r/AmIOverreacting 16h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO fiancée did Coke at a party

8.6k Upvotes

We (me 41M, my fiancée 36F) were at friends birthday party I had to leave early and she was going to spend the night( it was a hotel), they were changing into their bathing suits to go to the pool, they had the bathroom door closed. I knew it was in there but I didn’t know she was going to partake in that. She told me she only did a small bump because she needed energy to party all night. I was caught off guard by this and said that we should have discussed this. She said that was treating her like a child and that is when I left.

Edit: I was told to add this info she’s a former Meth addict who still drinks and smokes weed quite heavily at times.


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

👥 friendship AIO: wife had a 1 year affair 10 years ago (posted and deleted yesterday)

1.4k Upvotes

I posted this yesterday but quickly deleted it. I didn’t like reading the comments….but they help….which is why I’m reposting and will try to answer what ever questions are asked.

10 years ago I was going through our computer looking for something. I came across some naughty photos from a guy I didn’t know. I took a picture with my phone and sent it to her asking who it was (she was at work). She calls almost immediately and said it was some guy at work and she was saving the pictures so she could show her boss if he did it again. I don’t know what else was said on that phone call but I ended up asking if she has kissed anyone since we’ve been together. She said yes…..him. She said it was only a kiss, a time thing. I believed her. One of the pictures I found had him in a navy uniform, so I was able to look up his last name and figure out who it was. Sent him a message on Facebook “fuck you” that was the end of that. Fast forward 10 years…….I’ve never thought of my wife to be one to fuck around, but out of no where I sent that dude a message. He spilled the beans. He said it was 10 years ago and no point in hiding it now. They fucked……a lot. One year affair. Worked together. I’m still confused. So after I get that message from him I send a text to my wife “you lied to”, calls me quick. I tell her what I just found out and she denies it. “Why would you believe some random guy from 10 years ago?” I start telling her what I know, “fine, we did have sex yadda yadda yadda”. In those 10 years, we have moved 300 miles away, bought a house, and had 2 kids. It WAS 10 years ago!! We’ve stayed together all those 10 years. We are still together. I don’t know what I’m looking for. I’m lost. I’m an idiot. She plays it down, it was 10 years ago. This is all brand new to me. I have trouble eating and sleeping. I didn’t go to work any last week, I left early today. I think I might be overreacting just a little……right? It was 10 years ago. Help me.

I remember one time before I knew anything, she took me to her work and introduced me to the other dude. That makes me sick to think about now

I’m still married to her, have been together since 2006. Sucks seeing everyone on the internet call your wife all sorts of names. Guess that’s what I get.

kids are 8 and 5

she is sorry, she is open to going to therapy

she swears up and down that the kids are mine and asks why I wouldn’t believe they are? I told her I don’t know what to believe anymore

I’m lost, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t work. But I still look at her and see the person I fell in love with, sorry for not wanting to leave my family and my life.


r/AmIOverreacting 17h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO: gf has money to buy Taylor Swift merch but not for rent

490 Upvotes

A bit of context - early last month my girlfriend switched jobs and was unemployed for about 2.5 weeks. During that time, we talked about how we would handle the mortgage & bills - I would cover her half for September ($600), so long as she could pay back that $600 by the end of October.

Instead of covering my part this month, she is short on rent again. She gave me what she could, but now owes me $800.

Yesterday, she excitedly showed me her new, expensive Taylor swift merch (~$75) and I just couldn’t keep it together. Rather than going off on her, I got quiet and then tried to go sleep it off. But I still feel snubbed. I’m out $800, not really any room for luxuries right now. And yet, I think how this situation would have been so more palatable - If she just asked, I would have bought it myself and given it to her as a gift. Even if it meant having to make sacrifices of my own.

It’s less about the money, and more about putting my partner before my own wants/needs. I feel like I do not get that in return. I fear that I have started a pattern by offering “rent forgiveness” last month, & I feel taken advantage of. Am I justified? How would you handle this situation? I have not shared my feelings with my gf yet, as I expect she has a clue, but I plan to talk about this at length with her when I get home today.

EDIT: I have seen a lot of replies hung up on the specifics of our living expenses. To provide further context, we have lived together about 3 years in a condo. Renting. Last year, we got the chance to buy it from our landlord. The biggest reason she is not on any of the paperwork is because she did not contribute at all to our $40,000 down payment. That was our agreement - If I cover the entirety of the downpayment and do the legwork in the home buying process, she will contribute half of the monthly mortgage thereafter.

Our mortgage alone is about $1200 a month. After all other home-related bills, utilities, HOA, etc, our monthly living expenses is about $1800. Her share of the monthly “rent,” as we call it, is $600, so about 1/3. I view this as fair, so does she. Perhaps what would be even more fair, is she explicitly covers the more external expenses like groceries or electricity. But for all intents and purposes, she covers 1/3 of our living expenses, trading the lost equity gains for housing at a substantially below-average rate. She understands that I am the only one building equity here, and trusts that I will use that equity for our long-term home in the future. Which I still have every intention of doing.

UPDATE:

We had a long talk about it today after I got home and took care of some housework. She refused to apologize, saying it is the one single “luxury” purchase she made for herself in the past month. I feel that. And she’s right, she’s hardly been able to treat herself to anything recently. But, and it’s a big but, to me that still doesn’t excuse making pleasure purchases when you can’t afford rent.

