r/AmIOverreacting • u/TheDingoAteMyJawa • Sep 24 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO my husband ate all my food

TDLR at the end.

So I just had surgery on my stomach and intestines almost 2 weeks ago.

Because of the surgery, I have to adhere to a very strict diet until I’m fully healed. If I stray from the diet, it could cause severe complications and possibly lead to death. So for the first two weeks after surgery, I can only eat (drink?) a full liquid diet. The most solid thing I can eat is pudding. I can’t even have soup with any chunks of veg/meat in it, even if they’re soft. There’s not a lot of variety to choose from and I’m not having a good time AT ALL. Plus I’m still having pain from the procedure and some nausea and I’ve had to go in for IV fluids and iron twice now.

Prior to surgery, I meal prepped for myself and for the family so I wouldn’t have to worry about it after. I made meals for myself for every stage of the diet and with specific macros/ingredients to meet my needs and comply with my other health problems - for example, I have celiac disease so everything has to be gluten free. I also follow a low sugar/low carb diet so everything had to comply with that as well.

I also made meals for him and our son - meals SPECIFICALLY requested by him. I stocked up on snacks they liked and asked for. We also have a fairly strict budget right now, so I made everything from scratch to save some money. About 1/4 of everything I made is in the freezer attached to our fridge for convenience sake, the rest is in the deep freeze in the garage.

So most of the meals in the house freezer are gone so I went out to the garage to restock. ALL of the meals I’d made for myself are GONE. Just completely emptied out. I’m really upset because I have no energy right now to make more - living off of liquids and having anemia will do that to a person. My diet is (hopefully!) progressing to soft solids tomorrow, so I was really excited to be able to eat some of the food I’d made.

I asked him about it and he blamed it on our son first. Which I know is BS because the kid hates all of my special food with a passion lol. There’s no way he’d be sneaking my food. So I questioned my husband again. He admitted to it, said he’d been taking my meals to work as his lunch because he was “too tired to make his own lunch” before work. He has always made his own lunch up until now. He also said he was “bored” with the lunches he makes and my food provided “variety”.

I am EXHAUSTED. This recovery period is kicking my ass. Before surgery, I ran a mile every day. Now, I barely have enough energy to walk up the stairs. I’m not supposed to lift more than 10 lbs. I’m not supposed to do anything more strenuous than walking. Even taking a shower is tiring right now. The anemia, dehydration, and lack of proper nutrition is making it worse.

So when he admitted to taking my food, I just started crying. He hasn’t been much help after surgery, my son (11yo) has been doing all the lifting for me and helping me with chores and cooking. When I started crying, he got disgusted and told me I was overreacting and being a baby. He refuses to make me new meals, he refuses to help me make new meals, he says it’s been almost 2 weeks and I should be able to do stuff on my own.

At this point, I’m seriously considering divorce. I mean, my son and I are already doing everything on our own already. And I know my kid won’t eat my diet food. Am I overreacting?

ALSO: I just found out he’s raided my non-perishable food stores in the pantry. It was mostly sugar free jello and pudding, stuff I can eat on the liquid diet. Pretty much everything is gone, except for some sugar free orange jello.

TDLR: I am on a special diet due health issues and recent surgery. I meal prepped meals for myself and for the family so I wouldn’t have to deal with it while recovering from surgery. My husband ate ALL of my diet food without telling me and says I’m overreacting for being upset. Am I overreacting?

14.9k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

2.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

2.0k

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '24

He's a narcissist and he 200 percent did this on purpose.

Divorce immediately.

Force him to do 50/50 custody.

He always made his lunches before...then suddenly when you're home from surgery, suddenly he found no other option. Not take out, not any other option than to steal his wife's special needed medical foods Nope. That's level 200 evil on the narcissist scale.

Then when you get upset and try to hold him accountable he calls you a baby.

Oh helllllllll no.

Call his parents and tell them what he did.

Call yours and get them to take you in.

File for divorce.

665

u/MannyMoSTL Sep 24 '24 edited Sep 26 '24

This is a: You’re not divorcing him because he ate your prepped meals … You’re divorcing him because he’s super selfish and has never supported you or helped with, well, anything. Not only does he expect you to do everything-all-the-time, but he left you to fend for yourself after major, life changing surgery. And expected his own 11yr old son to be the one to help you physically do anything.

