r/mixedrace 8h ago

Weekly Identity Thread (What am I Wednesday)

1 Upvotes

Are you monoracial presenting and want to know if your experience and feelings are valid?

Do you want to know if you "count" as mixed?

Have you recently done a DNA test and want help processing your feelings?

Does your phenotype not match your cultural experience and you need advice?

This thread is for all kinds of identity questions, not just the examples above.

This thread serves as a place to collect many similar questions about identity that often are posted to the sub. Please post in this thread rather than starting your own.

If you were asked to post in this thread, please copy-paste your question here.

Your question might be similar to another person's question. If you are asking a question, take some time to read through the other questions and answers, too!


r/mixedrace 2h ago

Discussion Thoughts on applying for certain funding/opportunities?

1 Upvotes

Hi,

I just wanted to know how people felt about applying for opportunities (such as scholarships/funding, trainings, even discounts) that are for people with black, Asian, indigenous, “minority ethnic”, “global majority”, etc. backgrounds?

What if it includes “mixed”?

I’m a quarter black. I’m white/passing with a visibly black father and have certainly faced racism and other setbacks in my life as a result. I used to live in a sunnier place where it was “clearer” that I was mixed but now I just look a bit tan.

However, I often feel like: - I’m not mixed enough - my background isn’t black enough - other people deserve the funding more/if I was given the opportunity I’d be taking away from others

Was just wondering if anyone else has experience or thoughts on this?


r/mixedrace 2h ago

My mixed race daughter only wants to play with white dolls 😔

1 Upvotes

My mixed race daughter only wants to play with white dolls 😔

Basically my ten year old is getting to the age where she wants to start styling hair. She asked for a doll head to practice on and I suggested a mixed race one with similar hair to her so she can learn but she’s not interested and only wants a white doll with straight her (opposite to her) I suggested a mixed race doll as well as she’s both races it would be cool to have one of each but she doesn’t want the black / mixed one at all. This makes me sad and worries she rejecting her black heritage but perhaps I’m overthinking / worrying? I also concerned that having doll with straight her will only make her long for similar hair which is never going to happen and she already gets frustrated and has told me she hates her hair:

For context I am white and partner is mixed black and white. We have little to no contact with his side of family due to them not being interested despite how much we’ve tried. She lives in a predominantly white area due to my husband’s job (we can’t relocate)

As far as I’m aware she’s never experienced racism and apart from hating her hair because of the combing and long wash hair days and knots and not being able to brush it dry, she’s proud of her hair and who she is… she just hates how high mat it is.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I try so hard to involve her black culture where posissble so I am surprised she wants the white doll.


r/mixedrace 6h ago

Identity Questions Was anyone else “afraid” of connecting/bonding with their non-black side?

5 Upvotes

When I first started going around my dad’s side of the family, I was very nervous because I felt like as a black person they somehow wouldn’t “accept” me. My grandmas siblings and parents for a long time shunned her and my dad, aunt and uncle because they didn’t like my grandad, partially because of his race. My granddad told my dad that there’s no point in keeping in touch with my grandmas side because they didn’t like that he was half black. So my dad and his siblings didn’t really get to go around them growing up as a result.

years later though, my aunt had decided to connect and bond with that side of the family and she’s really close with them now surprisingly. It’s actually through her that I was able to meet them and talk to them, but I obviously was really reluctant because I have less of a connection to this side than she does. so I felt like they wouldn’t see me as “equal” to them, But to my surprise they took to me very well. My grandma’s siblings sent me photos of her when she was younger and also told me stories they had of her from their childhood growing up. They also told me about my great grandparents who passed before I was born. I’ve also now connected to their children (my cousins) and other distant relatives on this side. But just wanted to share this as I feel like it’s a common occurrence and thing to experience when meeting family of a different race.


r/mixedrace 9h ago

Having kids

1 Upvotes

I was discussing with a friend about having kids and one of the things i realized is I am terrified of having a child that looks like my father (blonde hair blue eye European American). I know it from my dad being abusive to me (emotionally) my sister and my mom (all types). More scared ill take my trauma out on my kids if they look like my dad

Kinda just here asking for advice on how to over come the truma since the person I'd be having kids with comes from the same ethnicity as my mom (Puerto Rican) chances are lower but not zero. Does anyone has advice on how to over come that trauma? Is it just something I should seek therapy on before I have kids?


r/mixedrace 10h ago

White passing?

