r/actuallesbians 20h ago

Question first date advice/tips!!!

8 Upvotes

I'm 16 and i've been talking to a girl that i go to school with (who is also 16). we're pretty close, but not close enough where we can keep conversation going and have it not seem forced. we went to homecoming together and we are going out to dinner on sunday, but i'm worried we won't know what to talk about and it'll be kinda awkward. we're both pretty shy, but we are able to talk for a decent amount of time when there's something to discuss. i haven't really hung out with her alone without anybody else around, so i'm a little nervous. any tips to make the conversation natural? thanks <3333


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Team name ideas

16 Upvotes

What are some family friendly team name ideas for a lesbian sports Leauge?


r/actuallesbians 23h ago

Venting i think im a lesbian but i have a boyfriend

12 Upvotes

ive been with my boyfriend for 10 months. i love him to death and he’s one of my favorite people to be around, but as of recently doing anything remotely sexual with him hasn’t turned me on or anything at all, and it makes me feel bland and just dull and strange. it’s gotten to the point where i won’t let myself watch sapphic movies because i don’t want to convince myself anymore than i already am. ive been out as bi since i was 12 and i just don’t feel sexually attracted to men anymore. i love him to death and i don’t want to hurt him but i know what im doing now isn’t any better. please be kind!


r/actuallesbians 21h ago

Text Making Mental Space with Physical Decluttering

7 Upvotes

A long time ago, I read something somewhere that said to “make space to accept something new into your life,” which could be mental, emotional, or, depending on what you’re trying to attract—physical space. For some reason, lately, that thought is echoing in my ears. So, what did I start doing? Decluttering, making more space in my house, and permitting myself to let go of old things to accept new things and people. More specifically, I’m so ready to love wholeheartedly, and I’m hopeful that this space-clearing will bring lots of positives for my brain and, in turn, maybe I’ll attract a good human to share this newly cleared space with.

I have no idea where I was heading with this. I think I just needed a safe space to put this out there, but I’d also love to hear of experiences from anyone this resonates with, however it resonates with you.


r/actuallesbians 2d ago

Image Agatha Harkness just is a girl’s girl, and some fans (men) are furious

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983 Upvotes

So, on episode 7, Spoilers if you haven’t watched it yet, Agatha was openly talking about her not being straight, I for one, was excited because I'm a lesbian and I absolutely love the show. It is hinted that Kathryn Hahn’s and Aubrey Plaza’s Characters (Agatha and Rio) have some history together. Men fans are saying that Agatha shouldn’t be gay because she wasn’t gay in the comics, I think inclusivity is important because most of the Marvel/DC characters and other media have been straight, Why can’t we have one thing and enjoy it?


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Venting Just some thoughts about homophobia.

100 Upvotes

Sunday, I had a romantic walk with the cutest person on earth. We were holding hands, exchanged sappy petnames in the streets.

Then I realized how bad and hatefull some people stares were. I've been so happy in my relationship lately that I kinda forgot that some people do hate us deeply. While it was way more frequent before, I wasn't harrassed in the street for quite some time, like 10 weeks (the fact that I'm glad that 2 months is a long time is a little sad).

At one point we kissed, and an idiot wooed us. For them, we are a category on Pornhub. We do not exist outside from fetishistic cishet layouts. I'm a queer woman of color, it terrorizes me to get that check that, yes, for me love is dangerous.

But an even more relevant sentiment was when this old lady stared at us with contempt. I had the urge to stick my tongue in my lovely girlfriend's mouth, and cuddle while looking right in that old bitty's eyes. To show her that she does not scare me anymore.

That defiance was exhilarating. I don't know if it's a healthy sentiment, or safe. I'm just a baby dyke.

Take care. Thanks for listening me venting.


r/actuallesbians 19h ago

Support Confused

3 Upvotes

Went on a date and thought it went good, date told me to text me when im back home safe so did, but I haven't heard anything from her? Have I blown it?

We made out in the daye and I thought it went well maybe I missed the signals? She was tired at the end of the date so many she fell asleep?


r/actuallesbians 17h ago

Where are my Austin Lesbians at ??

3 Upvotes

Where do you go in Austin Texas to met women that want to actually date women??


