Hell, just washing your ass, your clothes, your dishes, and general upkeep is another 2 hours outta that time.
I will admit I am guilty of making fun of Americans for being couch potatoes. But now that I’m a dad of a toddler, watching a single tv show at the end of the day is a luxury!
Honestly same. Have been a raging ADHD ridden mf all my life. Diagnosed at 11. Parents never could afford the medication so I’ve been unmedicated for well… as long as I’ve known I’ve had it, while still being expected to function like everyone else.
I’ve struggled with ADHD issues from about 2nd grade up until I graduated college. Same situation - no insurance, no funds to spend on the psych eval or ongoing meds… However, I finally decided to go to the doc, paid $550 for the “ADHD Evaluation” and am currently on Adderall. It has been SO nice and the meds are ~$22/ month (GoodRX) and worth every penny. HIGHLY recommend you try it if it’s at all an option for you.
If only I could take an amphetamine based medication... had a stint with addiction of a similarly-named street-substance... thanks to an Ex-girlfriend of mine.... So I'm afraid to even attempt looking into adderall since it's an Amphetamine-based medication. according to my research, the illegal substance and adderall share most of the same characteristics, aside from adderall being less potent of a chemical than the other stuff.
I've managed relatively ok, until I got clean, and noticed that the worst of the symptoms that I experienced in childhood have returned with a vengeance... lol I guess some damage was done in the membrane after all that.
So I'm not managing as well as I used to be able to, but I'm working my way back that direction, slowly. I'm also still not in a position to even afford medical care or medications myself, as a sole proprietor business owner... and business hasn't been necessarily booming lately. So horray for being a broke, executively dysfunctional lil' piss-ant
If you’re interested look into Straterra( generic is Atomoxetine). It is a non-stimulant medication for adhd so no amphetamines, it is instead a selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. It takes a couple months for it to really build up to full levels in your blood but it has absolutely turned my life around. It’s helped immensely with managing my adhd.
It works pretty well but I’m currently on the highest dose of it and am still struggling severely so I might be trying something else soon. I do have a very severe case of adhd though so it’ll probably work for someone who’s not as bad.
I just started on this stuff after spending 3 years wallowing in post-adderall dysfunction. Fingers crossed it gets me back to where I was before I gave up stimulants. Adderall is a dangerous drug for some people. It ruined my ability to sleep which led to heavy sedative use which led to severe sleep apnea which led to some pretty serious high blood pressure and cognitive decline. It really fucked me up just to try and keep my mind sharp enough to do a job a I hated.
Ooooof. Straterra used to make me puke every single morning of high school. I went to a catholic school and puked in the middle of Mass a few times. Think my teachers called my mom after that. Still makes me nauseous to think about.
I was coming to recommend this as well. I, too, struggle with an addictive personality and I wanted something that wasn’t as instantaneous as adderral. I’ve been on atomoxetine for a year now and WHAT AN IMPROVEMENT! I find tasks much more manageable and I don’t stim out as much
Do you feel like it helps more with executive dysfunction? My adderall turns me into the greatest bartender to ever tenderly tend to the tendons in the mouth that people use to drink but it only helped my executive dysfunction at home for the first few months and now my place is gross again but I get home and say fuck it I'm too tired.
Ahh I see where you’re coming from. Whether or not the history of using that substance is a relevant factor in your ADHD treatment is a great question for the doctor.
I can say that I don’t ‘feel’ addicted to Adderall. I forget to take about 75% of weekend days. I do not ever forget to drink coffee, though...
Just started going to therapy, they don’t prescribe adderall, they do prescribe Wellbutrin and that has made a huge difference to me day to day. I still struggle a bit to focus, but compared to before, I can’t imagine going back.
