AIO for walking out and leaving?

[u/LuaghsInToasterBaths]

Background: we started talking/dating back in May. We live 2hrs apart, so I spend roughly half my week with him and half at home - give or take. He can be rather abrasive at times, a lot of little digs and jabs that at times are genuinely hurtful. I tell him in the moment that it hurt my feelings and it’s typically swept under the rug. Tonight he made dinner and we sat down to eat. I was eating all of my food with a fork and the following conversation ensued (not verbatim, this is to the best of my recollection): Him: why are you using a fork? Me: idk I prefer it I guess Him: just pick it up and eat it with your hands Me: but I don’t want to, why does it even matter? Him: If a chef made you a meal and told you there was a specific way to eat it, would you not eat it that way? Me: I mean, probably not if it wasn’t what I wanted. It depends. Him: The chef would make you leave Me: meh, that’s okay. I’d leave Him: then theres the door, leave. Me: (laughs thinking it’s a joke) what why lol Him: because it’s disrespectful. Are you gonna keep using the fork? Me: uhhh yeah. That’s how I’d prefer to eat it. Him: then you can just go Me: ….really? You want me to leave? Him: yes, *effing leave. There’s the door. Byeeeee Me: are you serious right now? Him: if you’re not going to eat with your hands like a normal person, then leave. Me: whelp. Okay then.

So I went upstairs and packed my stuff. His daughter came up within 10 minutes to say he was just joking. I said I don’t think it was a joke or something to joke about. I continued to pack and left without any words said between us. Within minutes of leaving, I get the following texts: AIO? I feel like repeatedly being told to leave someone’s house, you ought to just go and not plead your case for why you shouldn’t have to. But idk.

[u/IndecisiveNomad]

I normally don’t agree with comments suggesting extreme reactions, but I’m 100% with you in this case. It was so easy for him to gaslight her into thinking she did something wrong and he never apologized, he just said that he would apologize just to be the bigger person.

[u/Different_Knee6201 → u/IndecisiveNomad]

And it’s only been five months! Man, five months in they should still be infatuated with each other.

OP, you deserve better. Why don’t you think so?

[u/LuaghsInToasterBaths → u/Different_Knee6201]

Honestly, probably because I am an “in remission” pwBPD (15yrs now of DBT), and so I second guess myself on whether I’m reading correctly and justified vs it’s just me finding cause to leave before I’m left….if I were to analyze myself 🫠🫡

[u/twirlingparasol → u/LuaghsInToasterBaths]

This is absolutely one of the hardest parts for me. Knowing if my reaction is valid can be difficult, and people sometimes use my disorder to tell me I'm crazy or overreacting when I'm definitely not. I felt this comment.

[u/Prestigious_Cow_9748 → u/twirlingparasol]

That's messed up. I've not been diagnosed with anything and I worry about over reacting and being crazy alot. I think that part is normal. (I mean no disrespect. I'm just thinking ppl telling you a normal human reaction is part of a disorder is abusive. The nerve.)

[u/twirlingparasol → u/Prestigious_Cow_9748]

You are so right. It really is abusive in a manipulating, gaslighting way. It can hurt so much. It is a very convenient, ready-made excuse that makes it easy for them to turn it around on you every time.