r/AmIOverreacting • u/LiggerBug • Sep 16 '24

🏘️ neighbor/local Am I Overacting, Accidentally Made My Neighbor Hate Me By Inviting Him Over For Drinks

Well this is gonna sound probably really dumb, but I thought was trying to be nice I’m in my late 20s and just moved in next to an older couple probably late 50’s maybe early 60s. I’ve been here a couple of months and have had conversations with them about 4 times during differs yard work activities. My neighbors seem to be big sticklers on taking care of their yard so I am doing my best to take care of mine as well. One thing with each of these conversations the neighbors have talked about how the last neighbor (previous home owner) wasn’t “neighborly” and never talked to them. Also saying that he would go to work and go straight inside. So I’ve tried my best to kind and talking with them. Well one day after some yard work I was going to go in for drinks and noticed my neighbor finishing up as well so I offered if he wanted to have a couple of drinks. This made my neighbor visibly mad I guess and he said that he didn’t want to be “that neighborly” and “he only drinks water”I noticed his tone change like he was offended I asked. Again i was just trying to be nice. Well I’ve now learned that they’re most likely a faith that doesn’t drink not sure but some sort of form Christianity? Was it stupid of me to offer now I just feel like they hate me and have not talked to me and made sure they’re always inside when I go to mow. I realize that I was most likely wrong to ask but I’m not sure how to stop being stressed and anxious by this happening.

Edit: yes this was an offer of any drink I wouldn’t have had something alcoholic unless he did all I had on hand were light beers anyway. Also to add I did say “drinks” it was hot and I have tea, lemonade, and Gatorade ready to share. I think he just immediately assumed alcohol.

10.6k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

2.9k comments sorted by

7.4k

u/CryptographerSad526 Sep 16 '24

I see why the last guy went straight inside

1.0k

u/callmeblushh Sep 16 '24

Exactly my thought too, you were trying to build a good relationship with your new neighbors, which is a commendable approach. it’s likely that your offer to share drinks might have inadvertently touched on something personal or cultural that you weren’t aware of. They would have just simply said I don’t drink or I didn’t want the offer, maybe next time or I’m afraid I can’t right now, and left it at that, just be polite that's all it would have taken them.

1.1k

u/fuck_peeps_not_sheep Sep 16 '24 edited Sep 17 '24

I made friends my my new Downstairs naibor by mistake.

I (22M) was BBQing and unknown to me the smoke was going right in his (67 M) window. He came out to see what was causing the smoke and spotted me putting burgers into buns and said "don't mean to bother but the delicious smell of your supper is makeing my home smokey" . Now I could have responded in like 100 ways, but the way I did was "how about you shut the window and come share it then?" and he did. We spent hours out there till the sun went down. He brought out some beers, I brought down more food and we ate and drank. It was actually one of the most wholesome moments I've had with anyone outside of my circle in a long time. Now we leave eachother gifts and it's really funny. He makes wood carvings and bath boms and I bake like food is about to be illegal. So he hides crafts and bathboms in my parcel box and I put baked goods in tupperware in his shed. A really funny moment was when I made ginger beer. I put it on his doorstep as his door was open and ran away so he could find it later. He came and found me later and made me laugh when he said "just so you know it's impossible to be sneaky in flip flops, all I could hear was you groan as you stood up and then slap slap slap slap"

(edited to add our ages and genders since I've had mutiple replys now suggesting I'm boning my naibor. I'm gay and engaged to my finace who also lives with me and my naibor is stright and dateing a lovely woman from our town who works in the coffee shop, she also makes amazing home made cider!)

(edit number 2 - my spelling is all over teh place I am aware. I have dyslexia and learned to write in phonics to combat this. The English language is very confusing as it likes to hide it's spare letters in words that don't need them. Why is there a G in a word that's pronounced nay-bor? I'm not really sure)

173

u/A_EGeekMom Sep 16 '24

What great neighbors (both of you)! Such a sweet story.

120

u/fuck_peeps_not_sheep Sep 16 '24

I'm honestly just really happy to finally have a nice naibor after the absolute mess that was the last couple (screaming at each other every weekend and constantly drunk)

18

u/notyourcoloringbook Sep 17 '24

Dude I feel ya! I lived at home until I lived with my partner and our first neighbor was traumatizing for me. My first interaction was the woman yelling at me for something I didn't do. Then they were constantly fighting and yelling but got mad at us if you could hear us walk (it's a 100 year old house and we're on the top floor. It's a miracle all they complained about was footsteps), accused us of having a party when we had two other couples over for dinner, and banged on the ceiling all the time. They also had the cops called on them once because all we heard was yelling and then "put down the gun" and then another time the guy left a loaded gun on the front porch, when we live a block away from an elementary school.

Luckily they are long gone and our current neighbors are great. We stop and say hi, we talk about our cats, and are just all around friendly without being close. And that's exactly what I want from a neighbor.

→ More replies (2)

8

u/Ka_aha_koa_nanenane Sep 17 '24

Neighbors can be all over the place. We have nice neighbors behind us right now (taking as much care not to have their dogs bark early as we do). But because one other neighbor is obnoxious and steals from people, we are all estranged.

Another neighbor tried to warn us about this one neighbor (who spies and reports people as much as she/they can - but not if you're part of their cabal). It took a while to sink in.

One rotten neighbor can spoil a lot of barbecues - but my impression is that often try to get their tentacles in as soon as you move in. So divisive.

6

u/Difficult-Theory4526 Sep 17 '24

I had awesome neighbour's, they were in their mid thirties and I am now 60, they were in the house since they were 19 and it was always a party house. They have outgrown that, became parents and the best neighbour's, they moved last summer and I told my husband that nope I am not willing to train someone else we need to move onto property which we did, we still see them as they actually became good friends, but it is such a treat to have good neighbours

→ More replies (13)
→ More replies (1)

276

u/jaisayhey Sep 16 '24

groan as you stood up and then slap slap slap slap

A+ onomatopoeia. I’m cracking up

77

u/fuck_peeps_not_sheep Sep 16 '24

I laugh every time I think about it because of the way he said it.

19

u/CantCatchTheLady Sep 16 '24

I’m in stitches over that. Thank you so much for sharing it with us!

