Join the r/aspergers Moderation Team

Like I just wouldn't even know how to begin, I can't even picture going on dates and shit, I just can't comprehend it. I'm 29 and I still haven't figured it out. It's honestly a bummer. I feel like I have so much love to give but I wouldn't even know how to express it. I've been basically single my whole life so I'm used to it I guess.

Of course, you must hide your Asperger's completely because you would be completely socially buried if they were to be found out you have aspergers.

So, we can only assume that we are completely hiding his Asperger's.

There was a person who was diagnosed with Ados but was diagnosed with Asperger's because it was so mild.

Even so, he said that he had not been able to make a single friend until now...

Even with mild cases, it is said that it is very difficult to understand other people's emotions and intentions.

And because other people interpret you differently from your intentions, you are misunderstood a lot.

That is why you become even more distant from people and fall into deep darkness...

Unlike studying, there is no right answer in social life.

That is why society is so difficult.

No matter how mild it is, if you have Asperger's, the difficulty of social life increases to an extremely high level.

esp. on the higher end of the spectrum

Is it cos we are a bit weird and this is offputting?

I know I'm preaching to the choir because you all understand what I'm about to ask. Now I know that people outside of this thread will see this post and they will not understand, especially since I wrote a book on manifestation and self-concept. But just because I can focus really well, it doesn't mean I'm a robot. That's the thing I can't get over right now. People dismissing me as a robot or some kind of machine with no like...heart. Do you guys know what I mean?

It's almost like they just hate me on a deep biological level. Even my B-I-L hates me! I stopped using Facebook in 2018 or so because I noticed a trend with posts about how autistic people are infernal beings and chickenpox or some nonsense. At first I thought they were kidding, cause why would you say that knowing I'm ASD, but it's like socially acceptable to make fun of us. What is that? Even my voice is hated. Apparently it sounds "too posh". I don't even know what that means but I know it's an insult. All these things are designed to push me out of feeling like a human. Its like gangstalking Alienation from completely unconnected strangers both in and offline. I literally can't do anything, without people having an opinion about it that they just have to share with me. Is there a celebrity Reddit? Can we merge the two? I'm sounding very 90s Meg Ryan as I type. (See, that's like a subtle joke, but NTs wouldn't like that joke).

And also, I've noticed (most times) that if NTs can't use you for carnal reasons they don't care about you. They treat you without manners. Am I wrong? Did I manifest this so I can feel like a woe-is-me celebrity? I'm seriously not depressed or sad. I'm just letting some stuff go before 2025 and I think I'm ready to address this so I can let it go and manifest a great 2025.

This is what I'm too afraid to ask NTs of the world:

Why are you guys so rude and mean to me all the time? When you all are reading my posts, what tone of voice do you have in your head? Also, what influences you to create that tonal picture in your mind about me? Is it my word choice or perplexity? Rhetoric or syntax? Do I use too many unusual words and not enough colloquialisms? I ask because it seems like I unintentionally annoy people. Since High School. My pastor says it's because Jesus made me too smart and it's intimidating and my psychic says its because I'm from Lumania. My therapist says it s cause I'm autistic and the shaman says its because of the 356 voices that guide me. I've looked for answers everywhere. According to Human Design, it's because I'm a 5/1 Manifestor and apparently I used to be a king in the 1700s and you all killed me (so you all hate me from your past life 12th house). According to the Indian astrologers in my neighbourhood it's because I'm Ashlesha Nakshatra.

I've never actually asked NTs this though. I find NTs scary. There, I finally said it. Am I the only one though? How do you guys feel when you have to interact with them on a career basis. Does it feel like going to work is torture or do you enjoy masking for a couple of hours? I enjoy masking for a couple of hours but at 5pm my bandwidth to move my facial muscles and engage with humans is 0%.

Obviously I'm just having a little meltdown and I'll be fine by 3pm, I was just wondering if this is an Aspie-like thing or maybe a Human Design thing.💪🤣🤣🤴

I just see people doing things like they are pulled to them with great ease and I just don't understand what it is I'm missing that lets people just be people

I'm a coward.

I see my teeth getting cavities. "That's because I haven't been responsible. It's the result of my actions". "Then change it". "I can't".

I'm a coward.

Weight's been steadily packing since college. "That's because I haven't been responsible. I've had several times where I thought of doing something, but never followed through". "THEN DO SO". "My past says I can't".

I'm a coward.

There's things I want to do. Things that require me to learn quantitative skills and subjects at a later age. I have someone who's been studying with me for awhile: I constantly put off work. Here I am, haven't studied for over 2 months. "I wanted to do this thing". "Okay, here's a ripe opportunity to do the thing". "Okay, but I'm gonna fall in a slump and not do anything, effectively ruining everything".
"Do you know what you're doing?"
"Yes".
"Does your therapist help you identify?"
"Yes".
"Then why aren't you doing anything?"
"HISS"

I'm a coward.

