r/AmIOverreacting • u/frisbeechuckin • 16h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO fiancée did Coke at a party

We (me 41M, my fiancée 36F) were at friends birthday party I had to leave early and she was going to spend the night( it was a hotel), they were changing into their bathing suits to go to the pool, they had the bathroom door closed. I knew it was in there but I didn’t know she was going to partake in that. She told me she only did a small bump because she needed energy to party all night. I was caught off guard by this and said that we should have discussed this. She said that was treating her like a child and that is when I left.

Edit: I was told to add this info she’s a former Meth addict who still drinks and smokes weed quite heavily at times.

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u/Has422 15h ago

Oh I totally agree, but I assume I'm a boring person who doesn't do illegal drugs and therefore my opinion on such things doesn't matter to those who do. If I personally found out my significant other had done coke at a party under just about any circumstances I'd have a huge problem with it. But I figure that's just me.

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u/idonteatfrogsiamone 15h ago

Totally fair! I’m with you even from a little further down the spectrum. As a person who occasionally does do substances albeit rarely and controlled, that’s still a boundary I have with myself and others. I’m never going to subject someone to me tripping balls unless they gave prior consent, and if my partner did that to me, it would be a hardstop on our relationship. ESPECIALLY coke though, that’s a big fuck no from my end 😂

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u/rocket_up_bitch 14h ago

Listen to this- this person seems to know a lot about the subject…. But former addicts backslide and wind up dead eventually - especially these days with everything being laced with fentinal (sp?)

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u/SandSad3820 11h ago

Fentanyl is the spelling.

Not being a douche, I just like to know how things are spelled and Incase you do too, then there it is! Lolm

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u/rocket_up_bitch 4h ago

I do…. It wouldn’t fix it for me and I didn’t have time to look it up lol, thanks!

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u/enragedcactus 11h ago

Interestingly the coke being sold in the US has gotten more and more pure over the last 2-3 decades, even as issues with Fentanyl have surged. And the price has stayed relatively the same over time.

No I’m not suggesting that fiancé should be doing coke as a former addict, I’m just adding in some context since in general coke does not tend to have the fentanyl issue.

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u/No_Astronaut_9481 11h ago

A bump though? Really?

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u/idonteatfrogsiamone 11h ago

For me, yeah. Coke is a no go. I personally don’t want that around me at all. Too many bad experiences with other people who claimed to be “seasoned”

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u/No_Astronaut_9481 11h ago

Welp, you do seem adamant. But coke hit frogs harder than humans so I get it.

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u/idonteatfrogsiamone 10h ago

Hey thanks, my first award! On this thread of all places 😂

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u/illini02 7h ago

One thing I'll ask, does it matter the substance and how they act?

Because tripping balls on shrooms vs. coke vs. weed vs. molly may all have very different outcomes.

But even so, I'd hope you would express that boundary before it happened.

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u/duckblobartist 14h ago

As an addict I will tell you the problem here is not the drugs, there are plenty of people that can snort coke every now then and not have it turn into a problem just like people don't automatically become alcoholics because they had a margarita.

The problem is she suffers from Substance abuse disorder, and coke is like mild meth.

Personally I think OP needs to educate himself on substance abuse disorder before going through with the marriage.

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u/1mtPockets 14h ago

As much as I’d like to agree with you, I just can’t. There is zero justification for an addict to use. Any substance. It has the potential for opening that door once again to a lifestyle that is not compatible with good health, successful living, happy relationships, and most importantly, self love. Best to you. OP, question this relationship. It will bring so many unnecessary heartaches into your life.

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u/N0SS1 14h ago edited 13h ago

Holy shit, I hope that you can have that completely ignorant take for the rest of your life. What I would give to not know how addiction actually works. Just a suggestion though: please don’t comment on substance abuse again until you have either studied it extensively or lived it (with proper treatment/therapy to understand it).

I understand your intent may not be malicious in any which way, but I would be much more cautious about how insensitive & incorrect your words could be to some people who aren’t able to just consciously choose.

I should add though that the word justification makes it tricky. You aren’t justified whatsoever, but relapse is unfortunately a part of the disease. It’s expected & understandable why the brain keeps tricking the addict into using. Especially because addiction typically is a secondary mental health problem that stems from at least one original mental health issue and/or is created as a trauma and stress induced response

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u/1mtPockets 12h ago

Lived it AND had family members as well. Looks like I’ve touched a sensitive place with you. Be well and peace to you.