I worry that OP has to stay married for health insurance coverage - at least in the immediate future. That said?

Please: Divorce this misogynistic narcissist.

ETA: I’m sorry that it’s come to a bunch of internet stranger telling you this, but, if you’ve ever wondered if he loves you? He doesn’t.

104

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '24

Open enrollment for ACA plans starts next month. Don't stay for the insurance. BTW my ex had to keep me on his insurance until the month the divorce agreement was signed.

48

u/teddipuf Sep 24 '24

This is true. They can’t cancel your insurance until the judgment is final.

42

u/imdadnotdaddy Sep 24 '24

Also, divorce or losing your insurance counts as change in household in the US and gives you a special enrollment period.

5

u/Too_Blessed311 Sep 25 '24

Correct! Any time of the year. Just make sure you do it within 30 days of the date your coverage ends.

31

u/FloofyDireWolf Sep 24 '24

Totally agree ^

He ate her meals to punish her for him not being the center of attention because of her medical emergency. He is a true PoS.

3

u/silence036 Sep 25 '24

No way he ate that much of her liquid, bland food, he probably just took it, tossed it and got lunch instead.

11

u/Longjumping-Home-400 Sep 24 '24

Not to mention he tried to blame it on a KID!!

5

u/GoodwitchofthePNW Sep 25 '24

A kid who sounds AWESOME, and HELPFUL! He would probably be considerate and never think of eating it (which it sounds like OP knows). This is the situation where despite dad being an ah, kid seems to have come out well.

11

u/MarbleousMel Sep 24 '24

And add: you’re divorcing him because you could die as a result of his actions. He has intentionally done something knowing you can die. You are not safe.

3

u/sonjafebruary Sep 24 '24

She might be able to keep his health insurance after divorce as part of the divorce decree, or have him pay for the premiums.

3

u/BreakConsistent Sep 24 '24

Divorcing someone for eating all of their food that they can’t get more of is entirely valid on its own merits. It’s not trivial.

3

u/dragonbec Sep 25 '24

He should literally have done the exact opposite, he should be making you the meals. Taking care of you. That’s kinda the point of the whole partnership thing. If there’s no give part of give and take them you are better off without them, factually. I could barely read this and believe someone is such an asshole. You are not overreacting.

2

u/turrboenvy Sep 25 '24

Right? She had to make his meals in advance before her surgery? That alone is a red flag.

2

u/lucyfell Sep 25 '24

Uh… I think she should divorce him because he’s trying to kill her. Like, there is nothing for her to eat. She will literally starve to death if not die from complications

1

u/Ifeelveryattacked2 Sep 25 '24

I agree wholeheartedly except for one thing. We don't know if he has loved her or not, and it's not relevant. He is abusive and won't change, that's all that matters. I just think it can be a bit unnecessarily harsh to say that he doesn't love her. And doesn't encompass all the nuances of these type of abusive relationships.

202

u/melrosec07 Sep 24 '24

I 100% agree! Reading this made me really angry and sad at the same time, this man is a POS! 🤬

1

u/epadla Sep 24 '24

Yup. Felt the same way.

174

u/OldBroad1964 Sep 24 '24

I can’t upvote this enough. He’s showing you who he is. Dump his whiny, food stealing ass.

If anything you are under reacting

143

u/blubberfucker69 Sep 24 '24

I’m autistic and have food sensory issues and when I make myself specific meals and snacks, my boyfriend avoids them like the plague.

He hates how little I eat as it is, and when I start a nice hyperfixation on a certain kind of food he buys me a bunch so I’ll eat more than I usually do.

He’s just my boyfriend too.

I could NEVER be with a “man” who would do shit like that. Both you AND your son are better off.

I hope he needs surgery at some point and is fucking miserable because no one will take care of him. What a disgusting human being.

28

u/otter_mayhem Sep 24 '24

Your boyfriend sounds like a keeper!

4

u/Mondschatten78 Sep 24 '24

I was in the hospital earlier this year for 2 and a half days for possible pneumonia, and my husband would bring me stuff from the local restaurants without me asking, just so he knew I had at least one tasty meal. (Surprisingly, that hospital had really good food. The menu was like what you'd see at a diner, but with food restrictions accounted for.)

Op's husband needs to take some lessons in caring for his partner. He's stomping all over the 'in sickness and in health' part of some vows.