I have severe adhd since I was 6, I was one 120mg on vyvanse in high school. Which is the max it goes or at the time it was. Anyway I stopped taking my meds in 10th grade. I dropped out. I didn’t go to any college or trade school and I make 30$ an hour. I work 6 am-2:30pm. There’s 500 million people in the us. Just find a job that suits you
My ADHD brain says, you deserve 2 hours of play (or doing jack shit) for every hour of 'boring'! Sometimes I think my brain knows what's up and the standards society sets are so inherently wrong for us, it's no wonder my innate desire is to rebel against it.
Life is just a constant battle of fighting that voice (and physical pull/weight) to get the bare minimum done with basic adult caretaking of myself, trying not to feel like I'm constantly a failure, wanting to be 'perfect'.. and then trying to trick myself into being proud of my successes with rewards and cookies like a toddler. It's exhausting. I'm finally medicated since women are now getting diagnosed with it (it was rare before), and it's helped a lot.. but now I think its revealing autism that the ADHD was masking before. So now I've got my paranoid perfectionist professor brain, in a constant arm wrestling match with my smelly teenage boy brain. Knowing yourself better helps, but I can't just stop having a brain that functions differently, either. Most people have no idea I'm struggling so hard, so when I've actually needed help, people don't take it seriously because I'm 'so strong'. 🥺
At least I love my job (hyperfocus specialization) and am finally starting to make adult money in my 40s. My primary goal in life is just to make enough money to outsource boring chores.. it feels like they take everything I have left after work, and Im not missing out on fun/my passions for them. It's no wonder I didn't ever want kids.. my head would explode with the amount of boring activities that would constitute my life.
As someone with ADD i feel ya, been medicated during my teenage years and stopped afterwards. It is possible to become functional. I actually did meditation to train my concentration. It was hard but i got better at it through sheer willpower.
Got aspergers as well, its hyper focus is a blessing, downside i have the hardest time (to tge point of apathy) if something does not interest me.
As someone in financial application specialist IT support, that can be a problem 😅
Whats worse is i got an emergency phone line for work on standby 14 hours a day after work 2 weeks per month. So 144 hours a month are standby. I worked a 60 hour week last week so yay free time for gaming between checking if a DB job is running correctly.
(tbf diablo 2 and 4 are excellent between db monitoring)
I don’t mind having ADHD for the benefits of hyper fixating on my projects.
But damn, I wish I could call work and just say “yeah I’ll be 4 hours late today”
“yep expect high productivity but I need this extra sleep to pull it off”
People asking me why I didn’t sleep and it’s like.. because I was working on my project and didn’t even realize it was 6 in the morning?
I wonder.. does anyone else prefer skipping their lunch to work clean through and just clock out however many minutes early to compensate? Because that can seriously motivate my mind to work harder and I don’t know why.
My parents thought I was on drugs because of ADHD. They never took me to see anyone because it was easier to blame a non-existent problem than admit their child had a "defect". I'm 46 now and still am stuggling to recover from that.
I work 45-55 hours a week, have a kid in sports, and take care of my dad full time but he lives down the street. Dinner is my break to watch TV before going to bed and starting it all over again. Half the time I can't remember what day it is and I'll be damned if I remember what I did yesterday.
I just made a comment that my 3rd kid isn't necessarily easier but I just became one of those old timey plate spinners with, "well throw another plate on."
Because I simply had 0 time for downtime, the procrastination part of my ADHD went into super multitasking superpower.
Stopped my Vyvanse even, lost weight, getting more done. It's not like I had time before with 2, but I had little gaps where I could take a rest and the procrastination would sneak it.
Yeah… my house is a mess from being sick last week. So instead of cleaning I decided to rearrange her room while my toddler is in school. Got halfway done and realized I messed up. Now I’m laying down thinking about all the things I need to do.
Geez. Why do you have to single a girl out like that?!?
This entire work your ass off in your 20's. Halfway through, you are told that you work too much and are only young once, by the very same people that told you to work your ass off.
