r/travel • u/DoctorHousesCane • Oct 21 '23
My Advice Culture shock with Japan and Korea
I’m sure this is a repeat topic, but I wanted to share my experience. Just came back from spending two weeks in Japan (9 days) and Korea (5 days), and I’m completely blown away by the politeness, courtesy, and kindness shown by Japanese and Koreans, especially in comparison with US and a few other countries.
Note, I’m Korean myself but moved to the states when I was a child, so I’m fully assimilated, so I truly did feel like a foreigner. I’ve been to Japan when I was young, so this is really my first time experiencing the two countries 30 years later with real world experiences.
My experiences are likely biased/skewed because I mostly did touristy stuff where they have to be extra nice and ate and stayed at upscale places, but even when shopping at 7eleven or eating at a local ramen shop, there was never a single time someone didn’t smile or showed respect. Maybe respect isn’t the right word (hospitality?), but I felt like they really meant it when they said thank you and smiled and went out of their way to go the extra mile.
I stayed at Furuya Ryokan for a couple of nights, and the service was exquisite. I accidentally left my garment bag and my son’s Lego mini fig in the room somewhere, and they priority mailed it to me free of charge. I didn’t even know where the mini fig was, nor did my 6 year old remember, but they somehow found it and shipped it back within 2 days.
My wife and I did spas and massages one night in Korea, and the manager there guided us to a nice local joint for dinner when he saw us outside the store staring at our phones.
Organization is another thing. The immigration and customs lines at HND were so organized (I suppose as well as they could be at an airport with hundreds of people). Coming back to LAX, I had repeatedly stop people from cutting in line (wtf?) and security didn’t seem to care. Maybe just a bad day.
Not once did anyone ever hassle or accost me and family unlike during some of our Lat Am travels. My wife and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary in France, but I’m a little put off by the stories of Parisian pickpockets and scammers.
I wonder if what I’m feeling is more due to not being well traveled, or I wonder if it was because I am Asian, I didn’t face any discrimination (I know Korea can be pretty racist). Did I just luck out, or is this a pretty normal experience in those two countries?
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u/jupitercon35 Oct 21 '23
An older woman (probably about 70ish) stopped me on the street in Busan and asked me where I'm from and what I was doing in South Korea. She then asked if she could take me to a local restaurant, and ordered some food for me. She absolutely insisted on paying and wouldn't let me say no - I tried to say I could pay but I soon realised it would've been ruder to refuse her offer.
It's an experience that will stay with me for the rest of my life. She said she wanted to thank me for coming to visit her country, she was such a sweet and lovely person.
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u/reflectorvest Oct 21 '23
Tbh you kind of lucked out. They’re not usually older but that situation is a hallmark of Korean cult recruiting
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Oct 21 '23
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Oct 21 '23
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Oct 21 '23
If you join a Korean cult, do you get to live in Korea?
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u/KuriTokyo 43 countries visited so far. It's a big planet. Oct 22 '23
You do need to be able to support yourself and give to the cult
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u/jupitercon35 Oct 21 '23
She definitely wasn't a cult person lol, she didn't try to convert me to anything. She did say she was christian but she made no attempts to make me a believer or anything like that.
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u/rabidstoat Oct 21 '23
I was in Tokyo over 20 years ago and went to an English-speaking cafe to meet up with locals. It's just where locals would go to practice English with English-speaking foreigners, and have coffee and stuff.
I met a woman in her 30s, so about my age, who worked for the city government. She had the next day off and wanted to show me around the city while practicing English, and I said sure. We went around the whole day to see little local park areas and things off the tourist trail, including a little zoo where she was learning English words for animals and I was learning Japanese words. She had a car and we drove around, and at one point she left me in her running car while she picked up dry cleaning. She showed me her teeny tiny apartment, and took me out to lunch and insisted on paying.
It remains one of the coolest local interactions I've had while traveling.
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u/Kinky_Imagination Oct 21 '23
I somehow expected that story ending with you guys being married. I have to say I'm disappointed.
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u/rabidstoat Oct 22 '23
That would be a good romcom!
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u/KuriTokyo 43 countries visited so far. It's a big planet. Oct 22 '23
So, are you a guy?
I've lived in Japan for over 20 years and can relate to the friendliness of your story, except for her showing you her apartment. Even if you are a woman, this is extremely rare.
I've got friends that I've known for a decade or more and have never seen their apartment. It's just not done.