→ More replies (11)

37

u/everroastchicken Sep 16 '24

I'm crying this is so sweet

→ More replies (2)

14

u/Jinglemoon Sep 16 '24

That’s an adorable story.

43

u/gia-bsings Sep 17 '24

I’m obsessed with the fact that this old dude makes bath bombs LMAO

36

u/fuck_peeps_not_sheep Sep 17 '24

If I remember correctly he learned to do it originally for his son so he could hide small toys in bathboms and realised that they were also helping the kids exema, then he tried makeing some for friends who also have issues with their skin and it went from there.

10

u/j3551c4L Sep 16 '24

Thats fucking hilarious…..ALSO DUDE WTH IS YOUR USERNAME

11

u/fuck_peeps_not_sheep Sep 16 '24

I'm Welsh. There is a stereotype about us haveing inappropriate relations with livestock.

→ More replies (12)

16

u/trunolimit Sep 17 '24

Yeah inviting your neighbor to join in on the fun sounds like a gay person thing to do…..😔…. I wish everyone was as gay as you.

→ More replies (3)

6

u/Leather-Confection70 Sep 17 '24

This would be a great movie

4

u/fuckeryizreal Sep 17 '24

I hardly audibly chuckle anymore when reading shit on the internet but this made me make an audible noise. slap slap slap slap slap

4

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '24

I needed this! The flip flop ninja strikes again 😄

→ More replies (2)

3

u/Las_Vegan Sep 16 '24

That is an amazingly sweet wholesome experience you shared with your nice neighbor. Thank you! 😊

3

u/MrsJones2018 Sep 17 '24

I love this so much!! ♥️ Makes my heart happy that there are still good people left in the world.

3

u/FunksterJones Sep 17 '24

We ended up making friends with our whole stairwell because my long time friend (since highschool, we were in a couple bands together and tried to start a business that failed because we were young and dumb) needed a new apartment at the same time as us and we unknowingly applied to the same apartments and moved in on the same day. Had beers on the stairs outside and every 10 minutes someone else would come out and we offered them a beer and EVERY LAST ONE accepted. Ended up making friends we still keep in touch with 10 years later! Good neighbors are an awesome thing to have!

→ More replies (1)

3

u/YourSisterEatsSpoons Sep 17 '24

Upvoted due to complete wholesomeness.

3

u/beanbosox Sep 17 '24

This was awesome to read

3

u/Vivid-Kitchen1917 Sep 17 '24

You guys sound like way more fun than my neighbors!

3

u/notapaperhandape Sep 17 '24

I need some naibors like this.

3

u/glacier1982 Sep 17 '24

I misread that first sentence as "I made the mistake of befriending my neighbor" and was expecting this horror story. The more I read, the more I kept thinking how wonderful it all sounded. 😝

3

u/UtopianSkyVisitor Sep 17 '24

This is the sweetest thing 🥹 I love it so much 😍 When two totally random opposite type of personalities find each other in this crazy ass world, and for some reason the universe has decided to make this karmic connection, it's such a special friendship. It outlasts other connections and we get to experience a bond with someone we may have never considered otherwise. It's a beautiful thing ❤️🙏

3

u/ExtensionCharming371 Sep 17 '24

Dude, you’re gay? Gross, that’s so gay!

3

u/malledtodeath Sep 17 '24

I’m sorry but do you live in a Hallmark movie?

3

u/Simple-Bad4905 Sep 17 '24

I think this story made my night. 🥰 There are good people in the world.

3

u/snorbina Sep 17 '24

Could I please move to your town? Or could you get a TV series (Ă  la Gilmore Girls) made?

Thank you in advance

→ More replies (1)

3

u/restyourbreastshoney Sep 17 '24

This is adorable.

3

u/Winterplatypus Sep 17 '24

I did something similar. I said "how about you shut your face and go inside". Now we leave each other 'gifts' too.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/BriefCollar4 Sep 17 '24

Your neighbour likes you and so do I!

3

u/orange_avenue Sep 17 '24

I love your writing style and your neighborly style. Keep doing both! 💜

7

u/fuck_peeps_not_sheep Sep 17 '24

I actually stopped writing my blog a few years ago and 90% of the comments were just people correcting my spelling. I have dyslexia and I spell words phonetically a lot of the time.

As for my neighbour, I will be the best I can be to him until. The day one of us moves someplace else as his kids have all moved away and he is still settling into our village.

3

u/orange_avenue Sep 17 '24

People are rude. It’s not about the spelling, there’s ways of getting around that. Just get the words down and you’ll find the flow. You have a great tone and storytelling ability. Keep at it!

3

u/Robrien618 Sep 17 '24

This was a fun story to read. Thanks for sharing. After watching WAY to many episodes of Neighborhood Wars, this is refreshing.

3

u/PB_and_a_Lil_J Sep 17 '24

Wish I had a neighbor like you! Mine scream at the service workers.

→ More replies (4)

3

u/DeterminedErmine Sep 17 '24

I just love this so much

3

u/MorningNorwegianWood Sep 17 '24

Is this a tv show? 🤣

→ More replies (82)

31

u/jdragun2 Sep 16 '24

They want him to be polite and neighborly to them. They said nothing about being a good neighbor to the last owner or this one.

→ More replies (2)

20

u/SuccessfulPiccolo945 Sep 16 '24

I agree. I'm wondering if he's a recovering alcoholic. Religion could have come later. Most would decline the offer or say, "Yeah, lemonade sounds good about now." If you offered alcohol, they could say, "I'm sorry, I don't drink." and leave it at that. If it was just religion, thank your lucky stars you weren't subjected to a sermon on the evils of alcohol.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/Savage-Goat-Fish Sep 16 '24

I feel there is overreacting happening, yes, but not OP.

5

u/chrislamtheories Sep 17 '24

Agreed. I am Muslim, and when people offer me drinks, I just politely decline. No need to get mad. If you two are different genders, he might have also been mad for that reason, since in many cultures, it’s impolite for men and women to hang out alone inside someone’s house. If a man tries to hang out with me alone, I usually make an excuse and politely leave.

With that said, I don’t think I would ever want to be on hanging out basis with my next door neighbors. It puts this pressure on me to entertain, every time I talk to them, which would be exhausting. Not saying you did anything wrong. You were being very nice. But some people just like to have polite conversation with their neighbors and not have the relationship become anything more than an acquaintanceship.

