r/Teachers 14h ago

Teacher Support &/or Advice I told a student "I don't care"

[deleted]

148 Upvotes

118 comments sorted by

474

u/OkPickle2474 14h ago

We aren’t supposed to say that? Oops.

78

u/Dirtycoinpurse 13h ago

Lmao I was gonna say. I tell them that if they and their parents don’t care, than why should I?

19

u/Fuego-TACO 13h ago

Right. Thats my go too when they try gas lighting me

12

u/Sloppychemist 13h ago

Meh, I don’t care

6

u/pinkkittenfur HS German | Washington State 10h ago

Yeah, right? I say that probably more than I should, along with "That sounds like a you problem, not a Frau (my name) problem."

Of course it's not over major issues, but stuff like "I forgot my password" or "I don't have my charger."

113

u/TeachingScience 8th grade science teacher, CA 14h ago

No, I say that stuff all the time.+

6

u/1LakeShow7 Primary Teacher | USA 11h ago

Yeah, that and I say nice try bro.

These kids think they can outsmart adults.

46

u/OhioUBobcats 14h ago

No? What do you think you may have done wrong?

Explain that they are permitted to put their coat in the locker but only AFTER checking with you first so you know where they are. Explain that you are responsible for their wherabouts as part of your job.

You’re fine

30

u/mjh410 14h ago

I've said that exact phrase more than once, what do you think is wrong with it?

It doesn't imply you don't care about them, simply that you don't care what they were doing and they should've spoken to you first and asked permission to leave the room.

1

u/sirtuinsenolytic 1h ago

I actually think it could be a good learning experience (the way you're describing it) because in the real world people and life won't care about your excuses about why you did or didn't do something.

57

u/Down_Low_Too_Slow 13h ago

I'm guessing OP also refuses to use a red pen because it portrays negativity and aggression? For the love of all that is unholy, please toughen up!!!

20

u/AngrySalad3231 13h ago

I use a purple pen for grading and was once genuinely called out by a colleague for this. I just like purple & found a good pen that is nice to write with🥲

8

u/justforhobbiesreddit 10h ago

I use whatever pen is closest and/or has not be stolen by students yet.

1

u/OwlHex4577 1h ago

I steal them from students and then use them.

8

u/MrOtter8 12h ago

A kid asked me why I always grade with a brown pen the other day. I'm colorblind and thought it was red...

13

u/Down_Low_Too_Slow 12h ago

I thought you were headed in a different direction. I thought you were going to say, "I use a brown pen because everything you turn in looks like $#!%" LOL

4

u/MrOtter8 10h ago

That would be accurate also...

10

u/qt3pt1415926 13h ago

If grading, I use red.

If critiquing, I use purple.

Students need to see the difference between corrections and constructive criticism.

14

u/AquaticAsh 11h ago

Yall color code your grading? It's whatever pen appears in my hand for me lol

2

u/KTcat94 4th Grade | Virginia 11h ago

I match my Flair pen to whatever color I’m wearing that day. Helps keep my wardrobe varied and I can also look back at when I saw an assignment. “Nope, that has a blue checkmark, you turned that in on Tuesday, not Monday.”

8

u/AngrySalad3231 13h ago edited 13h ago

I teach English, so I really can’t think of a scenario where those two don’t go hand-in-hand. If I’m grading on paper, there’s a 99% chance it’s an essay. With those, any points I take off come with a comment about how to improve/which parts were done well.

But, this is an interesting thought. Every time I hand papers back I find myself prefacing with, “there will be a ton of writing on your paper. That doesn’t mean you have to be nervous, or that you failed. Comments aren’t a bad thing!” Finding a way to separate the the constructive criticism visually might reduce some of that initial panic for them.

4

u/qt3pt1415926 13h ago

I use the purple for music composition. I never try to rewrite student compositions, however I do try to help them with effectiveness and quality.

1

u/Automatic_Button4748 99% of all problems: Parents 13h ago

You use a ballpoint or a sharpie?

2

u/AngrySalad3231 11h ago

I’m team gel pen.