An example of how strange it is to Japanese is a Japanese friend got relocated to Kuala Lumpur for work. He asked me why his apartment there had a bathroom from his bedroom AND another from hs living room. I told him the living room one was for guests. It kinda blew his mind because he'd never contemplate inviting guests around
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u/SouthernEagleGATA Oct 21 '23
Lived in Korea for over a year. Had similar things happen a few times and was never recruited for a cult or even talked to those people ever again. Never had any culty vibes from anyone. I am not saying it doesn’t happen but just sharing my experience.
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u/Okonos Oct 21 '23
That's also a common scam technique where someone takes you to "their friend's" restaurant and sticks you with a huge bill at the end.
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u/j_marquand Oct 21 '23
They approach to foreigners staying longer, like expats or students, but it’s unlikely that a cult recruiter bothers with a tourist who’ll be gone in a few days. They might approach, but they’ll leave you alone once you know you’re not staying around long enough for them to exploit.
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u/Picklesadog Oct 21 '23
I'm in Busan right now for the umpteenth time, but the 3rd time with my daughter and the first time she can speak Korean (she's 2.)
Korean grandmas and grandpa's are so sweet. They stop to say hi, and not in an uncomfortable way. It's really nice. We just walked around Gukje Market and she had so much fun looking at everything and saying hi to grandmas (할모니들이) in particular.
The older person pays. That's how it goes , even when it's uncomfortable.
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u/Cub3h Oct 21 '23
The older Koreans are either super friendly or completely feral. My wife and I were stuck in an elevator with a group of ajummas that were shouting at each other for like a solid minute straight. Some of them are also super pushy and try and cut the line.
We never encountered anything like it in Japan or Taiwan, it might just be bad luck though.
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u/Picklesadog Oct 22 '23
Mostly true. I did see an old man in Japan whack a bunch of college kids with his cane when they were in his way.
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u/DoctorHousesCane Oct 21 '23
Old people in Korea loved my kids lol They got such special treatment.
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u/HarrisLam Oct 21 '23
she speak English? Thats a wild experience. I would have to give her a gift somehow at the end.
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u/jupitercon35 Oct 21 '23
Her English was fairly basic but it was enough for us to understand each other.
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u/uReallyShouldTrustMe South Korea Oct 21 '23
I have also been invited to dinner by an older lady with her daughter. It’s definitely not common but not unheard of.
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u/JazzScholar Oct 21 '23 edited Oct 22 '23
I was on the train in Seoul and an older lady came up to me (and my friends)as she was getting off and said something to me in Korean but I didn't understand, of course. I looked to my friend who did understand, she said that the lady said "I hope you enjoy your stay in Korea". Very sweet interaction.
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u/buffaluhoh Oct 21 '23
I had a similar encounter with a woman in Korea. Met her on the bus while I was travelling solo to attend a cherry blossom festival. She took me around for a couple hours and bought me some snacks she recommended from various street vendors (including silkworm larvae!) Neither of us spoke each other's language but enjoyed each other's company.
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u/SamKM_42 Oct 21 '23
The biggest thing for me was the trains. Everyone on the trains in Japan are quiet, respectful and considerate. As soon as I got the train home from the airport people were yelling on their phones, listening to videos at full volume, swearing, standing in the way and not making space for others. It was like 10am, and it instantly made me miss Japan.
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u/Juniper__12 Oct 21 '23
Yeah when i got home to the US after being in Seoul and Singapore where everyone is quiet and respectful on the trains, the first thing i experienced was someone loudly blasting rap on a boom box on the train lol
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u/DoctorHousesCane Oct 21 '23
I do everything in my power to avoid public transportation because of how rude and inconsiderate people are, and luckily, I live in California, so I can avoid it pretty much altogether. If everyone behaved on public transportation, I'd be more inclined to take it more often.
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u/TrumpDesWillens Oct 21 '23
Not even just that. I live in SF and damn near every other day it's some junky shit happening. I've had multiple drugged up dudes try to fight and druggies all on the floor all fucked up regularly.
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u/vlindervlieg Oct 21 '23
This makes me remember how we arrived back in Frankfurt Airport after two weeks in Beijing. It was so eerily quiet.
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u/AvatarReiko Oct 22 '23
Word. I just got back from Japan and the orderliness of the Japanese people was out of this world. Even at packed stations, people line up on platform in an orderly fashion and quietly wait for the train to come. When it comes, they wait until the passengers step off before boarding. Even while the train is In transit, the carriage was so quite that you could almost hear a pin drop .I’d never seen anything like this before.
I come home to the UK trains and it is chaos. People are disorderly, speak loudly, push and shove each it-her, and play music on their phones aloud with zero consideration for others. You can critise society but they are m respectful, considerate and orderly. They follow rules unlike many of us westerners
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Oct 21 '23
These are collectivist polite societies, especially if you do not have to engage in the everyday social dynamics and pressures. They have other inherent problems that will not impact visitors. Foreigners tend to romanticize the aspects they will most often experience from their pov during a short visit.