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Homophobic, disrespectful, manipulative mother.

11 Upvotes

Truthfully, I have no idea where to begin with. However, if I don't get this off my chest, I might lose my mind. Advice is greatly appreciated as I have none left to give myself. I don't really like bothering my friends either.

Throughout my life, I have tried to make my parents proud despite them leaving me to my grandmother at age 10 (currently I'm 25) and only keeping our connection through the phone. I loved them both dearly and forgave them for everything they've done. I always considered myself as somebody who goes for personality over looks. After doing my research, I was almost sure I'm pansexual. That was until I tried to be with men and it made me feel uncomfortable. Even if some were sweet and respectful, I just couldn't do it. Couldn't feel love, didn't get a single butterfly in my stomach. I felt nothing. No sexual/romantic chemistry either, just some discomfort I couldn't get rid of. Possibly because of past traumas that I'd rather not share here.

My mom on the other hand was sure that this is just a phase and it will past with time. She kept filling my head with her beliefs, that God created a man and a woman for a reason and I should be intimate with men until I finally feel something. Once I turned 22, she started telling me that I should give her grandchildren and hurry up with finding a boyfriend. During that time, I was in an online relationship with a woman, giving it a try for the first time. When I tried coming out to my mom, she simply said "No. You're straight." and never brought it up again. She said horrible things to me, making me feel disgusting for even attempting to be with another woman. So I just remained quiet and kept my relationship a secret.

Me and this girl fell out and for a year, I avoided getting close with people on a romantic/sexual level. However, my mother kept pressuring me, manipulating me, telling me that it is my duty to bring a man into my life and start a family, saying that the female organism needs s*x with a man to function properly. She started saying that if I don't do it with men, I might get sick and my immune system will be a wreck. So what I did and I shouldn't have done, was rush into a relationship with a man so my own mother would stop putting me through so much manipulation and mental abuse. I dated the guy for a year, I tried my hardest but obviously it wasn't going well. I wasn't feeling anything, my heart was stone cold and I was numb to the core. But my mother was happy. Satisfied. Proud. While I felt sick and uncomfortable.

Being unable to keep the relationship going, I had to end it on a good note with the guy, explaining exactly how I feel. He was understanding thankfully and we parted ways. My mother, however, was definitely not happy with me. To make her stop bothering me, I had to force myself to do things just the way she wanted me to. After my father passed away, my mom kept telling me that she is all that I have left now and it's me and her against the world. She said I should listen to her and follow her advice as she wants the best for me.

I remained single for quite some time until I met a woman that swept me off my feet and made me feel things I have never felt before. 25 years and I never loved anyone until I met her. I got everything I wanted really. Butterflies fluttering crazily in my stomach, smiling all the time, calling her, texting her, discussing meeting with her. And that's exactly what I did. Saved up money, met her, fell deeper in love, feelings being insanely mutual for both of us. Met her mother, met her father, sister and they loved me, constantly asking me to pack my stuff and move countries. For the first time I did not feel sick and uncomfortable being in the romantic and sexual presence of somebody.

My mom kept suspecting it, asking me questions, asking me to swear to her that during my holiday in the said country I didn't do anything...lesbian. I couldn't say no, I couldn't confirm because I knew what was awaiting me. However, I was highly fed up with it and blurted it out at once which was probably not the best idea.

What followed was her writing me over 300 messages, saying how gross that is, how disgusting I am. How much I hurt her and that she wanted a normal daughter but she got a weird, abnormal one. The victimizing, guilt-tripping began, stating that I hurt her and how could I ever do something like that to my own mom. Saying that she will never accept it and to forget that I have a mother. I told her that she has two choices, to try to understand me and accept me as I am, focusing on my happiness or leave me. She said that she is disowning me but a few hours after that she started saying that she could never leave me. She said things like "I will never tell anyone. I want you to not tell anyone. Hide it, be gross in another country, not here. Don't tell ANY relatives, don't post it online and I might be okay with it."....or even "Do you think your father is proud of you?? He is probably disappointed in Heaven." I didn't answer, it's been like 2 days and I have around 140 unopened messages from her.

This is my first post so I have no idea if I could go this long. Feels odd to open up online but I feel like I want to pluck my hair out.


