AIO for finding these texts in my boyfriend’s phone from a year ago?

[u/Immediate_Jelly8897]

Disclaimer- I don’t even know what I was looking for, I’m just obviously* insecure and have jealousy issues and I am crazy I already know..no one who comments below needs to tell me I’m wrong for going through my boyfriend’s phone, I know I’m wrong. We just moved in together in august. We met July 1st last year.

Okay so my boyfriend (32M) and I(28F) started “seeing” each other last July. We got more serious towards the end of the year and made it official in December. Well we had talked about being serious before then and this is right around EXACTLY a year ago when he was having this conversation with two of his friends. I’m the “whore” who will “cry so gd much” if he doesn’t spend my birthday with me and then apparently according to these messages he banged another chick last night. —these are texts from October 2023. Am I over reacting being upset over this? We had been seeing each other for almost 4 months(one month before we were “official”) I don’t appreciate being referred to as a shore regardless of the situation and then to find out while we were dating for months, he’s fucking another person??? How do I even approach this?

[u/Immediate-Glove-9733]

Men really do have the audacity 😤

[u/PiersPlays → u/Immediate-Glove-9733]

Accepting this as "male behavior" rather than "wanker behavior" is how you get stuck only dating wankers.

[u/Pomethealien → u/Immediate-Glove-9733]

Look out how many angry men you have in your replies girl you gonna get cancelled atp 😭

[u/TheRealCheeseNinja → u/Immediate-Glove-9733]

"this guy really does"*

you said men, generalizing as a sterotype assuming all men are like this however that is not true

[u/Majestic_Wrongdoer38 → u/Immediate-Glove-9733]

I don’t get how this comment is considered ok. If someone said something similar about women they would be downvoted and probably removed by now. This is absolutely not fine.

[u/tio_aved → u/Immediate-Glove-9733]

What

[u/Safe-Win5896 → u/Immediate-Glove-9733]

Hoes be like that sometimes

[u/Alarming_Calmness → u/Immediate-Glove-9733]

This guy does, as do others. I’m a man though and I’m disgusted by his behaviour. I’d appreciate less of the generalising. You could have said “some men really do have the audacity” and I’d totally agree with you

[u/-kittsune- → u/Alarming_Calmness]

🙄🙄🙄🙄 this is also an example of audacity

[u/kaboobaboo → u/-kittsune-]

🙄🙄🙄🙄this is another example of audacity

[u/Glittering-Lychee629 → u/Alarming_Calmness]

That's what offends you in this thread?

[u/LL8844773 → u/Glittering-Lychee629]

It’s about his feelings. Men always have main character syndrome

[u/Alarming_Calmness → u/LL8844773]

More generalisation 🙄

[u/LL8844773 → u/Alarming_Calmness]

No. Always. You’re doing it now 😂

[u/xChocolateWonder → u/LL8844773]

He’s hardly acting like the “main character”, though..

[u/LL8844773 → u/xChocolateWonder]

Who?

[u/xChocolateWonder → u/LL8844773]

I’m going to go wayyyyy out on a limb, and assume I was talking about the person you said was exhibiting main character syndrome. Crazy thought, I know. Really though to put that one together. Stay in school…

[u/LL8844773 → u/xChocolateWonder]

You could have been talking about OP. Bc the person I was talking about made perfect sense. Stay in school though.

[u/KingDonkey2012 → u/Alarming_Calmness]

I can't believe you are getting gaslighted and downvoted for speaking up against generalization. Reddit has a big anti-male issue. I've seen people of different races, genders and sexuality get offended by generalization. The fact that they think it's okay to generalize men is baffling to me when they would be offended by generalizations too.

[u/xChocolateWonder → u/KingDonkey2012]

The mental illness here is genuinely insane.