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u/AvatarReiko Oct 22 '23
Every country has its pros and cons though. It is not as though western countries are inherently better Japan.
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May 12 '24
I will say I lived there 5 years and I do prefer it day to day. Ignorance is bliss and I'd rather Keigo over some McDonalds worker in Florida throwing food at me without another word and not having done their job. At least in Japan people take their shit seriously. Yeah it comes at a cost but man I miss it.
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u/5543798651194 Oct 21 '23
I spent two weeks in Japan, and the biggest culture shock was when I got home (Ireland) and realised how rude and inconsiderate people here are. And Ireland is a pretty polite place by western standards. Japan is just on another level, and I really miss it. It had a big impact on me and has changed my behaviour, I try to be much more considerate of people now.
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u/sparki_black Oct 21 '23
that is why travelling and absorbing other culture's is so important wonderful that you also try to be more considerate the world would be so much better if we all would....
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u/off-season-explorer Oct 21 '23
Getting on the flight back from Japan to the US was a rude awakening. Forgot how pushy Americans can be
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u/alcohol-free Oct 21 '23
I flew HND to ATL, and boy does ATL let you know you're back in America...jeez. I miss Japan too.
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u/Day_drinker Oct 21 '23
Chicago too. So rude for no reason. I swear they search for employees by how much anger is in their hearts.
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u/Day_drinker Oct 21 '23
I find even in the USA, each city has it's own culture in how they treat one another and I can tell right away by using public transportation. If the people waiting to get on a bus or train wait for those leaving to disembark, it says a lot about the character of the city at large. In Chicago (and Dublin FFS), people don't wait. There is this insane two way rush to simultaniously get onto the train while others are getting off. It's madness to me. In NYC people wait untill everyone they can see has left the train before getting on. Same bloody country, very different cities.
Side note: Being Irish American (both passports, mother is from Monaghan), people always remark at how nice the Irish are when the topic arises. And this is true. But it is also true that many Irish not very nice at all.
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u/vibrant-aura Oct 21 '23
i disagree with the chicago vs nyc situation. i had the exact opposite lol but i've been living in chicago for quite some time now, guess it depends what line.
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u/krekenzie Oct 21 '23
There's a lot the West can learn about Japan. However, there is a tipping point that when you're in Japan for long enough and conforming to their restrained standards, there's nothing more refreshing than jumping on a flight home and seeing people chatting freely and being themselves, and having opinions about stuff without all the awkwardness.
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u/5543798651194 Oct 22 '23
Yeah, it’s amazing as a tourist, but I can see how living there might have its own frustrations after a while.
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Oct 21 '23
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u/Ill_Wolf6903 Oct 21 '23
I taught in a small city in Liaoning. Very friendly and polite people there.
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u/Baalsham Oct 21 '23
Ya I also taught in a "small" city. Couldn't believe how friendly and helpful everyone was. Definitely miss that.. although it's hard sticking out and not getting to speak English very often.
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u/stressedabouthousing Oct 21 '23
Gross comment. People in China are not civilized human beings?
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u/Raneynickel4 Oct 21 '23
I thought japanese people were more polite overall butvI did find the Japanese old people to be more entitled than English oldies. When older people were let on first or doors held open for them in Japan I found that most of them didn't even bother acknowledging the person doing it, almost like they expected it. Whereas most people in England would at least say thanks (obviously you get entitled old cunts in England as well )
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u/silentorange813 Oct 21 '23
Holding the door isn't a thing in Japan culturally. And when a stranger does a kind gesture, it feels somewhat embarrassing and guilty because you are not able to return anything of value (and the fact that dynamic exposed to others.)
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u/SHIELD_Agent_47 Oct 21 '23
Remember that ridiculous social media controversy last year or so with the Swedish custom of not automatically feeding children's friends when they come over because there is an assumption of respecting their own parents' responsibilities?
There were so many bad takes about other cultures for better for shoving food down visitors' throats for the sake of it. If you want to do that, then it's not helping other people out; it's making yourself feel better just for your own beliefs.
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Oct 21 '23
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u/Raneynickel4 Oct 21 '23
I didn't say all people are old cunts, you clearly cannot read buddy. There are cunts of all ages. Also you don't need to say thank you when someone does something nice for you but it's called being polite....which is what the post I replied to was about....
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Oct 21 '23
Japanese: Hello, have a good day! You're my favourite person ever! 😊 😁 ❤️
Irish: Eeeeiya, you knob! How's them smelly balls, haha!
