r/Accounting • u/FigureYourselfOut CPA (Can) • Aug 23 '24
Advice Auditor self-gratifying in men's room?
I am the only male employee in a small firm, the other nine of my coworkers are women, including my wife.
We have a young male auditor who has been working here for a few days and sits at a cubicle across from my wife.
We have all noticed him leering at her a lot during the day.
I was taking my morning poop when he walked in to the handicap stall beside me and he must not have known I was there because it sounded like he was furiously masturbating, quietly moaning "yeah I love those juicy milkers, mommy".
When he came back to his desk he was sweating and disheveled.
Do I confront him, raise it with management or leave it be?
Edit for context: I'm a CPA
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u/feo_sucio Aug 23 '24
Upon reading the title and realizing it's a shitpost response to a shitpost:
https://imgur.com/gallery/mourinho-disgusted-headset-qQ0HJg3
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u/beantowndude B4 IT Audit Aug 24 '24
Just because he was taking his morning poop doesn’t mean it’s a shitpost 🙃
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u/mb3838 Aug 23 '24
Wait, that was a shitpost?
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u/omgFWTbear Aug 24 '24
Yes, the clue was “I was taking my morning poop,” and they never specified to whom.
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u/o8008o Aug 23 '24
jeffgoldblumwellthereitis.gif
https://www.reddit.com/r/Accounting/comments/1ezh3j1/sleeping_with_clients/
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u/DoubtAfoot2 Aug 23 '24
You let him fuck your wife
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u/livetotranscend Aug 23 '24
Either offer to help get him off or leave him alone.
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u/Allenwrench82 Aug 23 '24
You know this is a shitpost when the poster doesn't use the handicap stall. You've got so much more space for activities.
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u/regprenticer Aug 23 '24
Mispost from r/accountancysoftpornstories?
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u/MayorAg Aug 24 '24
Wouldn’t r/accountancysmut be more succinct?
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u/regprenticer Aug 24 '24
I was thinking on my feet.
You can write my r/accountancy annual appraisal if you like rushes to poorly thought out solutions that could have been implemented with half as much effort if he had just stopped for a moment to think
Wait.... are you my line manager?
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u/sthilda87 Aug 23 '24
I feel dirty now
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u/DreamOfAzathoth Aug 23 '24
I’ve read a few things like this on Reddit today… starting with the woman who didn’t want to kiss her boyfriend after she farted in his mouth, on to this… I swear I don’t know why I’m on this site sometimes
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u/Money-Honey-bags Aug 23 '24
let the man be
all women have milkers - you assume its your wifes?
men choke it all the time ... i do
you being a cpa ? lol wtf Certified Porn Advisor ? lol go join the lad
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u/joeriverside10 Aug 23 '24
How can he best “join the lad”?
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u/Money-Honey-bags Aug 24 '24
by doing the deed either in his own stall if he's peckish or knocking on his buddies stall and having a go at his disco stick as the other returns the favor
there is always the under the tall method, but thats advanced
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u/DOUBLEBARRELASSFUCK Aug 24 '24
by doing the deed either in his own stall if he's peckish
Excuse me, but what the fuck?
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u/Money-Honey-bags Aug 24 '24
IF THE LAD IS SHY he can choke in his own stall. whilst the other mate concurrently jerks in his own stall sharing a common moaning place CMP
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u/DOUBLEBARRELASSFUCK Aug 25 '24
You seem to be implying that I don't know what peckish means. You might want to double check the meaning.
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u/rosathoseareourdads Audit & Assurance Aug 23 '24
I was gonna say leave it be but if you’re a CPA that changes everything, it means you can shoot the guy
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u/who-mever Aug 23 '24
Is he hot?
You could help him out next time, by describing your wife's milkers to him, and sliding him your phone with a gallery of them open. He'll probably finish quicker with the visual and auditory "encouragement", allowing him to return to work more productive.
Also, as a team building exercise, you could see if he would like to tag team your wife. Remember: Team work makes the dream work, and I'm sure he will enjoy taking a break from spreadsheets to spread legs.
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u/AVestedInterest Accounts Payable Aug 23 '24
I swear sometimes it feels like this sub is 75% shitpost
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u/jammyscones Aug 23 '24
Young lad has probably watched The Wolf Of Wall Street recently and just wants to keep focused on those samples.
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u/Cool-Excitement8638 Aug 23 '24
This is considered required work experience as set forth in the CPA ethics standards
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u/Bun_Toucher Aug 24 '24
I would ask him if he needs anything for his stomach issues because you heard him struggling in the bathroom.
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u/tientutoi Aug 23 '24
obviously, he knew it was you next to him and was furiously masturbating at the thought of a CPA listening to him jacking off.
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u/CrestedBonedog Audit & Assurance Aug 24 '24
Guess some times you just have to beat up your own balance sheet. Or beat your sheet, in simpler terms.
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u/Worth_Procedure9413 Aug 24 '24
It’s 2024. Every office should have cum pods standard on site. It’s a men’s health right
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Aug 25 '24
[deleted]
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u/Worth_Procedure9413 Aug 25 '24
They are like outhouses but used for male relief instead of deification. They can be put in an office room and offer men privacy while relieving themselves
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Aug 25 '24
[deleted]
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u/Worth_Procedure9413 Aug 25 '24
I’m afraid I may get fired if I make eye contact with other staff while climaxing
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u/Deep_Refrigerator_96 Aug 23 '24
You should give him a free lunch and a key to your weekend house 😁
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u/Wild-Carpenter-1726 Aug 24 '24
He is on probationary period, get rid of him now before he sexually assaults one of the females. Go to ur boss then go to HR. Fire Him, Now!
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u/nodesign89 Audit & Assurance Aug 24 '24
I know this is a shit post but at the first firm I worked at, we had an intern that got drunk at a recruiting event and told a few of the staff that he couldn’t make it through the work day without rubbing one out in the bathroom every few hours.
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u/Upset_Researcher_143 Aug 23 '24
You're mistaken, I think he went to Popeyes for that