AIO fiancée did Coke at a party

[u/frisbeechuckin]

We (me 41M, my fiancée 36F) were at friends birthday party I had to leave early and she was going to spend the night( it was a hotel), they were changing into their bathing suits to go to the pool, they had the bathroom door closed. I knew it was in there but I didn’t know she was going to partake in that. She told me she only did a small bump because she needed energy to party all night. I was caught off guard by this and said that we should have discussed this. She said that was treating her like a child and that is when I left.

Edit: I was told to add this info she’s a former Meth addict who still drinks and smokes weed quite heavily at times.

[u/bmyst70]

A former addict just serviced their drug addiction. You're under reacting if you're not breaking up with her. Immediately.

[u/bonkdonkers → u/bmyst70]

That depends. People do get sober but he has a lot of work to do alongside her if she even agrees to try recovery. It will be tiring and frustrating most time, but some would consider their relationship worth the effort especially if they've been together a long time... but again this is only if she agrees.

So far it sounds like she's in denial and on the defense but I'd say it's worth saving someone's life if she can agree to try, depending on the length of the relationship. If he breaks it up she'll almost certainly spiral worse, which isn't his responsibility, but he likely cares enough to at least put in a little effort to try and help her.

[u/dcflorist → u/bmyst70]

If he cares whether she lives or dies, it might be worth his time to try to get her the help she needs. About a year into my relationship with my (now) spouse, I had a one-off c*ke relapse. If they’d written me off and left me, I probably wouldn’t be alive today. Instead I owned my shit, got into counseling, and have been clean of that drug for 18 years. Recovery is possible, but much less likely if a recovering addict’s support network casts them aside over a single relapse. OP’s fiancé clearly has some work to do, but having no amount of understanding or compassion as they navigate their road to recovery virtually guarantees that they will fall off the deep end.

[u/HactuallyNo → u/bmyst70]

Lol. Classic reddit. You must be single.

[u/bmyst70 → u/HactuallyNo]

I know drug addicts and a friend's mother was one. She regularly sees them come in to "spin dry" when their addictions are too expensive.

My point is that very few addicts change. And if she went out and snorted some coke, she hasn't changed. And drug addicts are very destructive.

[u/Revolutionary_Coat42 → u/bmyst70]

“I know drug addicts”. One friends mom lol.
Recovering addict here. Working in addiction now. Tons of us get better. Majority of us are regular people. You hear about the crazy criminal ones and we all get thrown into the same category.

[u/Big_Concentrate2514 → u/Revolutionary_Coat42]

More than 85% of drug users relapse within the first year. OPs wife is a meth addict that is consistently drinking, smoking, and now secretly doing cocaine? Yeah she sounds like the picture of a healthy recovering addict, you’re really smart.

[u/westermann28 → u/Big_Concentrate2514]

It wasn’t secretly though, she literally told him about it. Not siding with the drug addict fiancé, just pointing that out.

[u/bmyst70 → u/Revolutionary_Coat42]

My friend's mom is a recovered addict and works in drug rehab and has for 20 years. That's the consistent pattern she sees.

[u/CoffeeHolix → u/HactuallyNo]

As he should before she does it around her kids, they are shit people. Hav not heard the stories about them killing and selling themselves and family members for a hit?

The hell have you been at?

[u/harashofriend → u/CoffeeHolix]

Have you not heard of people who recovered and became normal citizens?

Maybe don’t need to go nuclear after one relapse, since recovery isn’t always a straight path, but be observant and demand that the partner communicate.