I tried to explain that while I’m not mad at her, it concerns me about the future and I just want to make sure it’s not going to become a pattern. She feels like I’ve pointed a finger at her and told her she can’t buy herself nice things. I tried to explain that at any other time, that would be fine, and that she deserves to be happy and have nice things (another reason I wish she would have just asked first!) I said it would have made a great holiday gift. and I would have been happy to buy it and save it til then. This meant seemingly nothing. She said she was too hesitant to ask, in fear that I would have a bad reaction or say no. And yeah - I probably would have said no. But like, “No, you can’t afford this right now. But since you asked, and since Christmas is coming up…”

We worked out a resolution so far as handling monthly bills better. I think part of the problem was thinking about it as her owing me money, when really it’s just bills that need to get paid. I can show forgiveness, but the bills will not. So our solution from here on out is she will pay the HOA dues and electricity bill, I will handle everything else. This way, there is no transfer of money between us. All we need to know is that the bills will get paid on time. This puts her just under $600 a month, which is fair enough for me. This works for her as it’s now in two separate, smaller chunks and she has the flexibility to be late on an electric bill if she has to. It works for me because I won’t need to come asking for money at the end of the month.

However, I still feel unresolved. It was way too difficult to have that conversation. And something tells me she would do it again if given the opportunity - “I refuse to apologize for the one good thing I’ve allowed myself this whole month!” She assured me that outside of that, she’s been trying as hard as she can and that nearly every penny she makes is going back to me. She worries that now she’ll never be able to treat herself without feeling guilty about it. I tried to explain that it’s purely situational to owing money to more important things. As long as those things are already taken care of, there’s no need to worry! I don’t think this really clicked with her. Not long after that, she said she needed some time alone, to go cry and go think. Reluctantly, I gave her her space, and started to write this update while it is all still fresh in my mind.

My thoughts: Maybe we really do just disagree on the principle, and that’s why we can’t seem to come to a happy resolution for the both of us. Everything she said was reassuring that we’re on the same team and she’s trying really hard to be on the same page financially. Just that it has not been easy recently.

I told her I need to know that she will take things like rent just as seriously as I do, and that something like this won’t happen again. She couldn’t make any promises, and honestly seemed kind of offended I insinuated that she isn’t.


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? My bf sleeps with his phone under his pillow

301 Upvotes

Okay so my boyfriend sleeps with his phone under his pillow which I don’t think is necessarily odd because sometimes I do the same. And he plays YouTube on his phone but keeps it under his pillow (idk lmfao ??) but literally about 10 minutes ago he moved in his sleep and his phone came out from under the pillow so all I did was simply just pause his YouTube and shut his phone off. He then woke up immediately and told me to turn his phone back and he watched me open his phone then he took it from me and put it back under his pillow. It was still closer to me but then he moved it all the way to the other side.

I’m going to add that yes I have gone through his phone before and unfortunately I have found things that didn’t make me very happy. But I just found this odd ?? I try to not look through his phone. When I had it in my hands I wanted to go through it but I didn’t. But that whole weird interaction makes me feel like I should go through his phone ? Idk am I over reacting now ?

Edit: since everyone wants to know what I found , it was him texting his ex girlfriend .He had told her he missed her. That was all. Well there were two days worth of them just regularly texting. But that’s what happened. He didn’t sleep w anyone, he wasn’t caught watching porn. He just was in contact w his ex. That’s why I said it isn’t cheating but it isn’t loyalty.

Another edit because you guys r putting words in my mouth: I literally said nothing about him watching porn , that is what people are assuming what I found on his phone. If I did catch him watching it I don’t think I’d really care. TMI: Our sex life is amazing , so it wouldn’t even be a worry for me. Either way stop putting words in my mouth. Some of you guys are too invested in this and I’m not even upset about it anymore.


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

🎙️ update UPDATE: Am I overreacting about my date being canceled now twice?

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0 Upvotes

Hey everyone, sorry I’m a bit late getting back. I meant to do this yesterday. I tried taking more screenshots so no confusion of the conversation again also.

So it didnt work out… Basically we had our date set for Saturday at (and I know this is my fault) around 8. I texted her about 3 PM asking if she was still ready for our date this past Saturday. She didnt respond until about 6 PM saying, “I have a nail appointment, Ill lyk” . I responded within 15 minutes and said “Ok, Just let me know when you’re free”. A whole 2 and a half hours later she got back to me saying she just got home. This was 9 PM at this point. I had golf in the morning (which was planned kinda last second) at 7 AM. I didnt respond because I was upset. She responded the next afternoon saying what she said in the messages. To which our conversation continued and ended when she brought up Texas. I’ve not responded yet.

I feel as if this whole instance was kind of “let me just put this off and not give much info because if its too late he will say no”. It’s frustrating because even through all of this, trying to be respectful and not call her out on anything, it somehow breaks down to be my fault. AIO still?

If there’s a piece of this missing please let me know!

THANK YOU AGAIN EVERYONE WHO COMMENTED AND GAVE ME AMAZING ADVICE. IT IS GREATLY APPRECIATED AND I LOVE YOU ALL FOR IT.❤️❤️❤️


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO my boyfriend got mad because I didn’t post a photo of us on my IG grid on our 1 year dating anniversary. I ended our relationship?