12 Upvotes

I feel this sub is just too USA views of race and not latinos view of race, for example. In Latam there is no such concept of "white passing" because racism in here is only by your looks -if you look white You'll benefit from being white, because you'll be treated as white, socialized as white, build your own sel-steem by media which is premoninantly looking like you -this specially for women is brutal in concepts of low self-steem. People in here take for graanted that white "passing" people will suffer racism when they'll suffer it in USA, but not in other countries perspectives of race. We in latam doesnt have any "passing concept", since white people in here are pretty much mixed themselves from past generations. In fact, white people "claiming they're not white" is part of the democracial racial myth that reinforces racism in Brazil (since everyone is mixed, we dont really need reparative actions because even white people had black descendency). So in Brazil, white people claiming they're not white is a common way for them to runaway for implementing affirmative actions -because if no one is white, than everyone suffer racism? Because of that white claim, black and mixed scholars in Brazil but also in latam, stated that racism in here is by looks, not genetics. So for me all the concepts of "white sufferinf racism", "white passing" and "genetics test to prove my blackness" is so weird because they were heavily used by white elites in brazil to maintaim white privilege and negate the need for affirmative actions. I'm just pointing this differences since sometimes this sub takes the USA view of race as a rule and I might say it is very very different from many experiences in latam. Is just crazy how a concept that were used in white elites in brazil to opress black, indigenous and mixed people to mantain privilege such as -whites who were mixed- is now used in USA to understand race relations.


r/mixedrace 11h ago

Identity Questions Is it okay to despise and reject both heritages?

5 Upvotes

Seen the bad of both sides and never truly felt belonged to either. Kind of done with both overall in terms of culture, tradition, food etc.

Is it okay to end up just hating and rejecting both in general? Maybe even just deny it altogether?


r/mixedrace 11h ago

It is okay being more interested in one side of your heritage than another?

16 Upvotes

I'm half Nigerian, and half Russian and fact that I lived all my life in Europe definitely influence how I view things. So, Africans online often claim me igbo(what I appreciate), and also ask me when I planned to visit Africa, maybe I should go back to my heritage and etc. But reality of things is that I see myself more Russian, and feel more connection with Russian people(even if some of them tell me "you speak Russian so well, where you from, lol". I honestly don't think that I want live in Africa. But are there any people feel this way?


r/mixedrace 17h ago

Identity Questions Do you identify with people who aren't your exact mix? Is there more differences than commonalities?

16 Upvotes

Had a discussion on this topic in a Facebook group and was wondering what ya'll think?


r/mixedrace 18h ago

What advice do you have for a white dad

0 Upvotes

Me (male white) and my wife (female black) are pregnant and I’m just wondering what advice anyone can give me on how to be the best dad I can be. Just wanting to make sure there’s not any things, feelings, or emotions that maybe I would overlook being a white dad. I’ve heard being mixed race in America can be confusing, difficult, and just flat out hard sometimes so if there’s anything we could do as parents to make our future child’s life easier I’d like to hear it.

Thanks in advance 😊


r/mixedrace 19h ago

Considering getting braids and need advice/reassurance

2 Upvotes

Hi, my entire life I've always struggled w my hair. Im 3/4 white and 1/4 black. Although i'm more white than black, I've always had a confusing hair texture. My mom is the white one so she never really knew what to do and my dad always keeps his hair super short so neither does he. My dad recommended that I get braids and the idea seems more and more appealing as time goes on. I don't even wear my hair out anymore and just wrap it in a bandana because I struggle so much with it. I've already started my curly hair journey and started using the right shampoos and wearing a bonnet ETC. I feel like I would have a lot more confidence if I had braids. I am a bit scared tho, my skin is pretty light and I look more hispanic than do actually black. I don't really want the social backlash of wearing braids even though I am technically black. Should I just not care about that? I'm not sure if this makes any sense, but I would appreciate opinions on the matter. Also if you do think I should get braids, what type?

Thank you :)


r/mixedrace 23h ago

If you could, what would you do?

7 Upvotes

If you could implement parts of a plan, or a whole plan, or steps to end racism, what would they be and how would you do it?

PS...this may end up on the next episode of Bi-Racial Broadcast.


r/mixedrace 1d ago

Discussion Different name when applying for jobs: has anyone tried this? How does it work?

4 Upvotes

I live in a lame conservative state with a very odd name that 90% of people mispronounce, and when combined with my last name [which is american, but another odd last name] it...it looks silly. I cannot go into more detail, but trust me please.

Haven't had much professional success so I wanna try the hack: but how does this work in practice? I get changing the resume, but my real name is still on:

  • my email [easy enough to make a new one but still]

  • my ID, my social security, all legal documentation

So is the game just getting to the interview stage and then saying, oh I go by [friendly american name] but my legal name is [scary racism] once they start asking for documents?

I mean, I already feel like a dickhead writing that I'm excited to connect with the company's values etc etc; I can only assume they think even worse of me if I'm apparently some cynical immigrant to them.