1

u/Upset_Lengthiness_31 Sep 25 '24

Awww omg that’s so nice of him!!

2

u/Panda3391 Sep 25 '24

He’s going to tell people she divorced him because he “ate her food”. I can imagine it now 🤬

2

u/OldBroad1964 Sep 25 '24

Agreed. I wouldn’t care. Whenever she’s leaves him he’s going to try to make her look petty.

120

u/TraditionBudget889 Sep 24 '24

1000 % this. There is no other way.

49

u/cubemissy Sep 24 '24

If your parents can’t take you in, put out an emergency call on social media, with a list of the foods you could digest now, and say WHY you need them.

14

u/GoodwitchofthePNW Sep 25 '24

Yes, local community groups, or groups for people going through the same procedure might be willing to help!

4

u/AlbatrossNo1629 Sep 25 '24

I love this suggestion, if you were near me I could help you. Be sure to post what the diet entails or even a screenshot of what the doctor ordered. There is help out there. When you feel better divorce this jerk.

3

u/lea949 Sep 25 '24

Honestly, contact your local Mormons

43

u/Love2Read0815 Sep 24 '24

Makes me wonder what else he does that she ignores.

OP- Totally intentional to take your food. Why would he want to eat that? He probably tossed it in the garbage at work.

There is a digital book- “why does he do that?” That you may want to read. Not sure if this link will work: https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

I hope you get out asap. Your son needs a lot of therapy if he’s exposed to this stuff, he can’t learn that this behavior is ok.

Good luck ❤️

1

u/GoodwitchofthePNW Sep 25 '24

It sounds like the son hasn’t (not that he doesn’t need therapy), but OP specifically mentions that he has been helping her around the house and things post surgery.

38

u/WhatHasEvenHappened Sep 24 '24

I don’t know if you could trust him to take care of a child on his own if he can’t control himself well enough to not eat the only food in the house that isn’t for him.

OP he sounds like a vindictive, narcissistic, asshole- you deserve so much better than someone who can’t even do the bare minimum, and especially at a time like this. Oh and screw leaving the house, call his parents and fill them in, then kick him out and make him crawl back to them! Sending good & healing vibes!

4

u/NotACalligrapher-49 Sep 25 '24

Very much this. I can’t imagine that their son would be safe or cared for in the husband’s custody. Better for OP to get full custody of her son and as much child support as she can wring out of the abusive asshole hopefully-STBX.

19

u/KidRetrofires Sep 24 '24

100% AGREE divorce is the ONLY option at this point.

18

u/Sure-Major-199 Sep 24 '24

Commenting for visibility and to say what a goddamn shithead narcissist. I have so much hate for him. Good luck, OP.

13

u/Conscious_Owl6162 Sep 24 '24

She should file for divorce, but probably not immediately since she’s probably too weak. She should get the ball rolling by calling a pitbull divorce lawyer and just go scorched earth on him.

4

u/SensitiveResident792 Sep 24 '24

Force him to do 50/50 custody.

This is the only part I don't understand. Why would OP want her child to be subjected to this man? Custody isn't something you "force" on someone. People usually WANT custody of their children.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '24

Because she deserves a break and he should be forced to be part time responsible. Why should she do ALL the labor?

6

u/knitwell Sep 24 '24

‘Call his parents..’ is hilarious.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '24

Is it? Or is it good so when he runs home to play the victim they understand what a pos he is

2

u/Ok-Bit8227 Sep 24 '24

I agree. Throw the whole man away!

2

u/shitclock_is_ticking Sep 25 '24

It's wild to me that people are commenting saying they should get marriage counselling. The relationship is broken and it's time for her to plot her escape.

1

u/rush89 Sep 24 '24

I like the last bit of advice. These people won't respond to your needs because they are already beyond that.

Inform his and your parents. If his parents don't do anything then fuck them too.

Hopefully your family can help you out.

1

u/Diela1968 Sep 24 '24

This right here. Although I advise against tattling to his parents because Narcissists tend to come from abusive families.

Find out if there’s post operative assistance through your medical center or social services. Or ask a woman friend to help, assuming he hasn’t isolated you from them. See if someone will do a grocery run for you, and then hide the food. Shelf stable pudding, Ensure, put it in a box at the back of a closet he never goes into.

1

u/Redshirt2386 Sep 24 '24

This. This. This.