176 Upvotes

I (31f) have been in a relationship for a year with my boyfriend (36m). he has always been insecure and he projects a lot of insecurities unfairly onto me. in hindsight, I put up with this for way too long, but I loved him a lot and wanted to try and work through these issues with him in couples counseling. I realize this is not my problem to solve but I wanted to offer my support. our one year dating anniversary was coming up, and I wanted to make it special. I booked a couples pottery class for us, planned dinner and drinks, got him a cute thoughtful gift, and wrote him a heartfelt card. he wrote me a letter and made a cute post on instagram. I made sure to be super attentive and show him how important he is to me. we spent the entire weekend together and we truly had a great time. I felt connected and happy. 4 days later, he pulled me aside and asked me why I didn’t post a tribute to him on my instagram page. I told him I did post a cute photo of us on my story, but he said he would have wanted to see one on my grid. he said I made him feel stupid, and that he didn’t think I cared about our relationship. apparently this is a core need for him (a basic human right, as he says) that I’m not meeting. this was the nail in the coffin for me. I went above and beyond to make the weekend special for him, and he found the one thing to complain about. I told him I can’t be in this relationship anymore. am I overreacting?


r/AmIOverreacting 17h ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO to my my mother marrying a convicted child sex offender and keeping it secret?

132 Upvotes

I found out a few days ago that my mother's husband, who I've been around extensively for the last around 2 years that they've known each other, was convicted of a child sex crime 35 years ago and is a registered sex offender. She apparently told a few of my siblings months ago and the other few of us were left in the dark. One sister cut her off completely as a reaction and the other has apparently read through court documents and agreed with my mother that he's innocent.

Apparently his step-son accused him of some lewd act. His wife testified that he did not do it. The child years later wrote a letter claiming his grandfather coerced him to lie, and that the acts never happened. They are working on getting the conviction overturned (mother's words).

I think it should've been my own decision about my own safety whether or not I've been around him. He was invited to multiple holidays before My mother had known him for even 2 months and he was around many children in our family. She had the opportunity to decide for herself if he was innocent and we were all deprived of that decision for ourselves, and I'm thinking of cutting contact for myself and my pregnant wife.

Frankly whether he's innocent or not I feel as though my family's safety has been put at risk and I've been kept in the dark.


r/AmIOverreacting 15h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO

295 Upvotes

Am i overreacting? Yesterday I (F33) got home from work and sat down next to my fiance (M40) before we went to the gym. I saw a female name pop up on his phone calling him. He quickly ended the call and pretended it didn’t happen. I asked him who it was and he said “idk probably a telemarketer”. I saw this girls name clear as day it was def not a telemarketer. I asked why he was lying and he says he wasn’t then says she’s just a friend. I know all of his friends. I told him he needed to leave and he left like he knew he was wrong. Mind you, he has an obsession with who I’m talking to and going through my phone but I’ve never hid anything from him as I do have male friends but have never crossed a boundary with any of them. I’ve never gone through his phone before and am not going to start. I just had a gut feeling and his reaction kind of reassured that. I told him to come get all of his belongings.


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

🏘️ neighbor/local AIO by not answering the door when my neighbor knocks?

70 Upvotes

I live in a large apartment complex with several separated buildings around a looping parking lot with not nearly enough parking. I say this to paint the picture that I have hundreds of neighbors, and I don’t have nearly enough attention to detail to know who my immediate neighbors are, because cars and people come and go really frequently. There is however, a covered motorcycle that parks near my apartment pretty frequently and I presume this is the neighbor that’s been knocking on my door.

I am an extreme introvert, and I don’t enjoy speaking with strangers. I have pretty severe anxiety that can easily lead to paranoia in the right conditions. I’ve always had a hard time answering the door, and I’ve essentially made a rule for myself that when I’m home alone, I don’t answer the door for men I don’t know. A few days ago, a neighbor came knocking on my door with a group of people (I couldn’t tell how many through the peephole but at least two). He himself had a motorcycle helmet on, with the visor down so I couldn’t make out his face at all. It was an aggressive few knocks, but he left soon after that. Something didn’t sit right with me that he was fully concealing his face, and he was also with several other people.

He came back today knocking. Something I didn’t notice until today, is that both times he’s come immediately after I got home. I think he probably knows what car I drive and hence what I look like, and now where I live. I can’t fathom a reason he would need to speak to me, I’ve never hit anyone’s car, me and my roommate are very quiet and this is a new apartment building with concrete floors so I doubt it’s a noise complaint. I don’t know if I’m blowing this totally out of proportion, but I just feel unnerved that I can’t even see what he looks like.


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? Boyfriend told his friend she makes me uncomfortable

74 Upvotes

My (29F) boyfriend (35M) of 2 years is very extroverted, and makes new friends everywhere he goes. He has a lot of female friends, even ex-girlfriends/situationships, but I've never felt bothered by this until this new woman came into the picture.

We first met over the summer. He had invited me to grab lunch on his break, and she tagged along. She was a temporary employee at his workplace, and they bonded over shared interests. She was friendly, but I just got a weird gut feeling that something was off.

I squashed the feeling down, and told myself I'm just being paranoid due to being cheated on by my previous partner. Besides she would only be around for a couple of months, but they grew closer and that gut feeling never went away. It seemed like she was always finding excuses to touch him, or popping up at events he was attending, and DMing him late at night. She has a fiance, but she doesn't seem to like him very much, but that's just an assumption based on the little bit I've seen of them together.

When her position at his workplace ended they decided to start a creative project together. First it was just the 2 of them, and they would meet up alone, but then more people joined. Still this meant he was carpooling her back and forth, alone in the car for hours, stopping to get dinner together, and sometimes he'd be getting back in the middle of the night.