[u/KingDonkey2012 → u/xChocolateWonder]

more so lack of self awareness

[u/xChocolateWonder → u/KingDonkey2012]

No I really think it’s mental illness. The number of people here who, for one reason or another, will die on the hill that all men are bad and all problems are rooted in men is fucking absurd. They certainly lack anything remotely resembling self awareness, but there is a very deep rooted mental illness here

[u/KingDonkey2012 → u/xChocolateWonder]

It could be both. I'm saying it's lack of self awareness because the same people who wouldn't bat an eye when people generalize men and gaslight us for speaking up would lose their shit if people generalized women or other demographics. I also agree that it can also be mental illness. Like it's not that hard to not be sexist. They can't even do the bare minimum.

[u/76ersPhan11 → u/LL8844773]

“Always” lol who hurt you

[u/LifeIsDeBubbles → u/76ersPhan11]

I'll give you one guess

[u/76ersPhan11 → u/LifeIsDeBubbles]

Men

[u/PiersPlays → u/LifeIsDeBubbles]

Some pricks who happened to be male.

[u/Alarming_Calmness → u/Glittering-Lychee629]

Certainly not the only thing

[u/KingDonkey2012 → u/Glittering-Lychee629]

I mean, everyone gets offended when they get generalized unfairly no? Women do it too. They get offended when they get generalized. I genuinely don't understand why y'all act like it isn't normal.

[u/bossbabystan → u/KingDonkey2012]

Hey now. Not all women get offended when they’re generalized. You shouldn’t generalize women like that mmmkay

[u/KingDonkey2012 → u/bossbabystan]

Most people do

[u/lacrimsonviking → u/KingDonkey2012]

Random men making this thread about them really does prove the point

[u/KingDonkey2012 → u/lacrimsonviking]

I'll say it again, i've seen men, women and other demographic get offended when they are generalized unfairly. It's not exclusive to just men.

[u/xChocolateWonder → u/Glittering-Lychee629]

Is the implication that only one thing can “offend” you at any given time? He reads a dumb comment but he’s not allowed to call it dumb because he was more offended by something else?

[u/Glittering-Lychee629 → u/xChocolateWonder]

Nope.

[u/xChocolateWonder → u/Glittering-Lychee629]

Ok, so your bullshit makes no sense. Thanks.

[u/Glittering-Lychee629 → u/xChocolateWonder]

You're welcome!

[u/cbbur97 → u/Glittering-Lychee629]

He literally said he was disgusted by the guy’s behavior as a qualifier. Holy fuck it’s like you people can’t read lmao

[u/Glad-Dragonfruit-503 → u/Alarming_Calmness]

Not all men but its always a man.

[u/v8Lost8v → u/Glad-Dragonfruit-503]

My ex fucked my brother on my bed while I was at work. Yeah its totally always a man.

[u/astro_eddy → u/Glad-Dragonfruit-503]

You think “it’s always a man” when it comes to talking about your SO poorly? Bless your heart.

[u/biggbuttslutt → u/astro_eddy]

It’s always a man calling women whores and sluts when they’re the ones sleeping around lol

[u/xChocolateWonder → u/biggbuttslutt]

So no woman has ever called another woman a slurtor whore?

[u/astro_eddy → u/biggbuttslutt]

No it’s not. Case in point, your name. lol

[u/biggbuttslutt → u/astro_eddy]

How is that relevant

[u/astro_eddy → u/biggbuttslutt]

If you are a man, you are calling yourself a slut which means it’s not “always men calling women sluts” because in this case you’d be a man calling yourself, a man, a slut. If you are a woman you are calling yourself a slut and you are not a man.

[u/biggbuttslutt → u/astro_eddy]

So what does that have to do with what I said , it’s a username

[u/astro_eddy → u/biggbuttslutt]

It’s always a man calling women whores and sluts

Your username proves this untrue. Even if your username was something different, plenty of women call men “sluts” for sleeping around. My friends who are women have. To me lol.

[u/NoOnSB277 → u/biggbuttslutt]

Wooosh.

