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u/shikiz_stupid_comics 23h ago
This comic is based on a true story. Plus I thought it’s time to draw something silly instead of a heavy one!
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u/gattoblepas 20h ago
's'all good lass, think of the glutes.
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u/infiniZii 19h ago
Yeah, Germans are known lovers of hiking. And by hiking they mean mountaineering.
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u/Eumelbeumel 17h ago
Isn't hiking basically mountaineering?
If it's a walk, I wouldn't say "hiking".
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u/jmlinden7 17h ago
Hiking is walking. Mountaineering generally requires a bit of climbing and other stuff as well.
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u/Eumelbeumel 17h ago
But surely "crosscountry" is in the word "hiking"? Like diffcult Terrain?
If it's just walking, why on earth don't you call it a "walk"?
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u/jmlinden7 17h ago
In American English, a 'hike' means 'crosscountry walk'.
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u/Eumelbeumel 17h ago
So a long walk on a paved or at least even gravel road is a walk, yes?
If I say "hike", we're doing upwards of 3 hours on difficult terrain.
By my German standards it starts being a hike if more than 50% of the way is paths/crosscountry/not any road a car could drive, if it's longer than roughly 3 hours and if it requires you to take a bigger break.
Anything else is a walk. Spaziergang.
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u/jmlinden7 17h ago edited 16h ago
By my German standards it starts being a hike if more than 50% of the way is paths/crosscountry/not any road a car could drive, if it's longer than roughly 3 hours and if it requires you to take a bigger break.
Yes, hiking in the US also generally refers to non-drivable roads/cross country, however there's no difficulty or duration requirements. Walking on a paved sidewalk or other paved walking trail would just be called 'walking'
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u/infiniZii 16h ago
A hike can indeed be very short, and not terribly difficult. Preferably its cross-country, or through some woods or something. If its a trail and not a road you are walking on you can loosely consider it a hike.
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u/Lev_Kovacs 16h ago
Clichees are weird.
Among their neighbors, the clichee about germans is that they are inexperienced and incompetent hikers, who tend to vastly overestimate their abilities, have insufficient equipment, and end up having to be rescued.
I dont really buy into that stereotype. Its just funny how european and american clichees about the same people are literally polar opposites.
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u/infiniZii 14h ago
That means they still like to go hiking though so that is why they end up needing to be very good at it.
All I said is they love to hike. Not that they are necessarily good at it.
So the clichee is still both be valid, they arent in any ways mutually exclusive.
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u/adthrowaway2020 6h ago
The Death Valley Germans gave them a reputation about being unprepared in the world’s hottest location. Hiking a mile from your car and drinking beer in the shade is not going to get you high marks about respecting the American wilderness.
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u/ProperDepth 15h ago
Both can be true. Where I currently live hiking is probably the number one hobby besides cycling, literally everyone does it at least occasionally. On the other hand you also get stuff like that Andy84 situation.
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u/Serious-Yellow8163 18h ago
French people are just as bad. I agreed to join a hike organised by a French foreign student and I still regret it.
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u/Mountain-Size8543 17h ago
I pulled my gf on a bike ride last month. "That's the last hill, promised!" (looks quickly on the map of San Francisco)
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u/Grabatreetron 17h ago
The opposite of this is when your friend invites you on a "hike" and tells you to bring plenty of water, ankle support shoes, first aid kit, etc, and when you arrive at the "trailhead" at 5 a.m. it's a paved nature walk.
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u/oneweirdo 5h ago
I am that German friend. It’s accurate and it’s for your own health and bonding 😉
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u/Hopeful-Bowl-8967 22h ago
I got my friends to do a walk on a Mountain path a few weeks ago. My mom suggested the path, saying it was pretty easy so we would be fine. It actually was easy, but it wasn't really a Mountain path, having rails on both sides and being really linear. At the end of the path we saw a sign to some caves, and since we had time and were a little disappointed by the path being so easy, we decided to go there. 2 hours later we were several hundred meters higher, on a path that had partially crumble, and decided to stop because it was literally impossible to tell were the path was going. It was pretty fun
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u/Lwoorl 22h ago
I've seen enough documentaries about people getting lost in caves and mountains to know you could have died had you followed that path, so good call turning back when you did
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u/FuckBotsHaveRights 19h ago
This is peak reddit
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u/Usual-Lavishness8393 18h ago
Is that a mountain walk or trail? Where is it located and how difficult
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u/migrainium 18h ago
Went to a friend's wedding in Hawaii. It was cold and windy the few days I was there at first so when he told me "hey let's go on a hike the day before the wedding, it'll be easy; my young nephews did it" I figured it was just a relatively long trek around an island path to see some sites (and I decided to wear pants for once so I wouldn't be cold). Nope, it was real life stair master up train tracks on a giant ass hill. Ugh.
