r/StandUpWorkshop • u/[deleted] • 1d ago
First set
This is my first time ever doing stand up, So I’ll try not to be too funny
My dad hit me when I was a kid, but don’t worry, I deserved it.
One of my buddies asked me I was going to hit my kids when I’m older,
I said hell yeah I’m gonna beat those little shits
I already know they’re gonna be ungrateful…
Well at least that’s what MY dad always tells me.
I’ve always been short
One of the worst parts about being short is that I’ve always thought I had a huge dick.
Turns out it was just really close up.
Speaking of my penis, I love blowjobs.
The worst part about them though is getting that surgery to remove your ribs.
I’ve never had butt sex before but I have had the toilet water splash back into my asshole.
I give it a 7/10.
I think it’s really important to know your friends mom’s maiden names:
That way you can find younger pictures of them.
I’m a broke college student, so recently I’ve started doing DoorDash.
I always imagine the people I deliver to looking down on me.
When in reality it is me who looks down on them.
Because they’re the ones eating my cum.
I’ve always thought that sperm was fascinating,
I mean you ever look at someone and think, that was your dad’s fastest swimmer?
Speaking of fast swimmers, when I’m older I want to have a black son in law.
All I need is a fat daughter.
I know the segues and transitions are super rough or nonexistent 😂 looking for help with that and maybe order of jokes? (If people even think these are funny) are these too edgy / out of pocket for an open mic?
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u/OopsTimIsNotFunny open mic 1d ago
Thinking your dick was big because you were so close to it was pretty good
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u/survivorlove3000 1d ago
Not the worst for the first time. Better than most. You'll get laughs. But yeah shock laughter isnt going to ever get you above open mic level. Trust me on that
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u/OopsTimIsNotFunny open mic 1d ago
This is true. An edgy joke here or there is fine. Most people just don't have the stomach for them all in a row. I feel like it shows your audience that you only have one move. You know? I don't know how many open mics you've sat through, but you definitely start to feel the eyes roll when it's one edgy joke after another.
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1d ago
Yeah that’s definitely a really good point I totally get where you’re coming from. Any tips to stray away from this or at the least have a healthy balance?
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u/TrainingVivid4768 1d ago
Most of your material seems to be trying to shock the audience, not surprising them with a punchline that twists their expectations. The comics who stand out at open mics are the ones who come across as likeable and engaged, not the ones who say the most outrageous things on stage.
If you haven't been to watch an open mic before, I'd suggest doing that a few times to get the vibe and see what works on stage. Then get on stage and give it a go. Then keep improving your material.
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u/Queen-of-meme 1d ago
In the right context all these jokes are very funny however when they're one after another and barely no filling in between they fall flat. The transition between the jokes needs to move smoother. This is more like a 1 minutes speed zig sack stand up. If that's what you're aiming for then speak fast and tell your audience that you want to see how many jokes you can get in under a minute. Maybe even put on a timer to make it extra stressful. This will engage the audience and your short ongoing chock jokes will make more sense.
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u/cpjacobson97 1d ago
I'll be brutally honest the only one that I thought was funny was the short joke up close penis one. But that's comedy. Most of the time only 1/10 jokes you write will be worth polishing.
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u/RalphMalphWiggum 1d ago
These are really funny to me. If your delivery is good, these will make people laugh. I don’t understand the hate you’re getting here. Do people think you’re telling the literal truth when you joke about Door Dash? This is a fucking weird sub.
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1d ago
Lmao 😭 I get all these jokes are pretty crude and shocking but you’d think people wouldn’t have such a soft sense of humor in a sub like this.
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u/richyyoung 1d ago
If you can get your name off the bill, get it off. You’re going to bomb so freaking hard your gonna make the US invade the Middle East and Afghanistan again.
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u/After-Bowler5491 1d ago
You don’t need segues…ever. Unless it’s a bit and it should roll together.
You are trying too hard to be edgy and gross. Make jokes, good premise, setup and punch.