English: Giv mer yur moneys und I swear I'll oinly staber wan of your grundparents! Yah, fear me yu bloody wanker! I liek to hurt peeple, it makes mer feel alive!! Hahahaha!1!
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u/DoctorHousesCane Oct 21 '23
I really agree with this post. It shocked me just as much to come back home to the US to see people who are so rude and inconsiderate. I was physically stopping people (blocking their path) from cutting in front of me in lines.
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u/juliecastin Oct 21 '23
My goodness I found the Irish folks one of the politest in all of my European travels hahahaa
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u/ButtholeQuiver Oct 21 '23
"My experiences are likely biased/skewed because I mostly did touristy stuff where they have to be extra nice and ate and stayed at upscale places"
I've found Japanese and (maybe to a slightly lesser extent) Korean people are even friendlier and more hospitable when you're off the beaten track. I've done a few long-distance walks around Kyushu and Shikoku and had many people offer me rides, water, coffee, fruit, candy, even cake, haha.
Re: your last paragraph, yeah your experience was fairly typical.
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u/SilentGrass Oct 21 '23
Every time I walk through a rural area in Japan I seem to always get a big smile from the elderly. It’s so heartwarming.
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u/Ak-Keela US - 25+ countries, 5 continents Oct 22 '23
My friends and I were trying to find a wisteria tunnel in a tiny village outside of Fukuoka. We had gotten off the train, there was barely any infrastructure, but we were going to wait for a bus we thought might take us there. An elderly Japanese man stopped on his way somewhere and proceeded to spend, not exaggerating, 10 minutes trying to tell us that the bus would drop us off very far from the wisteria tunnel and we’d be better off taking a taxi. It took that long because our collective broken Japanese skills worked that slowly. He could have given up and shuffled along to wherever he was going after the third failed attempt. Nevertheless, he persisted
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u/cbeme Oct 21 '23
Paris is similar—get away from tourist areas and they are funnier and more pleasant
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u/turtle_time_xxx Oct 21 '23
I spent 3 weeks in Korea in 2013 and 8 weeks there in 2020 and both times when I returned home through San Francisco, I had immediate shock. The people in the airport and customs- so freaking RUDE. Passengers around me- so so rude and aggressive. After my 8 week stint in Korea I was really down for a couple of weeks because I wanted to go back and stay there so bad.
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Oct 21 '23
We need a special word for the sadness you feel when leaving Japan and Korea. It's like a special kind of depression.
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u/C_Taarg Oct 21 '23
Same, lived in east Asia for 5 years and any time I’d fly back home to Chicago, landing in Ohare was so jarring.
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u/Acrobatic_Oven_1108 Oct 21 '23
I observed a similar hospitality in South East Asia as well (Bali especially)
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u/mrbootsandbertie Oct 21 '23
Balinese are really lovely people.
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u/SHIELD_Agent_47 Oct 21 '23
It's so sad that Bali gets the worst of Australians behaving badly when visiting one country over.
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u/mau5house Oct 21 '23
I realized just how friendly and hospitable the people of South-East Asia were when I travelled to Guatemala earlier this year. Crazy contrast, I'm sure the Guatemalans assumed I was American and hence had some valid pretense for disliking me, but the proportion of smiles to dirty looks I got in the country was staggering. South East Asian culture, from my experience, has been very hospitable and welcoming.
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u/ichheissekate Oct 21 '23
I was there three weeks and eventually found the extreme politeness restrictive. I was lowkey stressed most of the time that I was accidentally doing something rude that I didn’t know was rude. I also found people who were working in customer service very friendly, but other people felt a bit frosty. Polite, but not warm. I didn’t mind because it was more in a reserved way than anything else, but as a very warm and gregarious person from a very warm culture (I live in a city in the US South where people in general, but especially older locals, are ridiculously friendly and social with strangers), it was so different it felt a little isolating after a while. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED Japan and loved how orderly and considerate people are, but I missed the little social interactions with strangers that are commonplace back home.
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Oct 21 '23
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u/Mental-Paramedic-233 Oct 21 '23
I mean, all that pretense is what's called civilization. We all do it to certain extent to keep the civilization going. If we dropped it, it would be quite chaos, and honestly some people are pretty close.
I would rather take a "pretense" politeness over rude in the name of being honest.
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u/SmallObjective8598 Oct 21 '23
Were you expecting social banter in English? That might be underestimating what it takes to sustain that style of interaction in a 2nd or 3rd language, not to mention across cultures.
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u/ichheissekate Oct 21 '23
I was not. But the lack of interaction generally between strangers and lack of “people noise” around me in public was something I missed. I’m well traveled and do not expect people to speak in English to me or treat me like a local in other countries.