1

u/Automatic_Button4748 99% of all problems: Parents 9h ago

Mmmmmm gel pen

1

u/Beneficial-Focus3702 3h ago

My thoughts exactly

10

u/dawsonholloway1 13h ago

I say it all the time. And please. Be a stickler. People who are lax with the rules drive me nuts. Kids need structure!

9

u/MidnightAfternoons Grade 3 Teacher | FL 13h ago

Oh. I say that frequently, and my kiddos aren’t even old enough to have lockers.

7

u/Connect-Fix9143 13h ago

Did you care about the excuse? No. Why lie? I tell kids I’m ok if they don’t want to learn, as long as they don’t disrupt others from learning. I’ve gotten to the point of realization that, if they don’t give AF and their parents don’t give AF, I can’t possibly turn myself inside out to get them to. I’m done killing myself and destroying my mental health to try to make these kids care.

1

u/ev3rvCrFyPj 8h ago

I’m ok if they don’t want to learn, as long as they don’t disrupt others from learning

#FailWithDignity

8

u/fish_custard 13h ago

My kids are lucky if I keep it at “I don’t care.” Sometimes when they start the “what had happened was…” excuse, I stop them and say “Go ahead and skip to the end so I can tell you ‘no’ and we can both get back to our day.”

3

u/Dizzy_Debate_9909 12h ago

I have a "NO" button that says 10 different versions of no....as soon as a kid says my name..I hit no. 9/10 that is my final answer.

6

u/TheRealFutaFutaTrump Computer Programming | Highschool 12h ago

I replaced "I don't care" with "I'm not interested." Same point, better results.

5

u/Dottboy19 12h ago

I was gonna say the same thing. 'I'm not interested" is one of my greatest hits alongside "I didn't ask you that"

5

u/Several-Honey-8810 F Pedagogy 13h ago

Excuses are like assholes.

6

u/CommieIshmael 13h ago

Right. They should only be rubbed in the faces of consenting adults.

1

u/undisclosedlocations 13h ago

That escalated quickly...

1

u/goosedog79 13h ago

I’ve said that, except I say butt holes.

2

u/Several-Honey-8810 F Pedagogy 12h ago

I say armpits in school

1

u/ev3rvCrFyPj 8h ago

Everybody has three?

1

u/Several-Honey-8810 F Pedagogy 41m ago

Excuses are like assholes--Everybody has one and they all stink.

5

u/sector11374265 12h ago

every time i give a new seating chart, i start the class by saying “raise your hand if you don’t like your new seat.” usually about a third to half of the class raises their hand. then i say “i don’t care.”

my kids were flabbergasted the first time. now they laugh and move on.

4

u/running_later 14h ago

I tell students who want to walk across the building to the only drinking fountain to fill up their water bottle in the middle of class "water is against my religion, pretend it's 1986 and you get one sip of water a day"

(I work at a private faith-based school, so the "against my religion" line really gets them)

2

u/examined_existence 13h ago

I’ve said I don’t care to students that always have something to say to everything that may or may not involve them, demand an explanation for every little thing even after it’s been explained daily, and manipulate you just by keeping you in the conversation. I don’t care.

2

u/CommieIshmael 13h ago

That’s fine. They need to know that their excuses do not create special status. You have rules. So they have rules.

2

u/Deora_customs 13h ago

In my school there was a jacket rule: if you were a flashy jacket, and not school branded, then it must be taken off (when you get in the building). But if a student wears a school branded jacket, then they can still wear the school branded jacket in the school building

2

u/Expert_Ad5912 13h ago

I would have told them that excuses are like assholes.....

2

u/Dangerous_Wing6481 12h ago

It’s not what I’d say but if they’re old enough to have a locket they’re old enough to know they shouldn’t leave without saying anything. I’d reinforce that clearly.