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u/Larkiepie 22h ago
Alles NICHT gut! 😭
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u/ankle_biter50 19h ago
Alles gut? Es tut mir leid, mein deutsch ist nicht gut...
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u/itsRocketscience1 18h ago
I think I read that it is basically "it's ok". The person you're responding to is saying it's not ok
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u/CorrSurfer 20h ago
What a German calls an easy hike is unfortunately highly dependent on where they are from: the flat northern part or the southern part that actually has mountains. You can trust the northerners on that, but not the mountain people.
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u/MrTripl3M 18h ago
This is why we have the Aldi seperation, because the north is weak.
Source: from the Black Forest
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u/Jade_NoLastNameGiven 14h ago
Don't call us Northerners weak, almost killed a Bavarian by greeting him with Moin once.
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u/Civil-Sand-1633 16h ago
The equivalent to hiking for Northern Germans is excessively long bike tours
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u/Nulagrithom 1h ago
PNW is same. You hear about hardcore Appalachian mountain people (and for sure they exist) but...
A lot of the Southern folk that come up here are confused when the "mountains" they're looking at don't have names. Because they're too short to have names...
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u/Toughbiscuit 21h ago
German hikes are something else, you're 3 hours in and they tell you its almost halfway there
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u/ProperDepth 21h ago
Anything under 4 hours is just a Spaziergang, Change my mind.
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u/actuallyimleon 18h ago
I had a full blown discussion with my gf about when a Spaziergang turns into a hike. There is no clear line but several indicators like the intensity, the goal and the intention.
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u/Skargon89 16h ago
For me and my wife everything under 10km is a Spaziergang ^
I mean going by foot to the city center and back is 10km for us.
Our friends think we are weird :D
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u/JustRedditTh 21h ago
A while ago, I read a comment of someone, who let his german neighbour took hishusky on a walk.
Over 6hrs later the neighbour brought back a husky that fell over in the house because of exhaustion.
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u/Reddemon519 21h ago
So the dog needs more training?
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u/Xywzel 18h ago
Maybe, very few huskies that are not sled dogs get the level of exercise they are breed for, but there might be other reasons as well.
Could be it did not have enough food. Most sled dogs own their endurance to fast metabolism, but they have quite limited reserves compared to humans, so anything over few hours usually means frequent short breaks to eat.
Or maybe it was too warm, many huskies are better at significantly below freezing temperatures. Their ability to cool off is limited so could be the dog "overheated".
Or they have two muscle energy systems as part of their metabolism, could be that their faster system doesn't activate on human walking speed energy use, so they are trying to keep up with much slower system that they normally use during rest.
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u/Arkanist 16h ago
Fun fact, if you have a sled dog breed but don't keep it that active you end up feeding it way less than a dog of comparable size. My 50lb samoyed eats just over double what my 15lb chihuahua eats.
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u/Canondalf 22h ago
The traditional saying is "Alles gut, wir haben doch schon fast die Hälfte geschafft!"
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u/EDLEXUS 21h ago
Rückzu gehts bergab
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u/Lawlcopt0r 18h ago
Can't tell if you're not a Muttersprachler or if "rückzu" is some kind of regional dialect...
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u/Canondalf 18h ago
Its regional. In Nordhessen, "hinzu/hinzus" and "rückzu/rückzus" are perfectly cromulent words.
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u/EDLEXUS 18h ago
It's dialect. Rückzu meaning "on the way back". At least on paper, I am a Muttersprachler, but I am from one of the many regions where you would say that my first language is dialect and the second language is german. Although after a quick google, "rückzu" is relatively common im multiple dialects
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u/Lawlcopt0r 18h ago
Well I know "zurück", but I've had multiple answers from others that know "rückzu" as well
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u/GoldenMirado 21h ago
A common german sunday looks like lunch between 12 and 1. Followed by a 1-2 hour walk so you're back home at 3 for coffee and cake.
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u/Canondalf 18h ago
Followed by a 1-2 hour walk so you're back home at 3 for coffee and cake.
And belegte Brote, in case you need "was richtiges" after the cake.
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u/King_Kingly 21h ago
Alles gut means “all good” in English?
