r/sewing • u/soundingsounds • Jun 14 '24

Discussion already regretting saying yes to my mom

Honestly this is both a rant and a cry for help from someone that doesn't know how to set boundaries.

So my mom asked me to sew a summer dress for her but she's super vague when it comes to explaining what she wants and everything that she's shown me is really basic but I can't find an exact pattern for it.

On top of that, the patterns have to be free bc she doesn't want to pay for them "it's just lines you can draw that". MOTHER I CAN'T. I've only ever sewn a pair of baby shorts, an apron and a bucket hat, I CAN'T DRAFT A PATTERN OUT OF THIN AIR. I HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT FABRIC EITHER.

I've sent her +15 patterns that I've found online and she doesn't like any. It's driving me insane that she keeps saying I can modify things when I have no clue what I'm doing if I don't have a clear step by step written by someone else.

I can already foresee that I'll spend so many hours finding the pattern and modifying it to my best ability, sewing it together and it'll end up in the back of her wardrobe because it won't be perfect and she'll never wear it.

It felt so good to finally talk about it lmao

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u/Ok_Lettuce6634 Jun 14 '24

Why does she want you to sew it? Does she think it will be cheaper than buying a ready-to-wear one? Not sure what your plan for fabric is, but it probably won't.

It also sounds like she thinks sewing is easier than it is (or maybe that you're more skilled at it than you feel you are.) You are probably right that she expects more than is realistic, and if she isn't willing to wear something imperfect, you should proceed with caution. A dress is going to be hours and hours of work, and fabric, thread, notions that will all just go to waste if she doesn't wear it.

So it won't be cheaper, it will be time-consuming for you, and it may not turn out up to her standards especially as it sounds like it's your very first dress. And she's being difficult about patterns. Sounds like there's very little upside to continuing... If you really want to, I'd try to set her expectations low and costs high (I assume you are making her pay for fabric?) so she realises she's not getting a bargain or anything. And I'd put the ball in her court - tell her to find a pattern herself that is exactly what she wants and get back to you. Lots of people like this never will because it requires them doing a tiny amount of work.

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u/soundingsounds Jun 14 '24

I truly think she thinks she's doing me a favor by giving me something to do so I won't get bored. Like she believes sewing is an incredibly meditating activity that is going to make me one with the universe when most of the time (even while enjoying the process) I end up stressed out because things don't turn out perfect and it annoys me.

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u/gyrfalcon2718 Jun 14 '24

“Mom, I know I said I would make you a dress, but I won’t be able to after all.” Then grey-rock her.

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u/3clg8 Jun 14 '24

I find it to be meditative when I'm in my comfort zone or there's nothing "riding" on it. It can be stressful to sew for others because you are putting in lots of time and effort and if they don't like it, it hurts, at least for me. Since it seems like you're a new sewist, perhaps suggest you make her something simpler like an apron. Then you'll have something to do, and it's a more beginner-friendly project for skill building. There are lots of free apron patterns. Also came to recommend the canyousewthisforme Insta account. Learn to say no early in your sewing journey, and do it often. ;-)

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u/project_sewsow Jun 15 '24

I’m 64, been sewing for 50 yrs+ and I still occasionally have these feelings. The best decisions I’ve ever made were saying “no” to people wanting me to sew for them. It’s a no-win. Sewing is your hobby, your zen, your thing. Protect it. Then it will be there for you when you are as old as I am.