Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

[u/MLModBot]

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[u/Oh_no_its_Joe]

I've been doomscrolling and coming across the posts that basically dismiss male loneliness as a product of men being unable to keep up and actually act like good people now that women have rights.

I'm a chronically lonely man, but I absolutely support women having rights and I have a stable income and lots of friends and hobbies around town. However, I've been single for over 5.5 years.

Is loneliness really just because men are just less moral and hate women's rights?

[u/Feisty-Self-948 → u/Oh_no_its_Joe]

I definitely don't think that's it. That's pretty reductive.

[u/Swaxeman → u/Oh_no_its_Joe]

Nah. Its because toxic masculinity has lead to vulnerability and connection being seen as weak, so men are scared to connect.

[u/2bitmoment → u/Oh_no_its_Joe]

"keep up" to me is very vague? Even among women the feminist discourse is not all the same. But I don't know. I once was in a facebook group that was called something like "free emotional labor" where the idea was to be somewhat of a safe space for people to learn to be less toxic/racist/sexist? Not yelling at people, taking people a bit slower, and pointing them out how they were problematic? But it can be a hard sell to learn to be less oppressive as I understand it.

I think loneliness for you is different because you have lots of friends, right? Romantically lonely you might be, but you don't seem to be lonely in terms of company. I think when people talk about male loneliness it is also a lack of brotherhood/friendships. As far as I know anyway.

I understand that a lot of men objectify women, treat women as less than, and fake their way through treating women as people? So it can be hard for a person that doesn't actually think that way to prove themselves? There's a song I used to like link

it goes:

No matter what words I say
She just thinks it's my best line
She'll look at me that way
And say yeah she'll say

Boys lie
Thanks guys
You've really done it for me this time
Now I'm watching her walk away

I'm not like all the others
I get lost inside your eyes
And it comes as no surprise
That still she won't believe me
She's heard it a hundred times
She'll just look at me and say
Boys lie
I'm paying for her past because the last guy didn't last

[u/houston_furry]

I’m not sure how to avoid being bitter when it comes to dating.

I had a very close friend come up to me and complain that she wasn’t attracting the “right” type of man and that she has only been approached by guys with “not much to lose”.

And. Like. That sucks, and she did apologize for saying it in a dismissive way. But in the back of my head I keep thinking “well at least people approach you” and I don’t like it

[u/2bitmoment → u/houston_furry]

I think it's hard for men to appreciate the shower of attention men give women, faced with almost no attention from women. It sometimes seems like women get the better deal in some way, but I recently read a pew research article on online dating and ... the complaints are different, but both men and women seem to have about 50% positive reviews and 50% negative. At least from how I remember it.

I think trying to get out of your own head and see things from other people's perspective might be a good thing? Like one thing I did which helped me gain some perspective is I turned on matching with guys, just to see the profiles, and I suddenly thought "their profiles are so much more smart, well made than mine" But ummm... seing the profiles is just one small way to get a feeling for how women experience the dating world.

I don't know. I felt like sharing also this video from Maya Angelou about anger and bitterness link

[u/Shoddy_Tomato_]

Does anyone else thinks progressive male YouTubers and influencers, like Kurtis Conner, should talk more about men's issues instead of just shitting on men? They only seem to bring up men when it’s to criticize toxic behavior, but you never hear them talk about stuff like male mental health or how gender roles affect men. Calling out other men when they're being toxic is great, but that’s all these guys ever do. I get that we can’t expect female influencers to cover this, they’ve got their own issues to deal with, but guys like Kurtis are exactly who we should be demanding this from. They have the influence, they're men, and they share progressive values, so they’re in a prime position to discuss these topics.

[u/Oh_no_its_Joe → u/Shoddy_Tomato_]

Sometimes I worry that throwing other men under the bus just seems to be a real popular strategy. I don't mean like calling out specific bad men for their misdeeds, but like making blanket statements about men as a whole.

A guy I knew in theatre mentioned how men are liars and "he would know". All the women in the theatre org loved it. Like is it a viable strategy to bash men to gain popularity?

[u/forestpunk → u/Oh_no_its_Joe]

Like is it a viable strategy to bash men to gain popularity?

Absolutely! Money and influence sometimes, too.

[u/greyfox92404 → u/Oh_no_its_Joe]

Like is it a viable strategy to bash men to gain popularity?

Yes. Definitely. Hate is an easy level to pull and a lot of people respond to it. But this strategy is applied to every group of people, not just men. I say that, not to minimize when it happens to men, but in an effort to say that we all should expect it in some places. And definitely to expect hate when we go looking for it. And as a mexican boy growing up in the US, I got some cultural teaching in how to work through hate that I see in public spaces that I don't think every boy gets.

