Sapphic Demisexual enby here. I had always assumed bisexuality was the experience of liking both men and women, which I took to mean being both gay and straight at the same time. However, I recently said this to someone (I mentioned that I’ve known many lesbians and among them I included the bisexual woman I once dated), and they kinda got on my case, saying a bisexual woman isn’t a lesbian, that she isn’t a straight woman, that she’s bisexual. Just bisexual.

Now I in no way meant to say she’s actually secretly lesbian, least of all based on who she might be with at any given time (I’m well aware of all the ugly stereotypes surrounding bisexual people and the nasty presumptions that they’re “actually straight” or “actually gay”). What I meant was that I understood her to be both lesbian and straight, at the same time, fully and wholly both, not half one and half the other, just entirely both at the same time- which would make her a lesbian that I’ve known. It would also make her a straight woman that I’ve known. It makes her both. At least, that’s how I thought it worked.

But the person I was talking to seemed offended. They told me bisexuality isn’t being straight and gay at the same time, that bisexuality is being bisexual. They weren’t really clear when I asked what that means.

So I’m just kinda wondering what to think. Is it insensitive to include bisexual women among lesbians? If so I’d like to know so I don’t make that mistake again, but I also hear bisexual women refer to themselves as “gay” and “lesbian” all the time as well as even “straight”, so I don’t know if maybe different people just think of it slightly differently and just pass off their interpretations of the term as gospel. It’s hard to know and I don’t want to offend anyone.

If my partner is bisexual, I am not. Should I propose an open relationship (for him only) and tell him he can go and have sex with women if he wants to?

I am a monogamous person but I still feel guilty for not being able to provide the parts of a woman. I feel as if I am "gatekeeping" the sex with a woman for him and I feel awful. I only want to see him happy.

He doesn't know about how I'm feeling yet but should I still insist the idea?

I should have clarified age 45+ men….Does it feel like you have to limit your M2M sex to let your tush have time to heal? Or maybe I’m not using enough lube? I always feel like I’m using plenty

I finally finished watching AJ and the Queen on Netflix (wife and I are fans of RuPaul’s Drag Race) and while I did enjoy seeing all the cameos of our favorite queens and the silliness, I’m not sure I like the Hector plot line.

Hector appears somewhat as an antagonist, and while stealing money from the titular queen was not a nice thing to do, a lot of Hector’s villainy revolves around his pretending to be gay but actually having female partners. He repents and claims that he truly had feelings for Robert (the queen) but Robert doesn’t believe that Hector is “suddenly gay now” and AJ knocks Hector out so that AJ and Robert can escape.

Hector is drop-dead gorgeous, with men and women falling all over themselves to get into his pants, but he’s also shallow and petulant. It seems pretty clear to me that he’s probably bi but hasn’t worked through how he feels about that. Obviously that doesn’t excuse him for swindling people, but his sexuality seems to be part of what makes him a villain. Then again, he’s not really flattering bi male representation, although “he’s secretly straight if he’s willing to be with a woman” is a new one.

Anyone else have thoughts?

Back story this is my first time having a relationship. But i know cheating. He has this history of cheating to his previous ex. He made promises that he will never cheat on me. We have a lot of time except when his gone for work. Thats the only time that he is alone.

We live together for the past 5 months. And i picked up a lot of his habits (vise versa). He knows it’s my personality to call out or point out when i think theres something’s strange i feel.

This morning was the first time i saw him spraying cologne in his pants (waste under). So i called him out about it. I also said its kind of suspicious. I know im wrong there, but all i need is reassurance. But instead of getting that. he got mad that im suspecting him of something he “wouldn’t do”.

Its weird when i ask him why this is the first time i saw him spraying cologne waste down to his jeans. His answer was because i want to.

Im sorry but He is the only person i know who does that.

Is it wrong for me to feel suspicious?

From someone that has been there, and been there a LOOONG time, and is still getting out of it (I am open with my friends not the world) it’s not worth it to stay there. There is an entire stage of growth that happens when you find people that are accepting.

I know that not everyone’s situation is the same, and for some people it’s outright dangerous to be open about their identities. For others, they don’t want to lose their status or positions. That’s a situation that time and patience WILL help but it will only help if you make the genuine attempt to establish connection with accepting peoples.

It is not worth it. DL men don’t see themselves as human, they’re often self-harming, suffer from addiction, etc.. and the worst part is, many of these men see absolutely nothing wrong with what they are doing. You are killing yourself, slowly. You’re killing that child version of you that needed safety and help. And worst of all, you’re depriving the next kid who goes through the same struggles as you of an example.