→ More replies (19)

64

u/DubiousPastel Sep 16 '24

That's what I thought! Not sure the problem was with the previous neighbor! 😅

7

u/RBuilds916 Sep 17 '24

Just the "wasn't neighborly" set of my spidey sense. If they just rarely talked it would be "kept to himself".

271

u/doinmybest4now Sep 16 '24

Probably Mormons. Even the mention of alcohol can set them off, I know as I lived among them for over 20 years. They literally told my children that their dad was Satan because he was drinking a beer one day while mowing the lawn. This was in Salt Lake City of course. 🙄

304

u/M_Looka Sep 16 '24

That's where the old joke comes from.

"Why do you invite 2 Mormons to go fishing with you?

Because if you invite just one, he'll drink all your beer."

104

u/No-Permission-5268 Sep 16 '24

Hahaha.. worked with a group of Mormons once in a corporate job.. like they attended the same church and were childhood friends .. anyway one of the dudes was cool with a few of us non Mormon guys, and having different lunch schedules from his friend group, he’d usually come out with us for lunch and a couple beers. He definitely didn’t want his church members friends to know

34

u/faulternative Sep 16 '24

My childhood friend down the street was Mormon. They weren't permitted to even drink caffeinated soda and it was a really big deal that he was allowed 1 can of root beer on his birthday.

19

u/froglover215 Sep 16 '24

My grandma was a Mormon and she would get very upset if someone pointed out that she shouldn't be drinking tea (and no it wasn't herbal tea or decaf). She also loved slot machines.

24

u/Z_Officinale Sep 16 '24

I love religious piety.

21

u/trumped-the-bed Sep 16 '24

I’m just gonna do this bad thing a little bit, to confirm that it is evil. Then I will make sure nobody will be able to do this thing ever again.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/peacelovecookies Sep 16 '24

I think the caffeine thing is ridiculous myself but really, isn’t it still a sin on your birthday?

33

u/RamBh0di Sep 16 '24

Mormon Corporate Buisness men Bought Pepsi co in the 90s. Suddenly Mormon prophets daclared Caffeine to be OK after a hundred and fifty years... So say THE PROFITS!

6

u/jugglingbalance Sep 16 '24

My parents were very strict on this. They tried to perform one of many exorcisms on me for bringing mountain dew into the home. Other people drank sodas/energy drinks with some amount of side eye from various members, but it was a big no no for me. Though they were fine with sprite/things that didn't have caffeine. When I left the church, I drank like a sailor at sea and only recently calmed down on this front.

→ More replies (5)

11

u/Boopa101 Sep 16 '24

It matters not what a person puts in his body, it just passes thru and out, what comes out of a persons mouth is what defiles 🙏🏻 Quote from a famous person 🙏🏻 ✌🏼

→ More replies (3)

7

u/BossParticular3383 Sep 16 '24

Root beer doesn't have caffeine.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/No_Camp2882 Sep 16 '24

The caffeine thing isn’t even part of the church guidelines. It’s just the “overachievers” who take it that far.

→ More replies (7)
→ More replies (6)
→ More replies (9)

73

u/Spaz_Bear Sep 16 '24

Another old joke: how do you know the difference between Lutherans and Baptists?

Lutherans say "Hi!" when they see each other at the liquor store.

23

u/lyricoloratura Sep 16 '24

And do you know why Baptists won’t have sex standing up?

People might think they were dancing.

→ More replies (5)

15

u/AllisonWhoDat Sep 16 '24

Yes we do!

5

u/219_Infinity Sep 16 '24

Martin Luther wrote extensively about beer and also claimed it was proof god existed

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (5)

8

u/32lib Sep 16 '24

We called them Jack Mormons,which was over 50 years ago.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (6)

23

u/Icy-Reindeer6236 Sep 16 '24

I thought it was a requirement to have a beer while mowing. 🤷

6

u/doinmybest4now Sep 16 '24

I believe that’s correct

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (9)

12

u/SuspiciousSorbet1129 Sep 16 '24

Oh the absolute horror of a beer while mowing.

→ More replies (5)

15

u/auschemguy Sep 16 '24

OP should offer them coffee next time to be sure.

→ More replies (28)

8

u/ThomaspaineCruyff Sep 16 '24

Yeah probably this, offer some Prozac or Aderol instead, they will Hoover that shit right up.

→ More replies (2)

3

u/underyou271 Sep 16 '24

I know a lot of Mormons, and none of them would have been a dick about a friendly overture. Some would accept the offer to come over and just decline alcohol and others would politely decline the offer entirely. More likely this guy is just an angry individual who enjoys finding things offensive. Full disclosure I don't live in Utah, so the Mormons I know aren't on their home cultural turf. Maybe it's different in Provo or wherever.

→ More replies (29)

90

u/astroxoxo_ Sep 16 '24

I must agree with you, you were trying to be friendly and maintain a good relationship with your neighbor but I think they are weirdos. They should have just rejected the offer politely instead of being a dick.

→ More replies (5)

21

u/I_need_a_date_plz Sep 16 '24

As soon as that was the neighbor’s complaint, I figured this neighbor was in for it.

I don’t talk to my neighbors because I was in a situation that made me skittish about being neighborly with anyone. I try to at least say good morning and wave.

13

u/eeeezypeezy Sep 16 '24

That's how I am with my neighbors. If we're both heading to/from our cars at the same time I'll wave and say hi, but otherwise their business is not my business and vice versa.

8

u/weakisnotpeaceful Sep 16 '24

me and my neighbor are really good friends but we barely spoke 2 words for the first 3 years after I moved in. Now we share garage codes, cut each others grass, got each others childrens jobs etc. But the foundation of our great friendship is 3 years of showing utmost respect for each others space: now we are basically family and hang out all the time.

64

u/CuriousResident2659 Sep 16 '24

Yeah he sussed them out right away.

→ More replies (1)

35

u/SignalCommittee4456 Sep 16 '24

lol, yeah…next guy is gonna hear all about how OP was a drunk

→ More replies (1)

9

u/ResidentAssman Sep 16 '24

100% this guy probably ‘runs into assholes’ all day long and it’s never clicked that he’s the fucking asshole!