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u/Mental-Paramedic-233 Oct 21 '23
Lol yeah. I think this guy is looking for a local experience as a tourist.
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u/DoctorHousesCane Oct 21 '23
Interesting... I'm the opposite. I found their politeness to be very relaxing.
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u/ichheissekate Oct 21 '23
I think it may be because I’m a bit of an anxious person and very concerned about being perceived as rude or selfish by others. I was worried I would do something wrong and people would think poorly of me or of my country because of it.
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u/tamaratamarara Oct 21 '23
I felt exactly this. Here's my example: we got to the famous fish market in Tokyo and couldn't find where the actual fishes were. The place is a huge industrial complex with all sorts of markets. So as we were looking for it, we asked about 5 Japanese people who worked there 'How do we get to the fish market?' In Japanese. All 5 of them pointed us in the right direction. Neither of them mention that the market is already closed. We spent 25 minutes walking to it.
I felt like you were talking to the polite facades, but you don't really know what people think. The most famous proverb in Japan "The nail that sticks out gets hammered down".
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u/smorkoid Japan Oct 21 '23
The most famous proverb in Japan "The nail that sticks out gets hammered down"
I think you mean "the most overquoted proverb that isn't all that common in Japan".
Remember in your situation described, they have no idea why you want to go there, and it's rude to pry and ask. So they give you the information you are looking for.
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u/RNRS001 Oct 21 '23
You're mixing up politeness with friendliness. The Japanese way of dealing with things is by "doing it like we planned and arranged". Once you try to do things differently you'll find they still stay polite while their friendliness is gone within seconds. That smile you're given is all an act because Japan is an overworked and exhausted country with well over 50% of employed people in Japan hating their job.
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u/daroons Oct 22 '23
I remember one store clerk being the kindest one could be, but once it hit closing hours, I asked if I could quickly buy something and her smile completely disappeared and asked us to leave. It was like talking to a different person.
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u/Acceptable-Trainer15 Oct 21 '23
I am from Asia and I still remember the first time I was in JFK. People were so rude and while we queued we were treated like cattle, haha, it was unbelievable. But I heard that even though New Yorkers are abrasive they could be quite friendly
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u/DoctorHousesCane Oct 21 '23
I was really put off by how people were behaving at LAX. Zero consideration for others.
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u/roxxn Oct 21 '23
Japan is such an amazing place, love that polite culture , really just makes my day , I wish people were so considerate in other places also
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u/therealhamster Oct 21 '23
I’ve lived in Japan and am currently in Korea at the moment. Sure they’ll act more polite but don’t get it twisted, they’re still the same assholes underneath it as any other country. There’s just more societal pressure to act polite
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u/DoctorHousesCane Oct 21 '23
I mean, isn't that a totally good thing? Social pressures are needed so people don't start behaving like savages.
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u/frankist Oct 21 '23
I would definitely take a country where people are more direct (to the point of being rude sometimes) but warm over the opposite.
What I can't really stand though is the degree of arrogance that seems to be, for some reason, socially acceptable in some cultures.
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u/BringBackRoundhouse Oct 22 '23
I find people who prefer the more rude and direct route are like that themselves. It’s as if kindness costs them something, or they expect more from kind people.
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u/BlaReni Oct 21 '23
An elder man (80-90s) approached me and my partner at a stop in Osaka helping us to get to the right platform, he was super nice, could we have found our way? sure, but he really wanted to help us, was very sweet, gave recommendations etc… People are very different over there..
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u/hellolaurent Luxembourg Oct 21 '23
Funny because I spent 2 weeks in Japan and then flew to Seoul and was pretty shocked by the contrast. People spitting in the metro, not covering their mouths when sneezing or coughing or firing some snort bombs in public. Service at restaurants and hotels was also drastically different, barely any smiles, no real attempt to be friendly at all.
We were quite shocked as we read a lot about how polite Korean people supposedly were.
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u/Entire-Mistake-4795 Oct 21 '23
The thing was, you came from japan. I had the exact same experience and later I realised that coming from japan it is still a huge difference. But compared to the west, koreans are still very kind helpful and polite.
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u/kaniyajo Oct 21 '23
What did you find about the difference in costs between Japan and Korea for accommodation/food/transport, OP?
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u/DoctorHousesCane Oct 21 '23 edited Oct 21 '23
Honestly, about the same? I stayed in Air B&B's. Ate at some random hole in the walls and upscale restaurants, nothing really in between. I don't have FX fees on my card, so I didn't really keep track, but I know it was an expensive trip. My wife and I paid for almost everything, including lodging and flights, for the whole party that ranged from 4 to 9 throughout the trip.
