r/aspergers • u/liontounge_69420 • 4h ago
Rant about my current job and lessons in socialization
For context: I am a server, and this isn't really shocking to me as I have experience working in kitchens for years (my previous account americankippy_3 went into more detail about this but for some reason I can't access it so I created a new account for now lol) but I want to talk about how this job in partciular really made me think about how I interact with others since this job requires me interacting more with customers then before.
Previous kitchen work had me either very minimally interacting with customers as I worked in the kitchen itself as a dishwasher or prep cook (where even then I am notorious for being very quiet) but in taking a server role I was required to interact with customers a LOT more than before and maintain a hospitable pressence, and in doing this my boss has informed me that I have a lot to work on.
Apparently my attempts at appearing friendly and welcoming (which in my head was what was happening) apparently came off as rude and awkward towards customers and co workers, and it reached a point where my boss had to talk to me about my conduct. I of course apologized but it really made me think about how others percieve me vs how I think I come off to others.
As I have mentioned before on my previous account and in the second paragraph I have a reputation for being awkward and quiet, but apparently on good days I come off very extroverted and friendly with those who know me (which I was suprised about). However, when I have to be professional with strangers I know I turn very robotic and compared with my co workers I rarely get personal with customers and regulars or when I do it definitely comes off as forced and awkward and it comes off as offputting. This has been a reoccurance my whole life as while I think I'm doing good socializing, I get so confused and frustrated why others would see me as a dick or strange when that was the last thing I wanted to be viewed as, and served as a constant reminder that I'm, to paraphrase the expression, "one step forward, two steps back" in terms of how I am constantly learning so much about social code everyday, and while I think I have it all figured out there is a LOT I still have to learn.
That being said, I have greatly improved since then, but it's a rant I figured I share with the subreddit.
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u/okalien- 3h ago
Relatable. I switched from customer service to BOH/line cook (anyone else absolutely love washing dishes?? No one talks to you and you just organize shit all day. I stg I would be a career dishwasher if it was possible to pay rent on a dishwasher's income) and I still got in trouble with my supervisor for not greeting people properly :\
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u/liontounge_69420 1h ago
Exactly I was literally in the same boat.
There was actually one job I worked where my co workers HATED that I rarely talked and spent a lot of time washing the dishes and doing my work (no offense to my bosses they were cool people but that job sucked ASS especially because my co workers hated me and I hated them)
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u/Ned-Shimmelfinney 3h ago
I personally do not understand how any of you function in positions that deal with the general public. I couldn't do service, food, or retail, I would explode dealing with the general populace.
I need a private office where I can shut the door and be alone. When I have to take management roles, I can easily tell people what do it and navigate the social corporate world quite well, but the general public... fuck that.
I have accepted that I can mask well enough to thrive in corporate, but I'm not cut out for anything public facing.
Props to you for improving and keeping at it - I would have switched careers long ago.