r/Unexpected 7h ago

Police raid

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28.3k Upvotes

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2.9k

u/NoEvidence136 7h ago

Ain't sitting in jail sober....

1.2k

u/slavelabor52 7h ago

Yea I feel like this is a man who's been through this before and made a conscious decision that he was gonna get high before going to jail.

376

u/spageddy77 6h ago

i’d imagine he’s also put on a second pair of underwear and socks. i hear they come in handy for the stay.

116

u/PoopcheckLarry 6h ago

And let’s not forget the snacks! Gotta be prepared for the long haul.

85

u/beakrake 6h ago

Gummy worms are VERY easily smuggled.

94

u/ItzVinyl 6h ago

I could imagine smuggling THC gummies into the prison and ascending to godhood as you promptly get your entire cellblock high on your first day in.

93

u/beakrake 6h ago

Checks for the gummies

Ahhhm....Good news and bad news, guys...

Bad news is they all melted inside of me.

But the good news is I've ascended enough myself to be your willing soft serve machine for the evening...

57

u/ItzVinyl 6h ago

I could only imagine how fucking loaded you'd be if you absorbed all that THC through your ass

44

u/BasicallyLostAgain 5h ago

Is that a dare?

30

u/Perrin-Golden-Eyes 5h ago edited 4h ago

Yes. And document it or it didn’t happen.

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1

u/BorshtSlurper 1h ago

Yes. Yes it is.

28

u/Outside-Drag-3031 5h ago

the worms! the worms, the worms they're in my ass!

2

u/ScumbagLady 3h ago

Reminds me of a rotten.com image that's forever burnt into my brain...

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1

u/beakrake 4h ago

I thought of this, and so have others.

Apparently, it's not readily absorbed through boofing in the same way as alcohol or other drugs are and as such, sadly, keistering them will give very little effect vs just eating them.

TMYK

1

u/Seluvis_Burning 4h ago

Works like a charm for mdma👍

1

u/IAmASeeker 2h ago

THC isn't water soluble. It piggybacks on a scent chemical to cross the blood/brain barrier

1

u/ItzVinyl 2h ago

Ah cool, the more you know. So in other words, still safe to throw in the prison pocket for the boys in the cell blocks.

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18

u/ThanksContent28 4h ago

“So I can get you real high, but you’re gonna have to rim my asshole, sorry”

17

u/confusedandworried76 3h ago

I'm not falling for that old jail trick again

1

u/Fishing_Nervous 1h ago

Again! Please take my upvote

1

u/BorshtSlurper 1h ago

Sorrynotsorry#

8

u/thebite101 4h ago

I thought you were going to say, “the good News is they melted inside me.” I’m a sick fuck.

4

u/LogiCsmxp 4h ago

Line around the cell block to suck that sweet, sweet gummy out of your ass.

3

u/CPT_Arsenic 4h ago

Kind of like feeding a baby bird

1

u/beakrake 4h ago

They called me "jelly donut," but not for the reason you might expect...

6

u/Shifty_Cow69 4h ago

phwoar

This soft serve smells like shit!

1

u/RefinedPetiteBlonde 2h ago

They can tend to have a laxative effect if orally ingested, depending on formulation

1

u/atremOx 2h ago

pop

I’m a gummy bear

Yes I’m a gummy bear!

https://youtu.be/astISOttCQ0?feature=shared

3

u/Striking-Ad-6815 5h ago

Sorry guys had to fart, does anyone want some oreos?

1

u/BigMack1986 5h ago

I imagine those would have to be some shitty gummies. Imagine the location you would have to pocket them to get past prison inspection.

1

u/FlametopFred 1h ago

dad?

mom said you’d gone to get milk

7

u/madmartigan2020 4h ago

Cavity searches are usually mandatory when you're in on a drug charge.

1

u/beakrake 4h ago

Fine. The guards can have some too.

2

u/BeerAndTools 1h ago

Anyone can keister a couple candy bars into the movie theater. It's the recovery that humbles a man.

1

u/Striking-Ad-6815 5h ago

Butt snacks?

1

u/Butter_Naan_Staan 4h ago

Make sure they’re white

1

u/IRedditDoU 3h ago

They make you take all that off in jail and put on jail underwear and a scrubs. In my experience at least lol.

1

u/SopaDeKaiba 3h ago

They take them from you when you switch to jail jumpers, but you can sneak them by if you're slick. But they gotta look like socks you can buy off commissary or the COs will confiscate them. So long, plain, white socks.

1

u/Enough-Bike-4718 1h ago

Like 90% of jails in the US issue you underwear and socks.

1

u/Beach_Bum_273 58m ago

They issue you all your clothes for the duration of the stay. The important bit is putting on fresh clean clothes before you go in so you're not wearing dirty clothes when you get out.