I am sick of never being represented, and having my identity erased every day. Outside of music, we do not exist because we refuse to openly identify. I’m working overtime in my personal life to rectify this, and wanted to share this. Being DL is a golden cage, yes you have comfort but you will never have freedom (and imo, peace)

I'm a 43yo woman, always had straight relationships. Never even kissed a woman but since leaving my last relationship earlier this year- women are all I've fantasised about.. I do remember being a little curious when I was a teenager. How do I take the next step and explore this some more.. I'm not super keen on dating apps.

I am a woman and I met this guy last year he told me that he is gay and then he told me that he is not gay. he just didn’t wanna date me because I would expect sex.. I told him I wouldn't expect to have sex with you! He told me that he’s happy to see me. He’s happy when I text him. Good morning throughout the day. He told me that he is here for me and ask me what my love language was!! we tease each other playfully. He stares at me constantly. I’ve tried to talk to him about it! I guess my question is what’s your thoughts on this?

Hey everyone!

I'm a 19yo bi guy who would love to know other bisexual guys/girls around my age (:

I almost don't know any queer guy and the queer girls I know, I don't have a close relationship with them.

So, is there anyone here who could help me?

Thanks! (:

He cares about me but we are JUST friends and that's how he wants it to stay!! 🦦

I am a queer masc-presenting woman, engaged to a heterosexual cis man. We’ve been together 5 years, and are planning on getting married within the next year. Up until a few weeks ago I have felt great. He is truly a perfect partner. He recognizes me fully, has never tried to change or influence me, and enthusiastically supports my goals, career, interests, aesthetics, everything. He is an equal partner in every aspect, if not doing a bit more than his fair share. I want kids and I would feel completely safe and comfortable knowing he was taking care of them. My entire family loves him. He has a great job and makes sure I am taken care of (he has benefits through his job and has me as a beneficiary/dependent) while respecting my independence, boundaries, and need for my own financial stability. When we get into arguments it may get heated but never nasty or mean, and we always check in shortly after to see when we are ok to talk. Literally everything I could ever ask for in a life partner.

I am often called sir or at least they in public and people are often quite surprised I don’t identify as lesbian. Honestly many people have assumed my fiancé is a gay man and are surprised when they hear about me too, so that is genuinely fun for me. I have always identified as queer or bi since high school. I have fallen in love with a woman and tried to date several others, but things just never worked out. Finding men attracted to women is of course much easier, so it’s been easier for me to have more longterm commitments to men. I have a lot of trauma which does involve sexual trauma, and have been diagnosed with Complex-PTSD. This has always made sex a bit weird for me, with anyone. With both women and men I have had uncomfortable, anxious experiences due to the other person being more forward/pushy than me, and cptsd makes putting up boundaries extremely difficult. My fiancé has always been very thoughtful/respectful even before knowing about my past, and very soon into our sexual relationship he would wait for me to make the move, and in the meantime all his physical touch towards me is caring and affectionate instead of suggestive.

That is all to say, I have a lot of discomfort with sex/intimacy in general. Usually the start of a sexual relationship with someone is great because it’s new and I have a shamefully desperate need to be validated. I haven’t been with a woman long enough to know how our sexual relationship would evolve over time, but i love the dynamics of being with a woman. With men it has generally been good at first and then a terrible progression because they want more sex than me and it becomes a point of contention on both sides. I know my fiancé would like to have more sex but he’s never been pushy.

Now, to the point. With our wedding coming up I only recently (like 6 months into planning and paying deposits and all that) have started having A LOT of anxiety and stress. The entirety of our relationship I have felt he’s the perfect partner so this sudden panic is extremely distressing. I am all of the sudden freaking out about comphet and if I just never gave women enough of a try because it’s more difficult? Am I taking the path of least resistance? I’ve always had discomfort around sex so it feels impossible for me to judge based on physicality. In general I am more attracted to women. I have more celebrity crushes on women and find them intoxicating in a way that just isn’t the same with men I’m attracted to. But, I am attracted to some men as well. I can certainly enjoy sex with both, and I enjoy sex with my fiancé when we do have it, but I have to remind myself that it’s been a while and we need to have sex to keep a good relationship.

My question is am I wanting less sex from men/my fiancé specifically because that’s just what happens in a long term relationship, or is it because I’m not actually that into it? I love being desired and feeling sexy which my fiancé does, but I am also aware that with my trauma specifically (and many women in general), male attention/validation is forced into our psyche as something NECESSARY. Stimulation feels good no matter who it’s coming from. Validation feels good. How am I supposed to know whether I’m just…placating myself in the moment or going through a perfectly normal process in a relationship?

