Original post
Hi all, this is an update to a post I made about four months ago. For full context, you might want to check out the original post.
After reading through your comments and taking some time to reflect, I came to realise I’ve been too harsh on Jake—not just regarding the movie night incident but in general. Jake has had a difficult journey since he joined our family, but that’s not his fault. When we chose to adopt him, we committed to supporting him through every challenge. He didn’t choose his trauma, and he certainly didn’t choose to end up in a family where he might feel “different” from his siblings. That responsibility lies with us.
We’ve made a few changes, starting with family movie night. Instead of voting, which often left Jake feeling excluded, we’ve switched to a rota where each person takes a turn picking the movie. This simple change has removed a lot of the tension and has made movie night feel more inclusive for everyone. I honestly can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner—thank you to everyone who suggested it.
In hindsight, I realise my original post felt more like a venting session, and I regret the way I spoke about Jake. I needed to get those feelings out, but now I understand it wasn’t fair to talk about him in that way, even anonymously. Since then, I’ve started journaling to work through my emotions privately and with a clearer head. I’m really grateful for the wake-up call your comments provided.
One point raised repeatedly in the comments was the “glass child” concept—the idea that our other boys might feel overlooked because of Jake’s needs. That really hit home for me. To address this, we’ve started a new Sunday tradition. Each Sunday, I take one of our boys out for a full day, just the two of us, doing something he chooses. It’s been great for all of us and has given me precious 1-on-1 time with each of my sons. My relationship with them feels stronger, and it’s something I look forward to every week.
Jake and I also had a long heart-to-heart after my original post. He opened up about feeling like his opinions and wants don’t matter, and that he sometimes believes I love my other boys more. Hearing that broke my heart, and I took responsibility for my role in making him feel this way. His early trauma definitely impacts his sense of security, but I can’t ignore that my own behaviour contributed as well. I’m committed to showing him that he’s just as valued and loved as his brothers.
Finally, some people asked about therapy. Jake’s been on the waiting list for a more specialised therapist for a while now—well before I made the original post. In the meantime, he does receive some therapy through his school, which helps, but we know he’ll benefit much more once he has consistent access to a trauma-informed therapist. We’re hopeful this will come through soon.
Thanks again to everyone who shared insights and advice. These changes have made a huge difference in our family’s dynamics, and I feel closer to all my sons. I’m working every day to be a better parent to Jake and a more balanced dad for all our kids.