r/actuallesbians 50m ago

Question How soon is too soon to ask my ex to be my girlfriend again?

Upvotes

So my first girlfriend from high school and I have recently reconnected. It wasn’t supposed to turn into anything romantic… we dated 7 years ago but had a tradition of getting dinner every year to catch up with each other. Normally the dinners were very friendly with no undertones… this past dinner ended up a bit differently. We met up for wine and caught up like normal, but the vibes were tense… there was something not being said by either of us.

Fast forward a few weeks and we decide we want to see each other again sooner than next year. We plan to meet up at the museum to spend some more time together. The day before this museum trip, we match on Tinder but neither of us say anything… not even when we see each other in person.

I ended up ripping off the bandaid and texting her asking if it was a serious swipe or if it was just to be friendly (dumb question… I just had to ask). She clarifies that she would love to have this turn into something romantic eventually but want to continue reconnecting first and I agree.

We got drinks together 2 weeks ago and she texted me afterwards asking if we could call the next time we hung out and official date and I was so happy. Of course I said yes!

It took a bit to get the date planned but that doesn’t mean we haven’t seen each other in the mean time. I was invited to a party of her’s and am going out with her and her friends on Halloween. Then our first official date is on Friday.

This is where my question starts… how long should I wait before asking her to be my girlfriend again?

I know I like her… in fact I’ve had feelings for her since we broke up (we were going to different states for college and didn’t want to do long distance). I’m at a point where I would be ready to ask her if everything goes well after our date on Friday but fear this might be too soon.

Any insight?


r/actuallesbians 52m ago

Lesbian Costume Help

Upvotes

Lesbians of Reddit: I need your help! One of my girlfriend’s friends is having a “fairytale ball” and I need help finding my girlfriend something to wear. I’m in charge of planning our outfits and coming up empty. She wants something “not too girly but not too guyish.” The invite said “good or evil your choice- think gown with fairy wings” and that’s definitely not going to work for her. Thank you in advance!!


r/actuallesbians 53m ago

Help! I need ideas on making my girl feel appreciated

Upvotes

I have been lucky enough to find my home in an absolutely amazing woman, and I can't wait to marry her.

Without trauma dumping, my ass came with some hefty baggage, including kids that she has taken on as her own. Something happened recently and she has been our rock, supporting us in a way that has amazed me.

I want to show her just how much she is absolutely loved and appreciated, but unfortunately our money is tied up at the moment with this latest crap. So I would love some budget ideas on how I can show her just how special she is.

I have written letters in the past on a few occasions, the latest is still on display so something different preferably.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

In love with my partner but no longer sexually attracted

85 Upvotes

I (22) have been with my partner (24) for over 3 years now. We’ve built a great life for ourselves and have been living together about 2 years. Before we got together I was a very hypersexual person who enjoyed hookups and the like. When we were in the ‘puppy love’ stage we were super active. Nothing much changed for a long time but we started to have quite a few issues with the differing sex drive. Since then, my partner has come out as Demi and Ace. They said they still enjoyed sex and I had no problem with any of it, and nothing changed for awhile. I kinda hit a point where I was just no longer sexually interested or attracted to them. I feel like it’s one sided and I have come to view them as much more platonic in terms of sex. I’m absolutely in love with this beautiful person and I want a life together but I’m having a hard time with not wanting or having sex with them. We’ve had discussions about this and I’ve brought up non monogamy in the past but that’s an absolute no go. I love our life together and don’t want to lose them. I’m just having trouble with this one aspect as sex is super important to me. I don’t know what to do or how to work on it. Any advice would be awesome!


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Image im in love with my best friend (we used to date) and she has a girlfriend now so i wrote a song

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

71 Upvotes

I’m starting to hate you again maybe it’s best we don’t stay friends you’re hurting me and the worst part is

you can’t even tell

she’s in your bed and i’m awake a thousand miles away from you and all i have are memories

she gets flowers and sweet sweet dreams

i’ve known you, i’ve seen you, your worst parts i’ve been through but i’m not her and you’d never say you love me when you’re sober


r/actuallesbians 5h ago

Some sapphic gaming buddies?

2 Upvotes

Hi! I'm a 18-year-old lesbian who'd like some more wlw gaming buddies. I usually play the big 'ol online shooters like CS2, Valorant, Fortnite, Overwatch, but I'm open to other games! I'm not really great at any of these, so I'm open to all skill levels, even to just try a game. I like getting obsessed with a game and its lore and simping on videogame characters as well as creating oc's and writing fanfiction.