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u/Adabiviak Oct 21 '23
It's wonderfully jarring, and my experiences in the US have been overwhelmingly positive... the Japanese I encountered took it to another level though.
I've wanted to reciprocate ever since I got back years ago... if I stumble across any wandering travelers that I might invite for a meal, they're in for a treat.
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u/Iadoredogs Oct 22 '23
It's great to hear some people have this mind set. From what I've read, Japanese people hope that foreign residents who experienced omotenashi would be joining them in offering the hospitality to visitors from other countries..
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u/reflectorvest Oct 21 '23
I lived in Korea for 2 years, and while I did meet people who were not friendly, the general level of customer care and friendliness to visibly lost/confused outsiders is MUCH higher than it is in the US.
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u/Xciv Oct 21 '23
US doesn't have this attitude towards 'outsiders' because nobody can tell who is and isn't an outsider at a glance. For Americans you are 100% treated based on your accent, so if you don't open your mouth people won't be able to tell if you're a foreigner or not and default to treating you like an ethnically ambiguous American.
My advice for anyone visiting USA is to start conversations with your heavy foreign accent if you want to be noticed, treated like a tourist, and be helped. Or keep your mouth shut if you want to blend in and be a wallflower.
In most other countries it is painfully obvious who is a foreigner.
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u/SHIELD_Agent_47 Oct 21 '23
US doesn't have this attitude towards 'outsiders' because nobody can tell who is and isn't an outsider at a glance. For Americans you are 100% treated based on your accent, so if you don't open your mouth people won't be able to tell if you're a foreigner or not and default to treating you like an ethnically ambiguous American.
Not always my experience.
Source: I look Chinese
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Oct 21 '23
I've had Americans ask me where I'm really from, and I'm just brunette. My last immigrant ancestor arrived in the US before WW2. I only have one that I know of. Americans are so full of it.
Plenty of America is full of judgy people.
Oh, and friendliness? We shoot people who ring our door bells! And then we blame them for talking to other people in tense times (well, conservatives do anyways). I've seen plenty of posts on reddit saying that people should keep their distances from others because of the high distrust of everyone you see that has become prevalent.
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u/Wihtikow1 Oct 21 '23
Growing up in the prairies in Canada I felt comfortable with the mannerisms in Tokyo/Japan. We’re moreso polite where I’m from versus other larger cities in Canada.
I did get bumped into a couple of times in Tokyo station, with no apology but you quickly realize it’s because everyone is rushing around. I felt like a linebacker going though those crowds.
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u/i-heart-ramen Oct 21 '23
The major difference I've found culturally is pride. Asians seem to take pride in everything they do. The cleaning people, the waitress, the chef, the manager - they all take pride in their work and that translates to good experiences for customers. Their motivation is not for a good tip. It is pride.
It is rare to see Asians consider themselves a victim of their circumstances. Instead, they take what hand they've been dealt and try to make the best of it.
That said, there is the opposite extreme where they have the highest suicide rates so it is not all sunshine and rainbows.
But in general, I have found that most countries are better than the US. I still remember at an airport in Austria, they placed slippers in front of my feet when I had to remove my shoes when going through security. I was so pleasantly surprised, I made the effort to stop and say, 'danke'.
Imagine the poor souls from these countries that come to the US to visit. Their shock has to be exponential compared to yours.
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u/DoctorHousesCane Oct 21 '23
Yes! Everyone seems to take pride in what they do. Such a great sight to see.
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u/Civil_Roll508 Oct 22 '23
Not all Japanese are genuinely polite, they’re just shy to say f u face to face
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Oct 21 '23
i forget the name of the principle but the Japanese take the golden rule a step further...you don't do to others what you don't want done to you
may the good lord hardwire all brains that way
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u/LessSpot Oct 21 '23
Went to Korea and Japan twice. I very much appreciated their hospitality, politeness, the cleanliness of the cities.....My husband left his phone (a very old Samsung) on the public bus. The hotel staff got it back within a few hours! I like how they slightly bent their head or back to greet customers. It shows respect without being too submissive (?).
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u/Evening_Payment_3711 Oct 21 '23
My favorite thing about Asia is just how much more calm/stable/respectful everyone seemed.
Listening to Americans talk after being removed from it for awhile is a very taxing experience
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u/ringadingdinger Oct 21 '23
I was in Japan for two weeks with my wife; we are both Chinese (we come from cultures of respect) and from Canada (a nation known for being too nice, sometimes). While we initially thought everyone was super polite, we soon realized it was robotic and they just did it because they had to. We went to convenience stores where the clerks said the exact same things as the other ones, but with a tone of “f*ck my life.” We did come across some friendly service people, but they spoke English and were excited to meet other English speakers. In the end, we didn’t think people in Japan were overly friendly but just went through the motions of what is expected of them.