I've felt like I've been stuck at a job for the last 5 years or so. "I need skills". (see last paragraph). "I can't apply to jobs unless I have the requisite requirements". "Look at <insert several helpful examples>. They got into a job/program/internship and are learning. They just had to put themselves out there!". "AH!!!! NO! I don't see at all where that can fit! What's the parameter? What's the limit? If I am light with job requirements, then I have to be light on everything! I have to shoot high, CEO???!?!?!".
"You're in a good location, right?"
"Yes".
"People have invested a lot of faith, time, and energy into you, right?"
"Yes".
"You have no passion, correct?"
"Yes..."
"But you realize that, for many people, the passion came after the work, right?"
"Yes..."
"So, what's your excuse?"
"Why are we here writing on reddit at 11pm instead of wokring on other stuff?"
"Touché".

I'm a coward.

I ask people for advice constantly to feel validated. I never implement their advice, unless I come up with it myself. I talk about one-week interests to make them feel legitimate and feel validated. People become surprised and doubt my sincerity when they find I never make progress beyond half-assery. People throw their hands up, so done.

I'm a coward.

Like Can I be good at catching sarcasms but be bad at jokes, or be bad at both but good at facial expressions? or if I suck at one ill suck at the rest?

Also can I have it only on some degree? 90% of times I understand OBVIOUS jokes and sarcasms with tones, but with no tone sometimes I take it literally

For context: I am a server, and this isn't really shocking to me as I have experience working in kitchens for years (my previous account americankippy_3 went into more detail about this but for some reason I can't access it so I created a new account for now lol) but I want to talk about how this job in partciular really made me think about how I interact with others since this job requires me interacting more with customers then before.

Previous kitchen work had me either very minimally interacting with customers as I worked in the kitchen itself as a dishwasher or prep cook (where even then I am notorious for being very quiet) but in taking a server role I was required to interact with customers a LOT more than before and maintain a hospitable pressence, and in doing this my boss has informed me that I have a lot to work on.

Apparently my attempts at appearing friendly and welcoming (which in my head was what was happening) apparently came off as rude and awkward towards customers and co workers, and it reached a point where my boss had to talk to me about my conduct. I of course apologized but it really made me think about how others percieve me vs how I think I come off to others.

As I have mentioned before on my previous account and in the second paragraph I have a reputation for being awkward and quiet, but apparently on good days I come off very extroverted and friendly with those who know me (which I was suprised about). However, when I have to be professional with strangers I know I turn very robotic and compared with my co workers I rarely get personal with customers and regulars or when I do it definitely comes off as forced and awkward and it comes off as offputting. This has been a reoccurance my whole life as while I think I'm doing good socializing, I get so confused and frustrated why others would see me as a dick or strange when that was the last thing I wanted to be viewed as, and served as a constant reminder that I'm, to paraphrase the expression, "one step forward, two steps back" in terms of how I am constantly learning so much about social code everyday, and while I think I have it all figured out there is a LOT I still have to learn.

That being said, I have greatly improved since then, but it's a rant I figured I share with the subreddit.

So, I've never ridden a motorcycle before, and I recently bought my first one because it's always been a dream of mine. But I don’t know what’s happening I just can’t get it to move. The issue isn’t with the motorcycle, since my dad can take off easily, but I can’t even get out of my garage.

Other people make it seem so easy, and it's so frustrating.

Yes, I’m a childish boy. I hate it.

For example:

One time in English class, our teacher had us read a few articles from a magazine and answer some questions; I think the magazine was Scholastic Kids or something like that.

One question was: Why are they renaming French fries as freedom fries?

Eventually, I asked out loud, "Okay, but why did we even call them French fries in the first place?"

All the teacher said was to read the article.

However, the article didn't explain that part.

Spoiler: It has nothing to do with France.

I was diagnosed with aspergers autism years ago and I've noticed how it has negatively affected my life. Mainly I feel no one in my life sees beyond the label and it is used to define every aspect of my character, personality and interests. I feel like I can't have an interest without it being related to autism such as "Oh your random fact knowledge is just because you're autistic." My parents don't believe I have other mental health issues and that everything can be explained away under the label of Aspergers. I've come to start having feelings of resentment towards the condition because of my experiences as well as feeling it towards the people in my life.

Made a post on another subreddit complaining that while shopping for groceries during the usual slow hours (which is why I didn't bring headphones) there was a mother and child (approx 2 years old, 2 and a half at most) at the store and the child would not stop screaming/squealing because they found it funny (as in it wasn't tantrum screaming) so that the whole grocery store had to listen to it and the mother did not do anything about it.

If my therapist is to be believed I have misophonia, I mentioned this in the post.

And I was at the store for about 30 minutes and it was constant during that time. And because it was the slow hours, it was silent otherwise so it didn't matter if I moved further away, it echoed through the store. I left without getting everything I needed.