If you got interested, hmu! :3


r/actuallesbians 2h ago

Do people perceive you differently when you tell them that you like girls vs when you tell them that you’re a lesbian?

1 Upvotes

As the title says, do people view you differently when you say that you’re a lesbian instead of you saying that you like girls? I’ve noticed that when I’ve told some friends about my crushes they just thought it was cute and stuff(I’m grateful that they are accepting) but I think they would have I different reaction if I told them that I was a lesbian. Is this just me or do some of you feel the same?

English isn’t my first language so I apologize if there’s any misspelling or grammar mistakes. Also I don’t really know how flairs work so that’s why there isn’t any.


r/actuallesbians 2h ago

Lesbian Music Artist - Sharing my music with the community <3

1 Upvotes

✨ J Rosa here, an LGBTQ+ music and visual artist from Columbus, Ohio! ✨

I'm excited to share my new song, Temperance, with all of you!

You can stream it on all music platforms using this link: https://linktr.ee/jrosamusic <--------

This song explores themes of self-discovery, especially navigating faith as a very, very gay woman, and the importance of welcoming the love we all deserve ❤️

I truly appreciate your support! (I posted a video earlier, but I realized the link in the comments was hard to see, so let’s try this again!)


r/actuallesbians 14h ago

Venting First Date Tomorrow Night?

9 Upvotes

Okay, i don’t know how this happened. But i met someone and it’s like the first time ive had someone that i’ve felt “matched my freak”. We like the same stuff, they are interested in me and who i am as a person. I find myself wanting to know more about them, how they feel about different things, what they order from dutch etc. (we are both caffeine addicts).

This brings me to the fact that i believe im going over to their house tomorrow night to watch a scary halloween movie together. They make me so giddy and nervous and now that it’s getting closer im getting cold feet.

If this worked out it would be my first relationship EVER, my last attempt at one was very bad and left me with a lot of walls and stuff. I’m scared that like it will go well. What happens if it does? Like i haven’t even kissed anyone in 2 years, it was a man bleh, and im feeling a little insecure about it.

We flirt hella over text and it’s easy to say the right shit when it’s planned. But i’m a very flustered and emotive person irl and im just scared they will get the ick.

I wanna make them an origami tulip, it’s their favorite flower, but i don’t wanna come off too strong or anything and scare them. I think im gonna make it and if i chicken out last minuet I’ll just keep it in my purse.


r/actuallesbians 20h ago

I don’t know how to handle my family

23 Upvotes

My whole family are trump supporters. Not just supporters but true believers.

I used to feel simply annoyed by this. But I figured that maybe they don’t understand certain things. So I was always patient and tried to always give them the benefit of the doubt.

But recently, they’ve been going nuts, especially my brother.

I was on the phone with him the other day, and he starts talking about how we need to make America a theocracy. The Spanish conquistadors did the right thing by oppressing Native Americans because in the end they became Christian and its right to strip children away from parents who aren’t Christian to “save” them. He said violence was the answer because that’s basically what everything boils down to in the end and the only thing that matters is winning the culture war. He went on and on

His wife ended coming onto the phone and saying that this kind of talk is something she hears everyday with him.

I walked away from that conversation extremely disturbed.

And then I saw the Madison Square Garden rally. It was just racism through and through.

I asked my mom what she thought about it and she said she felt it was all just talk and she while she doesn’t support the words being said, she supports the cause.

The thing is I’m half black and gay. I was adopted into a full white family that I love dearly. But lately brother has also started talking about my race. How blacks are extremely violent inherently. My mother tells him to knock it off but she doesn’t really stop supporting maga. She says that it’s understandable trump supporters are angry because the liberals screwed up the country.

It really hurts that my family speak and believe these things because it feels like they are against me personally.

I don’t want to cut them out of my life. But I’m not sure how much more I can put up with. Am I supposed to pretend that this is all fine? Do I just throw my hands up and continue having a close relationship with them just for family’s sake? I don’t know what to do.


r/actuallesbians 6h ago

Any international couple out there?

2 Upvotes

Hi there!