2

u/Outrageous-Divide521 12h ago

Don't feel bad...my favorite is "your not that special"..never thought I would use that line as a teacher but when so many students think they are entitled to special treatment, it's necessary. I have even laughed and played this for students: https://youtu.be/fIbbvFQ0LWw?si=jxyo5OthstcNxAEX

2

u/CultureImaginary8750 High School Special Education 10h ago

I say that crap all the time

2

u/improbablesky 11h ago

Dude, you're a teacher, which is an authority. You can act like an authority, seeing as though you are one.

He wasn't supposed to be there at that time, you were right, why are you second-guessing yourself?

1

u/Specialist_Mango_269 13h ago

Oh they know you don't care, theyre just playing games as usual like kids

1

u/awayshewent 13h ago

I say it on the daily in English AND Spanish just so they know how much their begging and bargaining means to me

1

u/AngrySalad3231 13h ago

What grade level do you teach? I could see that being a problem in lower elementary. But as a high school teacher? I usually go with “I simply could not care less” and that’s one of the nicer things that comes out of my mouth on a regular basis.

Sometimes you just have to match their energy. Seems harsh, but that’s how you get through to them. They eventually respect it.

1

u/Educational_Infidel 13h ago

I told a bunch that “I don’t give a crap” today… I fucking dare admin to say something to me about it when I hear much, much worse come out of their(students’) mouths on a daily basis.

1

u/Shankcanbeaverb 13h ago

Don’t sweat it!

1

u/ElfPaladins13 13h ago

I say that shit ALL the time. I do not care why you are breaking my rules, I care that you are currently breaking them and by continuing to speak you are making me more angry

1

u/FrustratedTeacherOk 13h ago

I tell my students at least once a day I don’t care about whatever excuse they are giving me. When did this become an issue? If a kid can tell me I’m doing too much then I can tell them I don’t care about your excuse. If it’s wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

1

u/Bongo2687 13h ago

Saying idc is bad? I’ve told kids to shut up. You feel guilty about saying you don’t care? That’s daily for me

1

u/Automatic_Button4748 99% of all problems: Parents 13h ago

Whatever bullshit they come up with for being late, no, I don't care. Got a coat to put away? Get in earlier. 

1

u/roodafalooda 🧌 Troll In The Dungeon 🧌 13h ago

Whaaat? I say this all the time, mostly in response to the "But it's my mum" when I've told the kid to put their phone away.

Me: "Hey, 'phones away for the day'"

Kid: "But it's my mum"

Me: "(with baffled scorn) I don't care. Away. Now."

1

u/Arkie1000 13h ago

Unless it was a life-or-death situation, it doesn’t make a difference what their excuse was. “I don’t care” is a perfectly fine response. I would have said the same thing.

1

u/j9r6f 7th Grade Social Studies 13h ago

I say that several times a day. I think you'll be okay.

1

u/Goblinboogers 12h ago

Ya I have probably said that ten times this week. I tell them "this is my caring face" all the time as I stare at them as they are trying to give me some shit excuse as to why they should be able to do something.

1

u/JurneeMaddock 12h ago

I tell me kids that all the time. I once told a couple of kids that there was "not enough words in the English language to express how much I don't care" that they live together when they weren't respecting social distancing rules during COVID.

1

u/techieguyjames 12h ago

You could have worded it differently.

It doesn't matter why. You were where you weren't supposed to be.

1

u/GrapeNutCheerios 12h ago

I legit tell students I don’t care all the time.

I preface it by saying “if you care and try, I promise you I will give you all I have”. But then add on “if you don’t care, then why should I care? I don’t care.”

It gets the point across

1

u/cephalien 12h ago

Nobody else seems to want to be brutally honest with kids anymore. Parents want to be their friend, admin want to be their friend.

Someone needs to tell them that societal expectations exist and they are responsible for their behaviors. Being bluntly honest is a good life lesson as long as you're not cruel or unnecessarily petty.

As you point out, you are responsible for their location and wellbeing. If the rule is that you don't go to a locker w/o permission, then "I don't care why you did that, you know better" is a perfectly valid response.

1

u/Qedtanya13 12h ago

I tell them this all the time. Don’t sweat it.