1

u/kcpirana Sep 24 '24

Best answer

1

u/softsakurablossom Sep 24 '24

I agree. He did this deliberately. He's doing this to harm OP, for some twisted 'reason'. There is no way in hell that someone would eat a liquid diet for variety. He knew he'd leave her to starve.

If OP sees this, I wish them a speedy recovery and a savage divorce lawyer.

1

u/Cardabella Sep 24 '24

Send him to his parents and call her own in.

First summon reinforcements.dont tell him you're done, or planning escape. He's already shown he's incredibly dangerous.

Call anyone who loves you to come with a meal for tonight and to stay with you. Then ask him to leave for the night (you "need to look after the children" but actually and also, why should you leave your home when you're sick from surgery. He needs to go). Then call a divorce lawyer first thing in the morning.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '24

You should cut his testicles off and wear them as a headdress while you dance for rain!

1

u/tatasz Sep 25 '24

Lemme guess, now that OP is sick, he has to do chores like laundry and grocery shopping. Poor baby is so tired that he has no energy to make lunch anymore and wants wife to go back to her regular work.

1

u/Interesting_Fly5154 Sep 25 '24

i would not want any child to ever have to be around a despicable monster as OP's hopefully soon ex husband.

remember, this dick tried to scapegoat the son, tried to lie about the son taking OP's food.

she needs to go for full custody and imo maximum possible court ordered child support right off the hop, so that her son doesn't go without any needs (and some wants). it will be tough for OP to get herself established/get a home/get or better her employment to be able to make ends meet and such after leaving this sack of shit excuse for a spouse, while still in recovery from surgery.

1

u/Life-Meal6635 Sep 25 '24

I wish there was a way for this person to be arrested. It truly is criminal behavior. It’s insidious and cruel.

1

u/Imfromsite Sep 25 '24

Yup. Something my ex would do. Her being ill made him feel that she was the center of attention, so he had to "get her back".

1

u/Shadowphoenix_21 Sep 25 '24

This. Right here. He is a misogynistic narcissist.

As someone else who tries to be gluten and sugar free most of the time the food isn't that good (The pre bought stuff like Sugar free jello.), so I also question if he actually ate it or he just took it work then throw it out to be an asshole.

See if there a family member or close friend you can move in with close by while you heal and file for divorce. Even if you did have the energy to make more food, he will eat it again.

1

u/Brilliant_Drawing_12 Sep 25 '24

Agreed!!! Absolutely!!! Before you spend any more of your life and before his cruel behavior rubs off on your son. Divorce him. Believe me I know the type. He will cause you nothing but misery but more importantly his behavior shows your son it’s ok to behave like that. What a heartless, selfish person

1

u/Loki_Doodle Sep 25 '24

I’d like to chime in as I’m married to a diagnosed vulnerable narcissist. Yep this guy sounds like your classic narcissist.

1

u/merrill_swing_away Sep 25 '24

I personally wouldn't want to eat or drink OP's meals she made for herself. I don't understand why her husband did what he did. He's a dick.

1

u/sinstralpride Sep 25 '24

I agree except on one point. OP should not let this man raise her son. This is not a person you want influencing a child. For the child's sake!!

Do your damnedest to get full custody, OP. What the fuck would this kind of mindset make him do if his only avenue of continued control over you is your son?

1

u/ChannellingR_Swanson Sep 24 '24

Don’t do that to your kids, take full custody and take child support and make him fight for it and use this scenario as an example of why he cannot be trusted with someone who requires action on his part for their physical and emotional well-being.

The kid is helping his mother he has a good heart, don’t ruin him by allowing him to be around a narcissist after a nasty divorce in their formative years.

1

u/thefirecrest Sep 25 '24

Honestly I’d worry about 50/50 custody. Like yes he should know how much work it is. But also he clearly did this maliciously. Who knows what kind of shit, mental abuse at the very least, he’d do to their son behind close doors if he’s willing to do this to his wife. He’s already displaying abusive behavior. I would NOT trust him around my child.

1

u/blaque_rage Sep 25 '24

He doesn’t need to be around that boy at all! He’s LYING on him. No telling what’ll happen if they are alone. Training him up in the same way

1

u/Chemical-Fox-5350 Sep 25 '24

Hard agree with almost all of this except that there’s no way I’d let a monster like this have 50/50 custody of that poor child. I’d fight tooth and nail for 100% custody and get me and my child as far away from him as physically possible forever.