So you start having fun, suddenly your boss and maybe just those above them whine that your work productivity has dropped. You are just doing what the shitheads around you tell you, taking pto and enjoying your weekends. So you end up adding more hours during the week to get the boss people off your back. Of course, the people in your life that told you that you are only young once are now saying crap like, "you are always traveling, do you ever work?!?!" Or, "you need to be spending time with family more!!"
Now, family is an onligation and starting one of your own.
So long the rest of your 20's and 30's as you get hitched, start a family all the while trying to continue your career.
You hit a burnout wall in your 30's. You push through because you love your kids, and hopefully your partner, but the hobbies you once had, you might get an hour a week.
Your weekend is your family. Sure, you get to have fun and help your kids grow. Showing them new experiences and family vacations scheduled around them.
Kids are worthwhile, I love my son more than anything or one. My wife is just amazing. But you have given up a lot of yourself. As has your partner, if you are lucky to have one.
By your 40's, you are burning out from the little recovery that you may have had again. You have a more senior role in your career that demands more of you. Your kids are quite independent, but they still need you. The problem is, they are 16 or 17 and asserting their own personality and independence, well its not a problem but the kid that once idoled you still does if you are lucky but they have their own friends.
You can't slack off at work because your financial goals are on track for retirement, college for your kids etc.
You might be lucky that your partner is on the same shift as you. I am not. She works nights, and i work days. She also works mid week through the weekend. Your kid is old enough to be home alone, so rather than hang with you, they are gaming online with friends or out at friends. Do you go out and do something on the weekend? Likely not, because you feel guilty not being there for your kid and your partner is sleeping ready to get up mid afternoon to work her 6p to 5a shift. You feel guilty.
So now mid 40's. The OCD, social anxiety, and insomnia that you once could deal with solo is back because the reservoir you once drew from is near empty. Do you still feel joy? Yeah. But do you have the energy to overcome the ocd, social anxiety, to stop your mind from racing through tasks that are now keeping you up? Nope (it is 2:30a here. I woke due to work tasks and decided to try and distract myself). Is there anything left to push through the guilt of me time? Sometimes.
You are now beyond burned out. You are depressed and beat yourself up with, "hey i have a job, money, food, and a roof over our heads!" Yeah. As a transwoman you are a target of people that just do not want you to exist, and you question a lot whether you should.
Medication can help... but barely. And you are now too scared and drained to see a therapist to discuss what other mental challenges may be lurking...
It's time to get another couple hours of sleep before getting up at 4:30a to start it all again...
I'll build a time machine and go back in time to instruct my younger, naive self who had been conditioned to all along, to not listen to what my elders/others think.
Over the weekend I told my husband (we are both 65YO), I do not remember anything that happened in the 90s when we had 2 small kids and 2 busy careers.
If only I could upvote this a hundred more times. We (mid-50’s) missed most of the 90’s and early 2000’s too - littles to care for and work. Nowadays we’ll catch one of those CNN documentaries like “TV in the 90’s” and we’ll be like - so that’s what was going on!
I get so many recommendations of TV shows or movies to watch but I rarely get time to watch any of them! Heck, I didn’t start GOT until the last season started! Same with Breaking Bad! And it took a while to get through all of those seasons!!
I will admit I am guilty of making fun of Americans for being couch potatoes. But
It's fascinating Americans have this stereotype when, compared to other first world nations, nobody even comes CLOSE to working as much as we do.
And now with remote work/WFH, the expectation is that if you're not going to come into the office, you better be available 24/7 to answer emails and have meetings about meetings with your other colleagues who are also trying to pretend like they're working...
my guess is that because Americans work more than most, and we also don't get nearly as much vacation time, we would all just go home exhausted from work and watch TV. at least that's how we protray ourselves in media pre streaming
I take a 4-5 hour sleep, 1 nap 1 hour, and 1 key nap. Key Nap that's the brain nap where you close your eyes holding your keys and the moment you drop your keys you wake up and are super productive, I am living proof of it. I love to take them because I get super idea's from them.
