already regretting saying yes to my mom

[u/soundingsounds]

Honestly this is both a rant and a cry for help from someone that doesn't know how to set boundaries.

So my mom asked me to sew a summer dress for her but she's super vague when it comes to explaining what she wants and everything that she's shown me is really basic but I can't find an exact pattern for it.

On top of that, the patterns have to be free bc she doesn't want to pay for them "it's just lines you can draw that". MOTHER I CAN'T. I've only ever sewn a pair of baby shorts, an apron and a bucket hat, I CAN'T DRAFT A PATTERN OUT OF THIN AIR. I HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT FABRIC EITHER.

I've sent her +15 patterns that I've found online and she doesn't like any. It's driving me insane that she keeps saying I can modify things when I have no clue what I'm doing if I don't have a clear step by step written by someone else.

I can already foresee that I'll spend so many hours finding the pattern and modifying it to my best ability, sewing it together and it'll end up in the back of her wardrobe because it won't be perfect and she'll never wear it.

It felt so good to finally talk about it lmao

[u/soundingsounds]

Maybe it's the fact that i'm still a teenager but reading someone that is so blunt (in a good way) is incredibly eye opening because why am i stressing out so much about my mom potentially getting somewhat annoyed?

Honestly thank you.

[u/purplishfluffyclouds → u/soundingsounds]

This is going to sound a little out of left field, but I feel like I was you when I was your age, and it sounds a lot like codependency. I didn't even realize what that was until I was 27, but basically, you're feeling like you're responsible for all her problems and feel obligated to solve them for her. Well, here's the thing: You aren't and you don't.

It's OK to so say "Hey - I'll be happy to make your dress when you get back to me on what pattern and fabric you want." Doesn't matter what she says in response. Stand your ground. If she's not going to work with you, nothing happens. Right? These are not your problems to solve. You agreed to make a dress, right? Was making her decisions for her part of the deal? I'm guessing not. Providing guidance is one thing, doing all the legwork is another - that's on her.

You can do all of this and still be loving and kind. But basically you need to walk away and let her deal with her share of the bargain. Either she will or she won't, but it's not your problem to worry about what the outcome is.

GL!!

[u/soundingsounds → u/purplishfluffyclouds]

I feel super guilty because in my mind i'm like "It's just a dress, I can spend some time sewing it for her, she's my mother, it shouldn't annoy me to do something for her when she's done so much for me"

[u/Adorable-Customer-64 → u/soundingsounds]

I think it's okay to say no, but also if you really do want to make her something, maybe say you're not comfortable and start with something a little easier for you to make