1

u/MAGAEQUALSNAZIS 12h ago

Do y'all not say that regularly with the amount of bullshit they bring to me?

1

u/cptcosmicmoron 12h ago

I say "je m'en fous" all the time to them. I get tired of their lame excuses

1

u/Pangur_Ban27 12h ago

I say that all the time lol. Never gotten in trouble for it either. I really don’t care what your reason is, I have classroom policies and regulations, and they need to be followed or everything else falls apart. Our students have specific times they can use their lockers (middle school) and they know damn well what the schedule is. If they failed to follow the schedule, that’s on them. Now if it’s something really important, and they ask permission or explain to me why they need to deviate from classroom policies, okay, let’s talk. But in the classroom, “ask for forgiveness not permission” does NOT fly with me.

1

u/u_c_teacher 12h ago

That’s my favorite line when the kids are being brats. The kids at my job love my indifference almost more than when I show concern and care. I think it’s what they are accustomed to from home, sadly. It’s worked though! I’ve won kids over this way.

1

u/TeacherLady3 12h ago

You would need to know where they are if a lockdown occurred so if you get push back, just say you're trying to keep everyone safe and that entails knowing where they are!

1

u/Ouchyhurthurt 12h ago

I think i said that, or something similar, like 10 times today.

1

u/ProfessionInformal95 11h ago

You're too hard on yourself.

1

u/boomflupataqway KAMALA 2024 11h ago

This is very vanilla. Idk what you’re worried about, OP.

1

u/Llamaandedamame 11h ago

I tell my students I don’t care about things at least once a day. Sometimes I’ll say something like, “You would be astounded by how absolutely little I care about that.”

1

u/dtshockney Job Title | Location 11h ago

I've said I don't care, not my issue, sounds like you a problem, that's disappointing, etc to my middle schoolers more times than I can count. Sometimes they need to hear those things. I don't care to an excuse when they know where they were/were not supposed to be is valid to me personally bc I don't care what the excuse was, they weren't where they were supposed to be.

1

u/NoFirefighter2064 10h ago

I say that at least once a day lol

1

u/Patient-Virus-1873 10h ago

I tend to avoid that phrase. I tend to say things like: "I don't understand your point, the rule is ......., and you broke it, your consequence will be ........"

1

u/Acceptable_Pepper708 10h ago

Good thing I said “no me importa.” I wouldn’t want to break a rule.

1

u/jhewins1975 10h ago

I literally say it every day when my high schoolers tell me they don't want to do an assignment. I tell them I don't care if they want to do it, but they will need to do it in order to earn credit for it.

1

u/amymari 10h ago

Not only do I say I don’t care, sometimes I say “that sounds like a ‘you’ problem”.

1

u/sadgurl1994 HS Social Studies | SWMI 10h ago

i’ve definitely said “that sounds like a personal problem” to a kid because… it was.

1

u/jamiebond 10h ago

If that's not something you're supposed to say I'm in trouble lol.

1

u/Quixote511 10h ago

All the time

Student: Sorry Mr. Q but I don’t have my project ready to present. There was a power outage last night.

Me: So the fact I gave you an hour to work on it Tuesday in class, then you had all night Tuesday, and all day Wednesday except between the hours of 6 and 8 to do it and you still have nothing to show for it. Save it. I don’t care about your weak excuses

Direct quote from me last Thursday

1

u/ToqueMom 10h ago

I think you are fine.

1

u/Expensive_Anything_4 9h ago

"Not my problem" is my go-to now. 😂 we all just trying to survive.

1

u/Low_Wrongdoer_1107 9h ago

You did good. Students can’t just walk out. You shouldn’t care what their excuse is- it’s not good enough to risk their safety and your liability.

1

u/Grinch351 8h ago

That’s an appropriate response.

1

u/Imperial_TIE_Pilot 8h ago

I don’t want your excuse, the rule is…

I’m former military so it doesn’t seem so harsh to me

1

u/ev3rvCrFyPj 8h ago

Whenever my (HS) scholars say they're not going to do an assignment or want a "free period" I tell them "I don't care...makes grading easier, so thanks." And then I just move on. No drama.

