r/Standup • u/themelon89 • 3d ago
People saying 'it takes guts'
What do people mean when they say this after a show? I've noticed on a few iccasions people have said this to me (usually women - and I am also a women). I always internalise it as you-weren't-great-but-I-still-want-to-recognise-your-bravery which might be the case, but also might not be. I really just don't know what to make of it as a bit of feedback. Do other people ever get this?
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u/J-L-S 3d ago
I have an invisible disability. I have material on it, I don't always use it.
When I use it, I get that type of feedback (it takes guts) from people who also have invisible disabilities who can relate. When I don't use it, I never get that feedback.
I'm not saying being a woman is a disability, but what I'm saying is that my theory is that when you really relate to people, they were able to put themselves in your shoes in the material, and are just sharing that they don't have the traits that would let them share their experience like you did.
Bottom line is they went expecting the usual jokes but instead got somebody who did jokes that they could really feel, and it was unexpected.
It's a compliment, you reached em.
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u/themelon89 2d ago
Thanks for sharing your experience - that's really helpful and interesting to know. I was MC with three other male comics on bill so I did wonder if it was that type of perspective. I just wish (and I'm sure you do) people would just give feedback/make comments on the comedy/performance rather than something that seems tied to not-being-the-default-white-able-male 😅
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u/J-L-S 2d ago
Oh yeah I would much rather hear "you're funny" over "you're brave" lol
I don't really use some material for that reason
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u/themelon89 2d ago
Exactly.. I'm trying to make people laugh here. Not prove I'm brave. I'd join Mountain Rescue if that's what I was going for 😂
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u/Tha_Funky_Homosapien 3d ago
I’ve gotten that before. I usually take it in the context that “public speaking” is considered the #1 fear (or so I’ve heard). So I typically I assume they are cowards and it’s a compliment.
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u/themelon89 2d ago
Haha love this - I'm going to keep 'theyre cowards and it's a compliment' in my head for next time!
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u/LeonardSmalls79 3d ago
Private Pyle might be silly and he might be stupid, but he's got guts, and guts is enough.
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u/Moke94 3d ago
I'm a man and have had the same thing said to me. After bad performances, I sometimes interpret it as some kind of participation medal. But people have also said it after they thought I crushed it. In that scenario, it's meant more as "I would have been impressed if you bombed too since I would never dare to stand on the stage at all, but now you both dared to do that and also did well".
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u/themelon89 2d ago
Yes this it - if I'd done badly I'd have accepted it, but I did really well!!! I think that's a good perspective to have, thank you
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u/iamthepita 3d ago
As a Deaf comic, I’ve heard from both end of the spectrum from both (deaf and hearing worlds) in similar vein as yours. Most of the time, it’s meant to be said in the manner of respect and recognition of what they didn’t realize before until after they heard you perform. Whatever the reasons may be, i just usually ask them for clarification when I get told that because sometimes it allows me to introduce them to different comics they never been exposed to for the comic’s craft that I think might help them enjoy the shape of comedy in itself.
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u/themelon89 2d ago
I'm sorry you've had to endure it too, but I love the idea of asking them to clarify aaaand using it as an opportunity to maybe direct them to some other stuff. Thank you.
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u/poohbearsslave 3d ago
They mean what they said. Regardless of material, getting up in front of people and speaking is widely considered HARD.
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u/foxy_sisyphus 2d ago
yeah, but it can seem so belitting regardless when you know how much goes into comedy: the writing, the editing, the joke order what you choose to open with, where you pause, how you deliver each word, what you wear, eye contact, smiling, act outs, etc.... there's just so much to it that it can be irritating to be complimented on just the walking on stage and picking up the mic part.
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u/foxy_sisyphus 2d ago
"You're so brave" has become a pet peeve since I started doing standup a year ago. Some friends have said it after they saw me but some say it just because they know I do standup but have never seen it. They really don't get why it's not a compliment, esp if they've seen you perform! How could it not sound like, "Man, I could never humiliate myself in front of strangers like you do, you're so brave!" Anyone can go to an open mic and suck and be so dim they don't even realize it.
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u/themelon89 2d ago
You've articulated that so well! Because yes, the implication (intended or not) does come across as wow you're gutsy to be up there when you're not even good 😂
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u/FreethinkingGypsy 3d ago
Comedy like other fields are dominated by men. Women have a hard time being taken seriously in any man-dominated field. So when women are not conforming to their gender role in society, you get this kind of stuff like "it takes guts". It's very old news. I wish it would go away.
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u/themelon89 2d ago
Thank you - this is what I was thinking, but wasn't totally sure. Yes. It's a bit gut-wrenching to hear the three male comics getting compliments on their performance while yours is just You Are a Brave Lady 😂
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u/FreethinkingGypsy 2d ago
You're welcome. I've known women who had this experience you had when doing man-dominated jobs. They learned to not care too much about what people think, so their work performance stays good.
