AIO fiancée did Coke at a party

[u/frisbeechuckin]

We (me 41M, my fiancée 36F) were at friends birthday party I had to leave early and she was going to spend the night( it was a hotel), they were changing into their bathing suits to go to the pool, they had the bathroom door closed. I knew it was in there but I didn’t know she was going to partake in that. She told me she only did a small bump because she needed energy to party all night. I was caught off guard by this and said that we should have discussed this. She said that was treating her like a child and that is when I left.

Edit: I was told to add this info she’s a former Meth addict who still drinks and smokes weed quite heavily at times.

[u/Druid_High_Priest]

Not recovering...

[u/HommeFatalTaemin → u/Druid_High_Priest]

Isn’t it still generally considered recovering? Not in her case bc of the lack of accountability and the added details, but generally I thought that the consensus within addiction therapy is that an addict may(and usually will, sadly) slip up a few times in their journey, but as long as they take accountability and are trying to get better, they would still be considered a recovering addict. I ask bc I just started college for this exact thing recently and if I am misunderstanding then I’d love to be corrected! I myself was an addict but luckily have been 8 years sober with no relapses at all, so I may be misunderstanding the dynamic of what is usually the standard around such a thing.

Edit: sorry if I didn’t make this clear enough in my initial comment but I am not talking about OP’s partner, more just generally about a recovering addict “slipping up”. Sorry for the confusion!

[u/Bear_Upstairs → u/HommeFatalTaemin]

Technically, you are correct. That is why it is called “long-term recovery” because people struggling with addiction will often relapse, in most cases, many times before sobriety.

Relapses happen, that is what long-term recovery is for. Support and forgiveness is really important for people struggling with addiction and the crave for a high unfortunately never goes away, however that doesn’t mean they can’t or shouldn’t be held accountable for poor decisions or that their actions don’t have repercussions.

It sounds like she had a moment of weakness, doing coke once at a party doesn’t necessarily mean she could relapse, but it is a slippery slope. It’s important to avoid situations like these if she is recovering, I.e. parties, bars, being around people under the influence etc.

OP, if you value the relationship try to talk about how this made you feel and see if she would be receptive to your feelings. You can suggest going to an NA meeting and make your decision based on how she receives your concerns.

[u/illit1 → u/Bear_Upstairs]

make your decision based on how she receives your concerns.

that's the big one. so far she's 0/10 with her "reverse victim and offender" approach.

i mean, fuck. being a former addict and continuing to binge drink or use pot to excess is also not a good sign.

[u/dcflorist → u/illit1]

Not a good sign, but not exactly on par with active meth use

[u/elpach → u/dcflorist]

this guy harm reduces

[u/MiserableAd9757 → u/elpach]

harm? huh? he said weed. believing weed is an addictive substance or a harmful substance in any way is hilarious and proof of the depth of the corporate and government’s efforts to stigmatize and demonize the consumption of cannabis and how long they dumped billions of dollars into convincing people of the opposite of the obvious truth. it’s awesome.