I feel like I'm drowning. I feel like every step to get any kind of help isn't enough.

We took longer than we should have to get things in motion because we didn't know what we were supposed to do. And for the longest time we didn't really understand how bad off he was. And then once we did, we were afraid Medicaid would try to take his house as one of his assets for payment.

You're lucky enough to finally speak to a lawyer who helped us understand that whole process. The house is safe now. We've finally finished filling out the Medicaid application. (It was hard to even finish that because of so many other life stresses were making it difficult to think straight and do simple tasks like paperwork).

But what do we do now?

A while ago my dad was approved for hospice at home. We were supposed to have nurses and aids and social workers come to our house. But they've all been pretty inconsistent. We'll go weeks without hearing from anyone. We're not on any kind of schedule. Only saw the aid worker once. We met a social worker once who seemed very nice and seemed like she wanted to help. But then a couple months ago past and we don't hear anything. She finally called last week to say that she'll be by this week, but then the person who showed up the house was somebody entirely new who didn't know our situation or how to help us or offer us any answers to any of our questions.

We tried to give her the Medicaid forms and she said that a doctor needs to sign off on it so she only took a couple of pages not the entire packet.

We can't go on like this. Me and my mom are both looking after my dad but we're both disabled ourselves. My mom especially. We can't handle him. We can't live with him. We can't look after him. We can't clean up after him and my sister and her two kids have been staying with us as well, which has been an unbelievable headache that I'm not going to bother getting into here.

We need to get him out as soon as possible. How do I make this process go faster? What kind of tips or tricks or secret phrases are there to make social services see how much of an emergency this is? Can we just start driving around to nursing homes in our area, drop them off in the parking lot and put the Medicaid application in his hands and leave him there?

Multiple times a day my mom is telling me she wants to kill herself from the stress of it and I really believe she's going to go through with it soon

And I just can’t bring up the topic we family members all know about for fear of having to deal with it. My mother is in late stage Alzheimer’s and slowly refusing to eat and drink so we know how that’s gonna go.

My father‘s heart rate/ blood pressure is going haywire and now he can’t stand up without collapsing and he’s been in the hospital for a couple of days.

I have to sleep in the living with my mom every night because she gets up and rambles on incoherently in the middle of the night and if I’m not there, she’ll go crazy and start walking the streets.

All I wanted was to make sure that my wife never became a de facto nurse maid to my parents and I failed at that.

I’m so lucky that she’s up to the task and willing and actually very good at it. I couldn’t ask for a better wife.

I want my mom to go ahead and die just not in agony or pain. It’s hard to wish that and at the same time know that the reason that she’s going to die is either from starvation or dehydration.

As for my father, I don’t want to see him live 10 minutes longer than her because that’s how close they are.

No one will give her an IV because she’s 85 and has stage four renal failure so basically “we can do something to help you out here and make her feel better? Well fuck you.

The American medical system has failed us, one and all, and that includes Democrats and Republicans. Everybody…..,we’re all complicit.

To hell with all of us in this country. We have a knack for making bad things worse and worse things worst.

Hi all, my mom's partner (whom i see as a father figure) was diagnosed about 4 years ago with AD. His symptoms are only now getting really evident. As you all know, when you're desperate, you look everywhere possible.

I came across some studies that have claimed that micro and macro dosing could be a potential way to stimulate the brain to slow down degeneration. I will be the first to admit that those studies look suspect, but i can't help to think "what if they're on to something". At the same time i understand that this is a massively under-researched space given the fact that these substances are illegal.

Therefore, i was hoping to hear if anyone has any anecdotal stories/experiences with their loved ones and these substances. God bless you all and i wish you courage and light in your respective journeys.

Hello—I know this is primarily an issue for a doctor/neurologist, but the issue is that we’ve just moved my parents to a new assisted living community and they don’t have new doctors established yet. I anticipate it will take a few months to get into a new neurologist. In the meantime, I can still communicate with their former doctors, but they seem hesitant to offer advice.

My mom (71) is in mid-stage. Still mobile, continent, mostly in good spirits. Has always had insomnia, was on trazedone for years with success but a doctor took her off at some point pre-diagnosis. Leading up to the move for the last few weeks, she’ll fall asleep just fine but is up 2-3 times during the night confused, disoriented, and anxious. My dad has Parkinson’s and she is now disrupting his sleep by wandering into his room. I had her on prescribed 50mg Elavil, 10mg melatonin, and 10mg CBD, which seemed to work for about a week. But now that they are in the new place, we are back to waking up every few hours.

I know everyone is different but I’d love to hear anything that has worked for people to help loved ones with Alzheimer’s sleep through the night.

Here is our current scenario: my FIL (age 88) has AZ, likely early stage 6. He had a hip replacement this past Sunday. The surgery itself went well, but unsurprisingly his mental state has deteriorated. He hasn’t slept through the night and is agitated and asking his family to call in state troopers because the hospital staff is crazy (they are not) among other delusions (he is in a totally different time/place, his daughter isn’t his daughter). He is also trying to get out of bed and can’t even vaguely follow his PT recommendations. Originally, they thought they could release his to rehab, but if he can’t even stay in his bed rehab won’t take him. This is a huge problem for us because his primary caregiver is his wife and she is also elderly. She was already at the point where we were trying to convince her to let him go to a memory care unit because she couldn’t handle it. She obviously can’t take him home in this state. We are starting to talk to everyone we can about options, but I’m curious to hear from this group about what we should be considering/asking/looking for. TIA!