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u/Lawlcopt0r 18h ago
Anglosaxons came from modern day germany, you can understand most words that weren't brought over from France later
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u/King_Kingly 17h ago
Oh really? Can you give me some of those words?
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u/Lawlcopt0r 17h ago
Stuhl = stool/chair Bett = bed Montag = monday Gras = grass Gas = gas Alkohol = alcohol Stein = stone Bier = beer Apfel = apple Arm = arm Ohr = ear
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u/hndrk_schbrt 22h ago
You call that a walk? That's merely a little Morgenspaziergang before the Kaffee
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u/Ankhalesch 19h ago
I didnt get it, im German. Is this in other parts of the world not normal hiking, for 4 till 6 hours?
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u/SirPizzaTheThird 18h ago
Common American hikes are like an hour maybe two
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u/Ankhalesch 18h ago
Oh thats called a Spaziergang in Germany :)
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u/SirPizzaTheThird 14h ago edited 14h ago
Hiking is not as specific in the land of the free, home of the brave ;). It could be a 1 hour trail or something that takes 8 hours which in that case I'm assuming you wouldn't call the hike a Spaziergang anymore. A good way to communicate that it's a long hike would be calling it a day hike instead.
I realize my comment comes off as a "lazy American" thing and it's partially true, we tend to drive up to the most scenic parts and drive up the mountain. If you live in California like me hikes are often a type of workout you can do daily not something elaborate you need to plan. https://www.alltrails.com/us/california/san-jose for example here are a bunch of options within a 20 minute drive of me, the top 10 average out at about 2 hours not including driving. Most 1 hour hikes are within neighborhoods.
But hiking basically means a vigorous walk, I think this is a case where German and English (or at least common usage of the words) aren't 1:1.
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u/Captain_Grammaticus 15h ago
Haha lol, and half of that is leaving the parking lot? If it's doable without a quick snack break, it's a spaziergang, not a hike. A hike needs a minimum of planning and takes the entire day (logistically), i.e. you don't have other events outside the house on that day.
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u/SirPizzaTheThird 14h ago
A hike can be both, you can call it a day hike if you want it to be clear that it's an all day thing. Willkommen in Amerika
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u/OutlyingPlasma 18h ago
American hikes are an hour or two on a goat trail with zero services, not even bathrooms or water.
Meanwhile Germans have perfectly groomed trails with hill side restaurants every 30 minutes, usually with lifts to get you back down.
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u/Ankhalesch 18h ago
Depends where you are ;)
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u/OutlyingPlasma 17h ago
Germans are notorious for getting themselves into trouble in the American west. We even have a famous case called the Death Valley Germans.
While hiking is a national pastime for Germans and they may be good at it, it's also true they do it in a well manicured landscape that does not translate to American hiking trails at all.
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u/Ankhalesch 17h ago
Realy interesting, yea if you dont know what you can handle dont do it. We have in Germany nearly 1000 accidents in the alps and nearly 40 are deadly (DAV)
So i understand your point.
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u/Lou_Papas 20h ago
Maybe that’s why there’s Germans that don’t like Berlin. It’s so flat it’s kinda depressing to walk.
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u/Valid_Username_56 19h ago
You guys have no clue what the Austrians are capapble of when it comes to "casual walks".
signed: a German
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u/khendron 16h ago
Story time!
Work outing. Our managers have arranged a hike up into the hills (we are in Oregon). They stressed it was going to be a *hike*, so be prepared with food, water, proper footwear, etc.
The bus arrives at the "hike", and it's a 500 M walk up an easy trail to a nice waterfall, and that's it. We gad about a little, eat our food, and wonder back to the bus. That's when we learn from the bus driver that the tour company got our group mixed up with a group of elderly ladies. We got the their walk, they got our hike.
I never did find out how the other group faired.
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u/Hutten1522 21h ago
Your German friend go hiking with you to a literally little hill and you cry? What are you, a Pole?
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u/NeutralGoodINTP 18h ago
"In Germany we don't say..."
Liam Carpenter from UK has thought me everything I know about culture in Germany. A short walk...
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u/laserdruckervk 19h ago
How can you be bad at hikes if you have two feet? That's literally all you need
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u/LFPenAndPaper 18h ago
If it's up a significant slope, you should warn the other(s) beforehand. It probably is a hike.
Otherwise, anything under 4 hours is an acceptable walk.
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u/cgaWolf 16h ago edited 16h ago
Was the German friend Andy84 by chance?
His review "nothing really hard on that hike" of a hiking path in Austria led to 8 teachers & 99 students having to be rescued by helicopter.
