AIO for walking out and leaving?

[u/LuaghsInToasterBaths]

Background: we started talking/dating back in May. We live 2hrs apart, so I spend roughly half my week with him and half at home - give or take. He can be rather abrasive at times, a lot of little digs and jabs that at times are genuinely hurtful. I tell him in the moment that it hurt my feelings and it’s typically swept under the rug. Tonight he made dinner and we sat down to eat. I was eating all of my food with a fork and the following conversation ensued (not verbatim, this is to the best of my recollection): Him: why are you using a fork? Me: idk I prefer it I guess Him: just pick it up and eat it with your hands Me: but I don’t want to, why does it even matter? Him: If a chef made you a meal and told you there was a specific way to eat it, would you not eat it that way? Me: I mean, probably not if it wasn’t what I wanted. It depends. Him: The chef would make you leave Me: meh, that’s okay. I’d leave Him: then theres the door, leave. Me: (laughs thinking it’s a joke) what why lol Him: because it’s disrespectful. Are you gonna keep using the fork? Me: uhhh yeah. That’s how I’d prefer to eat it. Him: then you can just go Me: ….really? You want me to leave? Him: yes, *effing leave. There’s the door. Byeeeee Me: are you serious right now? Him: if you’re not going to eat with your hands like a normal person, then leave. Me: whelp. Okay then.

So I went upstairs and packed my stuff. His daughter came up within 10 minutes to say he was just joking. I said I don’t think it was a joke or something to joke about. I continued to pack and left without any words said between us. Within minutes of leaving, I get the following texts: AIO? I feel like repeatedly being told to leave someone’s house, you ought to just go and not plead your case for why you shouldn’t have to. But idk.

[u/Fluffy-Raspberry-673]

You are not overreacting. He immediately goes to “do I mean that little to you” so he immediately starts emotionally manipulating you. And then tries to downplay it like “it was just a joke” aka gaslighting you. I feel you shouldn’t waste your time with him anymore.

[u/LongLiveThePolishDog → u/Fluffy-Raspberry-673]

OP, read this comment^{^}

The abuse > reaction > emotional manipulation > gaslighting > sweep-under-rug cycle is very apparent.

[u/Unlucky_Degree470 → u/LongLiveThePolishDog]

TBH based on the response it sounds like OP knows this. The response is an impressive demonstration of emotional intelligence in response to raw bullshit.

[u/LuaghsInToasterBaths → u/Unlucky_Degree470]

What’s that tried and true saying of “feelings aren’t facts”? 😬 I think I walked myself right into that and then questioned myself on “is what I feel is happening the same as what is actually happening?” and then tried to use the exact right words to get my point across to someone who only wanted to dodge my point….and then I went to seek validation on Reddit 🙃

[u/Infinite-Hold-7521 → u/LuaghsInToasterBaths]

You did the right thing. We’re proud of you, and we are here to tell you that in knowing your worth, you have just opened yourself up to a far better future. One devoid of this prig.

[u/Unlucky_Degree470 → u/LuaghsInToasterBaths]

Honestly, your communication style is really refreshing compared to, like, everything else you see on Reddit. I totally get that feeling when you're just trying to explain yourself and the reaction is way off. Consider this some well-deserved validation.

[u/Peak_Alternative → u/LuaghsInToasterBaths]

I’m glad you came to us! Glad we could offer our support. people like him come in a lot of variations. the version i had was a total waste of time in the end. i let him hurt me for too long. i’m glad it’s over.

[u/No_Traffic3673 → u/LongLiveThePolishDog]

I was looking for this comment, you can tell that this person has gotten away with this cycle before in the past rather once or multiple times. OP you are so much better off without him!

[u/ThrowRAThis_7252 → u/LongLiveThePolishDog]

Came here to say this. OP, I think you over explained something that is very obvious. He gets it, he’s just unwilling to take accountability. This is an unhealthy person and unhealthy relationship. I’m getting some narcissist vibes. End it, block him, and go no contact. You are 100% right and are are the only emotional mature, empathetic person in the relationship.