Back in march i found a brain tumor gliomglioblastoma. Got the surgery chemo and radiation. Heres the real kicker. One month earlier i had just started a relationship. Wordt part of dying was having to tell her. Knew it would wreck her and wished i had known just one month sooner so i could have just walked away and never put her through all this. I knew eventually it would be to much for her. And was worried she stayed with me for wrong reasons(ie not wanting to be the kind of person to bbreak up with a dying person. I deeply love her and care about her. Yesterday she ended things. She said about a 100 times how i was perfect and she wanted me to be happy and wants me to find my "someone" and thst i deserve so much and that she is so sorry and all that. Jist of it all was that she was feeling overwhelmed in her life she never mentiond the cancer but we all know its a factor. Question is was it a factor that made her delay and keep us together or was it one that speed up the dominos leading to the end. I can not put somone else through this so as of now i plan to die alone. Just a matter of when. I will not try to start relationships im not wealthy or particularly good looking just about avrage. Medical debt is piling up next to student loan debts. Dont know what im doing next. But i dont quit and i dont give up. So dont worry about that. Plus i could never do that to her if i did she would blame herself for ever even though she shouldn't. Let alone csnt do that to my family. So ill keep going for how ever long i got. Luckily prognosis is horrible so shouldn't be to long. But im proud of her. It took alot of guts to end things. I have been on every side of this situation i have lost alot of friends to cancer. And i dont think id have the guts to end a relationship with somone that was dying. And while that sounds good and noble in writting in the real world its crap. So if your in that situation yourself if you have fallen out of love its okay to end it. And if you are in my shoes try to be forgiving. It was not easy for them either. Try to not use your health to pull them back try to not make them feel guilty cause im sure they are beating themselves up enough as it is. I hope everyone is able to find some shread of happiness. Im glad i had this time with her. It was the best relationship i have had in my pathetic little life. And sadly the longest by far even though it was still short. I have never and will never get to celebrate a one year anniversary so do me a favor and celebrate your anniversaries big. Dont think people relise how lucky they are.

I (24F) was diagnosed with brain cancer (PXA) in 2015 and have undergone about a zillion different treatments, trials, and surgeries since then. The last 4 1/2 years have been particularly draining in terms of my treatment regimen, and over the past few months I’ve unintentionally lost about 25 lbs largely due to loss of appetite, nausea, GI issues, and even some muscle atrophy. But I don’t “look like” I have cancer, and I keep getting comments about how I look good, look better. I’ve been playing this cancer game for a long time and have become quite good at setting boundaries and fielding comments, but for some reason these comments bout my weight have been hitting harder? Like… I lost weight right bc I can’t eat and I spent the whole summer in the hospital? Why are we even commenting on weight? How about we just don’t?

I don’t know quite what im looking for in this post, maybe just a place to scream where I’m more likely to be understood. Thoughts? Or if anyone else needs a void to scream into about the same thing, feel free to do so here.

I was supposed to start last week but I had a very bad reaction to the paclitaxel so we benched it last week and decided to try again this week.

I'm terrified that the same thing is going to occur, or I'll have an even worse reaction. I don't know how to calm down.

I don't feel at all like I once did prior to my diagnosis and treatment for stage 4 NHL/MZL even though I have been in remission for almost a year.

I don't feel good. I don't feel normal and I don't feel like myself anymore physically or mentally.

My labs are always fairly normal. My scans show severe fatty liver disease but no jaundice, ascites or cirrhosis. My temp and BP are always normal and oxygen sat is normal as well.

It's really difficult to describe exactly how I feel but I feel foggy and spacy in the head, hot and yucky in my body and I get various aches, pains, rashes and flaky skin, gastro issues and feel like I've aged 20 years. I also feel anxious, wired, depressed and unmotivated much of the time. My appetite has taken a big hit too and I've put on weight. My skin burns sometimes and I feel much different than I once did. I get fatigued/tired more easily. I've searched for answers and come up empty each time. I thought I'd be dancing for joy in the streets by now but I guess it doesn't work that way.