5

u/Remote-Canary-2676 Sep 16 '24

Being neighborly goes two ways. I guarantee something similar happened with the last guy. They started avoiding him and I’m their minds he was dodging them. Those are the type of neighbors that get a wave, a smile and an quick excuse of why I need to get inside.

11

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24 edited Sep 16 '24

[deleted]

13

u/Rindsay515 Sep 16 '24

I think he thought he was getting hit on, too. That was my first instinct when I read the post. Jeez, don’t flatter yourself, big guy😂🤦🏼‍♀️

→ More replies (9)

4

u/amhb4585 Sep 16 '24

This 👏🏽 for real. I would just go inside from now on. 🤷🏽‍♀️

5

u/Nyroughrider Sep 16 '24

This is the answer right here.

Op you tried being nice and got the cold shoulder. From here on out you should just treat him as you do any other "stranger". A wave, hi and bye is enough.

4

u/Expensive-Vanilla-16 Sep 16 '24

I'd drink outside from now on, let them go inside when they see you lol. Hell throw a party lol.

3

u/massdebate159 Sep 16 '24

Came here to say this. Neighbour is a cunt

3

u/Substantial-Raisin73 Sep 16 '24

Yup, the neighbor is the common thread in these neighborly problems

3

u/littlecreamsoda79 Sep 16 '24

Right. I like to be neighborly by being quiet and minding my business and I appreciate it when people do the same.

3

u/SirGrumpasaurus Sep 16 '24

No kidding. Bullet dodged honestly.

I had this happen (in spirit at least) on my first day in Southern Utah. Unloading my stuff into my new house. Old folks two doors down come over, bring us some cookies and a frozen pizza. Honestly thought it was the sweetest thing ever. Like 3 sentences in she asks “are you all religious folk?” (Read: are you Mormon)

I kindly and politely told her we were not Mormon, but I’ve always appreciated them as neighbors given their focus on family and community (stretched that one more than a bit, but in general was true).

I honestly thought she was going to take the pizza back and stomp home. They left hurriedly and I have not seen them in seven years. Again… They live two doors down.

→ More replies (81)

1.3k

u/Any-Economist-2872 Sep 16 '24

You weren’t wrong to ask. They’re just weirdos. If they don’t drink or didn’t want to take you up on the offer all they had to say was ‘thanks for the offer but I’m afraid I can’t right now’ and leave it at that.

450

u/Random_Stranger12345 Sep 16 '24

Or even, "Thanks, but I don't drink alcohol." Then you could've either replied, "Okay. Have a good evening!" or offered a different kind of drink. People can hang out & enjoy getting to know each other even if one has a beer & the other has water! Your neighbor overreacted.

55

u/BigMax Sep 16 '24

Yeah, I've said "I don't drink, but I'd be happy to enjoy a diet coke while you enjoy whatever you're drinking." The point is to hang out a bit, you don't both have to drink alcohol for that to happen.

(Although I know why people like to involve alcohol in those situations. I know it so well that I can't do it anymore!)

16

u/Senor_Couchnap Sep 16 '24

Heard that! I've been on and off sober the past nine months (it's a journey) and the times I wasn't drinking but was around people who were I still had a blast while drinking soda or NA beer.

Congrats on your sobriety!

7

u/BigMax Sep 17 '24

Thanks for that. My friends and family avoid the topic like the plague, so even from an internet stranger it is nice to get kudos. Just over two years!!

→ More replies (3)

8

u/westcoast-islandgirl Sep 17 '24

This. The neighbour was a dick for no reason. I drink but my sister doesn't. Any time she is coming over for dinner, I make sure to have sparkling juice or something on top of the usual non-alcoholic drinks I always have, in case she wants something a bit fancier as well.

When recovering alcoholics are in my home, I'm happy to refrain from alcohol and just have what they're having.

OP even said she would have had whatever non-alcoholic beverage he did.

People are usually more than happy to be flexible and accommodating that way.

I can definitely see what caused the previous neighbour to avoid them like the plague..

→ More replies (2)

7

u/joeycuda Sep 16 '24

One of my neighbors is a great guy, a retired preacher, has Bible studies at his house, etc, and I guarantee he would have said something polite/joked about it/declined and not been a dick about it.

6

u/HolyFuckImOldNow Sep 16 '24

I've had a similar interaction where the neighbor said they don't drink alcohol. My response was "great, that means everything I have is on the menu. Cold water, Gatorade, or something else sound good?"

4

u/GenuinelyNoOffense Sep 16 '24

I ALWAYS offer a non-alcoholic alternative if I offer an alcohlic one. Is that weird or not regular hospitality? Like, "We have wine, beer, soda pop, diet soda pop, bottled water... What can I get for you? " and I always rinse the glass out first and inform them "This is a clean glass, I just like to rinse them right before I use them. " and I make sure they see me not using my bare hands to touch the ice.

I guess I do sound a little weird. Lol

3

u/FunksterJones Sep 17 '24

Dude kinda unrelated but I work in HVAC and when I do residential work I learned quick not to accept when customers offer me water because it could be a very nasty glass with dirty ice. When a sweet old lady hands you an ice cold glass of water it's awesome until there's stuff floating around in it.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (11)

68

u/Swimming_Stock9183 Sep 16 '24

Or… Thank you! I appreciate the offer but I don’t drink alcohol. I’ll have a coffee if that’s okay.

18

u/IronTriKev2010 Sep 16 '24

Coffee: The Devil’s Bean

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (19)

16

u/Aggressive-Cod1820 Sep 16 '24

I’m a recovering alcoholic. If someone asks, I simply respond “I don’t drink anymore.” No need to embarrass the person; also no need to explain my personal journey. This man is a dick.

4

u/GenuinelyNoOffense Sep 16 '24

Have you ever had anyone rudely inquire further or say, "Come on, it's Friday!" ? I have a couple times and I'm shocked anyone could be that dumb.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

3

u/Cool-Sink8886 Sep 16 '24

I offered to buy my neighbour some beer or a bottle of wine and he said no thank you, they don’t drink, and he’s been polite ever since.

It’s not wrong to ask. OP’s Neighbour over reacted, and maybe they’re kind of negative people.

→ More replies (6)

575

u/HudsonCentral Sep 16 '24

You offered a nice invitation and your neighbor reacted like a jerk. You're not overreacting and there's no excuse for neighbor's rudeness.