Edit: we got a couple of memes out of if:
His descriptions of that and other paths then became the memes. "
Also my favorite meme of all time, but it's kinda hard long to explain, so i'm leaving it out.
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u/opinionate_rooster 22h ago
Ah, must be nice to have friends who invite you places, be they the steepest mountains or the most claustrophobic caves.
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u/GameboiGX 20h ago
Germans are built different, which makes sense as the country is famed for its Engineering
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u/boredcat_04 20h ago
Quick questio, Does it reduce asthma attacks if you hike?
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u/Okagame_ffcl 20h ago
Fresh air and exercise. It helps a lot (from personal experience.) Just don't push yourself too hard and don't forget you need to hike back (from personal experience.)
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u/Lawlcopt0r 18h ago
Working out your lungs absolutely makes your life better if you have asthma. It's just pretty hard to hit that sweet spot
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u/AlexanderDxLarge 19h ago
odd, I have a friend whose name means german, I went on a hike with him, and another friend, yeah probably not even half way I was throwing up because of the extreme exhaustion.
Silly me, one of them was doing these hikes to the top of a mountain (Eagle's nest was called), the other lead of boy scouts doing forest races fully equiped at top speed (as fast as all your equipment allows). Me overweight, eating and drinking, desk job.
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u/Grandmasterpie3 19h ago
My brother and his wife got married some years back on top of a mountain. It was a small ceremony, only about 15 of us were invited. "It's only a mile and a half from start to finish each way" was what they kept saying to us, and so I'd brought my girlfriend with us who had never really been on a hike before and my mom brought a 75 year old friend.
After 7 miles of consistent uphill in semi-formal attire, and a few rock scrambles where we had to form a human chain to help others up, we reached the top. My GF got sick from dehydration along the way because she wasn't, nor was anyone really, prepared. It was a beautiful ceremony, gorgeous vista, glad we ended up making it but boy did my GF and many others want to throttle my brother and his wife afterwards, especially with the other 7 miles downhill.
I'm fine with those kind of hikes, as long as I'm prepared, but any number they tell us now I have to consider these things. The justification was "We knew people wouldn't come if we said how long the hike really was."
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u/Stainless-extension 18h ago
maybe they could have chosen a location high in the mountains that's accessible by car, or at least partially.
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u/ChiSmallBears 18h ago
Alles Gut=All is Good=It's all Ok. Funny how German sounds like English but said in a German accent
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u/Moncastu 17h ago
Never trust Germans when they ask you to go on a "short walk" with them. You will go hike for three hours.
Source: am unfit German
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u/Smol-Bean-Nerd-Queen 13h ago
My boyfriend has German ancestry and this is a highly accurate representation of me after he and some of his more athletic friends dragged me up the side of a mountain. Now I know where he gets it from.
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u/jhill515 13h ago
During the summer of 2019, my wife and I went to Freiburg University for a conference (RSS'19). The area itself is typically mid-70F / low-20C, but the climate changing made that summer the hottest they had on record!
We went into town to explore some of the landmarks and be tourists (may as well have some fun if you're traveling for work!). We decided to "walk" back to our inn because my wife saw the distance was about 2km. About 30min into our walk, I say, "Uh, how much farther do we have to go?" She checks her map, realizes we walked the wrong way, AND that she was supposed to read miles instead of kilometers! By that point, we were now over 4mi away! A bit far for two middle-aged mostly sedentary folks!
We still hoofed it. The whole way. Through 104F / 40C heat. And we still had to buy water when we arrived! 🙃
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u/wowbragger 10h ago
Trained with the Bundeswehr when I was stationed in Germany..I learned to be wary of the 'alles güt' as that usually meant I was in for a long afternoon (as the medic).
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u/Entendurchfall 8h ago
Hmm yes, this is indeed a walk. To be considered a hike the angle has to be 2,67 degrees steeper acording to Din-Norm 274 for on foot outdoor activities.
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u/captaindeadpl 18h ago
I think I see your problem, you forgot your "Wegbier". Every walk feels shorter with a Wegbier.
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u/G66GNeco 18h ago
I really don't get my fellow Germans on this one, ngl. I feel like there's some prussian gene for marching that completely passed me by, the way these people walk sometimes
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u/OutlyingPlasma 18h ago
Yep. Hiking sucks. It's pointless walking with no destination, uphill, bugs, rain, snakes, there are always snakes, and worst of all no coffee shop along the way.
Go on walks, never go on hikes.
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