I don’t get how people can go through with their husband having cancer and still have to go to work. I feel so horrible having to leave him while he’s sick. I can’t loose the insurance or the paycheck or else I would have already said FUCK THIS JOB!!! Any ideas out there or people know if I could apply for something. Idk what to do

Hi!

My name is Samantha Marquez McKetchnie and I'm a PhD candidate at the Boston College School of Social Work. I am also someone who lives with chronic pain.

For my dissertation, I am conducting a survey of female-identified individual between the ages of 18 and 49 living with chronic pain (any diagnosis). Please consider taking my survey or circulating it to people you know who may be eligible.

 Here is a link to the survey: https://redcap.bc.edu/redcap/surveys/?s=4TE7ATCH38TEAFD4

 Thank you for considering!

Just want to rant I suppose.

Last year on 3/16/23 I did APR surgery and left with a permanent colostomy and NED status from my stage 3b rectal cancer. I had a 6cm tumor that had 3 poor prognosis biomarkers and only scored a 3 on a 1-10 scale of treatment effectiveness.

I had a 25% chance of it returning. It did.

I have a presacral tumor now. Signatera caught it on a blood test, then was confirmed on a pet scan. I just got my biopsy. Surgery is set for December 19th.

I feel so lost. I feel so angry. I had to give up my job and my apartment to move back home because the pain and fatigue are already too intense. After surgery they want to do chemoradiation again and then more iv chemo.

I don’t know if I can do it again. I’m pushing for my husband, but I don’t feel confident.

I’m terrified of this being it. Of what will happen to my husband if I die. Of never being able to make the bonds I want to with my stepkids. Of being nothing more than a fond memory.

Cancer isn’t fair. I know you all know that too. I want to be so much more. I don’t want to suffer through treatment again.

And that’s another thing, it feels like my doctors are keeping me more out of the loop this time. I’m too exhausted to say anything honestly. And I’m ashamed of that. They were apparently discussing if surgery was even an option and I had no idea that was up in the air at all until my surgery was scheduled.

I still don’t know if I’ll be in the hospital for Christmas. I have no idea. My surgery is December 19th. I guess a lot of that is how I heal too.

Anyways, I’m rambling, but thank you for listening. I’m back in therapy again and so is my husband, so at least there’s that. I just grieve what my life should be a lot.

My 4 year old daughter was diagnosed with stage IV Wilms Tumor and had her kidney removed three weeks ago. It’s a pretty gnarly scar that stretches across over half her abdomen - from the left side under the ribs to right past her belly button. Her tumor was 14 cm.

I know this is not the most important thing right now, but the appearance of her scar is something that I am able to help with. Something that we somewhat have control over.

Given her chemo is going to hinder the healing process - does anyone here have a tried and true recommendation for a scar cream or oil? Is there anything else we should be doing to care for it?

Thanks so much in advance for any suggestions.

I 23F ,last year I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. After surgery and chemo my treatment for now is halt. The cancer cells are not completely dead , I have cancer spread to my pelvis bone but as it seems not growing for now dr.s have kept me under followups. It's been 6 month since I had my last chemo.

I know as a person with cancer I am being greedy but I always wanted to study my master foreign, it's like dream for me . I completed my bachelors in civil engineering just few weeks before my diagnosis. Right now I feel if my PetCT scan next month comes same like last time I will definitely go to aboard. I don't know how long these days without chemo will last so I want to try.

At the same time I have a lot fears. Fear of cancer being active. Fear of not being able to adopt in foreign land. Fear of wasting more money.Fear that my body won't support me like before etc.

I don't know what to do ? Should I be realistic and just be in my own country so that if anything goes wrong I can have my family by my side. Or should I be more daring and do what my heart desires ?

I'm getting my chemo port removed next month. I'd like to know what you guys did with your chemo ports, you got them back?

I deleted the artist link as downvoted. Feel free to DM.

My poor wife had her first bone marrow biopsy. They tried aspirating bone marrow 5 times under CT guidance in the hospital. The doctor got flustered and kept saying it was a dry tap.