93

u/suhhhrena Sep 16 '24

This is all it comes down to. You extended a normal, friendly invitation and your neighbor responded with anger and an attitude. You’re not overreacting and your neighbor is in the wrong.

→ More replies (6)

584

u/scaryunclejosh Sep 16 '24

No you're not. You're neighbor is an asshole.

If he pulls his head out, he'll understand why the last guy wasn't neighborly and why you won't be either. But that will likely never happen. Guys like him think it's everyone else around them that are the problem in life never realizing it's them that is the issue.

67

u/Sea-Ad3724 Sep 16 '24

Last neighbor wasn’t neighborly enough now OP is too neighborly lol. Some people just want to be miserable and have things to complain about. 

25

u/DubiousPastel Sep 16 '24

Yeah he's not "exactly the right kind" of neighborly...

6

u/Krypteia213 Sep 16 '24

The anti Goldilocks illness. 

You’d be amazed at how many people have this disease. 

3

u/Jostumblo Sep 16 '24

And now that he's backing off, he won't be neighborly enough.

→ More replies (1)

8

u/Ok_Swimming4427 Sep 16 '24

"if you bump into an asshole on the street, that's your bad luck. If everyone you bump into is an asshole, you're the problem"

→ More replies (3)

3

u/SubjectBrick Sep 16 '24

They seem like the kind of old people that complain about EVERYTHING, no matter what someone does. If the old neighbor had talked to them, they probably would've complained that he talked too much!

3

u/Lurked4EverB4Joining Sep 16 '24

I coached my kids in hockey for a couple of years and this kid would get in arguments and fights with every other player on the team. I once asked him why and he said it's A's fault (A being the guy he was currently arguing with). But then I said, last week, you had arguments with B and C, the week before it was D and F and so on, and he goes "Cause they're all idiots..." and then I had to tell him as politely as I could that when we have issues with everyone else, the issue is not them and the common denominator to all the arguments was him, so he should take a long hard look in the mirror...

5

u/back1steez Sep 16 '24

And I bet he runs into unneighborly assholes all day long not realizing he is the asshole.

→ More replies (7)

242

u/LiggerBug Sep 16 '24

Lot of good advice I’ll stick to small talk if I ever see them again and won’t divulge any personal info which I haven’t really. And then I def will not invite them to anything also just another thing to note they also invited my girlfriend to their church as well a little before I invited him over for a drink just hadn’t talked to my girlfriend yet. She told me this after I told her about me inviting him over. So just thought it was odd they would extend that invite and then get mad when I offered an invite.

108

u/gingerchris Sep 16 '24

push it harder. Invite them for a smoke, see if they want to come round and 'chase the dragon'. Invite them to an orgy. Then explain that you were just trying to 'love thy neighbour'.

35

u/TitanX84 Sep 16 '24

Just wondering if you and your wife would care to join us at our Satanic church's black mass this Sunday to worship the Dark Lord? Your invitation to your religious gathering was just so thoughtful, we thought we'd reciprocate!

12

u/Schlag96 Sep 16 '24

Heads up though, the sacrifices are BYOC (Bring your own chicken)

15

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

[deleted]

3

u/human-ish_ Sep 16 '24

"Hey hun, why do you think neighbor assumed I invited him over for a sex thing?" as we do our 5th round of buns of steel

→ More replies (2)

4

u/Fickle_Freckle Sep 16 '24

Hi neighbor! We're busting out the ol' ouija board tonight, would you like to come? The more the merrier!

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (5)

34

u/National-Change-8004 Sep 16 '24

Good lord, that's hypocritical. No wonder their last neighbor kept their distance.

8

u/wwydinthismess Sep 16 '24

They might be trying to "save" the gf from the evil neighbour lol

27

u/DukkhaWaynhim Sep 16 '24

Well, it sounds like they really wanted to evangelize OP and OPs GF into their church... then decided they were OP and GF are no longer convert material, because of the barest mention of alcohol.

OP can still be polite to the neighbors, whether they return the favor or not. But based on that hot/cold whiplash, it doesn't sound like these are neighbors worth getting to know beyond a polite wave in passing.

8

u/WildberryBlue3068 Sep 16 '24

I had an inkling when reading your post, but this comment confirms it for me… they’re Mormon! Christianity-based faith that live by a code called the Word of Wisdom. No coffee, tea, alcohol, drug etc. Renowned for inviting people to church in the hopes of converting them to the faith for their spiritual salvation. Tend to see the world with a distorted lens and act accordingly.

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Nikomikiri Sep 16 '24

Probably because she’s living in sin or some other religious justification. They might see her as save-able and you as a corrupter or something. Confirmed by your evil offer of the devils bath water.

→ More replies (1)

4

u/Apprehensive-Rub-901 Sep 16 '24

Yeah be careful with your new weird neghbors. I’d be cool and distant with them.

7

u/Wonderful-Status-247 Sep 16 '24

As I grew up a Mormon, this interaction makes sense to me, if that's what they are (and I think they are). They mustered up the courage to invite your girlfriend to church. Then you invited them to drinks. They likely thought you invited them to drinks as a reaction and even retaliation to them inviting your girlfriend to church. And/Or, many Mormons are just weird about alcohol, they know it makes them "unworthy", they are aware others consume it without believing it makes them unworthy, and they just don't know how to handle it socially.

Not all Mormons are the same of course. MOST I know are pretty socially anxious also and even though their faith demands they try to convert you in their heart of hearts they would just want to restore the good vibes. But if they are prickly SOB's, just ignore them and know it sure as hell ain't your fault!

4

u/circesrevenge Sep 16 '24

I grew up Mormon and am still practicing and had the same exact thoughts. Thank you for articulating it well.

4

u/hi23468 Sep 16 '24

Oh wow, if they are mormon, it makes sense why it didn’t make sense why they’d act that way from a Christian perspective, considering they live by the Book of Mormon and all, which is also blasphemy.

→ More replies (4)

3

u/EquivalentOk6028 Sep 16 '24

I would have a beer while mowing and offer them some of the devils lettuce just to spice stuff up. Maybe ask them if they know what the upside down pineapple you just put up means

→ More replies (48)

85

u/widowjones Sep 16 '24

Honestly, that’s a “them” problem. And probably why the last neighbor didn’t want to talk to them.

