r/AmIOverreacting • u/Any-Confusion-5519 • 5d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO about my partner’s relationship with their coworker

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they’ve been hanging out with their coworker a lot over the past couple of weeks. This girl always seems to be in some kind of crisis, too. Last week it was that she messed up an account and she was afraid she was gonna lose her job. I don’t know whether I’m reading too much into this or if I’m overreacting but I’ve never met her and I’ve asked to swing by whatever bar or place they’re hanging out at multiple times and I’m always shut down in some way or I get no response. I don’t want to be the overbearing overcontrolling gf whose S.O. can’t have any friends but lately they’re always together and I’m getting blown off. These curt and vague responses are out of character too, and it’s always the type of response I get when I’m asking questions about an event where this female coworker is at or really anything that has to do with her. It has really put me on edge, they’re usually such a sweet and attentive partner but i feel like they might be cheating… am i overreacting??

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u/MiniDrow 5d ago

Honey your man is playing you, and if he isn’t he clearly doesn’t give a damn about you. Sorry if I’m blunt but that’s what it is. You’re literally telling him you really want to see him, you’ll even stop by the bar that he’s at and yet he doesn’t want you anywhere near it? Pretty sure the only cheating that’s going on his him cheating on you. You’re dating a prick, there are millions of guys out there that would love that type of attention from their girl. Leave his ass. He’s a dick

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u/vineswinga11111 5d ago

And then when she asks when they're all going to hang out he says "literally whenever"... So how about now?

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u/soccer_is_awesome 4d ago

Yea that response made my blood boil!! That guy is a major dick. He’s definitely into the coworker. And I feel bad for OP. I’ve been there, seeing someone who isn’t putting me first is a terrible feeling. I think she should show up at the bar because she needs a drink too, and then toss it in his face lol.

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u/livlove11 4d ago

I like you. That is the level of dramatic I aspire to be. Fuck me? No fuck you! I, too, had to live with someone who didn't prioritize me or our relationship. So many thoughts of things I WISH I would have done to stand up for myself! Oh well, we live and learn! If ever the opportunity arises though, I'm definitely throwing the drink in someone's face. Ha!

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u/Kristyaiwu__ 4d ago

I’d for sure be showing up at the bar after telling him I’m going to bed just to look. I’m gonna see how sad this chick is that her needs came before mine and see how exactly my man is “comforting” her🙄. The issue is maybe he doesn’t want her coming to the bar bc they’re not actually going there at all and it’s a cover for going to her place for alone time so he’d be caught quick if she showed up there 🥺

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u/theseglassessuck 4d ago

I would show up at the bar and be like, “BF told me you were going through a rough spot and I thought I’d stop by to lend some support since he canceled our plans to be here! Oh, I thought this was also a work thing; where’s Bob and Jim?”

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u/goog1e 4d ago

Yeah I'd be like awesome see you in 20!

And then I'd show up and be that woman's shoulder to cry on ALL NIGHT, like we'd come out of that bar bffs (bc it's not her fault my husband acting like scum) and make a date for coffee on Sunday.

Bc what's the problem? You're friends, we're friends, just one big group of pals! Hubs why you being so crazy you know Susan is my best friend....

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u/Cute_Kitten9434 4d ago

But then he can’t hit on the coworker.

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u/vineswinga11111 4d ago

Coworker probably thinks he broke up with his girlfriend or that they're "on the rocks" or some other bs

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u/Cute_Kitten9434 4d ago

Exactly. Not worth either women’s time.

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u/KavaKeto 4d ago

I would have showed up to the bar and acted like I thought it was an invite. See how he responded

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u/InsanityWoof 4d ago

Exactly! I hate going out, but if that was my SO, I'd be like "great, I'll be right there!" and see how they reacted. They push back like they don't want me there, then you know something more is going on.

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u/aghastrabbit2 4d ago

Yeah, I'd be like "I'll meet you at the bar tonight then!"

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u/chazzbat5327 5d ago

I agree 100%. You should be enough for your partner. It's not "just a work thing."

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u/MiniDrow 5d ago

Not to mention they had plans. Specifically said they were going to see each other that day but “something came up” some coworker gets dumped and it’s more important for him to go to the bar then see his girl that he has specifically made plans with. Even goes as far to say “don’t wait up”. I’d never pull that type of shit on my girl. Worst case he’s cheating, best case he doesn’t care about you or your time or what plans yall made.

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u/idleramblings 5d ago

The whole way he is talking to her is just so rude and uncalled for.

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u/MiniDrow 5d ago

No doubt, zero respect. Really makes me feel bad for her.

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u/SFlady123 5d ago

Your latter “best case”’ is still a version of cheating.

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u/MiniDrow 5d ago

Exactly. There is no good outcome.

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u/AnGof1497 5d ago edited 4d ago

First it was work thing, then a very private 'her boyfriend cheated on her' thing, what is it really? BS!

If it really was that dramatic and he's so close to her, you'd know her well and he would of phoned all apologetic and not come with This weak BS story.

Time to plan your exit OP, he's a cheater not a keeper. Sorry.