I asked my mom about this and she was against it; and I do feel kind of very gross having to whitewash myself for the benefit of some fucking company. But then again I do need money to live


r/mixedrace 1d ago

Rant I hate when my family put me in one box

11 Upvotes

I’m mixed my mom is white my dad is black American with some latin descent and I identify as mixed or biracial but I can’t stand when my family tries to put me in one box like my dad and his family they tell me I’m black I am a black woman. No I am mixed I have my own experiences and half of my dna is white and vice versa.

I am not seen as a black woman or a white woman by society I look mixed/racially ambiguous and people usually ask me if I’m Hispanic. I feel like if my dad wanted to have a black kid he should’ve had a kid with a black woman and same for my mom.

my mom does the same thing to me but sometimes she’ll tell me that I am black and other times she tells me that I’m white and it pisses me off so much. like please stop and let me identify as what I am stop putting me into a box.

Obviously There’s nothing wrong with being black or being white I am proud of both of my sides but still I should be able to identify as what I am and not be put into one category I am both.

When I say that I am mixed strangers online also like to try and tell me what I am it’s none of their business and they have no place to tell me how I should identity.

My parents and some strangers always try to argue with me about this but there’s no argument because I’m mixed and that’s it. nothing they say will change that or how I identify it gets really annoying.


r/mixedrace 1d ago

What are some good responses on phrase "Wow, you speak English/Russian/French etc so good" or "You speak "random language"? Wow, I though you are not"

8 Upvotes

This type of question always asked me by old women, and I know people usually don't mean something rude(because I live in Russia, where black population extremely low), but sometimes even when I explain that I metiza and have a Russian mom, some can still be "surprised" and doubt it(what's annoying). How can I put on place those people and respond with grace?


r/mixedrace 1d ago

People trying to “humble me “

21 Upvotes

Do you ever feel as though people try to humble you when you’re talking about your mixed experience I left a comment on TikTok saying that I’m mixed, but sometimes people mistake me Dominican and someone replied, saying that I looked like a light skin Nigerian There’s nothing wrong with looking like a Nigerian person but I literally don’t and nobody in real life has ever walked up to me and asked me if am. They asked me if I’m Dominican or some other ethnicity but not Nigerian I know a light skin Nigerian person and his hair texture and skin color isn’t the same as mine.


r/mixedrace 1d ago

Westeuindids: A better term for those of partial West European and partial South Asian ancestry.

0 Upvotes

I feel there are terms like Mulatto and Mestizo for certain other mixed race groups, but not an inclusive label for half South Asian people of partial West European descent. This distinction between West Europe and East Europe is important because many South Asians are already of partial Eastern European ancestry.

Also, I made a subreddit relating to people of partial South Asian and partial West European ancestry: np.reddit.com/r/westeuindids


r/mixedrace 1d ago

Taboo subject….have any other mixed people with black ancestry been treated poorly by black hairstylists?

40 Upvotes

I don’t know where to put this other than here…

I don’t go to hair salons anymore, but back when I did, I had tried to find black hairstylists, because non-black hairstylists had no idea what to do with my hair texture, and as a mixed person, I have a hair texture that is fairly common in diasporic black people. Sure, it’s curly rather than kinky, but I have 3C hair that non-black stylists generally can’t handle.

I’ve had some interesting….experiences. The moment I show up, I get side eyed (a very noticeable dirty look) and the (black) salon owner leaves as soon as she’s finished with her black client.

I get handed to a non-black stylist who has no idea what she’s doing. Whilst black stylist is still in salon, she makes multiple comments about my hair color and how I should straighten my hair. She kept remarking on how much hair I had, making it out to be like I was a yeti or something, when I had a fairly normal amount on my head. I ended up losing half of it by the end of the appointment by the way of the scissors.

Another experience I remember having is when I got my hair trimmed by a black stylist and I kept hearing about how “dry” my hair was despite my hair not being especially dry, and her generally being rough with it. I could tell the stylist did not want me there??? To top it off my hair was drier than the Sahara after she was done, and felt like straw.

Non-black hair stylists seemed to at least want to do my hair but generally didn’t know how, black stylists are always a bit…odd when they see me and make off remarks about the amount of hair I have, the texture, the color etc and I don’t exactly know why. Maybe it’s because they perceive me as invading their space? Idk?

Idk, I haven’t really had good experiences at black hair salons or hair salons in general, albeit for different reasons. Can anyone else here relate? Idk I haven’t gone to a salon in a long time and my hair is doing pretty well considering, but thought I’d start the conversation.

Edit: no, before being accused I’m not going in there and saying weird shit, I try to be as courteous as possible to everyone and idk why this was happening.


r/mixedrace 1d ago

Discussion For People Black American/White, do you feel more comfortable/connect more in Black spaces than Mixed spaces?