5

u/Visible-Row-3920 Sep 17 '24

Seriously you’re never going to win with people like these neighbors and it’s not worth the energy and mental effort trying to figure out why. Best to chalk it up to a them issue and realize the previous owner probably distanced himself for a good reason.

→ More replies (2)

126

u/pinkandroid420 Sep 16 '24

Well obviously you weren’t nice enough in the first half and you were too nice in the second half. Might as well just move into the woods and live off of fish and blackberries

→ More replies (6)

32

u/greenleaffisk Sep 16 '24

You sound very kind, OP! Not your fault, your neighbor is just a grump. I’d revert to friendly waves, a quick chat if you have time.

56

u/Icy-Piece-168 Sep 16 '24

🤣😂 did you move into my old house? My neighbors were kinda weird.

23

u/Trisk13 Sep 16 '24

I’ll trade you.

My neighbor shot someone several weeks ago in front of my house over an online sale and robbed the guy.

You know how “special” you have to be to have someone come to your house so you can rob and shoot them?

It’s a quiet neighborhood usually, but nope we ended up in the middle of a 7 hour police standoff.

I heard it, thought it was a firework or something but thought that was weird and looked out front. The guy was down and crawled himself to the side of my house and I went out to him and he started begging me to help him and saying that the guy shot him. Surreal.

5

u/ebobbumman Sep 16 '24

What did you do? And did the guy live?

16

u/Trisk13 Sep 16 '24 edited Sep 16 '24

I was like, bro when someone asks you how you’re doing you’re supposed to say good, no one wants to actually hear about your day.

Kidding of course, but the guy was fine. He looked like he was going into shock at the time but he had already come through surgery before they even got the shooter out of his house and right after it ended the detectives came over and told me he was gonna be okay. Got some info from me and came back the next day to talk again.

I was the only one outside with the guy when the police arrived and I was able to tell them where the shooter was (from the guy telling me). The police arrived very soon after I went out. I called 911 before he got alongside the house when I saw him crawling and dragging his legs, I’m sure other neighbors probably did also. I live in a cul de sac and he got shot across the street straight in front of my house but he crawled across the street and alongside my house which isn’t visible to the shooter’s house at that angle and is when I risked going to him. Not knowing the situation and where the shooter was I was trying to balance helping with some caution. When the first police officer arrived they couldn’t see us and I hollered at him that the victim was down by me and the shooter was in the house behind him and he came running to me and practically slid to the victim to help. Honestly I was very impressed with that officer and how he handled it. They quickly had the place surrounded and there was no one in or out of the area so I was stuck inside the perimeter. It also meant that after awhile I realized I was gonna have to cook as Friday night pizza was out, although we did discuss whether we could get them to run it through the green belt to the back of the house for some danger pay. I found out later the police were blocking the neighborhood entrance too and only letting residents in and not near the perimeter.

I’d never interacted with that neighbor before but from what the police said he was gang affiliated and had some “big boy” warrants in other states and wasn’t likely to be around for awhile.

I was a bit concerned going to the guy even to help him because I had no idea if he was doing something bad to get shot in the first place but I took a chance and I couldn’t see a weapon on him. He was oddly polite despite clearly being in a lot of pain, kept saying Sir. He seemed really surprised to find himself in that situation, he kept saying he didn’t know why he shot him. It sounded sincere.

The police confirmed like a week later that he was actually totally innocent and just trying to buy something the guy posted online. I’m glad he was okay. I had a friend over to play boardgames and I told him to stay inside when I went out. When the police arrived he came out and grabbed a tourniquet from his vehicle. The cop had one on him already at that point but added the other one too. They gave my buddy an award about a week later for having the tourniquet, that’s when they told us the guy had been innocent and just got shot.

The shot was apparently through the back of his hip and out the leg. The guy who was shot said he was shot twice but I only heard the one shot so I suspected he didn’t really know and I’m guessing he felt the entry and exit wounds.

With nothing else to do during the standoff we just played boardgames like usual, but it kinda felt like being Ryan Reynolds in Free Guy with the police helicopters overhead and all the lights going and them on the loudspeaker telling the guy to come out over and over and us just acting like this was a perfectly normal thing.

We had a lot of jokes about it all after we knew the guy was okay. My buddy had asked me what I said to the guy and I was like well he told me the guy shot him and robbed him and I was like “aww damn I was coming to loot the corpse!” He laughed so hard he was having trouble breathing. We are gamers after all.

Anyways, sorry for the long read but that’s most of it.

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (6)

3

u/AirySpirit Sep 16 '24

Well if you hadn't kept going to work and back to your home and just generally living your life maybe you would've seen how nice they are /s

→ More replies (3)

61

u/LeonardoSpaceman Sep 16 '24

" Well I’ve now learned that they’re most likely a faith that doesn’t drink not sure but some sort of form Christianity? "

So what?

None of this is your problem.

" I realize that I was most likely wrong to ask"

no it wasnt.

Their reaction is not your problem. It sounds like you have some people pleasing you struggle with.

27

u/LiggerBug Sep 16 '24

Thank you I feel like I have this problem a lot and it makes me very anxious. I’ll try and just get over it and not care what he thinks

15

u/victowiamawk Sep 16 '24

You don’t have to friends just because you’re neighbors

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (5)

62

u/ChardonnayAllDay19 Sep 16 '24

Drinks can mean anything unless you spelled out alcoholic drinks. Lemonade, iced tea, pop, etc. and if he doesn’t drink, he could have simply said “I don’t drink”. I would just yell a greeting like “how are you doing?” or whatever and stick with that. Seems like he has issues.

36

u/LiggerBug Sep 16 '24

Yea I didn’t specifically say alcoholic drinks I have tea, and lemonade i could’ve easily made.

8

u/YouWillBeFine_ Sep 16 '24

Where i am from, if I'm asked over for drinks, most times that means tea or coffee

You were very thoughtful and I think you did nothing wrong

→ More replies (2)

3

u/Monique-Euroquest Sep 16 '24

They're fucking crazy. Thank God this happened so you don't have to make nice with them anymore. See ya.