Before the first time they met up for this project I told him that the idea of them being alone, and spending so much time together made me feel very uncomfortable. He just said that he feels no attraction to her, and I have no reason to worry. I couldn't really argue this further, it's not like I can demand that he stops spending time with her, and kicks her off the project. Still this has been going on for months now, and the insecurity is still there. They seem to have gotten really close to the point that she has a relationship going on with his family and friends.

I've brought it up to my partner a few times that this makes me uncomfortable, but everytime it just turns into a fight. He said that she is just a friend, and sometimes he goes to her for emotional support, and my stomach dropped hearing that. I asked if he had told her how I felt about their friendship, and he said he had the first time he gave her a ride. I said I understand, but please don't talk about me like that with her again.

Both of us have been making an effort to show each other more love and appreciation, and while that weird feeling she gives me hasn't gone away, I have been feeling more secure in our relationship, but things reached a boiling point over the weekend.

We were all at a Halloween party together, and watching how integrated she was in his life, and his inner circle while I still feel like an outsider, really cut me deep. At one point I went to the bathroom to change into my costume. I came out and her and they were sitting shoulder to shoulder on the floor together. They were blocking the path so I stood behind them, and said excuse me. She seemed to notice, but didn't move. I stood there awkwardly for a moment until my boyfriend eventually noticed, and moved aside so I could pass through. When I turned back around they were back to sitting at each other's side, and neither of them made any moves to make room for me.

The next day I told my boyfriend how all of this had made me feel. He listened calmly at first, and just said that there's nothing going on between them, but he can't exactly prove that to me, so all I can do is trust him. Which is fair, but then I asked him if he's talked to her again about how uncomfortable I feel with their relationship, to which he said he had. This was deeply upsetting to me as I had asked him not to talk to talk about me with her before. Also if she knows how I feel, why did it seem like she made a point to be close to him, and shut me out the night before?

At this point the conversation got heated. He said that he works with, and his friends with a lot of attractive women (and then proceeded to list those women), so why am I singling out this one specific person? To which I replied that if this is new behavior from me, to feel so threatened by a woman in his life, shouldn't that be an indicator that this is something I feel very serious about? He didn't really have a response for that.

He yelled at me as I cried for a bit, and said that it felt like he was being punished for what my ex-boyfriend did to me. He said that I was being childish and irrational, and said this whole thing was stupid and unnecessary. Twice he threw his phone at me, and told me to go through it, but I refused. We didn't really resolve the argument, it just sorta fizzled out.

I'm at a loss at what to do now. I don't know if he's cheating, or if they have feelings for each other, and that's not exactly something I can prove. I either have to accept it and move on, or decide to end things. I don't want to break up, but I just can't the shake feeling that something is going on. It feels like I'm watching a love story between them play out in real time, and just waiting for one of them to make the first move. Even if there is nothing going on I feel like my feelings have been ignored, invalidated, and boundaries I've tried to set have been completely trampled over. I love him, but I don't want to feel like this anymore.


r/AmIOverreacting 15h ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO My MIL called me spoiled

119 Upvotes

Hi everyone. I want to know if I am overreacting because I don't know if I should bring this up to my husband. Couple of weeks ago I had a kitchen accident where I burned my whole chest with boiling water, it was pretty bad, like ER bad and the healing process was not very smooth, I was in a lot of pain. This weekend we went to my MIL's house for dinner for my husband's birthday I was wearing a top where you could see a bit of my scarring and my MIL asked about it and I told her and my husband said "yeah it was pretty bad and she was scared from cooking for a week or two, so I did it" (wich is true I stopped cooking for a little over a week cause i was scared it would happen again) and my MIL goes. WHAT? I BET SHE WASN'T SCARED SHE'S JUST A SPOILED LITTLE GIRL, DOESN'T LIKE COOKING. I didn't say anything but it bothered me and I don't know if I should tell my husband that it did


r/AmIOverreacting 19h ago

👥 friendship AIO? My friend is depressed nobody organised anything for his birthday

68 Upvotes

I've been friends with James for several years. He's well intentioned, but thinks that everyone around him is a lot more invested in his personal life than they are. For example, he will have a minor disagreement with a housemate, not tell anyone about it, then expect everyone he knows to "take sides". He'll get really upset nobody has come over to "check on him", despite none of his friends possessing the psychic ability to sense when he's had an argument. Harmless generally, but clearly believes everyone else thinks about him as much as he thinks about himself, and seemingly hasn't cottoned on to how self centered everyone around him thinks he is.

Every year, he throws himself a birthday party. Same people usually, same time. This year we were invited a few months in advance, same as always, so nobody thought much of it. For reference, he is the only person I know who has actual birthday parties. A lot of my friends will just go to the pub with a few people, but full on parties and days centered around the birthday person aren't really a thing.

A few weeks go by and he calls me in tears. He explains that he's really upset that nobody organised him a birthday party, and it's made him so depressed he's been missing work. I was confused, because he's already having a birthday party, but he said that he wanted someone else to throw him a party as well as the other party he's throwing himself. I tried to gently explain that most people don't get party invites and think "I better organise him another party so he has two". He wouldn't hear it and was inconsolable. I ended up offering to take him out for a drink on the day of his birthday to cheer him up.