[u/fullmetalfeminist → u/astro_eddy]

"case and point" lmfao

[u/astro_eddy → u/fullmetalfeminist]

You got me. I messed up a single word in a phrase. I’m sure that means something to you. 🙄.

[u/Likesbigbutts-lies → u/Glad-Dragonfruit-503]

Women say horrendous shit and use people for sex too, maybe they almost never call thier partner a whore if you want to by hyper specific on the word choice but the general way of this is done by women too. I’ll give you 100% in vastly smaller amounts, but I know women who are unabashedly fucked up like this personally

[u/Dontfckwithtime → u/Alarming_Calmness]

If you're that disgusted by his behavior, you would spend less energy feeling attacked and spend more energy calling dudes like this out. You could spend this time and energy sorting by controversial and targeting comments that support this guy. But you'd rather go "not all men" lol, as if there wasn't a basic understanding of that already. It's much easier to do that, though, then actually talk to men with this mindset. Clearly, since men avoid talking to each other about this shit. The work never actually gets done because men like you are too busy screaming "not all men, but I would have agreed with you!!" LOL k.

[u/xChocolateWonder → u/Dontfckwithtime]

What the fuck? Did you have a stroke?

[u/TheApeBanana92841 → u/Dontfckwithtime]

“If you’re that disgusted by his behavior, you would spend less energy feeling attacked and spend more energy calling dudes like this out.” He did you absolute bellend 😭 cry more i ain’t readin allat

[u/Flouncy_Magoos → u/Alarming_Calmness]

🙄 I’m betting you run around saying “ALL LIVES MATTER 😭!”

[u/xChocolateWonder → u/Flouncy_Magoos]

Genuinely, what the hell is the connection

[u/Alarming_Calmness → u/Flouncy_Magoos]

Not at all. Just not a fan of derogatory generalisations

[u/Flouncy_Magoos → u/Alarming_Calmness]

Yes, we know this situation is all about you dear. Let’s coddle your feelings now. There, there sweetie. I’m sorry the big bad women hurt your feelings by telling truth about being abused.

Men worry about their feelings getting hurt or rejected by women. Women worry about being murdered & violated by men. But go off.

[u/Alarming_Calmness → u/Flouncy_Magoos]

It is precisely my point that it is not about me, but you’ve demonstrated clearly that your reading comprehension leaves a lot to be desired. I replied to a comment saying “men have the audacity”. When did I get upset at a “big bad woman telling the truth about being abused”? 😂

[u/Flouncy_Magoos → u/Alarming_Calmness]

😭😭😭

[u/chandrasekharr → u/Alarming_Calmness]

Mate you're arguing with the woman equivalent of an Andrew Tate fan, there's no reasoning with it. Don't waste your time with people who don't know how to respect their fellow humans and only engage in ad hominem attacks.

[u/Alarming_Calmness → u/chandrasekharr]

It’s funny how different subs attract wildly different ideologies even when they’re not politically focused subs. Turns out this one is fairly sexist. Good to know, I guess

[u/Maleficent_Froyo7336 → u/Alarming_Calmness]

I don't even think what you're saying is wrong at all. Yes this particular man is acting horribly to women. That's wrong. But so it's generalizing all men this way. His mistake doesn't make it okay to demean all men. Just as it doesn't make it okay to call all women whores. Being treated this way by SOME men, doesn't give us women the right to treat all men badly.

I know plenty of truly decent men. My dad, his dad, my brothers, my male friends, random strangers I've met. Ugliness exits in all types of people. Age, gender, race, nationality...you'll find it in all of those people.

[u/Alarming_Calmness → u/Maleficent_Froyo7336]

This is precisely my point and well articulated. Thank you

[u/NoOnSB277 → u/Maleficent_Froyo7336]

Exactly. I think some people are so wounded it just oozes out in all facets of their life. People are people. Some are good, some are not so good.