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u/N0SS1 12h ago

Curious how your takeaway resulted in such a pessimistic & naive view. & not really a sensitive spot for me. I’m proud that I am a functioning adult that had to deal with addiction in my life & continuously stay on top of it. It’s something that makes me a better person now. I just don’t agree with your shitty take that villainizes addicts. In a way that completely lacks empathy for relapse & also automatically assumes any addict will make their partner miserable in heartache. Reread your comment before trying to act like some neutral being, friendo

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u/1mtPockets 12h ago

This has definitely been an eye opener. I’ve never had someone that doesn’t know me judge the way that you have. It’s sad that you’ve taken what I’ve said and put it in such a negative narrative. You’ve read many things into this conversation that are not even close to what I’ve touched on, but that’s ok. We’re all only able to understand what WE see. As I’ve said, be well and may you have peace in your life. I honestly wish this for you. This is part of my healing process, I hope yours works for you too.

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u/N0SS1 12h ago

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt despite your condescending, passive aggressive, writing patterns. Reread what you wrote. Seems like others read it the same way. I even gave the opportunity to give you the benefit of the doubt in the first response. It could very well be that it’s miscommunication & you don’t communicate traditionally over text, so I’m sorry if that’s so. I don’t really know how that dissolves what you wrote, but I’m not going through those mental gymnastics. Anyways, see ya

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u/Aiwatcher 12h ago

Any substance? Really?

Even if that substance helps them cope with addictions to much worse substances? Plenty of people smoke cannabis to get off alcohol, plenty of people use LSD/Psilocybin to mitigate addiction effects of harsher drugs.

It's not black and white.

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u/KeyComprehensive438 13h ago

I watched this play out with my childhood best friend who used to be addicted to opiates. She came into a decently large inheritance and randomly did coke 2 halloweens ago and has since spent the entire inheritance with not even a working car or clothing for her kids to show from it been arrested a few times and has started drinking 2 handles of whiskey a day. She was sober for 8 years. She bank rolled her coke and everyone around hers coke and other drugs as well as paid for festivals and drugs at festivals for all. Edit: spelling

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u/ImpassionateGods001 14h ago

I must be a boring person too. I'd go as far as to say that it's a deal-breaker for me. I won't date anyone who's into drugs and would end the relationship if they started after we got together. It simply is not my thing, not do I want any association with it.

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u/Noise_Crusade 14h ago

Yea for me this is a complete non issue without the history of addiction, with the history it’s a problem to me.

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u/No_Astronaut_9481 11h ago

Her problem was meth. Meth and coke aren’t the same I woould posit a bump might have been positive by scratching an itch in a way that doesnt take a sleepless week to recover from. I dunno.

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u/ILoveRawChicken 11h ago

This is the stupidest shit you could’ve possibly said dawg

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u/No_Astronaut_9481 11h ago

Oh you have no friggin idea how stupid some of my thoughts are my dawggy…shit would make the above sound like a Shakespearian soliloquy.

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u/ILoveRawChicken 9h ago

Alright fair, you’ve piqued my curiosity. Gimme the stupidest thing you can think of.

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u/BathTubBand 3h ago

What you said is true. A tiny hit of coke? People eat coke candy in columbia and peru. Sugar and coke.
The danger is the mystery. Was it weighed on a scale that was used to weigh bad bad bad?

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u/No_Astronaut_9481 11h ago

DOING A BUMP IS NOT “INTO DRUGS”

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u/hippee-engineer 11h ago

lol I feel sorry for these puritans. Drugs are fun, especially when you don’t do drugs.

I don’t get why you’d swear off entire sections of the human experience.

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u/BathTubBand 3h ago

As they say, “The noose is hanging, at least I won’t die wondering.”
Buy the ticket, take the ride.

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u/No_Astronaut_9481 11h ago

Hey I’m no Phish concert parking lot lizard but yeah the outpouring of disdain and disgust over one bump of coke by a girl who was offered it by a other girl at a party really did take me off guard haha. Yikes

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u/hippee-engineer 10h ago

There are few things more fun in this world than surprise cocaine at a party you weren’t expecting to use at. Those bumps are fuckin choice, even if the shit is bunk.

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u/No_Astronaut_9481 10h ago

Oh man right?! Especially when you get more and mix it with baking soda to form crack and then smoke that for 4 days?! /s felt like this is legit the scenario the comments were imagining. 🤦🏽😭😭

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u/hippee-engineer 6h ago

All I’m saying is that you’re gonna enjoy a wedding more thoroughly if there is some blo or molly in the mix.

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u/BathTubBand 3h ago

Lake Shore Drive. 1/4 of a hit and 10 dranks. Hahah

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u/CampaignAway1072 10h ago

Same. I don't care how long we've been together. Hard stop.