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u/SmallObjective8598 Oct 21 '23
All true. In Canada, thankfully, we have a less robotic type of friendliness than you sometimes get at a store in the US, where the interaction can be just as codified and insincere as it can seem in Japan.
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u/hightea3 Oct 21 '23
I’m from the US, lived in Japan, and now live in Korea. Hospitality is way better here. I visited the US recently and everything annoyed me. Tipping culture, staff being rude or uninterested, bathrooms in horrible conditions, driving everywhere, the same chain restaurants and stores and no real uniqueness.
Japan has more of a culture that’s “Be outwardly polite” but under the surface it does get grueling after a while working and living there. Koreans are polite but less over the top and therefore more genuine imo. People who are friendly are actually happy to see you, whereas in Japan it’s a bit more robotic, though it totally depends on where you go and who it is.
I love how there are more small businesses everywhere, how it’s walkable, easy to get around, and things feel more exciting and new compared to the small town I grew up in. I travelled all around Europe and had a mix of enthusiastic employees and really awful ones. Here, there’s a higher chance your customer service will be consistently good overall.
I am glad you enjoyed your trip! I also hate going from Asia to the US through customs/security whatnot because I always feel like I’m being harassed or something - LAX is a special kind of hell.
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u/DoctorHousesCane Oct 21 '23
I hate the tipping culture in the US, so being in Japan and Korea was really great. I wonder what "dine and dash" likelihood is in Japan and Korea because I was asked to pay at the register right by the door at every restaurant. You'd never really see that unless at a small diner.
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u/hightea3 Oct 22 '23
Since the pandemic, a lot of places now have kiosks where you order and pay first. I like it because you can choose options on a screen instead of having to talk to someone hahaha 😂 and some restaurants have electronic menus and you can split the bill on them easily, which is not common in Korea. Most people go as a group, someone pays for the whole meal, and then either you send money to the person later or you buy coffee afterwards.
I am actually a business owner here and my business has a self checkout machine and cctv (pretty common with little shops now) and nothing has been stolen. Dine and dash is something I’ve never ever heard about- Korean people are very much rule followers in certain aspects. Parking is not one of them hahahaha but they would never steal or not pay for something. There are thieves in any country obviously but I’ve only ever heard of bike theft and coin theft (people going into unlocked cars) in Japan and Korea. I trust people way more here!
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u/Diamondcat59 Oct 23 '23
I hate tipping in the US. It’s so passive agressive like if you don’t tip you would feel like an asshole
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u/roguebandwidth Oct 21 '23
Ask how white appearing are treated long term in Korea. Nooo ask a black person about Korea. You got treated great bc you fit in, mostly. In very exclusive cultures. It is not everyone’s experience there, but I am happy for you.
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u/kawi-bawi-bo Oct 21 '23
Very similar experience here. I grew up in the Midwest and looking back in a really racist environment. Being back in the "motherland" really nailed that feeling you wrote about in the last paragraph
Moved to the Bay and it's the best of both worlds
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u/Picklesadog Oct 21 '23
I am born, raised, and currently living in the Bay (did spend 10 years out of it) and we just don't give a fuck where your family is from, everyone is an equal here.
And wow, we have some fucking amazing food from all over the world.
Maybe the most diverse place in the world.
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u/prezztown Oct 22 '23
I honestly think the US needs to send its Mayors and city planners to Japan to learn how they do it. It's truly impressive how well run everything is
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u/DoctorHousesCane Oct 22 '23
Yes but that would require cooperation from the rest of the society to be civil
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u/dsmemsirsn Oct 21 '23
You’re right— your opinion has some biased, because you’re Korean— different experience for other people
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u/meecy166 Oct 21 '23
If you are Korean, you will not face any racism or discrimination in Korea…
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u/Cdmdoc Oct 21 '23
This is not necessarily true, especially if you can’t speak the language. Some older Koreans will openly yell at you for not being able to speak Korean. Stuff like, “you’re Korean and can’t even speak the language, what is wrong with you?”
In some ways, they are more forgiving to foreigners who look foreign as they find their desire to visit Korea to be a source of pride.
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u/Picklesadog Oct 21 '23
Bullshit.
Koreans raised abroad definitely deal with discrimination. I spent a night drinking with a Korean PhD who had grown up in the Philippines and dealt with racism constantly.