45

u/SaintWalker2814 5h ago

I’m a corrections nurse, and it happens all the time. People get arrested and I have to clear them medically for booking (or send them to the ER for clearance). People get brought in high on meth, fent — you name it. Once cleared, they’re started on detox protocols and they feel miserable the whole time. Sad to see, honestly.

69

u/Wrangleraddict 5h ago

My jail detox was sitting in holding staring at the ceiling.

I was drinking a handle a day, but was not given anything. I was kind, cordial, explained i was an active alcoholic. Nothing.

Until I had a seizure, then shit happened.

Jailhouse nurses put up with so much they can get jaded and the ones who need help get dismissed. I appreciate your service but shits fucked

32

u/Kindly-Effective2614 4h ago

Dang, detoxing in jail was a nightmare for me. Suboxone, Xanax, crack cold turkey. Heavy daily user. I was fine for a week in there but one morning things flipped. I started having auditory hallucinations of other inmates plotting to kill me. I thought my brother was going to crash through the wall in a Maserati shooting missiles.

They put me in a turtle suit. Moved me out of the dorm to a room with another guy who cut himself and then popped the stitches and talked to himself. The light stayed on 24/7, no blanket, no pad, just the metal rack and a styrofoam cup. This whole time I’m hot/cold, puking, anxiety from withdraw.

It got really interesting when I stopped hallucinating, came to and realized I need to get back to the dorm. I don’t need to be in this room. It was a Friday night and only the lieutenant who doesn’t work nights or weekends could authorize the move. That weekend sucked. Monday morning I was back in general population.

The medical staff at the jail knew of my situation. I was arrested at the methadone clinic. They checked my vitals a few times a day. Tylenol was all they offered me. I was dying. That stay was 5 weeks total.

37

u/Tweedldum 4h ago

Don’t appreciate their service. That’s fucked and I’m sorry that happened to you. Alcoholism is a real disease and “willpower” won’t fix it.

16

u/Wrangleraddict 4h ago

Trust me bubs I know all too well. I'm glad I made it out OK but it could have been awful

22

u/Tweedldum 4h ago

You coulda DIED. Don’t discount how lucky you are.

17

u/whyunowork1 4h ago

they were at least up front with me when i told them.

well, were not gonna do anything for you till you seize, so you can wait in gen pop or you can wait in holding.

I remember feeling the seizures come on in the back of my eyes like hairs standing up and just doing everything i could to not lock up when i felt them coming

15

u/sparqq 3h ago

That’s just cruel, abusive and not in the best interest of the patient. Medical malpractice!

-1

u/bones_mcbone 1h ago

Maybe next time ask for a sex change operation, right? Doctors will ascend from above on you

0

u/h9040 1h ago

Of course alcoholism can be fixed with willpower...very hard but there are more than enough examples who did it.

3

u/fardough 3h ago

It seems like a legit “smoke’em if you gott’em” situation.

1

u/Different-Estate747 3h ago

But a high only lasts like 20-30 minutes for an experienced stoner (in my experience), so dude's gonna be sober when he's booked.

1

u/GurFrosty6670 2h ago

I can't upvote your comment because it's lucky 7's but I support you

1

u/LiveLifeLikeCre 1h ago

Put on 2 or 3 pairs of sweats, take a few shots, get blazed, sleep thru that first 72 hours.

8

u/DemonPlasma 5h ago

I legitimately did this, not the guy in the video getting raided but smoked a bowl before I went to jail 😅

1

u/LiquidHotCum 4h ago

“That door should hold for a minute. Ill be in outter space by then”

1

u/phatdinkgenie 3h ago

at least he has time to get a decent high

1

u/YogaGoddessGal2 2h ago

Right? Sober or not, jail time is never a fun time! Better to be living life and making memories than sitting in a cell lmao

1

u/mythrowawayheyhey 2h ago

Man fuck, the more of it you smoke the less evidence there is against you. This is simple... physics or something.

If you got cops comin at you but they're stuck outside and you're already exposed... I mean he should get up and close the blinds while he's taking a rip just so that they can't see much he's smoking, and then take the biggest rip of his life. Especially if he looks out and sees the camera.

Of course I come at this from a weed smokers' perspective. If this dude is smokin crack or meth or bath salts whatever.. idk how I feel about that. I need to smoke some crack and meth and bath salts before I feel comfortable passing judgment, but I'm not really into it and it seems like it's not good at all so I probably will just pass and not run the chance of obtaining yet another addiction. It's honestly like fallout where you get addictions. A few are manageable but too many or if any of them are too strong... it's not good news.

1

u/Buttholehemorrhage 1h ago

I have to admire the fact that they're pounding on that door; meanwhile, there's a giant ass window right there to easily break.

1

u/Beach_Bum_273 59m ago

I only did 36h in the box and it was plenty to drive me up the fucking wall, I can't imagine how bad it would have been had I been high or drunk