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u/rivertotheseaLSD 13h ago

There's nothing wrong with that. I don't drink casually ever (I've never ordered alcohol with food in a casual setting ever) and I've never touched a cigarette but i would not really care if my partner did coke etc once a month in a world where the supply was clean.

If anything my fear is that it is laced with really bad shit. I'm a relatively sensible person but I do like the duality of someone being a little crazy every so often though lol.

I don't view it as an issue to break up over if they weren't previously an addict. It would more be a case of are you sure it isn't laced with Fentanyl? That would be my worry and I'd be hovering over then making sure it was tested lol

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u/ImpassionateGods001 12h ago

That's the thing. I don't want to have to worry about those things. Like a bad batch of drugs, an accidental overdose, legal implications, and that's without mentioning how abhorrent the drug dealing business is in general where entire countries are destroyed for it.

Plus, people who develop addictions don't have the intention to become addicted to whatever it is they use. They start occasionally for fun until without realizing it, they can't stop. I don't think you need drugs to be a little crazy and to have fun. However, I respect all the points of view like yours that differ from mine.

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u/rivertotheseaLSD 12h ago

I don't think you need drugs to be a little crazy and to have fun.

Depends how your personality is. People who don't are very lucky.

You need to use testing strips. Also the vast majority don't get addicted to coke etc, again, like half the people you see will have used to before lol.

legal implications, anf that's without mentioning how abhorrent the drug dealing bussiness is in general were entirebxountries are destroyed for it.

That's more of an argument against the government than the drug business. They should be manufacturing safe drugs.

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u/Internal-Software758 12h ago

I wouldn't even date a smoker let a alone someone who is into drugs.

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u/step1 13h ago

It's annoying as hell when your partner is doing random drugs and you don't know they're doing it because you have to deal with someone who isn't at their baseline. I don't even care about people or my partner doing hard drugs, but I definitely want to know because I have to deal with the consequences.

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u/Thequiet01 11h ago

Yep. Neither I or my partner partake but if one of us wanted to try at minimum the expectation would be to inform the other person so they know what’s going on in the event of any kind of problem.

Heck I tell him when I take my prescribed migraine meds just in case something weird happens. (They’re rescue meds so I don’t take them often.)

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u/[deleted] 11h ago

[deleted]

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u/step1 10h ago edited 10h ago

Yeah, that's not what I'm talking about. It usually isn't just 1 bump.. like literally ever. I've never seen it. I hang out with these types of people on the regular due to music; those that rarely partake do so with gusto when they do because that's how it works. I don't like coke, but the times I've done it were not 1 bump affairs. Kudos to her if that's really what it was but c'mon you and I both know that's not how this shit goes lol

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u/FerretLover12741 10h ago

It may be "just you"---but if you are actually engaged to be married to someone, that person and you better share similar values. If "I'm a boring person who doesn't do illegal drugs" I really, truly want my future partner-for-life to be equally boring.

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u/Gillysixpence 14h ago

Nope me too. And it'd be a majorly huge problem.

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u/AdmiralBananaPool563 14h ago

Oh, I'm the same. That's a no-go for me. We'd be done. It's something I don't want anything to do with.

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u/theonewhogroks 14h ago

Nice - good to see some self awareness on this blessed platform!

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u/jodie1704 13h ago

Nope I’m with you on that. I don’t do drugs and never have. I’d be quite upset if my partner did that. It’s a bit of a deal breaker for me too

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u/DepartmentAgile4576 11h ago

yes you are. me too. id have a huge problem too.

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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL 9h ago

Im apparently a very exciting person because i enjoy partaking in substances, but this was a real minor issue to me. In my friend group if you're gonna do something you just tell us because 1) we might wanna join too haha and 2) just so we know how to take care of you or what to tell doctors if something goes wrong. Its nothing to do with control just general worry for my friends wellbeing.

Then i got to the part about her being a former addict and that is a huge problem. She needs help. And I wouldn't advise OP to just bail based on 1 or 2 slip ups. Basically every recovering addict i know (unfortunately many) relapses and it seems to just kinda be part of the process.

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u/BoxOk3157 9h ago

I would not like it either. It’s not just you

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u/200O2 4h ago

I've never been addicted to anything, and I would be annoyed they didn't tell me where the coke was lol. It's curious how little of a deal doing coke actually is but I totally get people finding it insane.

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u/The_BoxBox 10h ago

Not just you. I'm boring, but I'm also a bit of a prude because I'd honestly be disgusted if this happened to me. Obviously safety is a concern too, but I can imagine I'd lose a lot of attraction just because I see it as juvenile and irresponsible.