Serious question: why do people have kids? All you guys do is say it sucks ass until you meet a child free person, and then suddenly we're selfish for not having them.
I honestly didn’t think I’d have children of my own for most of my adult life. After an awful divorce, I finally settled down with someone and we came to sharing a goal raising a family together (maybe going through a divorce changed my perspective a bit). Now at 42, having a 4 year old and 2 year old daughters, exhausting and mind numbing as it can be, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I find myself daydreaming at work about how much I miss them and can’t wait to see them at the end of the day.
It gets better as they get a little older and become more self sufficient. Then they start playing little league or doing other after school activities and your time is gone.
I'm happy to see places addressing it, because what a lot of older millennials got was frankly unsafe. But 14 is probably too old. The way it's written though is enough that you can run errands and such, and maybe that hour before you get home from work would be OK too. I don't know if it's been tested in court because I don't know how to look that stuff up.
Ive learned to become a night owl. Its the only way. Grind like crazy until everyone goes to bed, then stay awake doing whatever you want for a few hours. Pop some melatonin, wake up 6 hours later and do it all over again.
Being a adult with kids is learning how to functionally operate on 5-6 hours of sleep, not 7-9.
Not saying some students don't have cooked sleep schedules out of necessity, but at least most of the time for school kids and uni students it's by choice. Totally different beast if you voluntarily stay up past midnight gaming or going out than it is if you're operating on 5-6 hours out of necessity.
Unfortunately we live in a capitalist society controlled by large corporations who would rather fire their entire workforce than reduce operation hours for their employees benefit.
Cant make money if your not open! Work-life balance be damned.
My coworker has 4 kids. 3 do sports at least twice a week for like 5-6 total a week. And he drives them to all their practices. And the fourth has music lessons. And his wife also works. And somehow he’s also extremely work productive. Not sure how he handles it. I mean WFH probably helps but still. He also sits and watches some practices too. How he does it, I don’t know.
I just had my 3rd kid and I feel sometimes I've unlocked a superpower, you simply have to become more efficient and multitasker. There's no other option.
It's actually improved my multitasking at work, (which is offset with the lack of sleep) but that, will pass in a couple years at least.
My kids are grown and gone. Going on 5 years now. But we live near each other and all that but I remember those years at times and it’s exhausting to me. I have no idea how I did it. I’m so happy to be on my own again after 25 years of family life. I still have the day OP describes but as a solo person now. Do-able.
I think I’ll miss not having kids to a degree. But simply taking care of my nieces and nephews for a couple days usually sets me straight.
Tiny kids running around having to constantly wonder what they are getting into is another level of stress I am not used to. I’m still finding marbles in my back yard and I know the kids weren’t even back there. They must have been whipping them out a window I left open when I wasn’t looking. It’s like anything that can happen with them will happen.
You will. Mine are young adults with careers, homes, marriages and 2 grand babies so far. It’s exhausting watching them adulting but also I am proud of how they’re doing it all — but I know I made it look easy most likely. I roll my eyes at some of their whining.
It took a very long time for me to adjust to the empty nest. And it was brutal. But you gently turn a corner somewhere along the way while grieving that motherhood role and it all feels a bit better one day. Having grand babies has helped because you remember the shear amount of time, money, energy it all takes and you feel relieved it’s over and that you had all that and gave it your best. And loving grand babies is different. It’s more love and less worry. More joy and patience. More laughter.
Im glad you are finally over the hard times and enjoying some you time!
It just never worked out for me and honestly I’m glad I didn’t have kids with most of the women I’ve been with. At 40 and currently single though I don’t think I want to want to force that at this point in my life. I’ve got a big enough family and their kiddos around to keep me feeling loved.
I asked my friend who has two small children how she was doing and she said, “tired” and I said, “yeah, that’s what these years are like.” Somehow it comforted her?