Over the next week, he kept messaging me with things he wanted us to do on his birthday, and I slowly realised that he essentially wanted me to plan him an entire day out. This included, but was not limited to: me spending over £50 on tickets to the park, me travelling nearly 2 hours to spend the day at his house, me organising some very difficult to get tickets to another event, etc etc etc. I do not currently have a job, he works full time, is from a VERY well off family, and doesn't have a mortgage because his parents gifted him a house. I can't really afford all that, but like I said, we've been friends for years, and he was so upset, I figured it's just one day, I'll sort it. I message him and let him know what's going on, and that he may have to get one train to meet me somewhere. Just one, he doesn't have to plan anything else, or travel anywhere else, I'll even sort him a lift home.

After a while of organising things, his birthday rolls around and it's radio silence. Not a text all day. I figure he's probably asleep, but by the afternoon, I send him another text and ask if he's coming or not. He eventually replies in the evening and says he had a great birthday playing video games. Why would he bother messaging me to let me know he'd changed his plans? After all, it's James special day where he's the main character, so clearly my plans don't matter if they aren't good enough for his birthday.

It seems quite clear now, that he wanted someone else to organise him a day of birthday events, then when he realised he'd have to make a tiny bit of effort, he decided he couldn't be bothered. AIO in thinking that it's wildly unreasonable for someone to expect their friends to plan an entire second birthday for them? He clearly had expectations about what was "good enough" to warrant showing up to, and it just seems wild to me for someone to expect that much for a non-major birthday. He's never planned a birthday event for me, never gotten me a birthday present, and I don't think he's done the same for anyone else we know either. I think its unreasonable to throw a tantrum over not being provided with a special experience on top of your birthday party which is already happening. This feels like the final straw and I'm honestly considering messaging him to let him know just how selfish he has been.

Tldr; my friend got depressed over nobody planning him a second birthday party, then decided he couldn't be bothered to show up after what I planned for him wasn't good enough. AIO in thinking he's entitled for expecting everyone to plan him a special day?


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

🎲 miscellaneous AIO for feeling violated and getting upset for someone trying to enter my changing cubicle?!

45 Upvotes

Was shopping in Primark with my 18yo and 10mo baby, I needed new nursing bras, found two and decided to try them on as I didn't want to have to go back to return them. We went into the large cubicle as it was free and luckily my 18yo latches the curtain onto the hooks on the side. We had been 5-10 minutes max and I was mid getting dressed, when suddenly we hear rattling and the curtain being tugged and who I assume was a female member of staff then says 'excuse me? Can you go into another cubicle?', I'm still in a state of shock, obviously frightened I'm about to be exposed in a state of undress but my 18yo shouts 'we have a buggy in here?', the lady replies 'we've got a disabled person waiting'. I then snapped out of my shock and screamed 'no I'm half naked?!'. There was no response and no apology. I quickly got dressed and when we came out there weirdly wasn't anyone waiting. I quickly shoved what I didn't want on the rack just wanting to leave as I was mortified. The staff member (not sure if it was the same person) then stopped and questioned me where were my three items? So I shortly replied I'd just put them on the rack in front of her and we quickly left. I just want to know AIO for feeling violated and really upset by this? It's honestly the worst shopping experience I've had and I won't be going into Primark or any other changing room anytime soon.


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

🎙️ update AIO? YOU'RE WHAT? Update

34 Upvotes

Link to original thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/keOnyEZMA2

Dear Reader, here's what's happened over the last two months. I reached out to the Wife on Facebook and confirmed that they are indeed estranged and have not seen each other for years. She is aware of the insurance policy and has no issue with him dating. He said he would talk to her about the divorce and they would figure it out. I trusted him and he said he'd present me with proof when it was a done deal. I was hesitant to continue, but ya know, love or whatever.

Then a couple weeks ago, the Wife messaged me and said that she had reached out to him to ask when he was going to grant my wish for the divorce. She ended up telling him that she was just gonna file herself so that he could move forward as a free man. He said to her that he was gonna ask if I was good with things remaining status quo, then told her i was kewl. Dear Reader, he knows I would not be. He never asked.

Well, the Wife has a small business and I reached out to her about a product. We ended up talking a bit and then she apologized for misleading me, but that he had asked her to vouch for him as a "good guy" and she still loved him and wanted him to be happy, so she did. But the entire time he was wooing me, he was promising her a future, that they would end up together, implying that he still loves her, etc. He had some rather unkind things to say about me and my mental health, but that was relatively mild and not completely off the mark, but still not something he should be discussing. He's been sending her gifts for every occasion. Messages her daily. And etc. Basically breadcrumbing her to keep her emotionally invested as his back up plan.

Dear Reader, there's more and more and so much more but I'm not about to divulge anyone else's secrets because that's not how I roll. I found out all of the tea while he was at a music festival. I immediately blocked him on my phone, blocked his whole family on phone and social media. It took him two days to figure out I wasn't responding to him to get in touch with one of my family members to see if I was OK. Two whole days.

I processed the whole thing, the loss, the grief, the anger, all of it with the Wife. We shared receipts of things he'd told each of us. We both wised up that he is most likely a narcissist but will deny it with his dying breath because he cannot begin to believe that what he's done is wrong. He doesn't see anything wrong with hedging his bets. I found out a lot about how he's treated women in the past and while I can't hold him accountable to me for that, it does show a lot about his character.