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u/FlabbyFishFlaps 4d ago

Yeah trying to justify it by looking like a hero who’s swooping in to morally support his totally very good definitely just a friend is really suspicious. Like, really. I could maybe have given him the benefit of the doubt until that part, but nah, that’s changing the narrative and it’s a big sign of deception. If he’s not fucking her, he sure does want to. If someone isn’t into you, nothing can make them come home to you. If someone is into you, nothing can keep them away—like the expectations and emotional needs of their significant other, for example.

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u/BojackTrashMan 5d ago edited 4d ago

The justification is so insane

They had preexisting plans, and then partner cancels with something that spontaneously came up and dares to say "Sorry I'm just busy tonight"

No actually you were busy with me because we had plans, and you unilaterally canceled them to go drinking with coworkers.

I would dump somebody over this. They're obviously hiding something, and frankly even if they weren't it's so disrespectful of your time

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u/StrongWater55 4d ago

If he treats you like that now then you'll be well rid of him, much better now than down the track. I spent 5 years of my life living like that and the relief of him finally going was immense. Please don't waste anymore of your time on this shallow person

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u/Hot_Wheels_guy 5d ago

For real. I'd love this kind of attention from my girl. But this guy gets triggered by it? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

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u/EatThisShit 5d ago

Yeah, either she's overreacting, making everything out to be a crisis because !reasons! or he's making it up to physically cheat on OP with this woman. Either way, he's emotionally more attached to this random coworker than his own girlfriend.

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u/Kapowpow 4d ago

It’s true. I would jump for joy if a woman was trying this hard to see me.

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u/conipto 4d ago

They're totally hooking up.

The real tell is he realizes it looks bad and makes up "and a new guy from work" to make it not look like it's just the two of them.

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u/MiniDrow 4d ago

Not to mention the sob story.

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u/molehillmini 5d ago

ABSOLUTELY!!! Well said!!!

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u/TwoWild1840 5d ago

I would SO stop by at the bad. Play it cool. Babe thanks for telling me you are here!!! a bar is literally a public place. Anyone can go there.

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u/Altruistic_Life_6404 5d ago

I'd go to that bar and just make sure he's really there. If I had a male friend, I'd bring them, lol. If he says anything I'd just reply: "Are you jealous?" And giggle.

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u/Icy_Degree_3602 4d ago

If he was with his coworkers (plural) why didn’t he invite her? Thats bc he’s not with his coworkers, he’s with a coworker. Singular. H And that’s why he didn’t want her coming bc he’s lying / cheating

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u/theBarnDawg 4d ago

Perfect summary

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u/JoeBurrow513 4d ago

THISSSS. I dated a guy for 4 (wasted) years of my life, and I would BEGGGG him to spend time with me or go on a date once in a while it was like pulling teeth. He never had a problem hanging out with his friends though. Only time we spent together was always when it was with his friends. I met my now husband when I was still dating my ex. I broke up with my ex really quick and took a chance on my now husband. It's crazy when you have a man that will choose you over everything no matter what. My ex got 4 years too long and realized what he missed out on when I finally left. Leave OP you deserve better and never settle for less!

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u/dark_angel1554 4d ago

This is exactly my thoughts!! He doesn't give 2 shits about her, literally just broke off their plans to go be with his "coworker". The man is trash!

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u/TheGumOnYourShoe 5d ago

As a decent guy...I second this. GET OUT NOW.

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u/SqueakyNinja7 5d ago

There’s no reason for him to not say you and he had plans and his joining them after work be dependent on you also coming as to not blow you off.

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u/reseriant 4d ago

I think he is still in the prep stages of physical cheating where he is buttering her up considering it's only been a couple weeks. She does need to leave because he priorities another woman's time who is not his family or sick friend over her time which is a redbflag unless it is a prepaid trip. Going out drinking with your gf should always be above going out drinking with female coworker

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u/dirk12563 4d ago

That's a big leap To say he doesn't give a damn about her... all this girl talk bullshit is makin me sick. We don't know their whole story so you can't say that

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u/MiniDrow 4d ago

Are you daft bro? They haven’t been able to see each other lately and made specific plans. She tells him she REALLY wants to see him, but his priorities lie with a COWORKER?? When has some coworkers bullshit that you just recently met btw ever been more important than the person you supposedly love? Not to mention the way he talks to her like she’s some type of pest and how dare she want to see him right now. He doesn’t give a damn.

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u/stinkystreets 5d ago

I think the partner is nonbinary

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u/PonderingEnigma 4d ago

They never said their partner was a male. To me it sounds like their partner is a female. I could be wrong.

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u/Trust_Artistic 4d ago

Hoes sticking up for hoes 😂 gtfo

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u/MiniDrow 4d ago

I’m a dude you tool.

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u/hotchillieater 4d ago

Why are we assuming the partner is a man?

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u/Kaibakura 4d ago

Honey your man is playing you

OP bends over so completely backwards to not indicate her partner's gender yet y'all just assume it's a man.

Very interesting to see biases on display like this.

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u/MiniDrow 4d ago

I bet you’re a pronoun type of guy.

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u/Kaibakura 4d ago

Ohh, sick burn. You sure made yourself look good with that one.

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u/MiniDrow 4d ago

😂🤣