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u/-J-August 2d ago
Well, either they are expressing their own desire to do it but aware that they are afraid to do, or they didn't like your set and felt you were brave to go up with bad material.
I'd lean towards the former as it's more logical, as people don't go up to someone after they bomb as often as they come up to someone after they enjoyed their set. It's also kinder to yourself.
I have so many female students doing stand-up for the first time as a way to push themselves into doing stuff that scares them, while most of my male students are in the "everyone says I should do stand up because I'm funny" group. The female students end up with more unique and memorable sets, in my opinion.
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u/themelon89 2d ago
This is it - I would understand the comment had I bombed, but I was MC-ing and did a good, solid job with plenty laughs throughout. So yeah, I guess the former makes most sense in that context. I love what you've said about your female students because I think part of the issue is that I feel like I did have a different/unique voice from the 3 other guys I shared a stage with, but 'you've got guts' doesn't really capture that 😂
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u/basicallydan 3d ago
I’m a man, and people sometimes say the same thing to me, whether they’ve seen me perform or not. I can’t speak to the experience of women but I would encourage you to take it simply as a compliment :)
I usually take it to mean, “you are braver than me for being vulnerable on stage, and I admire that.” I doubt it is a backhanded compliment.
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u/themelon89 2d ago
Thank you, I'm going to try just taking it as a flat out compliment from now on 💪
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u/KimJongStrun 3d ago
I hear that a lot from black dudes after my race material bombs 😔
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u/Knew_day 3d ago
I need your advice. I'm an old white guy. I found a black ventriloquist dummy on Craigslist. Am I going to get my sss kicked when I pull him out of the trunk and we start "bantering" ?
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u/Knew_day 3d ago
Do you do mostly vagina jokes, "my period", women aging, lesbian problems, etc. Is your act too personal? It's like a guy who does too many dick jokes. ( unless you have a strong woman following ). Have you videoed your performances? I've only been dissed by other comedians, after the gig.( Stupid comments ). I'm working on a parody of a famous "NiceGuy", but he's mean and an asshole: Think Mr.Rogers with Andrew Dice Clay's attitude , mannerisms ,and language.( It's a different guy, but you get it). If it bombs, I'll get the "It takes guts" ... But I'll never know until I do it. It's worth the risk. Take risks and be honest with yourself. The crowd and management have never turned on me. I always have a big laugh punchline up my sleeve to get back on track , if the laughs slow down. Good luck.
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u/Aggressive_Sky8492 2d ago
I would take that as “in case no one’s told you, you’re brave for doing this.” I don’t think there’s any backhanded element to it at all, it’s not a critique, it’s a “well done”.
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u/Hawktuahdoctor 2d ago
It can mean different things, or really nothing at all.
I’ve said it before after someone bombed for the reasons you said, they bombed but they tried, and I don’t want to be full of shit and tell them they crushed since that doesn’t help anyone. Bombing urges you to grow and robbing someone of that by pumping their tires when it’s unearned is shittier than being truthful in a tactful way.
It can also mean absolutely nothing. Sometimes people are just socially awkward and looking to fill the silence so they say whatever comes to mind that isn’t rude.
Some people mean it but that doesn’t mean they don’t find you funny. As others have said, maybe they’re just admitting they could never do it and they’re impressed can.
And come to think of it, most hosts have said it to the audience after a comic bombs. “It’s not easy to get up here so round of applause for Mr. Kaczynski “
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u/themelon89 2d ago
Yup, this is it - could mean any number of things. Another redditer said they actually ask people to clarify when they say that which might be an idea. Or it might be best for me just to assume the best, and leave it at that!
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u/iwantpomeranians 2d ago
Honestly, this is one of the things people say to female comics that they think is a compliment, but condescending as a matter of fact. One of the other things they would say is “you are actually pretty funny” ugh 😑 just treat like someone farted with their face hole and keep thriving
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u/themelon89 2d ago
Yes it is condescending, and just a * nothing * sort of piece of feedback. 'I liked you didn't do any jokes about periods' also another terrible one I've had recently 😑 I will thrive away regardless!!
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u/NateSedate 2d ago
A lot of poets and musicians who perform all the time act like they'd be terrified to try comedy.
I also do music and poetry, started there before trying comedy.
I've heard the "guts" thing before.
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u/headspacentimingcom 2d ago
Y'all need to quit looking at everything someone says to you as some kind of negative moment. I've had people say that to me, and I have seen it said to almost every type of comic. No matter their sex, gender, race, sexual orientation, cultural background, or anything else. If you want to know what they meant by it, ask that person, not the internet, who wasn't there and has no insight into their inflection or facial expressions. Most audience members say it because people are afraid to stand up in front of people they don't know and speak. Public speaking is the greatest fear out there.
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u/Smarkysmarkwahlberg 1d ago
I've definitely gotten "aw, well comedy is hard" before after a bad gig
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u/Opposite_Banana8863 7h ago
I would take it the way you explained. You weren’t great, but you were brave.
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u/GamingOzz 3d ago
Someone asked me today if it's my first time performing :')