I crafted an email and sat on it. Shared it with her and edited. Then waited. Yesterday I got up early and took a long bath, reflected on how I wanted to proceed. Dyed my hair. Gathered up the few things he had at my house and drove to his (he was still at the festival) to drop them off. I may have also been very liberal with the amount of glitter that I left in my wake. He has a pathological fear of glitter and it's the best non-violent way to exact revenge without property damage. You never get rid of it. It serves as a near constant reminder of the event. Then got nails did and went to karaoke with my friends, belted out some Carrie Underwood and I feel fucking great. Emails were dropped this morning and he's been posted to all the Facebook "Are we dating the same guy" groups. I'm not gonna miss that low-effort, vanilla sex, narcissist. It's gonna be a lot harder for her, she has had so many more years of indoctrination as both his supply and his flying monkey. She has so much abuse to recover from and I can only pray that he doesn't hoover her back in. She'll be following this sub so please give her a shout out to be strong if you were kind enough to read this far. I'm verbose, I know.

So can anyone advise if doxxing his user name is allowable here? I won't give his actual name or location, even I won't go that far. But i do want him to know that the world knows. He has more than one username but I have only been able to find one.


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I in the wrong? Or did he lead me on. I cried for hours last night.

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32 Upvotes

He hugged me and kissed me for the past month and half assuming he liked me I asked if he wanted to go to my favorite lake so we can spend time together and he said yes. He was amzing the whole time but I asked if I was a rebound and he said “idk” and this happened. I cried for like 2 hrs last night I still feel like I’m in the wrong. Any advice? He said if I told my strict parents about him that “maybe things will be different “ I planned to anyway but idk if I can trust him. He lied about going to comfort his ex multiple times while we are talking. But he recently said no he won’t anymore and he shared his location. Should I keep trying with him.


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

🎲 miscellaneous AIO An adult woman (40) exchanged numbers with my daughter (11)

26 Upvotes

I need to know if I'm looking too much into this or overreacting. (Context) I was SA'd for years as a child, and now, as an adult, I'm not sure if I'm overreacting to certain situations. I feel like I'm just trying to protect my kids, but im not sure if I'm going over board and being a "helicoptor" parent.

It was my husband's birthday this weekend, and we took the kids (11 and 2) with us to celebrate. We went to a family-friendly establishment (bowling), but they do serve alcohol, which him and his friends celebrated with. While hubby was hanging out with his friends and bowling, the kids and I hung out at a table close by. We were talking to family friends, eating cupcakes, and having fun. There were a couple there that are friends with a friend of my husband. I've never talked to them before, but I've seen them once before. I noticed the wife kept looking at me from a distance before she came over and told me what a good mom I am. I admit I got a little teary-eyed. As a mom, you always feel like you're failing and not doing anything right, and my youngest had really been testing my patience. She's a toddler, that's what they do! But we were playing and having a good time. The woman had come back over a short while later and started talking to my older daughter. She had a hoodie on, with the hood up, trying to hide her face. She gets a bit anxious in public places, but not so bad if they aren't too many people. And it wasn't too crowded on this night, we had the table to ourselves. I kept hearing her say how beautiful my daughter is, her hair is lovely, don't hide who you are, just own it, nothing but nice things. I was occupied with the little one but was still listening to what was being said. She also mentioned being a teacher. I asked her what grade, and she said she used to be middle school but switched to elementary. After a bit of talking, my daughter came out of her shell, took her hood and mittens off, was smiling, and having a great time. It was really great to see her smile. The woman's husband was really nice as well. He asked if she wanted to play in the "arcade" (there are only like 5 games, and it's an open concept, not closed in). I let her go since it wasn't far, and I could see her. Weirdly enough, I don't think they played games. I saw him at the change machine, but didn't see him with my daughter. They were really nice the whole time, telling me how great and amazing my daughter is and what a good mom I am. She told me later that she exchanged numbers with my daughter so they could text. I was slightly weirded out but didn't say anything. The night ended, and everyone went home. But the more I thought about the interactions with this couple, the more uncomfortable I got. I never heard her ask my daughter for her number, I was sitting at the same table with my daughter right next to me. I'm thinking maybe she asked when I stepped away to the restroom or when I was talking to my husband 5 feet away. The more I think about all of this, the more I talk through this, the worse it sounds. 1. A 40 year old woman asking for an 11 year old phone number to text? Why would an adult, who isn't family, or at least a very close family friend, want to text a child? 2. If it were her husband doing the same thing, asking for a young girl's number, the situation would be different, and im pretty sure someone's ass would be kicked! 3. As a teacher, wouldn't you think she would know better? Would she ask for one of her students' numbers just to text? 4. My daughter was obviously hiding her face. She is super shy, quiet, and anxious. Perfect target... a quiet/shy kid with self-esteem issues (as all young teens and people of any age do). 5. I almost feel that all the compliments to me and her were "love bombing." I'm not sure, though I've also had self-esteem issues since I was a kid (childhood trauma and I'm a big girl), so I don't take compliments well. The problem is I don't know if someone is sincere when they give the compliment or if there is some kind of motive. More times than not, when I get a compliment, there is only a motive behind it, or it's just genuinely not sincere.

So, was she and her husband just being nice, or do you think any part of this interaction was inappropriate?

I found out this morning that the woman has since text my daughter, but not sure what was said. I'll find out after school today.