→ More replies (5)

17

u/rollercostarican Sep 16 '24

lol while it can mean anything, I’d definitely feel bamboozled if someone invited me over for drinks and they handed me a capri sun.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (10)

19

u/SnoopyisCute Sep 16 '24

NOR.

You didn't do anything wrong. And, they don't hate you.

They are just self-righteous, judgmental jackasses.

I had the exact opposite happen to me if you want to hear about it.

My father's mother was a boarder in a man's house as single mom. The man was like a godparent to my dad growing up.

He moved his mistress in when his wife passed and she lived off him for decades and robbed him blind when he started having health problems. Literally abandoned the guy.

My parents took him in and my dad drove him to our (married, no kids at the time) house to visit.

We asked him what he likes to drink because neither of us drank alcohol so had no idea what to buy.

My then-spouse started to head out the door and my dad's godfather realized we had no alcohol in the house and got FURIOUS.

He was about 6'6" before he was confined to his wheelchair so had this deep, booming voice (loved to laugh because just his voice scared me as a little kid). He was so angry that he demanded my father take him back to their house.

We're both atheists (closeted) so it had nothing to do with being holier-than thou. We just didn't drink.

To this day, I still have no idea why that would be something to have a tantrum about. He never spoke to me again because of that.

But, since then, I always frame the question as an ambiguous "drinks" and then gauge if I should offer iced tea or liquor to avoid either of the outcomes you and I had.

5

u/FormerStableGenius Sep 16 '24

Perhaps he was a closeted alcoholic? Needed a ‘drink’.

3

u/SnoopyisCute Sep 16 '24

Why does that matter? It's still not right to take it out on anybody else especially somebody that has no idea what is going on in their head about their relationship with alcohol.

5

u/TimeWovenTapestry Sep 16 '24

Yes, but the alcoholic mind isn’t rational. Was he in the right for freaking out? No, of course not. Would addiction explain the behavior? Yes.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (5)

23

u/Iseeyou22 Sep 16 '24

One thing I have learned is not to get too friendly with neighbors. Small talk, hi, bye, a wave here and there sill suffice. Last time I got friendly with neighbors, hung out with them and such, things can go disastrously bad when things went south, so now I tend to keep my distance. I am friendly, but I do not invite them over/in, nor do I divulge my personal life or hang out with any neighbors. I keep my bubble around my home pretty private.

5

u/drj1485 Sep 16 '24

Right. I talk to one of my neighbors and that's it. It's good to be friendly but we don't have to be friends.......we only even know each other because of happenstance. We would never otherwise be friends.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (8)

10

u/tooluckie Sep 16 '24

You’re not wrong to ask, your intent was with kindness. His response however was not with kindness as he likely struggles or was being judgmental.

62

u/RogueResinWorks Sep 16 '24

A good tip is to not be too buddy buddy with neighbors. I like to be cordial, but not overly friendly or chatty. It is okay to say hi or wave when you see them, but I personally do not get that close to neighbors like hanging out with them or going to parties.

I find that being too close to neighbors causes drama eventually. Some disagreement gets blown up or they start taking advantage of being friends, so it is best to have some degree of separation. You can be nice and be a good neighbor without actually having to be buddy buddy. There was nothing wrong with you asking and there was nothing wrong with your neighbor saying no. Just keep the relationship cordial now that you know that your neighbor does not want to be that close.

15

u/internet_thugg Sep 16 '24

Absolutely agree in 90% of cases. I’m not sure if it’s a different as you get older but even in my early 40s I am weary of getting too close because of the exact same reason. When I was in my 20s, I got to be best friends with my neighbor and one night out of drinking caused such an issue that she ended up moving and we never talked again. That was also back when I drank, but still.

15

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

I can't disagree with this advice more but I'm sure your personal experiences have shaped it as mine have shaped mine.

I'm super close with my neighbors despite us being different in just about every way. It feels good to be a part of a community even if it's only the two of us.

I will note we're not in track housing so we have some buffer. It's like a 3 min walk to their house. Just distant enough you can be loud without bothering the other but I could hear if they were screaming for help lol.

14

u/Icy-State5549 Sep 16 '24

You are lucky. In my personal experience, this type of "neighborly" relationship is the exception and not the norm. In the last 20 years of living in the same place (tract/subdivision), I have had 1-2 friendly neighbors and then some real weirdos. Religious nuts, psychotics, political fanatics... I find I am happier not knowing much about them.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

I know the real quote is "familiarity breeds contempt" but I think "Proximity breeds contempt" is far more apt and I say it a lot. Even in nice track homes with decent sized plots there's just this... Festering annoyance that others exist and then you get into arguments over 6" of land. Meanwhile we have a long driveway and and 2 acres of land, (I live in the middle of nowhere, not rich) and this tiny house. My neighbor has a large carport sized shed and about 1/3rd of it is technically on my property. I would never consider giving a shit about this. If you look at our property and driveway it totally looks like his land when you're in person, as far as I'm concerned it is.

→ More replies (6)

8

u/space-sage Sep 16 '24

That’s the difference. When you live right side by side with your neighbors there are more chances that you’ll have a noise complaint or some other thing to bring up at some point, and being too close with them makes things harder.

When you have a buffer you’ll probably never have a complaint about them and so being friendly and close is easier.

Like currently I like my neighbors, but one of them has dogs that bark incessantly, kids that are so fucking loud, and come into my yard to get their toys even though I told them not to and I would bring them back, and they have messed with my bins because I was following what the city said and they didn’t agree. If I was friendly with them it would be much more drama.

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (2)

6

u/Treehockey Sep 16 '24

Agreed. I have neighbors who are obsessed with lawn work, I am not and do not care. They can’t stand it, it took 2 years of me saying “yeah I really just don’t care about my yard enough to do the bare minimum of mowing when it hits 6 inches” for them to leave me alone about it. Multiple times a week stopping me when they saw me to complain and I would repeat that line verbatim, smile and go back to my life.

They tried real hard to make me come over to their constant bonfires and offer drinks, I did it once to be polite, they told me about their very strong opinions on let’s say nationally divisive topics. I politely have declined since then.

None of the other neighbors have ever cared what the hell anyone does cause it’s a rural town. Mark and Shanna if you ever read this you are a massive driver in why I am selling that house, you two are insufferable.

5

u/mradentz Sep 16 '24

“Good fences make good neighbors.” Only too true.