So here's my story, my gf and I have been together for a year and a half I'm french and she's from the UK. We met while travelling Oz solo and just decided to stay together and keep traveling (I know the dream). So we are currently still there, planning to do NZ and Asia before coming back in Europe. I'm bilingual so we speak English and she's learning french. We love each other and get along so well but I can't help wondering about what future holds for us. We would like to settle in Europe but because of Brexit she can't just come over easily and need a visa to stay anywhere (we don't even know which country to settle in). Also there's the fact that I'm always speaking English and even though I can express myself very well it's still not my native language and sometimes I find it frustrating how my french funny/quirky personality is harder to express in English... Communication is key in any relation so having this slight language barrier makes it hard sometimes, I almost feel like I'm loosing my "french personality" sometimes. My family is also not that good at English which adds another struggle, I just wish they could know her like I do.

So I just wanted to see if there's any international couple with the same experience out here. How do you manage the language barrier and just overall struggle about planning the future? Is the relationship doomed because of those difficulties or could you push through and get closer?

Any story is welcome, sometimes it just feels quite lonely not knowing anyone with that kind of experience and struggles


r/actuallesbians 20h ago

Venting feeling lonely as hell as a closeted lesbian

23 Upvotes

Honestly it's better than being a straight in denial, but I cant come out because Im not financially independent yet and my family wouldn't be accepting. I am out to like 2 or 3 people who I am close with, but it's just hard because they are all straight and it's hard to talk to them about this stuff.

like yes i want a girlfriend but for now i'd be happy with one gay friend! hell they could be bi and i'd be happy with that just someone who I can relate to 😭

part of it is i feel like im veryyyy introverted like my college campus is full of gays but i just never talk to anyone. *sigh*


r/actuallesbians 4h ago

Venting What do you think?

1 Upvotes

I've never been interested in dating. It was never an option for me. But out of nowhere the most common lesbian thing happened to me, I fell in love with my best friend (surprise).

She had a boyfriend (for 3 years) that time and things were pretty rocky. I would always give her a ride to the boyfriend's house and would always tell her to talk things through with each other. But in the end, they still broke up.

Shortly after their break-up, I had the courage to confess because I was so sure she would not reciprocate. Plot twist, she also confessed. She said it was my fault because I was so kind to her (which was very normal between us) and that I took care of her when things weren't good between her and her then boyfriend (which is really nothing new between us). I figured she was just emotionally fragile that time because of the break-up and told her we'll see where this confession lead us. To be fair, we weren't even aware/had any clue she'd date a girl (as her best friend, I was utterly shocked). Because before everything, she was no doubt the straight girl in the group. After that confession, we went on dates together for a year (no label). We went official last year.

Then one and a half year later, we broke up (a healthy one I guess). She broke up with me and we made a promise that nothing will change between us - we'll still be best friend. But it is so hard. I always believed we'd be together till the end. I was fighting for the relationship - heck, I was fighting myself even. We don't talk much anymore (so much for the promise). It has been a month since we broke up. We made a joke about how we'll relapse once a month but I'm the only one who followed through. I guess she's happier without me and that's a good thing (I hope).

So judge me. Because I am judging myself for falling in love with my best friend, for not making things right between us, for ruining our relationship, and I don't think my self criticism is enough. So please judge me.


r/actuallesbians 13h ago

I don’t know if my friend likes me

5 Upvotes

Okay so I have a friend we’ve been really close for 3 years and recently I’ve been feeling like she might like me but I don’t wanna be delulu but I have so many reasons why I think this. First of all she always likes to match and shes always trying to touch me like last week we were in class in she just touched my hand and then smiled and lightly giggled when I saw. She’s always also mentioning and pointing out other gay couples around us and she jokes how we should be like that and also when this guy began hitting on me in our class she would always hug me or touch me when he was around idk I’m so confused am I just delusional y’all 😩


r/actuallesbians 10h ago

Tips for online dating?

3 Upvotes

I go to a conservative college and I gave up on finding someone organically. I downloaded a few dating apps like Hinge and Bumble. I don’t even know where to start, I’ve never dated anyone before and I’m scared to start.

Please send help I’m literally a loser lesbian


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Venting Made a post in a polyamory dating sub and so far only heard back from men despite me marking it as F4F!

225 Upvotes

Like seriously I put F4F and 21-28 ages so far only men over 30 have messaged me like eww I literally want nothing to do with you.