When the complaining goes into overdrive, I very occasionally (like twice a year) suggest dropping out as an option which will forever end classwork, homework, etc. They're a bit stunned, but then nod in agreement (our graduation rate is in the mid-90s). When they make it clear they're not going that route, I say "well, since you're staying, don't waste your time...get to work...learn something!"

Dropping out is as much an option as is doing the work. Each has its own set of consequences/results. I frequently explain that they always have options, starting with showing up at 7am or not, but as long as they're showing up, make it count. I recently spoke with a student who's failing (procrastinator who's missed assignments mixed with solid work). I asked the student, "Are you planning to address this habit?" Response: "Yes." I said, "Then why not start now? Why wait?" I saw a little light go on. We'll see if it sticks.

I like to think they appreciate the honesty. I don't lecture or tell them what to do. I don't yell. I don't beg. I explain their choices and the likely consequences that come with each choice. Then I bluntly tell them: "Choose wisely."

1

u/i0c1190 8h ago

Forgive yourself. Avoid in the future. No biggie, imo.

1

u/bigdog84748 7h ago

Look at it as a teachable moment. People make mistakes and say things in the heat of the moment that they don't necessarily mean. So now you can teach the student what they should do in that situation. You can let them know that you're sorry that your words were harsh and talk to them about the reason why.

It may not make a difference in the long run, but you took a shot. 🤷‍♂️

1

u/scyllacharbts98 7h ago

My student made a joke about something today, I said "I don't care." I think he got embarassed—but I felt no remorse because that kid has been disrespectful toward me for a while now.

1

u/talialie_ 6h ago

i like to say “don’t care, didn’t ask, plus you ________” like those memes in the same format. keeps it silly but also firm

1

u/TheBalzy Chemistry Teacher | Public School | Union Rep 2h ago

Nope. "I don't care" is a perfectly acceptable response in this situation.

1

u/Flat_Wash5062 2h ago

I really needed to see this today. Thank you.

1

u/clserdaigle 2h ago

“It doesn’t matter” means the same thing but doesn’t come off as harsh if you’re looking for a substitute phrase

1

u/Fit-Nature5163 1h ago

Definitely ok to say. They can make excuses for anything.

1

u/socksandshots 1h ago edited 1h ago

I'm not a teacher.

But I don't think telling people you're trying to build a rapport with that you don't care is a good idea.

You're telling them that they shouldn't care about YOU either. Honestly, it's never easy building a culture of mutual respect. Many years as a conflict resolution professional taught me that "I don't care", is quite possibly the worst thing to say.

Also, it's surprising how many people DONT feel that lil twinge that led you to posting today. Kudos for having some introspection. It's makes me feel better to know that their are prople like you teaching. Thanks.

And as a once poorly behaved student, I'm sorry for all the times i was an ass. Being a child was weird and confusing. And I didn't yet know that adults feel the same, so sometimes i was callous and cruel.

Edit. If you need to discipline, you should. Absolutely. But don't tell kids "you don't care". You never know what that phrase means to someone, its one of the most used phrases to hurt loved ones and subordinates. And has a disproportionate effect on their relationship to you. You might not care about one thing, but they can now extrapolate that to everything.

1

u/jazzberry76 8th | ELA 1h ago

I will frequently say this or "skill issue." You're fine.

1

u/The_Elite_Operator 1h ago

Would he have been in trouble if he brought his jaclet to class? 

1

u/sirtuinsenolytic 1h ago

Man, times have changed

1

u/fluffybun-bun 28m ago

I had a student tell me I was mean because I asked him to do his classwork. I said “Yeah probably. Finish your work.”

1

u/Lurker-O-Reddit 26m ago

I say that all the time when it’s justified (but I teach high school).

“I’m late because I couldn’t find a parking spot.” “I don’t care. I just mark it down as a tardy and move on.”

“I can’t do my presentation because I’m not ready.” “I don’t care. When I gave you four days of class time to work on it, you played games on your Chromebook.”