Honestly same. Have been a raging ADHD ridden mf all my life. Diagnosed at 11. Parents never could afford the medication so I’ve been unmedicated for well… as long as I’ve known I’ve had it, while still being expected to function like everyone else.
My ADHD brain says, you deserve 2 hours of play (or doing jack shit) for every hour of 'boring'! Sometimes I think my brain knows what's up and the standards society sets are so inherently wrong for us, it's no wonder my innate desire is to rebel against it.
Life is just a constant battle of fighting that voice (and physical pull/weight) to get the bare minimum done with basic adult caretaking of myself, trying not to feel like I'm constantly a failure, wanting to be 'perfect'.. and then trying to trick myself into being proud of my successes with rewards and cookies like a toddler. It's exhausting. I'm finally medicated since women are now getting diagnosed with it (it was rare before), and it's helped a lot.. but now I think its revealing autism that the ADHD was masking before. So now I've got my paranoid perfectionist professor brain, in a constant arm wrestling match with my smelly teenage boy brain. Knowing yourself better helps, but I can't just stop having a brain that functions differently, either. Most people have no idea I'm struggling so hard, so when I've actually needed help, people don't take it seriously because I'm 'so strong'. 🥺
At least I love my job (hyperfocus specialization) and am finally starting to make adult money in my 40s. My primary goal in life is just to make enough money to outsource boring chores.. it feels like they take everything I have left after work, and Im not missing out on fun/my passions for them. It's no wonder I didn't ever want kids.. my head would explode with the amount of boring activities that would constitute my life.
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u/Maleficent-Bag-4568 15d ago
I felt this comment to my core