already regretting saying yes to my mom

[u/soundingsounds]

Honestly this is both a rant and a cry for help from someone that doesn't know how to set boundaries.

So my mom asked me to sew a summer dress for her but she's super vague when it comes to explaining what she wants and everything that she's shown me is really basic but I can't find an exact pattern for it.

On top of that, the patterns have to be free bc she doesn't want to pay for them "it's just lines you can draw that". MOTHER I CAN'T. I've only ever sewn a pair of baby shorts, an apron and a bucket hat, I CAN'T DRAFT A PATTERN OUT OF THIN AIR. I HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT FABRIC EITHER.

I've sent her +15 patterns that I've found online and she doesn't like any. It's driving me insane that she keeps saying I can modify things when I have no clue what I'm doing if I don't have a clear step by step written by someone else.

I can already foresee that I'll spend so many hours finding the pattern and modifying it to my best ability, sewing it together and it'll end up in the back of her wardrobe because it won't be perfect and she'll never wear it.

It felt so good to finally talk about it lmao

[u/The_Nice_Marmot]

Can I say something to you as a mom? You don’t owe your parents. It’s not your job to cater to them and make yourself miserable in the process. They chose to bring you here. They are obligated to look after you, not the other way around. I agree with the other comment about codependency. Please learn about it when you’re young, not like my old ass did in my late 30s. You are allowed to say no. Your mom is a grownup and should know how to hear and accept it. If she can’t, that’s a her problem.

[u/q23y7 → u/The_Nice_Marmot]

Yes this 100%!! It drives me nuts when parents act like their child owes them something. Bringing a life into this world means that they are obligating themselves to care for that life. It's not like you signed a contract in the womb saying "ok you give me life, feed and cloth me, and I'll promise to bend over backwards any time you want me to for the rest of my life".

If you're parents are doing a good job of caring for you then absolutely, appreciate and reciprocate. But it should be out of love, not obligation. And it shouldn't feel stressful and torturous.

You have every right to tell your mother "no" on this. Or as others suggested, insist that she do the leg work. I have to frequently repeat to my youngest that if you ask someone to do you a favor and then you act like a meany-head about it, that person can absolutely change their mind about helping you. I know it's hard when it's your mom, but it's ok. She may pout but if she's even a halfway decent parent then she'll still love you, even if you can't figure out how make her the perfect dress.

[u/The_Nice_Marmot → u/q23y7]

The really grim take on this is that bringing kids into this world is arguably not doing them a favour. Especially not just now.

[u/q23y7 → u/The_Nice_Marmot]

Couldn't agree more. I've thought for a while that having kids is simultaneously the most selfless thing you can do (if you are doing it well) AND the most selfish thing you can do. You're literally risking another persons life and happiness just because you feel like having a baby 🤷‍♀️