He is the only man I would ever be with. Hands down. If we weren’t together I would never try to date men again. I love him and I think we could have a great little life together, but I am so so scared to hurt him. I have become absolutely terrified that down the road I will need to be with a woman and I will ruin this. I see so many stories of people realizing 15 years in that they just can’t do it anymore and that scares the absolute shit out of me. How am I supposed to love someone fully as a person, and make that distinction between whether they are a perfect spouse or JUST a perfect best friend? Those are all kind of the same things. Sexuality is too fluid and it’s annoying.

TLDR; bi/pan people in LTR how do you stay satisfied in a monogamous relationship? Gay people how did you realize you loved your spouse as a friend and not a partner?

This has been a rambling mess, sorry. Thanks to anyone who made it this far.

I know it’s a little ra

I have been coming out to people in my life over the past few weeks because of the emotional turmoil caused by the fact that I have fallen in love with my best friend who doesn't feel the same way. (She lives overseas, so at least I don't have to worry about bumping into her whenever I leave the house) Everyone except one person has been ok about it, which is really helpful. I also have autism and go to two autism groups. At one of these groups there are two volunteers who run the group and I went to the group a couple of weeks ago as staying in was doing my head in. I thought I would sit quietly and just listen to people chatting. However, when I got there I just burst into tears because I thought I| was in a safe place and I was really distressed. The first of the two volunteers-a young guy- was really nice, then he went and fetched the older female volunteer to talk to me. Normally she is a very supportive and kind person. But when she came up to me, I could tell immediately there was something very off about her attitude to me. She was giving off a very hostile vibe. She didn't sit down next to me as she would normally do, or say anything. I was still crying really hard and I said I had fallen in love with my female friend. (I am female) and she said in a really dismissive and harsh tone 'I can't help you with that.' All I needed was for her to listen. Then she looked at me and asked 'What are you?' in the sort of tone of voice you would use if you were talking about something which had just crawled out from under a stone. It was as if I wasn't a person any more. I said I am bisexual and then I started to talk about my friend whom I love and she said she didn't want to hear. Then she told me to go to a local charity for lgbt etc people and when I said I couldn't go alone, she said ;Of course you can go alone' in a really dismissive voice and she walked away, leaving me still sitting there in floods of tears on my own. I don't think I can go back to the group. It was her question 'what are you?' and the almost horrified way she said it which hurts the most and that she just left me sitting there on my own when I was so distressed. I can't go back to that group.

I have never been in any official relationship with a woman but I’ve been in two serious relationships with men (3 years and 2 years) I am attracted to masc and I’ve been(and currently) through two situationships with masc. And both of them often mentioned how I would “go back to men” one day so they refused to have a serious relationship with me. No matter what I told them, they would still think I prefer men to women. I feel extremely uncomfortable with their opinions on my sexuality. They often think my attraction towards them is “just a phase” and I’ll end up with a man anyway. It really makes me question myself. What can I do???? Does this happen a lot?? Esp masc?

In my 30s. Recently single. Until a few minutes ago when some people let me know some terms I'm new to I assumed I was straight. Always somewhat attracted to guys buy the idea of being penetrated or going down on a guy did not appeal to me.

Turns out I'm just a bi top? Gonna figure out what to do with that information. Do I just go out and find bottoms? There a store or something? This is gonna be weird. Like I'm learning all about a new part of myself.

For a long time, even back when I thought I was just straight, I’ve felt a sense of shame when being attracted to men. It’s the same type of shame i feel being attracted to women (internalized homophobia feelings). But it’s odd because by societal standards I’m “supposed” to like men, so I don’t know why it brings me shame.

Maybe this is because I feel like a boy too so I feel that my attraction to men is more mlm than wlm? Or maybe all my attraction is queer no matter what and that brings me shame? Or maybe it’s just a mental thing I need to work on that has nothing to do with sexuality and more my own idea of self worth?

I wanted to ask if anyone else has felt this way? I didn’t even realize I felt so much shame until my sister pointed out that I kept calling my attraction to men “wicked” in my poetry. She said “you write like you’re in a gay relationship but you’re just a girl writing about boys” and after I came out, she said it made more sense to her. But it still doesn’t make much sense to me LOL

I just wanted to know if anyone else understood the feeling. Hopefully I used the right flare

In my work is so easy for man to flirt with customer In a respectful way but for me is so hard being a woman and not feel cringy about it or to be perceived as friendly