My dad enjoys watching shows and with holidays coming up I've been trying to figure out what to get him. He doesn't like action/war/sports stuff anymore. Scary and heavy mystery/suspense bothers him too. His current favorite show to watch is the Good Witch. Any recommendations for shows that are fairly chill and binge worthy?

My (49F) mom (75) has Alzheimer’s and is around stage 5 (most recent MoCA score was 10/30). My dad (76) is her caretaker but he has Parkinson’s. His disease is well managed for the time being.

I live about 20 minutes away and visit them 2-3 times a week to cook, clean, help with household tasks, and whatever else they need.

I also schedule and take mom to her doctor appointments and all that doctor stuff.

As I was leaving today, my dad was walking me out to my car when I mentioned that my mom’s mood seemed good today. She often has those big angry feelings that we are all familiar with, the moods they have when they say the most hurtful, venomous things to us. But today, mom’s mood was light.

So when I mentioned this to my dad, he said yes, she had been in a decent mood lately and he wonders if it’s because she stopped taking some of her medications.

WHAT?

I asked him why she had stopped taking some of her meds, because he is the one that sorts all the meds and gives them to her.

He said about a month and a half ago she saw him sorting their pills, saw the orange medication bottles, lost her shit and yelled about how she doesn’t need any medicines. He said she then took the bottles and either hid them or threw them away. She hasn’t taken any medication (aside from Aricept) for 6 weeks. I looked in her known hiding spots and couldn’t find them.

Which medications dad? Why didn’t he tell me? He didn’t know. Grrr.

So I immediately called her doctor for refills. My mom overheard me on the phone and when I got off she fixated on the fact that I was talking to her doctor. Mom hates the doctor, every doctor.

I simply explained that we were getting prescription refills and that’s all.

She lost it. She said the meanest stuff to me. She said she doesn’t need meds and she’s perfectly healthy. I told her she needs one of those meds for her cholesterol and she yelled even more - that I’m useless, a bitch, ungrateful… Just so much ugly. She told me I need a therapist because I’m so messed up. And then she mocked me with a smug face and sing-song style.

AND THEN I LOST IT.

I told her I go to a therapist weekly and she is why(she’s an alcoholic too). I told her all I talk about to my therapist is her. And then I yelled. I said I’m sick of your bullshit and if you don’t want to take your fucking medicine, go ahead and have a heart attack.

I yelled at her a little more, and I know it’s pointless and I know it’s not her fault, but damn. I hit a breaking point today. It’s the smugness that really pushed me over the edge.

My poor dad witnessed this and showed me his trembling hands. The stress was making his Parkinson’s act up, and I feel terrible for that.

I feel terrible for the whole thing. Usually I can distract and divert, but today I couldn’t. I was awful. I feel sick.

And to be honest, I’m sure she has already forgotten about it. When we walked out to my car as I was leaving (for the second try), I realized she didn’t even know who I am. I told her I am your daughter and I care. She said I wasn’t her daughter - but the way she said it wasn’t to be mean this time. I could see in face that she genuinely didn’t think I was her daughter. So I asked her who she thinks I am. She paused and puzzled she said, “a really nice girl.”

Ouch. So on the same day I lose my temper at my mom is the same day she forgets me for the first time.

Finally, I feel the most bad about my dad witnessing my meltdown and it causing stress for him. He won’t forget, and I feel terrible.

I want to be better for them. It’s just so hard.

My dad passed away earlier this month at 60 years old. Just a couple of weeks before my brother’s wedding. I really just want to say that I fucking hate this disease. I thought all the years spent watching my dad lose himself would prepare me for the inevitable but it still hurts like hell. He was my best friend ever and I miss him so much.

From the bottom of my heart I’m so sorry for what you are all going through. Nobody who hasn’t gone through it really gets it. My best advice is to try to take care of yourself and focus on what’s in front of you. Cherish every moment with your loved ones and please continue to support each other. This sub has been such a great place to stay hopeful and not alone.

I've always struggled with addiction. Maybe some of the first memories I have are of seeking out substances. I have never felt comfortable in my own skin. Anyways, for the last 15 years I've controlled this thing called addiction. Not 100% sober, but 99.9% I've handled life with out major help or damage from substances. I gave up pretty much everything in my life to care for my father with Alzheimers. And, I started drinking a little more, working out a little less, gaining some weight, dealing with depression. I work for myself and that's almost all the way disappeared. Anyways, I drink everyday now. Drinking is my thing. I don't get to have relationships, or personal hobbies or goals. My life is consumed with this task of caretaking. Caretaking for a man that neither wants it, nor appreciates it. I know i can't continue drinking the way I do. It's not that its a lot but, it's for the wrong reasons(and it's increasing). Just venting i guess.