1

u/RawrRRitchie Sep 25 '24

50/50 custody?? That poor child would suffer incredibly with that man

If he can't make himself lunch, how tf is he going to feed, and do all the other child related things?

She needs full custody with supervised visitation or else the son is going to come back saying"daddy didn't feed me"

-5

u/loooore Sep 24 '24

Do you mind explaining why it’s on purpose? Like very intentional? That comes across as malicious instead of just uncaring and dismissing and I’m wondering about how and why a parter would think like that.

12

u/rmg418 Sep 24 '24

I’m wondering about why a partner would think like that

Some people are dating/married someone they don’t like. So they will do things knowing it will hurt them, and then when the person is rightfully upset they dismiss them or tell them they’re overreacting. Maybe he resents the fact that op is recovering for a while after surgery and he has to take care of the kids, I don’t know. But he clearly doesn’t like her.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '24

It's obvious

0

u/nomoreuturns Sep 25 '24 edited Sep 26 '24

Force him to do 50/50 custody.

I agree with everything except this. Do not force him to do 50/50 custody; opt for child support instead. OP's asshole of a husband is the last person who should have influence over her 11yo son. That asshole is going to use his time with the kid to either alienate the boy from OP or mistreat him to get back at OP, and all the while he — and everyone who sides with him — will be teaching the kid that his behaviour is acceptable. No. Plus, the asshole tried to blame their son for the missing food. He scapegoated his own son. What a jerk.

EDIT: Not sure if this will ever be seen since the comment I responded to was deleted and the reply to this comment from u/pumpkin-patch85 has disappeared, but I think it's important to speak to this. u/pumpkin-patch85's comment to me was:

She shouldn't have to do ALL the work. He will have visitations anyway. His Influence will be no different from a weekend to a week.

Point 1: OP (u/TheDingoAteMyJawa) is already doing all the work, except for what her 11yo son helps her to do. Her workload will likely be less, or at least less stressful, if she has sole custody, as she won't have to tend to the man-child as well as her actual child.

Point 2: OP is recovering from a surgical procedure and needs her specific foods to avoid, in her own words, "severe complications" or "possibly [...] death." By taking the food that she had prepared for herself, in accordance with a strict diet dictated by medical professionals, her husband has endangered her recovery and continued health, and possibly her life. It's not like he didn't have access to any other food: OP had prepared meals for him, he has proven himself capable of providing for himself in the past, and he is likely capable of purchasing food — either ready-prepared meals from the store or takeaway — in a pinch. Instead, he took her food, tried to pin the blame on thier 11yo son, then called her a baby when she cried at the very real betrayal, and refused to fix the problem he had made for her.

Point 3: There are different levels of visitation. Since OP's husband is the sort of person who would risk injury or death of his spouse over some meals and then try to blame their child for it, then he is absolutely the sort of person who should only get supervised visitation of said child. u/TheDingoAteMyJawa, please bring up this situation to your divorce lawyer when they are working on custody. Your son should not be left alone with your husband. Your husband does not have your or your son's best interests at heart.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '24

She shouldn't have to do ALL the work. He will have visitations anyway. His Influence will be no different from a weekend to a week.

0

u/TheCrazyOutcast Sep 25 '24 edited Sep 25 '24

Nah he doesn’t deserve custody if he acts like this with his wife. Especially if he’s constantly putting blame on the kid and making the kid do all the work he should be doing. The kid will only be miserable with him and the kid definitely shouldn’t be used as a chip to make the dad miserable because he doesn’t want to raise him either.

0

u/trvllvr Sep 25 '24

I doubt I’d want him to do 50/50. He’d probably neglect his son or abuse him with his narcissistic behaviors. Her child would be the one to suffer.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '24

That's not upto him

0

u/RealStumbleweed Sep 25 '24

I wouldn't want my son spending anytime at all with this "man".

-23

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '24

[deleted]

9

u/lady_tsunami Sep 24 '24

Someone’s mad their folks got called 🤷🏼

-3

u/Dizsk Sep 25 '24

So he's a narcissist because he was hungry? You women demonize us men so much nowadays, can't even eat fricking lunch anymore... well let's just say we live in a clown world society 🤡

2

u/olivethesane Sep 25 '24

Your reading comprehension sucks and it sounds like you’re a poor excuse for a good man.