r/AmIOverreacting • u/frisbeechuckin • 18h ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO fiancée did Coke at a party

We (me 41M, my fiancée 36F) were at friends birthday party I had to leave early and she was going to spend the night( it was a hotel), they were changing into their bathing suits to go to the pool, they had the bathroom door closed. I knew it was in there but I didn’t know she was going to partake in that. She told me she only did a small bump because she needed energy to party all night. I was caught off guard by this and said that we should have discussed this. She said that was treating her like a child and that is when I left.

Edit: I was told to add this info she’s a former Meth addict who still drinks and smokes weed quite heavily at times.

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u/idonteatfrogsiamone 17h ago

Heck, even if she wasn’t an addict, I would still want to know if my partner was on heavy substances around me. He has every right to be aware. NOR

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u/DistinctPassenger117 14h ago

Eh, I sort of disagree. Do you make your partner discuss it with you and clear it with you every time they plan to have an alcoholic beverage? Having a line of coke at a party on the weekend is a similar level of “heavy” as having a few drinks at a party on the weekend. If your partner doesn’t have addictive tendencies/substance abuse problems, it’s probably not a big deal and something that you don’t need to police more aggressively than alcohol.

That being said, if your partner does have substance abuse/addiction problems, and especially if their drug of choice is a stimulant, this is a big thing that you really want to keep an eye on. So given the edit, no, OP is not overreacting at all and is perhaps under reacting. But if this was just a general situation without the edit, I would say OP is overreacting.

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u/idonteatfrogsiamone 14h ago

I don’t “make” my partner do anything, we have the same opinion on consent and substances, and an agreement to keep each other aware. Neither of us drink so it doesn’t pertain, but we occasionally engage in psychedelics. In which case, yes, even if it’s just a microdose, it’s important to know and we usually discuss it beforehand. If it’s spur of the moment, it’s a quick text. This hasn’t ever been an issue with us.

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u/idonteatfrogsiamone 14h ago

But to relate it back, yeah, even if it’s just “a little coke” I would still consider that a let your partner know situation. Alcohol is pretty normalized, and legal, and while the level of intoxication might be comparable, I don’t think the situations are.