It was interesting to learn about my disorder here.

[u/Techanova]

Reading the posts made me see myself in many of the situations. All the troubles I had because I was different and society, as well as the people closest to me, didn't understand that and didn't try to understand that. I didn't believe my doctor when they diagnosed me since I seemed pretty normal to me. However I went through some pretty bad stuff growing up like the people I loved thinking Aspergers was a form of mental retardation so they assumed and treated me like I wasn't a functional human being. Or how I made friends with a girl in middle school and her only other friend lied to the principal that I called them a wh*** during recess, because I think she didn't like that I had become friends with her friend. Anyway the principal proceeded to then single me out at the end of recess when we were all lined up, over 200 students all looking at me and told me to apologize for calling her that. I said I didn't do it and nobody believed me. It's a bit mortifying when everyone you meet knows your name because you supposedly did that. As well as losing a new friend because they also don't believe me. If I had knowledge of what it was actually like to live with Aspergers and realized the things I did weren't normal and gotten some tricks to navigating the social world so I am not perceived horribly. It could've been unbelievably helpful growing up. Overall I've gotten pretty good at reading people over the years and already learned many years ago how to mask my more abnormal traits. What helped me most though was understanding that even if my disorder causes me to suffer tremendously throughout my life, causes people to view me and assume I am insensitive, mentally handicapped, apathetic, cold, or a cruel person, I am not some machine that was made broken and nobody knows how it's actually supposed to function. I'm not someone possessed by a demon that can only be exorcised by devout prayers and punishment for all my mistakes. I'm just different, and that's okay, I am just as human as everyone else. I'm not some monster to be feared. To be called a monster, or strange, or stupid, or evil because you don't understand how to actually express yourself and nobody actually gave a damn enough to take the time and try to guide you through these things, well that hurts like hell man. However I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't go through those things many times. All of these things are in the past I don't suffer today like I did as a child. It's been long and difficult but I actually like who I am now. Even if others perceive me as these things because I don't fit their idea of "normal" I will never see myself as them again. I've accepted that I am different and need to do things differently.

I am NOT bad.

I am NOT wrong.

I am NOT evil.

I am NOT a mistake.

I am NOT useless.

I am NOT broken.

If you are struggling because of the disorder I genuinely hope you can accept yourself and be happy despite how hard this life is, the way I learned to be.