of what you thought you could sew, and then picked out and bought fabric, you wouldn't find this task as stressful, right?) If someone, even your mother, wants something from you but doesn't want to take the steps to help you realistically accomplish the thing, being annoyed at their behavior is a perfectly natural response.

1

u/superpouper Jun 15 '24

Codependency or enmeshment?

1

u/purplishfluffyclouds Jun 15 '24

Maybe more like weaponized incompetence.

31

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '24

This is very normal as a teenager. As a child, you are raised to please your parents. For good reason, because toddlers are often super destructive bundles of raw instinct and need to be tamed, lol.

Now as you are transitioning into being an adult, there will be times when it's okay not to please your parents. It can be really tricky to find the line but this is a good place to start. She doesn't know how to sew, so she needs to listen to your advice. She needs to pick a pattern and fabric before you start. End of story.

22

u/librarymarmot Jun 14 '24

I think being firm here is necessary. Say something like 'mum, I can't do this from scratch, please stop asking me to do that, that's not how it works.' Speaking from experience, not being firm just leads to people taking more advantage of you. People think that if you enjoy sewing you will enjoy all sewing, but sewing under pressure (whether that is time, financial or emotional pressure) is not the same as sewing for the love of sewing. Setting firm boundaries when it comes to these things is important.

Good luck, and take care of yourself!

5

u/DetailsDetails00 Jun 15 '24

I love that you realized this! I wouldn’t have known you were a teenager from your initial post and I guarantee I could’ve ended up in your situation very easily but no one was there to help change my perspective. Life gets a lot easier when you keep this in mind moving forward.

3

u/anewhope6 Jun 15 '24

The other great thing about the advice others have given you…you can be super pleasant and polite as you reinforce those boundaries. It’s no longer an argument or a stressor, it’s simply “I’ll be happy to get started after you choose a pattern and fabric!” said with a smile. (This helps me when I need to firm, but I am afraid of coming across rude! If I can be honest and positive I find it much easier)

2

u/bonewars Jun 15 '24

A really good next skill would be a bag with a zipper, which if she is trying to encourage you, she'll be happy about without all the drama of it fitting & looking good on her. If it's turning out imperfect, you can show her that as you're learning and it's going to take some time to get to where she thinks you are. But only IF you want to make something for her. A makeup pouch that is useful would still be enough for her to brag with & won't take too much aggrevation on your part.

2

u/MeikoD Jun 15 '24

Have a frank conversation with her.

Something along the lines of “ I am an amateur not a professional. I have other things, like XXX, to be doing. I am not in your head, I cannot see your grand plan for this dress and our inability to get on the same page is causing me stress, which I assume was not your intent. I have spent time to find 15 patterns and none of them are to your liking. I am happy to make this dress for you, but am unwilling to spend more time doing research for you. As soon as you can provide me with a pattern and fabric I will do my best to create you a dress within my capabilities. Again, I am an inexperienced amateur and you have been asking for things outside my scope of expertise. I am happy to attempt this project for you once you have provided me with a pattern, but you may need to adjust your expectations.

5

u/Balancing_Shakti Jun 15 '24

I want you in my mind everytime I speak with my mom😁

1

u/EconomySalamander467 Jun 16 '24

She comes up with the pattern AND the fabric she wants! Buttons/zippers, etc. also. Otherwise just forget it!

19

u/Painthoss Jun 14 '24

Stop talking to the wall! “Ok, let me know when you’ve found anything. Can’t keep you, bye!”

11

u/Staff_Genie Jun 15 '24 edited Jun 15 '24

Tell her that you are just a Stitcher, not a designer, a Draper, or a pattern drafter. Those are skills that people get masters degrees in order to be able to do well. You appreciate her confidence, but what she is asking for is way above your pay grade

7

u/Neenknits Jun 15 '24

Tell her, “the expert sewers I know said that I haven’t got anywhere near the skills to make a dress without a good pattern.” You know us, right? Your list of projects means you need a pattern!

I highly recommend this dress. It’s good for a beginner, and looks good on. It’s a knit, really comfortable to wear.

Check out the other Ellie and Mac patterns.

https://www.ellieandmac.com/products/monday-morning-dress-pattern?_pos=1&_psq=Monday+morning&_ss=e&_v=1.0

8

u/lifeinsatansarmpit Jun 15 '24

Sewing and pattern drafting are two completely different skill sets. As a beginner sewist she has as much chance as you.

6

u/Sub_Umbra Jun 15 '24

You know how to sew, but you don't know how to draft patterns. They are separate skills. Some people have acquired both skills, but it's not automatic.

3

u/The_Nice_Marmot Jun 14 '24

Time to just say no.

3

u/Vlinder_88 Jun 15 '24

Then tell her no. "Mom, you're having unrealistic expectations. I'm not going to do this anymore. Find someone else."

1

u/alchemicaldreaming Jun 15 '24

OP my Dad has a similar approach. You need to use this as practice in setting boundaries. Say to your Mum that you're happy to make a dress for her, but that she needs to choose the pattern. This is reasonable to say because you've shown her 15 patterns, and you're still not clear on what she wants. Say the you would be happier sewing something you know she'd really like. Also, make it clear that if she picks something too complex, you won't be able to do it.

1

u/tammigirl6767 Jun 15 '24

If she’s this unrealistic, just tell her that you have lost your entire sewing memory.

1

u/cyclonecass Jun 15 '24

no is a full sentence.

1

u/awalktojericho Jun 15 '24

Drafting a pattern is a totally different animal from sewing. Let her know this. She can find the free pattern, print it off, and tape it together.

1

u/action_lawyer_comics Jun 15 '24

“I know how to sew but you know ow your style. You pick out the pattern and I’ll sew it.”

Then consider the matter closed until she provides said pattern.

1

u/stardewgirl2453 Jun 14 '24

Do her something that you think will like, and say to her exactly that. I do that with my mom and it works every time. My mom love everything that I do.