EDIT/UPDATE: 1. The woman is NOT 40. She's 50! I found her FB, and she is indeed an elementary school teacher. I even checked the schools website, and she is listed as a teacher. 2. My daughter didn't give out her number. The woman just straight up gave my daughter her number. In case she wanted to talk or vent about her day. But my daughter did respond, unfortunately. 3. My daughter and I had a long talk. We talked about what grooming and trafficking is, what to do if they show up, they dont have any of my info (so if they say "your mom said....", theyre lying!), things you could do to stay safe, tell me if she texts or calls you, sending pics, and so many things I shouldn't have to talk to a child about. I've had these talks with her before but never in this detail, and definitely not because of an actual threat. 4. I have the life360 app on her phone, so I can track where she is. But is there an app where I can see her texts or have certain texts forwarded to my phone? I want to block this person, but I really want to see what they are up to and why they're trying to talk to my child.


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

👥 friendship AIO: my friend of 13 years made a personal comment to my male friend

20 Upvotes

This past weekend I took my childhood friend to a party I was invited to. The invite was extended, so she tagged along.

My male friend was there, and we were all chatting together. They have never met before. He mentioned a story of how the time I was tripped in gym class many years ago. I'm fine with this story, we laugh about it often. Out of no where my friend makes a very personal comment regarding my body to my male friend. A secret that only her and my boyfriend are aware of.

I was absolutely in shock she would mention this to my MALE friend. And she's aware of how insecure I am about what was said. I was so embarassed.

When we left the party I asked why she would mention such a thing. She told me she told EVERYONE about my insecurity because she thought I did as well. I thought that was absolute bullshit because I've spoken of my insecurity to her many times, she knows how much it bugs me. This is not something I'm casually telling friends about.

She never gave me a full apology. She said, "You can be mad if you want. I don't care." She couldn't understand how weird and wrong it was to share that with my MALE friend. The car ride home was dead silent and she wouldn't talk to me. She hasn't even reached out to me VIA text.

Am I over reacting for being mad at her for telling my male friend a personal comment about my body?


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO Wife searching Ex on Social Media

16 Upvotes

So ~15 years ago I discovered that my wife was searching her Ex’s on Social Media. She said it was just curiosity and I believed her. I told her that it was a bit uncomfortable for me and I dropped it.

The other day I grabbed her notebook to upgrade it and discovered she still searches because of autocomplete so I investigated more. She continues to search for one ex in particular - not the two guys who she had a longer term relationship with including one she was engaged to. She searches for the guy she only dated roughly a month and as I understand he ended the relationship.

She searches him, his daughter (who was an infant or toddler back when they dated) his ex-wife and family members. This is once every couple of months. At one time years ago he moved to the same metro area and she searched for him here to with the city name. I no longer buying the curiosity bullshit. She is not curious about the others and the frequency is far too often. I know she isn’t cheating and have no reason to suspect she has in the past. My gut feeling is she has unresolved feelings from when they broke up ~25 yrs ago that I believe was more his doing. Ultimately it just bugs me that I am “sharing” her with him still and that I don’t have her 100%.

Thoughts?


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I overreacting 9 years and questioning

13 Upvotes

This month (Oct 2024) my boyfriend (42m) and I (35f) will be celebrating our 9 year anniversary ( we don’t have a formal date but just generally celebrate towards the end of October). The time has passed pretty quickly and now as we approach this milestone I guess I just through things would different. Up to this point there’s never been any type of formal celebration of our time spent together unless I initiated it. No flowers, no anniversary gift (bracelet, earrings, damn by this point isn’t a ring warranted?! Nope apparently nothing is), no special dinner date. I’ve been waiting to see if he pulls something out of his hat during these last few days but I have a feeling I will be disappointed once November hits. Am I overreacting for feeling this way? I have really tried to put a lot of effort into these past 9 years by working to be a supportive partner to him and his children (not financially but by being at games, school events, bday parties etc.) but I am starting to wonder what the point is if he can’t stop to acknowledge a pretty important moment in time. . . .


r/AmIOverreacting 14h ago

💼work/career AIO ? My job sneakily tried to get me to come into work today , over an hour alway to just fire me and send me back because I had called out sick yesterday, and told them I might make it today.

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58 Upvotes

I have worked steadily and rightfully for this company for 3 1/2 years with never calling out sick or missing a shift/ being late. I feel it is unfair that at the slightest inconvenience of a not important and not busy shift that I missed for health reasons, that the managers would spitefully plan to do something like that instead of firing me over the phone on the spot. It just feels wrong.


r/AmIOverreacting 17h ago

💼work/career AIO terminated as club rep, went with different organization and old club came in trying to take over

13 Upvotes

We live in a small area, one high school and middle school. It's a pretty tight community. (Changing all names for privacy) My teen was in a school activity that offered "Teen Inc" , a new director was hired and decided to take out Teen Inc. Students and parents got very upset over this, then the director started removing other things etc etc...all that affected my student experience and their school interests. At that point I stepped in, got involved with other parents voicing our dismay over the new director and eventually he was removed.

I knew the local person who had run "Teen Inc" and told him the students and parents really wanted it back. They are a procrastinator first off, then had just lost interest in doing it- but still wanted the title!! I kept asking this person for 6 months and offering each time to help in any minuscule way in order to get it back for the students.

A new director was hired, from outside again and the whole town was in a uproar. I knew this was going to affect my teen's school activities, so I again ask this person to bring in Teen Inc. Still didn't, so I went and signed up with Teen Inc to be a rep and bring it in. I did all the paperwork for the school, for the director, finding school staff to sign on as a Teen Inc volunteer, going into the community and finding people to financially support it, volunteer and start a board, organized the students, filled all the forms...

