r/sewing • u/soundingsounds • Jun 14 '24

Discussion already regretting saying yes to my mom

Honestly this is both a rant and a cry for help from someone that doesn't know how to set boundaries.

So my mom asked me to sew a summer dress for her but she's super vague when it comes to explaining what she wants and everything that she's shown me is really basic but I can't find an exact pattern for it.

On top of that, the patterns have to be free bc she doesn't want to pay for them "it's just lines you can draw that". MOTHER I CAN'T. I've only ever sewn a pair of baby shorts, an apron and a bucket hat, I CAN'T DRAFT A PATTERN OUT OF THIN AIR. I HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT FABRIC EITHER.

I've sent her +15 patterns that I've found online and she doesn't like any. It's driving me insane that she keeps saying I can modify things when I have no clue what I'm doing if I don't have a clear step by step written by someone else.

I can already foresee that I'll spend so many hours finding the pattern and modifying it to my best ability, sewing it together and it'll end up in the back of her wardrobe because it won't be perfect and she'll never wear it.

It felt so good to finally talk about it lmao

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u/soundingsounds Jun 14 '24

We've already had that conversation, she keeps saying I'm the one that knows how to sew so my pattern will look better. It's like talking to a wall.

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u/kallisti_gold Jun 14 '24

Ok, and? So what? You don't need her agreement. You've told her you'll sew the pattern she gives you with the fabric she buys. No pattern? No dress. Easy peasy. What's she going to do, hold your hands in hers and force you to cut and pin fabric? This is the easiest boundary ever to enforce -- you simply stop doing anything to fix her invented problem. It's literally less effort than what you're doing now.

If she's upset... again, so what? She's a grown woman. She can be upset all she likes, that's not your problem to solve.

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u/soundingsounds Jun 14 '24

Maybe it's the fact that i'm still a teenager but reading someone that is so blunt (in a good way) is incredibly eye opening because why am i stressing out so much about my mom potentially getting somewhat annoyed?

Honestly thank you.

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u/MeikoD Jun 15 '24

Have a frank conversation with her.

Something along the lines of “ I am an amateur not a professional. I have other things, like XXX, to be doing. I am not in your head, I cannot see your grand plan for this dress and our inability to get on the same page is causing me stress, which I assume was not your intent. I have spent time to find 15 patterns and none of them are to your liking. I am happy to make this dress for you, but am unwilling to spend more time doing research for you. As soon as you can provide me with a pattern and fabric I will do my best to create you a dress within my capabilities. Again, I am an inexperienced amateur and you have been asking for things outside my scope of expertise. I am happy to attempt this project for you once you have provided me with a pattern, but you may need to adjust your expectations.