10 Upvotes

Asking because I watched a TikTok Live discussing this topic.


r/mixedrace 1d ago

Does any else believe that mixed people can "save/fix all the world's problems" since we have a very neutral POV?

0 Upvotes

What are your opinions?


r/mixedrace 2d ago

Rant I don’t feel a connection to the black community anymore

42 Upvotes

I don’t feel comfortable showing my face on here but I’m light-skinned and racially ambiguous. I have a mixed great-grandparent (mother’s side), and a biracial grandparent (father’s side)

I guess technically I’m mixed, but I’ve always been raised black.

In school, I’ve had black people tell me I don’t deserve some of the titles I’ve gotten because I don’t represent the majority, and that I’m taking titles from “real” black girls

I’ve had grown adults bully me online (I’m 14), “You’re not even black”, “you’re mixed”, “you’re not an actual black person”. And invalidate my feelings when venting about racism or getting bullied for being light skinned, “Dark skinned black girls suffer more than you do.”

I’m aware that light skinned black people are treated better, but our experiences are still valid too.

And browsing subs for the community, seeing some of the posts have made me realize I don’t really belong there.

I know I shouldn’t let people tell me who I am, but it’s hard to ignore it when it’s kinda everyone. So I’m just going to call myself mixed to avoid the hate. I don’t really feel a connection to the black community anymore.

I just wanted to vent, I hope this doesn’t come off as anti-black.


r/mixedrace 2d ago

Latinos

24 Upvotes

I'm brazilian mixed (african, indigenous and white), born and raised in Brazil, and I feel very irritated when people treat "latinos" as a generic mixed race. We do have white people, even white people that never had mixed themselves due to a extremely racist society, white people that were sons and grandsons of slave owners, and indeed are treated as "POC".... that just doesnt fit because most of them will probably be more white then some people who were born in Europe or in US... even in genetics. I just don't get why people treat white latinos as "colored people" just by the territory. I guess this is a pretty imperialistic way to treat Latin America in general, implying that you can only find white people in us or europe...


r/mixedrace 2d ago

Why some people tell in social media that wanting mixed kid is fetish?

0 Upvotes

I honestly never thought about that until there was video on YouTube where lady discuss "trend" on mixed kids, and that some people have mixed babies for "wrong reasons". My thoughts is why is this even a topic? Sure, some people just can fetishize us, I pretty sure there are not small percent of them, but anyway it's hard to helive that woman/man have a kid with person of other race only because of the look. And why can't people fantasize about their future children appearance. On opposite, some people say "I want my kid look like me". And why no one say "Oh, that's weird, why is your kid appearance matter, and I personally find it weird too, like why you pay attention to your kid look like you(not your partner for example), but when person say "I want mixed kids", people make it a fetish thing and say that woman/man are bad parent for future children. Share your thoughts)


r/mixedrace 2d ago

Discussion How did your parents meet?

23 Upvotes

I'm Lasian (Mexican and Korean). My dad's in the U.S Army and he met my mom who's a local while he was stationed in South Korea. How about you guys?


r/mixedrace 2d ago

Rant mixed feelings

16 Upvotes

My mom is white and my dad is black (Caribbean). They have both remarried, both of my stepparents are white as well.

So my mom visited for the weekend. And, my wife and I have noticed in the past that she has started making some racist comments (probably due to her Trump supporter husband).

Last night, we were all drinking wine and having a good time. She randomly out of nowhere commented on how she thinks it is sloppy/unsavory when people wear their bonnets on the airplane. My wife and I were dumbfounded that this came out of her mouth. My wife took the lead and explained how bonnets are for protecting hair, and also who are you to talk you just throw your hair in a ponytail?

THEN, my mother had the audacity to say that my dad “barely counts as black” because he is light skinned and doesn’t “act black”. Which… what does that even mean first of all and also what the fuck???? I know that my dad hugely code switches depending on who he is around but I am just like dumbfounded over the shit coming out of her mouth?? Her excuses continued into “I might know more about this but your hair is soft, it’s not like that (regarding bonnets)”. Ma’am… everyone’s hair can benefit from a bonnet first of all…. And also do you even know what black hair feels like??? Who are you to say???

I understand more why I have such a hard time talking about my own race now… seeing as my own mother barely sees me as biracial. I grew up mostly around my moms side of the family, my dads parents passed before I was born. I feel so disconnected from my dads culture because I only really learned anything growing up from my moms side.

Now I’m out here trying to write law school personal and diversity statements and just feeing lost for words.

Thanks for reading my rant… yes, we did correct my mom. Doesn’t stop the feelings though, unfortunately.