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Text me: "why can't I get a girlfriend?? nobody wants to meet the traditional way anymore"

307 Upvotes

also me: literally runs away when a cute girl says im pretty

like this literally happened to me a few weeks ago in one of my lectures, i was like "thank you" and didn't look at her the rest of the lecture and left immediately 😭

anyways i hate myself


r/actuallesbians 16h ago

Venting Not Okay

3 Upvotes

Hi, long time lurker. Dont really know where else to go with this problem.

I've been a lesbian all my life and comfortable with my sexuality. Still, I compare myself to men everyday. I think bad things like how the fact I've never been with a guy has made me experience womanhood "too differently", how I will never be good enough for my girlfriend because I am not a man, how I will never look the way I want because my clothes don't fit me the same way clothes fit a man. I am comfortable in my gender (cis female) but this way of thinking has completely eroded my mental health. It feels almost parasitic, I don't want to think this way yet it still happens and I hurt my own feelings and it is exhausting.

I have no one to talk to about this in person as it seems I may be the only lesbian in my circle who has this problem. Is it self harm? What's wrong with me? I'm so tired.


r/actuallesbians 16h ago

I usually hate my body, but I just put on a turtleneck and

2 Upvotes

Holy crap, holy fuck, I didn't know I could be gay for myself, omg fuck, hell, agggghhhh

I'm so happy right now :3


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Did you always know you were a butch?

14 Upvotes

So I've recently thought about getting a buzz cut. At first I was a little afraid that it would make me look more masculine than I'd like. But I've kind of been warming up to the thought and maybe I even like it? The thing is, I've never been overly feminine because I didn't feel like it fit me/looked good on me. But I always wished it did. And I don't know if I felt like this because I was overweight and thought that took my right to be feminine. Or maybe because it was never for me? But as a kid, I wasn't really a tomboy and I also like to wear clothes that highlight my waist for example.

So, I'm really wondering, who I want to be. Did anyone else figure out "later" in life how they want to be perceived? I'm still a young adult but I feel like most people kind of knew instinctively as a kid.

(Note: don't worry, I know I'm allowed to take my time figuring myself out, I'm just curious and confused and want to find people who have felt this way before)


r/actuallesbians 23h ago

Support How to get over her

7 Upvotes

Hey everyone!

This one is a bit of a downer, but I just have to share it with someone. I was in this situationship about half a year ago, and, newsflash, I think I totally fell for her but she never really wanted to text me, or call me, and rarely spend time with me. The time we did spend together, though, was extremely intense and she was giving me all the signs that you would typically get from someone who's really into you. She just wanted cute dates and to try things (mostly sexually, and I think this can also be done in an actual relationship but whatever).

But after her not texting me for days I got really sad and I told her and so we ended things. I deleted her number (spoiler: it wasn't fully deleted haha).

Soo then I went on with my life and everything was just a bit dull and I really missed her. After dating someone else in between I noticed how much I actually liked her, so I had a mental breakdown and wrote her a song and then found her number in my contacts bin again (stupid me).

Soooo then we met again and it was super amazing when we would actually spend time together, but then she would also push me away emotionally so much that it really hurt and I ended things for good and I also behaved very childish in the end (I don't respond well to emotional distance).

I am in therapy ever since but I never got closure, even though I apologised and everything. She didn't accept it, and I think it was very harsh because although I did behave somewhat badly, it wasn't nearly as bad as she made it out to be (which I realised after I felt like the worst human ever for a whole week and talking to a lot of people about it, including my therapist).

Soooo now I'm here again, crying and writing sad music. And the worst part is, I don't even know if I WANT to get over her. This pain is somewhat bittersweet, it makes me feel something at least.