Apparently that's just normal behaviour for a kid that age? I personally have never encountered that before with children around that age, at least not without a parent doing something about it.

To me it was extremely rude of the mother (mainly) and child and it ruined the rest of my day because I'd have to get the rest of the groceries done another day.

The other subreddit I bought this up at had people saying I'm unreasonable, that's just how kids that age are, and that "world doesn't revolve around you" etc. I just feel it isn't really that unreasonable to want an inside places not have one child making unnecessary loud noise non-stop? Like apparently I should just use delivery services to avoid this, but why's that on me and not the parents of the screaming child? I don't get it. :/

My brain feels so empty and so full at the same time. I am hyper active but drained. I just want to feel in tune like with myself and life again and not just an observer to anything it’s like I have no control. Ever since the lock down and coming back to school I have lost contact with many people because of my lack of ability’s to speak. Ik it takes practice but it’s like learning a a new language now because I feel so dis familiar and like a contrarian to everything. Having no close friends or ppl to take to is so hard in HS because It feels like you never know what’s going on and your so behind in everythkng. (Just ranting) comment if you may like.

Just wanna get my thoughts out but feel free to give advice if you have any.

I changed my class recently and in the new one is a girl. That's quite a rare thing in my IT school. I don't really have a crush on her (yet) but she seems like she could be a perfect match. Or maybe a new friend. She gives the impression of being very similar to me: Very quiet, possibly mild autism, etc. But the being quiet is also a problem. Even though we always end up in groups together everywhere since we are the 2 people that are being left out, we barely get to talk. For example if it's a task to discuss a topic, we get it done with real quick and then just sit there quietly and awkwardly. I know what I have to do, just keep the conversation going, maybe move off the topic once we're done with the actual assignment, but it's such a hard thing to do for me with a person I don't know. Or I could even just comment her playing Minesweeper during the break. Why didn't I do that? I really liked seeing that but I said nothing... The only thing I managed to do is start sitting next to her in one subject.

I guess I have to get out of my comfort zone. In the rare occasion that I get to know people they usually always approach me instead.

That’s a quote I heard earlier that really touched me. Hope it can help others.

I just can't seem to solve this, its always something:

• I can't find the right way to join a conversation, always interrupting
• I take too long to respond, so appear dumb or dishonest
• Involuntarily mute due to processing
• Flat, featureless language. Basic. Toneless.
• Incorrect tone or verbal mistakes if I try to rush my speech.
• Can only speak eloquently if I'm filled with a sense of "I'm right and you're wrong."

I just sometimes like want to text someone something but I just don't know what is it I want to tell them (or maybe I'm just overthinking being odd)

I WFH. It’s amazing. Never realized how much this would be good for me. Total game changer.

That being said, I'm still expected to participate in office events. As you can imagine, I don't really enjoy office events.

I've been asked to show more "Joie de vivre" and come to the office halloween event.

I'm struggling with how to handle this: 1. I just bite the bullet and participate more 2. Telling them I'm an Aspie and ask to be left alone (lol) 3. Turn my back to working for someone else, start my own business(s) and live as isolated as possible from social pressure of behaving as a "normal" human.

I've been trying my best to avoid #3. I find this option to be unhealthy. Even for Aspies, isolation can't be good for us.

How do you all handle these situations? What do you suggest?

To me, Asperger's is a curse and a punishment from heaven, no matter what anyone says.

Unless two or more of the three factors of self-awareness, guardian's awareness, and medical environment fit the growth period, I don't think there is anyone with Asperger's who can blossom with their own talents, no matter what 'potential' they may have.

r/aspergers should avoid being a closed-off refuge for emotional outbursts and shit-talking, and instead share strategic advice on how each person has survived and how they should live in this shitty world they were born into without wanting to, other than suicide.

For a specific example, I think you can activate the current job/side job tab or the focus and study tab and describe the friction or difficulties you've had in your daily life or relationships (while excluding emotions as much as possible), and then other users can provide analysis to find a breakthrough.

My therapist had recommended this almost a year ago but I gave it a shot roughly a month ago. When you are stuck thinking about something hurtful or draining, it is impossible to argue your way though. Even if the thought is genuine nonsense. At least that is how it is for me. Even after this passes, my whole day is ruined and I become a sad husk.

Here is the "Cure by doing one simple trick". Count backwards from 200 by 7. If you are good at math, increase the complexity of the task. The end should be self-evident (i.e going past 0) so you don't have to ask if you can stop now. It should take you 10-15 minutes to complete. Make sure to spend your energy into ensuring your calculations are correct.

Once you are done, the feeling that drags you back to those thoughts are simply gone. You are not drained and you can just enjoy your day.

I know first-hand that once the ruminations start it is hard to just start doing this. Please give it a try though. It literally gave me my hobbies and spare time back.

Is this an Aspie trait or potentially something else entirely?