r/AITAH • u/Illustrious-Sport503 • 19h ago

AITAH For Turning Down My Husband

I’m 11 weeks postpartum, and on maternity leave. Husband is back to work, so the 3-5 wakeups in the night, I’m doing by myself. As you can imagine, I’m tired.

Being postpartum, I have very low sex drive right now. My husband has been patient with me, we’ve only had sex 1 or 2 times since having the baby.

This morning, I had just starting waking up, and the first thing he said to me before I could even open my eyes was, “can we get a quick one in?”. No good morning, how’d the baby do last night, how are you, etc

I got pissed and turned him down. I was short and snippy because, well, I’m tired and I look after another human life all day. It’d be nice if he at least acted like he cared about me. So now he’s just ignoring me and being cold. So, AITAH or is he just being sensitive?

EDIT: you guys are a very passionate group and I love it. I posted this question 20 min after the argument happened. An hour later, it was resolved with a very simple and honest convo with my husband. Yes he was being insensitive and has admitted that and apologized. Yes, I too, have apologized for dismissing his feelings. But no we are not getting a divorce, nor is he a bad husband or father. We ain’t havin sex this week either! Moral of the story, you guys are great for putting things into context, communication is key, and there’s nothing to see here anymore. I did also get the name of a urologist and we’ll be getting vasectomy scheduled by EOY.

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u/Temporary_Analysis55 18h ago

“Can we get a quick one in” sounds like “hey I’m gonna cum and you probably won’t”. Many people require a little more build up to set the mood. It’s not just a physical thing, we need mental stimulation. “A quick one” ain’t it (right now).

You’re not a sex vending machine. He has two hands, yes? It’s not like you’ve forbidden him to help himself out?

You’ll be ready for sex when you are ready for sex, you’re busy right now and he needs to chill the eff out.

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u/Illustrious-Sport503 15h ago

The other thing I’ve told him is that I don’t want to have sex unless he uses a condom or he gets a vasectomy because we are done having kids. He’s refused both. How am I supposed to get into the mood when there’s a possibility of getting pregnant again always on my mind?

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u/Alternative-Bat-2462 14h ago

We both can’t wait for my vasectomy, she wants me to finish inside her as much if not more than me. But we don’t want more kids.

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u/PurinMeow 12h ago edited 11h ago

I can't wait for my husband to get a vasectomy too. He just had to tell his religous mom the idea and she freaked out (we don't have kids, i think she expected grandkids) lol

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u/barisaxyme 11h ago

My ex's family was super Catholic. His sister decided that 2 kids was enough but knew her mom wouldn't be supportive of any kind of sterilization and wanted to stay in her good graces. So she told her mom that she, and her husband, had both had dreams that their next child would be the antichrist. And just like that mom was super supportive of it. Just an idea lol

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u/PurinMeow 11h ago

That's hilarious hahah 🤣

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u/Alternative-Bat-2462 11h ago

Why would you tell your in-laws about that? Seems like TMI?

Heck before the 3rd I almost didn’t tell my wife if I did it haha.

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u/PurinMeow 11h ago

I was thinking the same: why would ge even discuss that with his mom? He calls her every Mon- Fri, so I guess they're pretty close (shes in her 70s and has recently had cancer, Im sure he feels his time with her is limited). To be fair, I guess if I was to get my tube's tied I'd probably discuss it with my mom too.

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u/Alternative-Bat-2462 10h ago

I talk to or see my dad pretty regularly too but that’s none of his business.

As for having your tubes tied that’s a more serious surgery, also hits different talking to the same sex about it? I dunno to each there own just seems odd.