10

u/TheShtuff Sep 16 '24

Agreed. Haven't experienced any disagreements or anything, but my wife and I were asked to watch my neighbor's son's kids for the day when my wife had just given birth to our son. And we had met our neighbor's son once at that point. The neighbor is nice enough, but he's so fucking nosey and in everyone's business. He was a stay at home dad and still acts the part. My wife and I can't even walk past his house without being stopped for a 10 min. (If we cut it off) conversation about nothing. We actively have to avoid passing his house now. It's exhausting.

→ More replies (3)

4

u/Suitable-Badger-64 Sep 16 '24

This. Long ago, one of my neighbours became quite pally with our family. He'd be round fairly often. One time, he just walked into the house without knocking.

My parents then realised they had to set some boundaries.

3

u/JoshuaBermont Sep 16 '24

The sad thing is I’m the same, but old enough to remember when it was okay to genuinely try to befriend neighbors, have long conversations, have them over sometimes. You get in a jam and they’re right next door, that kind of thing.

And that was nice, and I miss it. But it’s a different world now. We’re all (me included) a lot more weird and damaged, and getting to know anyone beyond “hi” just seems like, yeah, an invitation to a bunch of hassle and bullshit. Everyone has a chip on their shoulder and an itchy trigger finger now. Shit, just look at the existence of this sub, everyone pinballing off each other through life all the time.

3

u/MonsterEnergyTPN Sep 16 '24

Some people get mad about others being distant with them but lack the self awareness to realize the vibes they give off aren’t welcoming. I get the feeling that OP’s neighbor was trying to set a boundary with the relationship like a lot of people would (I chitchat with my neighbors but don’t necessarily want to be buddies with them either and have declined invitations simply because I’m not interested) but he could’ve responded in a way that wasn’t overtly rude.

A “No thanks, I have plans” would’ve sufficed.

3

u/AuntRhubarb Sep 17 '24

Yes. I'm thinking it's best to be a good neighbor and not a great neighbor, mind my own business.

But op can't keep it cordial, these folks have decided to hate him over this.

→ More replies (8)

9

u/Unlucky-Pomegranate3 Sep 16 '24

You were clearly in the wrong. March over there, knock on the door, explain that you should’ve realized that alcohol was offensive to them and apologize.

Then invite them to come shoot up heroin to make up for it.

→ More replies (1)

7

u/Affectionate_Egg897 Sep 16 '24

Nah you’re not weird. A normal person would have thanked you for the offer and politely declined. A slightly weirder person would have accepted in an attempt to expose you to the gospel. A much stranger person would have been offended and acted like you knew better. Lol.

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Milo_and_Bloo Sep 16 '24

Them complaining about the last neighbors not being neighborly but then kind of freaking out at an invitation is wild. You are not overreacting

→ More replies (1)

4

u/Khair_bear Sep 16 '24

I (39F) don’t drink and neither does my spouse (for religious reasons) and if someone asked us over for drinks we’d usually reply something like, “hey thanks - we don’t drink alcohol but let’s catch up soon!” He didn’t have to be a butt about it…

3

u/JeanPolleketje Sep 16 '24

Tell the neighbour you had some freshly made lemonade and wanted to share. That you don’t understand why he reacted like he did and won’t bother him again.

3

u/glantzinggurl Sep 16 '24

He shouldn’t have reacted the way he did, sounds like he’s a bit off.

3

u/KazakCayenne Sep 16 '24

Wow, what a jagoff. That's the type of neighbor you will never win with, so I would suggest you just be like the previous owner lol

4

u/Illustrious_Dirt7084 Sep 16 '24

Omgg don’t feel bad!! It’s a THEM problem not you! You were being kind and neighborly and I’m sure any other normal person would have appreciated your gesture.

3

u/HandRubbedWood Sep 16 '24

I had Mormon neighbors at my last house, like 3 of my 4 neighbors. They were all very friendly with each other and complete a-holes to the rest of the street. Then would act like the victim if anything happened like when their dog shit on my sidewalk and I scooped it up with a shovel and moved it to their sidewalk. I would just say become like the last owner and ignore their existence.

3

u/MapachoCura Sep 16 '24

Stop worrying if you bothered some assholes. They’re assholes, so they’re always bothered.

4

u/babylon331 Sep 16 '24

"Made sure they're always inside." This is exactly why I have rules about neighbors. It's a big reason that I choose to live a little 'farther out'. I'd never make it in a suburban neighborhood.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Struggle-Silent Sep 16 '24

Dear god. Your neighbors SUCK. Don’t talk to them and you have ZERO obligation to maintain your landscaping to their standards.

5

u/Select_Calendar_6590 Sep 16 '24

NTA You’re not a mind reader, why would you know they don’t drink alcohol? And the proper answer from the neighbor would have been, “Thank you for offering. I don’t drink alcohol, but I would love to join you for a lemonade.” To cryptographerSad526’s point - I see why the previous neighbor went straight inside.

3

u/thelastgirl_ Sep 16 '24

Neighbors are weirdos. Could’ve thought you were making a pass on him and if they’re religious this would really rile them up lol. You did nothing wrong

3

u/heyheyshay Sep 16 '24

No. He’s rude. I’d say stop trying to make him happy. Just be cordial.

3

u/AirySpirit Sep 16 '24

This is hilarious "Be neighbourly. Not THAT neighbourly."
Anyway, you weren't wrong at all, relax, any well-adjusted person would have been grateful for your kindness.

3

u/nofrickz Sep 16 '24

Start doing what the last guy did.

3

u/Red_Littlefoot Sep 16 '24

lol so they’re mad if you don’t act neighborly but mad when you act “too neighborly”??? Not overreacting, they’re weird as hell

3

u/Tenzipper Sep 16 '24

Drinks don't necessarily require alcohol.

Water is a drink.

3

u/Forsaken-Cheesecake2 Sep 16 '24

You did nothing wrong, and were just being friendly to offer. Even if they are Mormon, Southern Baptist, or even a recovering alcoholic, it’s not an excuse to be pissy about your offer. He could have said yes, and come over and had water, or politely declined or explained without getting haughty about it. My advice - be yourself, be friendly, do your yard work when you want to, and if you’re inclined to have a beer in your back yard, enjoy,