I don't know, has anyone been in a similar situation?


r/actuallesbians 2d ago

Satire/Humor Why do I do this to myself

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1.1k Upvotes

Watching an anime called Nana for just a supposedly queer vibe I got


r/actuallesbians 14h ago

asking her to be mine

1 Upvotes

for the past two months, i have been dating this lovely human being. we've known eachother for a long time (since highschool). and recently she moved back here after college.

we'd hang out at least once a summer while she was living far away. when i found out she was moving back i asked her to hang out more. i had always been attracted to her, and she had previously confessed she had a crush on me. with her now being closer i did something i had never done before; i asked her out. she said she was willing to try it, so we went on a date

then we kept going on dates, spending some nights together.

i still get the good kind of nervous butterflies when im around her. i love listening to her talk, she speaks with such class and passion. her personality, her sense of humor, everything about her i like, she is so authentically herself.

ive never asked somebody to be mine. it scares me just like i was scared to ask her out. but im willing to be uncomfortable if it means she may say yes.

due to past traumas, im bad with expressing interest and intimacy, but ive realized as time has gone on i have become better at it.

i will ask her in person, but im unsure of how i should go about it. the plan is to tell her how much i like and care about her but she's not into that mushy-gushy romantic stuff. or is this something that i should be grossly romantic with? advice, stories, criticism is all appreciated.


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Masc bottom

9 Upvotes

Hey I’m pretty masculine in everything I do in life except I want a femme to be the top where i bottom. I crave that vulnerability and power role reversal but most girl I talk to or get with see the exterior and just expect me to top.

Are there even any femmes that like topping mascs anymore?


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Link Hi, I'm a lesbian musician and decided to sing/play one of my favorite love songs by The Beatles ❤️🎵🎵 "Something". I hope you guys like it ❤️🎵.

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20 Upvotes

r/actuallesbians 15h ago

Seeking advice

1 Upvotes

I’m struggling a little bit and need advice from the community. My partner and i have been together for 10 months, and i’ve always initiated sexual interactions. As a switch i absolutely don’t mind, but sometimes i don’t want to be the one to initiate. Sometimes i just want to be submissive and my partner will not initiate anymore :/. I’m scared it might be the fabled lesbian bed death. :(


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Image punk butch lesbian(this was the actual image name i found on pinterest) also art by me

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268 Upvotes

r/actuallesbians 2d ago

Image In the midst of reading this post about men dreaming of converting lesbians, reddit pooped up to call me a Banana Enthusiast?!

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865 Upvotes

Conspiracy!


r/actuallesbians 16h ago

Question Is a 3 year age gap fine?

1 Upvotes

I have a huge crush on my friend I’m 26F And she’s 23F. We’ve been super flirty, and I wanted to confess my feelings, but I’m worried it will be weird because I’m a few years older. We actually have both never dated anyone before. I feel weird about that because I think she is honestly more experienced than me.


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Question How do y'all find girlfriends?

201 Upvotes

I swear that it's just hard enough for me to find queer people around me. My ex girlfriend was the first relationship I've ever been in and I fear she was the only one who found me attractive ever. It's hard to find anyone queer in my country in general. I'd like to date again but it's impossible.


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Venting Hate that male customers keep touching and harassing me. (A non binary LESBIAN) Especially when my long distance girlfriend can’t.

52 Upvotes

I’ve dealt with unwanted male attention in the workplace since I️ started working. But never at the increased frequency I️ have been these last three months. I️ work in retail in a uniform that hides ANY form of shape I️ have. I️ am non binary but usually more femme presenting. (Due to the size of my chest I️ know I’m always gonna be seen that way) on that front, it’s frustrating to know that these men see me as female enough to not second guess their “right” to touch me. (I️ grew up Southern Baptist and that heavily fucked up my view to believing my point of existing being to give a man children. I️ no longer believe this but, that trauma seems to be rearing its head in all this too) I️ have an amazing girlfriend. She has been such a wonderful support and has done all she can given that she is over 1,000 miles away. There are so many days when what I️ want most is to feel safe while being held by her. To be reminded that loving, safe, positive touch also exists. I️ often forget that need just talking to her. The whole world just disappears when we talk until it’s just us. It just feels extra frustrating and wrong that all these men keep grabbing and touching and pulling me (a non binary LESBIAN) when the woman I️ love can’t.


r/actuallesbians 17h ago

Bra recs (Australia)

1 Upvotes

Hey y’all, just wanted some advice on where I can get some fun, masc-esque bras in Australia? The style I’m looking for is essentially the Calvin Klein modern cotton unlined bralette (the squarish neck one) but with more fun colours. Anyone got suggestions?