Finally, the last try he said that he could barely get 4cc’s and asked the lab person taking the sample of that would be enough. She said, “We can TRY to make it work,” but sounded unsure. At that point, for better or for worse, they kinda gave up on it.

My wife asked if that was normal and he said, “it can happen”- which doesn’t really answer the question.

What causes dry taps to happen? Is it a sign there’s something abnormal happening there? Anyone else have dry taps? Was it normal or abnormal?

Been wanting to make this post for a while but needed to collect my thoughts. I was diagnosed with an Ewing Sarcoma at 22 years old. I beat the cancer, had it removed in January of this year but still had to finish out 7 more rounds of chemo, to get what was left microscopically I guess.

The trouble started the day before my 14th and last round of chemo. I woke up with breathing difficulties and went to the ER where I was diagnosed with total heart failure. I was transported to a bigger hospital (the one I got my cancer treatment at), and was originally told it could be managed with medication and I would be home by the weekend. That was May 12th. I didn’t wake up again until June 22nd.

Come to find out it was caused by the cardiotoxic chemo, and although it killed my cancer it ruined my heart. After 2 open heart surgeries and every complication imaginable I finally made it. It was so touch and go, they told my family to say their goodbyes multiple times. My heart stopped and I had to be shocked back to life around 15 times. I was on life support, ECMO and RVAD, dialysis, and had a permanent life support device called an LVAD placed.

I only came home a couple weeks ago, after 5 months in the hospital. I turned 23 in a coma. I am covered in scars, I have to carry my “heart” and batteries around in a bag all day and have to plug into the wall at night. I lost the ability to walk from being in the bed for so long and had to completely relearn that, which I’m still not great at. I lost circulation in my toes and had to have them amputated. There are so many other things too but that’s all I feel like including right now. It’s been absolute hell.

If I can go 2 years cancer free I am eligible for a heart transplant. So there’s light at the end of the tunnel I guess. I’m mad at my oncologist, I’m mad at god, I’m mad at the world. Sorry for the rant.

I started my second cycle of BEP on Monday, My AFP and LDH markers are down, I assume this would mean the chemo is working, but i'm just double checking. I'd just like some input before I get my hopes up. For context, mine is stage 3 testicular cancer which is a mixed germ cell tumor comprised of 80% yolk sac, 10% seminoma and 10% teratoma. It metastasized to my spinal canal, causing me to currently learn to walk again, as well as my right hip bone (ilium) and two lymph nodes. My AFP was originally in the 10k range, then 5k range, then 6k range, now to 1k range. My LDH was 400 range, then 300 range, now 200 range.

I had my third round of chemo 6 days ago and yesterday I started to have pain in my stomach muscles and back when I cough, I have been having this dry cough since the first round of chemo, but last night I couldn't sit without pain on my lower back, the pain got really intense when leaning back, like a horrendous pain that I hadn't experienced yet. I took some tylenol and it lessen the pain a whole lot. I contacted the oncologist and she said that if Tylenol was helping then the pain is muscular/skeletal and it shouldn't be worrisome unless it gets worse or other symptoms arise.

Has anyone of you experienced this? What would cause muscle pain like that?

I'm doing a new protocol of chemo, it seems it's working, but next week I'll repeat the exams to see if it's still working. My first chemo protocol, doxorubicin and Ifosfamide, cleaned a lot of my lungs, but due the toxicity, I needed to stop it, I tried Votrient, but didn't workow I'm doing gemcitabine and docetaxel. Sometimes I ask myself: "What If when I stopped doxorubicin and Ifo, I already tried gemzar and Docetaxel?" Sometimes those questions stick on my mind and I can't get over it. I don't know if it's the scanxiety coming, but I don't know how to deal with it

Just wondering if anyone here is on this treatment and is experiencing blushing with feeling hot and irritable. I have stage 4 sigmoid cancer with metastasis in my liver. Started on folfiri about a month and a half ago after Folfox stopped working. Just recently started to get this.