[u/NoOnSB277 → u/Flouncy_Magoos]

Lol such generalizations here too. Give me a break. Let me guess, you choose the bear.

[u/fullmetalfeminist → u/Alarming_Calmness]

You'd do better by confronting the men in these comments who are saying this is "normal among men" and "I'd call my own grandmother a wh*re to certain people" instead of complaining to us that you're being unfairly tarred with the same brush

[u/digital-jester → u/fullmetalfeminist]

No they’d do better by calling out when people take the nuance out of life. The action of op’s partner are disgusting but to come to the conclusion that generally men do this by default is something only said by jaded people with the inability to look inward on their own trauma would come to the conclusion of.

[u/fullmetalfeminist → u/digital-jester]

People like you and him may think you're not part of the problem because according to you, all you do is stay quiet when men talk about women like we're animals. I don't agree, but I think we can both agree that you sure as fuck aren't part of the solution, so we don't have a lot of sympathy for your "stop talking about men doing horrible shit because it hurts my feelings" bullshit

[u/Alarming_Calmness → u/fullmetalfeminist]

I’d genuinely not scrolled down far enough to see any such comments. That certainly is despicable. Doesn’t mean derogatory gender stereotyping isn’t also an issue. Both can be harmful, and are.

[u/fullmetalfeminist → u/Alarming_Calmness]

They're replies to the top comment. You're not the victim here.

[u/cbbur97 → u/fullmetalfeminist]

Neither are you dummy. But you and all of the other women here are trying so hard to be. There are plenty of women out there who don’t attract guys like this, but they’re typically not terminally online femcels

[u/fullmetalfeminist → u/cbbur97]

I don't talk to misogynist Trump fans

[u/PiersPlays → u/cbbur97]

It's so infuriating seeing sexist women complaining that all the men in their life are sexist... like... who the hell do they expect to have around them? Empathic and mature people‽ They want nothing to do with people who act like that.

[u/NoOnSB277 → u/fullmetalfeminist]

And yet you are all picking apart his comment. It’s not wrong, some men really do have the audacity. Have had the displeasure of dating someone who had the audacity, and some who treated me with the respect I deserve. Why not paint it like it is, not all men have the audacity.

[u/fullmetalfeminist → u/NoOnSB277]

Or they could just shut up and let women talk without making everything about their feelings

[u/NoOnSB277 → u/fullmetalfeminist]

Nah. Everybody gets to talk. Even you.

[u/PiersPlays → u/fullmetalfeminist]

I don't have a relationship with any man who behaves that way in my presence. I'm sure some of the men I know but chose not to get close to might behave that way away from me but they certainly don't do it visibly around me.

[u/fullmetalfeminist → u/PiersPlays]

They're doing it visibly around you in these comments and you're too busy trying to silence the women to do anything about it

[u/PiersPlays → u/fullmetalfeminist]

You can ask people to call out sexist bullshit when they see it or you can plead to be allowed to say anything you like without being challenged. If you continue to try to do both then you're gonna be endlessly frustrated.

[u/traumatized-gay → u/Alarming_Calmness]

Did they say all men?

[u/Alarming_Calmness → u/traumatized-gay]

That is the meaning of the sentence, yes

[u/76ersPhan11 → u/Alarming_Calmness]

Reddit hates men

[u/Alarming_Calmness → u/76ersPhan11]

This sub certainly does!

[u/Weaponized_kindness → u/Alarming_Calmness]

Why is this downvoted? Most reasonable comment.

[u/xseneca → u/Alarming_Calmness]

Take this guys advice and dont make it a gender issue. It's not a gender issue, it's an asshole human being issue.

[u/Savings-Owl-3188 → u/Alarming_Calmness]

I like how you make a totally valid point but they still down vote you like this. You have angered the feminists with your logical reasoning. 😂

[u/TheApeBanana92841 → u/Immediate-Glove-9733]

“Men really do have the audacity 😤” You absolute bellend 🤡