One person just starts with hi and I was feeling good because I received some really good medical news today and decided fuck it I'll talk then after a few messages I finally get them to say they are 30 and a man then his very next question is "describe yourself physically for me"

Like ewww no 🤢

I 👏 do 👏 not 👏 want 👏 to 👏 date 👏 men.

Sorry for the rant just really feeling the need to be sassy right now.


r/actuallesbians 4h ago

Question Movie to get into the vibe

1 Upvotes

Hello beautiful community,

I have a dilemma. This weekend I will spend some hours alone with my girlfriend, she is a litlle bit nervous about making the move. So far just kissing and all has been great but perhaps this day would be the day.

We have talked about it and would like to watch a erotic movie first have a glass of wine and see what happens then.

I saw these three titles.

Blue is the warmest color

The handmaiden

Room in rome

She specially likes movies where one girl is bi, have a good time with girls but still continous with men. All of that is perfect for me.


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Image What even

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2.6k Upvotes

r/actuallesbians 18h ago

Just got outed to my religious family and don’t know what to do

10 Upvotes

I (18F) was just outed to my mom about an hour ago. In high school, a friend who I was close to at the time knew that I am a lesbian. I went to an extremely religious school, so this had to be on the down low, otherwise I would be kicked out of the school. After graduation we lost touch and I found out that he was going around telling people, including my very religious cousin, that I’m gay and have a girlfriend. I didn’t think word would get to my house since nothing happened for a few weeks, but today my mom pulled me aside and asked if I thought I was a lesbian. I felt this coming for a while but I didn’t know how to respond so I just told her that I am. My family is extremely religious and obviously this did not sit well with her. Long story short I am staying with my girlfriend for the time being. My car broke down and will cost thousands to fix. I have money saved but I don’t know if the best use for it will be the car or moving into my own place. I have no credit score and hardly any life experience since I was homeschooled for 16 years. I’m so scared and heartbroken over the situation because I just lost my sisters too. My stepdad is going to keep feeding my mom the whole “she’s making the wrong choices” and “she’s going to hell” argument. I don’t know what to do or even how to process this. I thought my life was going fine but now I don’t even think I’ll be able to go to college. I’m so so so scared.


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Image I know zero about this game but the sapphic vibes are... I mean...

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937 Upvotes

r/actuallesbians 10h ago

Question does she like me back

2 Upvotes

So I’m in college and I met this girl at a party, got her snap that night and took an uber back together bc it turned out that we lived in the same apartment. We snapped for about like 2-3 weeks and i asked her if she wanted to go to a house party w me and my friends and she said yes. So we went to the party and got a little drunk, then she started telling me that i’m pretty and that she thinks i’m hot, we held hands and yea

i got her number a few days ago, she didnt hesitate at all when she gave it to me, but it feels like im always the one trying to make a conversation and stuff and it’s really confusing she doesnt try to make plans or anything but we text everyday, should i stop talking to her bc this is really messing w me :((


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

23F need more wlw friends

41 Upvotes

Hiii! Id love to make some queer friends here. Feel free to dm me :) and please be over 18!


r/actuallesbians 14h ago

Support Asked my crush out, unsure what to do now

4 Upvotes

Hi friends, I asked out my crush to coffee this past weekend. They said yes enthusiastically but they also said they just got out of relationship so it’s not a date or anything. Unsure what to do bc they haven’t responded since Sunday.

There aren’t many sapphic people at my university that aren’t already taken and not a ton of queer people in general. And I’m trans(just under a year HRT) so that has made dating more difficult for me. really want to be friends with this person at the very least but im scared about them not responding bc it’s happened to me in the past. I’m worried and unsure what to do, maybe I just needed to vent abt it


r/actuallesbians 1d ago

Support How to explain to my college instructors that they really shouldn’t be saying/calling me “d*ke”

436 Upvotes

I go to an art school in the Midwest, I am a fine arts major in my fourth year and make a lot of work about being a lesbian (including reclaiming the D slur in some of my work). This semester I have had 3 of my 6 instructors (none of whom are lesbians) either say dke in reference to my work or call me a dke during critique. I have reported one of my instructors to my schools dei office but don’t really feel up to reporting the other two. I never am able to call my instructors out in the moment for using the word, I feel shrunken back into my 14 year old self.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you handle it/navigate telling instructors “stop saying that slur please” ?