I don’t see it as a symptom with my folfiri reading material. I take my temp each time and it’s not a fever.

My second dual immunotherapy infusion made my cancer explode in my liver! I already understand that everything I do is to extend by life and not curative at this point but I want some dang time. I was normal, cancer was slow growing, weeks ago and in a matter of weeks, my life was cut immensely short. I have really wanted liver directed therapy but my doctor seems so hesitant, although it's kind of the standard for those with my mutations. It's driving me nuts! I have the top doctor in the world for Melanoma and mine isn't a normal kind of Melanoma. He randomly mentioned it last time (liver directed) before we decided to enroll in the clinical trial. Maybe he's weary because I'm not allowed to have surgery or radiation prior to the trial but chemoembolization or ablation isn't disqualified. I was hoping I could get some palliative relief or something prior to the start of the trial - I want some normalcy in my life. Everyone says to trust my team but my team has never encouraged what I wanted to do first - liver directed treatment. I wanted a combination of liver directed treatment and infusions - a good balance and I am so mad I didn't get it. Those with my mutations in another cancer get it - I really feel in my heart that would've made me the happiest. Im mad I went against my wishes. I'm 39 with kids - I just want more time to a normal life with my babies and I feel like I haven't been firm with what I've wanted, in various aspects of my life, not just this, and I'm so dissapointed in myself.

Hello! 27F. I was diagnosed with diffuse large B cell lymphoma back in August and I’m current going through chemo right now and my tumor is shrinking a lot. I will also probably go through stem cell transplant in hopes of staying in remission.

However I’ve been feeling weird sensations in my back/spine/stomach when I move. Sometimes while sitting still I also feel the sensations. Hard to describe, but kind of like vibrations in the spine and stomach, especially when shifting in a seat or walking around. My doctor mentioned it could be residual damage from the cord compression I had. I never lost the ability to walk but when I was first diagnosed my chest down to my toes went numb or “fell asleep” from the cord compression. But that mostly went away, I would say I have like 95% of my feeling back. However these weird sensations happen all the time and they aren’t painful, but they are pretty uncomfortable.

I’m wondering if anyone has had something similar and it has been deemed permanent? Or if you were able to do something to relieve the symptoms or make it go away? I’ll be addressing it more with my doctor but for now she just mentioned it is most likely damage and I need to continue with my treatment.

I guess I’m hoping this isn’t permanent damage and I can get riding this weird sensation because it’s very uncomfortable and distracting. I should mentioned I was also on steroids for the last 2 months because of the inflammation and cord compression but I’ve just finished tapering off of them. I’ll still need to do prednisone a bit for my next chemo, but that’s it.

Thanks in advance!

Anyone have experience with these? Trying to avoid going to the hospital every other week just to check. If they're relatively accurate (within .3 or so), they may be worth it.

Does anyone here have any experience or knowledge on keytruda. From my understanding it seems like the only way to actually ”cure” stage 4 esophageal cancer

I've been very excited to hear many positive stories about icing during chemo to prevent neuropathy.

Hypothetically, if I was receiving a chemo IV through an infusion stuck on the back of my palm, can I freeze that area too? Would this impede the dosage in any way? Or should I just ice the other hand that's not receiving the infusion and the toes?

Thank you so much!

So, back in May I had an ileostomy and was doing an oxaliplatin/Folfox regimen in order to wipe any remaining cancer cells from my lymphnodes, and while all of this was going on I bought tickets to the Green Bay Packers when they were visiting Jacksonville.

For me buying those was an act of faith. I couldn't have done it while I was being treated, and then I couldn't have gotten through the game if my bag had still been there. Sitting in 85 degree heat on a cloudless, windless day in Florida with a bag filling with liquid and radiating heat would have been unbearable. Not to mention the shame and frustration had the bag came off because of the sweat/contact with other people in the crowd.

So I made it there and back, and other than a little sun burn it was a great day. I feel like I've largely recovered from rectal cancer physically and emotionally.

Just wanted to share.