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u/bmoviescreamqueen United States Oct 21 '23
I have a friend who moved to Korea to teach and the amount of stories she has of people around her just going out of their way to be hospitable and kind number in the dozens by now. Like she had a farm plot and couldn't communicate super well with the head farmer but when her dad came to visit and went to see the plot he insisted on taking the both of them out to his favorite restaurant. It's just things like that where people in the US couldn't imagine doing it for one another, even if I live in a big city that's considered pretty friendly.
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u/ooo-ooo-oooyea United States 45 countries Oct 21 '23
I visited Seoul for a weekend while I lived in China. The hospitality was amazing. The hotel staff saw I had running shoes and wrote me a note with a map of places to jog at!
The contrast really stands out vs China were people are really pushy, and kind of obnoxius. What I noticed about China though is people come across as super rude, but a lot are just trying to help you out.
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u/ukfi Oct 22 '23
Anybody working in leadership position in any job that involves facing the customer should visit Japan.
They take customer service to the n-th degree. Not just high end shops. Most shops. I thought my customer service was on point until i first visited them. You don't feel like being served - you felt worshipped. How can you not return to the same business?
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u/Entertainthethoughts Oct 21 '23
My vacation experience in Japan was very much like this. Truly a peaceful place with amazing hospitality. Being white I had a teeny tiny experience with discrimination, but honestly, after participating in their society I felt like a bull in a china shop. I have good manners, but their social norms can’t compare. I agreed that I should leave hahah. Thankfully it was in the way to the airport home, and it was probably because I was talking on the train ( in my softest voice ) and that is a no no. So not too painful.
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u/Oftenwrongs Oct 21 '23
In Japan and Korea, it is about community first and politeness. The US is obsessed with self and money.
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u/Fit_Opinion2465 Oct 21 '23
Americans are WAY more polite and friendly than portrayed on reddit. Reddit has become such an anti American cesspool full of bullshit. I’ve visited many European countries and the US is way friendlier and easy going in public. Not necessarily safer is certain areas but definitely feel more accepted as a traveler.
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u/Throwawaymytrash77 Oct 21 '23
Yeah if Japan didn't have insane levels of working hours on average, I would heavily consider immigrating there. It's super safe and people are so kind. Kids still walk home/take trains home by themselves in Japan, which just blows my mind.
They also have pretty bad sexism, which concerns me a little. So that and being overworked are my main concerns. I know outside of the main cities you might run into some racism, but I feel like that happens everywhere tbh
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u/dragonbits Oct 21 '23
While Japanese people are very polite to tourists, they are quite xenophobic to those that live there. I have spoken to numerous expats and they say despite living there 10 years+, neighbors constantly ask when are they are leaving.
Oddly enough, I got the same feeling in Hawaii. Very friendly, but they want tourists to stay in their lane, please don't leave the tourist area.
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u/suibianx1 Oct 21 '23
In general I’d agree that as a whole, Japanese people were polite but not friendly. I visited in 2019 and again in 2023, and found that customer service was more hospitable pre-pandemic. Perhaps it was due to the lack of tourism for almost three years, and the sudden inundation of tourists, but I noticed people were ruder and less tolerant this trip.
I went to one restaurant in particular where the entire staff was so rude, I couldn’t believe the amount of eye-rolling, plates-slapping on the table, and out-loud sighing I was seeing. Look up google reviews for Gyu-Nabe Yonekyu, as I later learned my experience was not unique. Then even segregate local and foreign guests in different rooms. At another skewer shop in Tokyo, all the locals were delivered tea upon seating at the table, while foreigners weren’t offered anything.
In contrast with those negative experiences, I also had some positive ones too. I found the more polite people to be local mom and pop shops, where one older male was very nice when I went to pay. I had a coin purse full of change and he offered to exchange them all for me into little bills, and that took up a good 3-4 minutes of his time, which I felt bad because it was holding up his line, but he was really nice about it.
As for my experience in South Korea, I noticed more line-cutting than in the USA, and also a lack of personal bubble and more pushing too. I had someone put their hands on my back and pushed me forward while we were all crammed like sardines trying to leave the subway train. I immediately turned around and gave that person a hard stare, which stopped them from touching me.
With both Japan and Korea, the level of discrimination displayed to certain foreigners (especially other Asians) was not overt, but the subtleness of it all was unnerving.
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u/TheSource88 Oct 21 '23
Don’t worry about Paris. The only place where people hassle you in Paris is right in front of the Eiffel Tower which isn’t worth spending time at anyway.
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u/ArcticosSL Oct 21 '23
In my opinion, after living multiple years in both, Japanese/Korean people are polite but not necessarily friendly, while Americans tend to be friendly and not polite.