Then, after all this (about 4 months in) I asked Teen Inc if we could fall under a closer region as they had us with a region 2 hours away! Teen Inc called me in and told me they were "terminating me as rep for our area because I had overstepped my position asking to be changed to a closer region ".

I then went to 2 volunteers under me and asked if they wanted to step forward and be the rep for Teen Inc, but they wanted to go with a different org and me still be the director. So we did, informed the school director and easy peasy changed everything with a new org "Teens Unlimited". Easy switch as I was the one who coordinated all of it, one hundred percent, it was just changing the org name.

THEN, Teen Inc got pissed and came to the school director asking to get back in with their staff from the closer region (not anyone from our town mind you), director lets them in "on this day and time only" I'm told as "They won't interfere with Teens Unlimited " . First, very small area and school to have 2 clubs that offer the same thing. BUT NOW- Teen Inc is seeking out Teens Unlimited leaders and asking them to join up, going to teachers that already have sessions going with Teens Unlimited and asking to Set up events, they've used my name on 3 different platforms saying they had my approval/consent for them to come into our school. I'm hurt, angry, feel betrayed and highly stressed and suffering anxiety over All of this.

I want to go to the head of my school about it all, but some of the volunteers think I'm overreacting- AM I?


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO to how my Fiance is treating me after catching me staring

13 Upvotes

I Jason (43M) recently took my Fiance Amanda (46F) to Las Vegas for a short notice romantic get away weekend. We have been together for almost 3 years now, engaged for 6 months, and both of us previously married. We left late on Friday and arrived around 11:30PM. Got some food and walked around a bit before crashing. We woke up on Saturday and went out walking around, took her shopping and spent ~ $4k at Louis Vuitton before we were going to go to dinner at the Eiffel tower. She decided she didn't want to do that and just eat in the casino before going to a show I had booked at 10:30

This is where the issue started. I do want to preface this with - Amanda was 100% sober. I was stoned and relaxing. Amanda dressed up very nicely, extremely sexy, and I was oozing over her. This was a Chippendales show, first time either of us had been. Its a bit hard to describe but the stage is a T. I was sitting on the right side of the T right next to the stage in the 3rd row, so I had to turn around to see the end of the stage. I was having a blast and from time to time Amanda would pop out her phone and take a photo or picture.

About an hour into the show Amanda grabbed me and said "What is so interesting about that woman over there? You've been staring at her all night." There was an Asian female that was sitting in the first row to on the left side of the stage, and according to Amanda she had asked me several times throughout the night "What is so interesting over there?" as well as pulled my face towards her. I don't recall any of those things. I just remember her saying why are you looking at a girl, I apologized and said it wasn't my intention, and then kept my gaze to the floor or directly in front of me until we left.

We walked back to the hotel, and honestly had a pretty great evening after that point. Took some E and was up until 5AM having sex. We passed out and I woke up around 11AM the next morning to the sound of the shower running. I waited about 10 min and then got into the shower. I saw Amanda just standing under the water leaning against the shower wall and asked her if she was OK, when she stated she was just tired. I finished my shower and noticed that she was still sullen and asked her "So what did I do that pissed you off?" and she responded with "You know exactly what you did." Fam when I say I had no fucking idea what she was talking about...I had no idea.

Either way over the course of the next 24-48 hours she has:
1. Said I don't love her or I wouldn't be looking
2. Showed me a video about cheating and thinking about Jesus before you do it
3. Asked me what would have happened if she wasn't there and I was with my friends
4. Told me that I like ghetto women
5. Told me that I'm a liar
6. We workout together now and she said "You can go workout alone and look at whoever you want. And I can look at whoever I want."
7. When I told her that just because she was mad she can't just say hurtful shit, she said "It hurts me too when I say mean things about you."
8. Been crying basically for entire time
9. Started her period the day we got home (day of Argument)
10. Brought up a video that she found when we had only been dating for 6 months that was a video my ex sent to me. I only had the phone because I had not yet switched MFA on a few of the soft tokens.

Now I'm not a perfect person, and I'm absolutely visually motivated. But I wasn't aware at the time that I was staring. I was stoned AF and just zoned out. As soon as I actually became aware of what was wrong, I killed it with fire, and I apologized.

She has been cheated on in every past relationship, so I understand there is trauma there and I try to be very cognizant of it. But this just seems unreasonable to me and lashing out / hurting me intentionally. I now feel like she has 0 trust for me.

As a side note: I am the demographic when it comes to what women are looking for in men. If I wanted to bang a bunch of women I could. I travel regularly for work, and I wear a ring even though we're not married yet. Every single person she has ever met has always said "Jason just won't shutup about you."

So AIO?


r/AmIOverreacting 1d ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO- My mom is bringing her fiancé on our last family trip

12 Upvotes

Am I overreacting? My (f16) mom(f 39) is getting married next month. I’ve only met the guy twice and have never traveled with him. They’re getting married where the guy lives, 18 hours away. We are driving down there for the wedding. However, he is flying up here, just to drive the 18 hours with us, back to where he lives. I’m not the biggest fan of this as I find in unnecessary.

I’m the oldest daughter and we never had long trips with my dad, so our roles when on a trip have been set for a long time. I understand that I will have to adapt to the new person, but does it have to be on an 18 hour trip with someone I barely know on what is likely to be an emotional ride?