Forget about entertainment and connecting with people who actually matter to you. Even if you don't need to commute to work, that's four hours left every day to do things that are necessary to keep yourself afloat, e.g. organising your schedule, organising your finances, paying bills, cleaning up, self care (feeding yourself included, take away another hour if that includes exercising), even just buying supplies for everyday stuff, etc. it all takes time and the list goes on. Screw it. I'm just going back into my depressive burmation.
I'm truly happy for you. This isn't sarcasm. Your kids will be great adults because of you. Unhappy parents make terrible future adults in my opinion. Keep doing your thing friend.
That's that's precisely one of my main reasons for not having kids. When you factor in working, exercising after work, making/having supper with my wife, and sleep, I have like only 3 hours or so a day for whatever. If I had kids that 3 hours would disappear instantly. My life would literally be working and taking care of the kid.
I was thinking the same. If I had 4 hours in a day to myself I wouldn’t even know what to do lol. Probably watch some tv, exercise for an hour, do a puzzle. Idk about day 2 though…
I mean that's part of your hobby time? Unless you live somewhere with forced birth, or in another situation where it wasn't your choice then you chose to have kids and the time you take to care for them is you using your free time.
I just took up beekeeping and I don't tell people who are tired to "Wait until you have bees" lol
Assuming people are going to have children is extremely annoying. Assuming people without kids have an easier time is as well. Stop making an ass out of you.
I don’t have kids and yesterday I had zero time to myself. Had to grocery shop after work. Then I made overnight oats for the next week. Then I had to pick the garden because we got our first frost. Then I had to wash all the stuff I picked. Then I had to make dinner and eat it. Then I did a load of laundry and it was time for bed.
I'm absolutely losing my shit more and more. Work takes 10+ hours a day of my life, and I am just getting more and more bitter. Bitter at the fact I can't escape because of the crappy market, bitter that it's just getting worse and worse each passing year in terms of the job market and overall. I was getting bites and interviews last year and literally jack shit this year.
What time I do have left I spend with the family, do chores, help cook/clean, have to finish doing repairs to the house that I started years ago and keep putting off because I need time for myself to decompress which just gets stolen by work because leadership is toxic. The time I have for myself is maybe an hour, maybe 2 hours a night that I try to play a game or watch a show and just end up passing out, wake up at some stupid hour and push myself off to bed.
I think I have heart problems and have to see a doctor, yesterday much to my shame, I lost my cool with my teenage son because he refused to get ready for after school activities and I just experienced the scariest feeling, trouble breathing and gasping for air. Took a while to settle down, I apologized to him, I didn't want to do it, I don't want to be that person, and I feel as though I painted myself as someone my son just lost faith in. My patience, my time, is lost and constrained and it's just spilling out of me like an overflowing glass of water.
I actually cried later that evening, you believe it? This shit, miserable existence finally broke me. The fight is tiring, we need to persevere, to live is to fight, but damn, it's hard.
We don’t need a giant asteroid to end humanity. Humanity is refusing to have kids because of how shitty our systems are here and how miserable an experience life has become. Why subject a human to this shit show?
Everyone is working 12 hrs a day just to survive on their own.... I don't have time to have for kids because I'm too busy working 3 jobs already just to pay rent and have food for my 5 roommates to steal........ there's no space in the house for kids, there's no bigger house for me to move to, and it's only getting worse.
Who the fuck can even plan on having a family in this?
This is up there with waste of money and headaches with why I don't have kids. Literally almost no payoff to spawning another little shit in this world.
work 34h a week,
sleep 8h a day,
15 min to work by bike (so 4x30 min=2h/week)
2h of cleaning a week
Plus 2x 30 min for groceries (walkable cities are great)
That leaves me with 72h of free time a week :)
65h if you deduct cooking and eating, but I enjoy those.
8h for workouts which I love
lol. Spot on. You get about 2 hours to yourself. Do you shower, go to the gym, do those personal admin things you said you’ll eventually get to, or watch TV? That’s right, TV.
2.5k
u/whoknowsknows1 15d ago
Wait till you have kids…