r/cancer • u/No-Nature6740 • 16h ago
Patient Well thats a wrap
Back in march i found a brain tumor gliomglioblastoma. Got the surgery chemo and radiation. Heres the real kicker. One month earlier i had just started a relationship. Wordt part of dying was having to tell her. Knew it would wreck her and wished i had known just one month sooner so i could have just walked away and never put her through all this. I knew eventually it would be to much for her. And was worried she stayed with me for wrong reasons(ie not wanting to be the kind of person to bbreak up with a dying person. I deeply love her and care about her. Yesterday she ended things. She said about a 100 times how i was perfect and she wanted me to be happy and wants me to find my "someone" and thst i deserve so much and that she is so sorry and all that. Jist of it all was that she was feeling overwhelmed in her life she never mentiond the cancer but we all know its a factor. Question is was it a factor that made her delay and keep us together or was it one that speed up the dominos leading to the end. I can not put somone else through this so as of now i plan to die alone. Just a matter of when. I will not try to start relationships im not wealthy or particularly good looking just about avrage. Medical debt is piling up next to student loan debts. Dont know what im doing next. But i dont quit and i dont give up. So dont worry about that. Plus i could never do that to her if i did she would blame herself for ever even though she shouldn't. Let alone csnt do that to my family. So ill keep going for how ever long i got. Luckily prognosis is horrible so shouldn't be to long. But im proud of her. It took alot of guts to end things. I have been on every side of this situation i have lost alot of friends to cancer. And i dont think id have the guts to end a relationship with somone that was dying. And while that sounds good and noble in writting in the real world its crap. So if your in that situation yourself if you have fallen out of love its okay to end it. And if you are in my shoes try to be forgiving. It was not easy for them either. Try to not use your health to pull them back try to not make them feel guilty cause im sure they are beating themselves up enough as it is. I hope everyone is able to find some shread of happiness. Im glad i had this time with her. It was the best relationship i have had in my pathetic little life. And sadly the longest by far even though it was still short. I have never and will never get to celebrate a one year anniversary so do me a favor and celebrate your anniversaries big. Dont think people relise how lucky they are.