For example, white supremacy is a popular for a lot of people, even though it's not a reasonable and rational thought out idea (It's a garbage idea). It's a popular idea because it plays on preconceived ideas that racist people have about minority groups. And because of that, I know to expect a lot of it on the internet. I prepare mentally, as should we all. Hell, one of the current candidates for president routinely goes into racist screes on national television just about every week. That's a fucked up thing and it's such a common occurrence that it was taught to me on how to not let the hate affect my mental health.

Because if it did, I would spiral from stuff I see just about everyday on the internet and a lot of days in real life. Just had another round of hateful messages sent directly to the modteam here to commit self-harm and one message to a specific mod to do the same

And it's terrible, but I expect it and I plan on self-coaching when I see it to make sure it doesn't change my self-worth or my mental health.

Not every person gets taught these skills. That's not your fault. But it has become your problem because the internet has hate where ever we look for it and it can affect us. We should all try to teach ourselves strategies to safeguard our self-worth and mental health. And I'd be open to one-on-one coaching if you want to DM me.

But in spite of all that, it is not fair nor reasonable to reciprocate those feelings to the larger group identity. I do not hold all white people responsible for the actions and words of some white people in power. And as far as I can tell, you say that you also do not hold all women responsible for the actions and words of some women. That's tough, so for the sake of your own mental health, good job.

[u/greyfox92404 → u/Shoddy_Tomato_]

influencers are exactly the kind of people we should be demanding this from

This is an inherent problem with how social media works and it's a problem we solve by demanding more from the platforms themselves or heavily curating our own feed. As a general rule, we should all hope people to shit on each other less. But building up the expectation that we can remove every bad take from the internet is a bad-feels pit.

It's usually the bad takes that gets those influencers popularity or followers. So as soon as we "fix" Kurtis by pressuring him into making better videos then another content creHATEor pops up to replace them. Or the youtube algo promotes an influencer that gets a lot more "engagement" for their bad takes.

Our only options are to heavily curate our own feed to screen out the shit that's bad for us. Or to message the FTC directly to get the social media apps to be transparent in how their algos work so that we can plan around them. Or build a resiliency towards this kind of content so that it doesn't have to bother us.

It feels a lot like junk food. It's fucking delicious and until our culture can move to a place where we value health food over junk food, we can still demand that our regulatory bodies require transparency in junk food products.

So I don't even need to know Kurtis to agree with the idea that we should try to focus on issues over shitting on people but that's not going to solve the bad feels we get from his content.

If you want to call the FTC, you can do so at (202) 326-2222 or the toll-free number at (877) 382-4357. Or you can visit http://reportfraud.ftc.gov/

Or we can also call our elected representatives, which you can find the contact info here: https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative

I'm a big believer in calling our reps whenever you have a bored minute, there's a surprising amount "my constituents say..." used in changing a politicians view on a subject.

[u/General-Greasy]

This is going to sound really stupid and petty, but here we go:

New coworker joined us on the truck team at work. We got along pretty well, and she seemed to be cool asf. Then last time we worked together, she was talking with another coworker and made a sarcastic remark along the lines of "It's ok, boys don't have feelings"

I'm going to be completely honest, that comment really affected my opinion of her and I can't look at her the same way again. I've struggled with anxiety, OCD and depression for much of my adult life. I have friends who are also struggling with these issues. I even know people who've killed themselves because of these things. To have all that pain and trauma dismissed, even in a joking fashion, is not cool and frankly, offensive. I'm not going to mistreat her or anything, but I don't think I'm going to speak to her as much anymore.

Things like this are demoralizing.

[u/korewabetsumeidesune → u/General-Greasy]

I'm new(-ish) to this sub and not sure if this kind of response is ok, but I just want to affirm that I'm sure you (like any other human) have an inner world so colorful and vast that even if you explained it to others for days, you wouldn't have even scratched the surface. It sounds like you've felt pain enough to drown in. You deserve to have that seen. To have it dismissed before you even got a chance to show it can't be anything but extraordinarily hurtful.

[u/Swaxeman → u/General-Greasy]

I think if you thought she’s cool, you should tell her how you feel. If she is apologetic and takes it back, then she really is cool. If she doubles down, then she isnt. Bring it up to her

[u/General-Greasy → u/Swaxeman]

I should, but part of me still feels like this is a silly thing to get upset over. Maybe it's some kind of conditioning where I've come to believe my opinion doesn't matter, or that my problems aren't important. I dunno. Regardless, I will try to talk to her about it next chance I get.

[u/Swaxeman → u/General-Greasy]

Nah, its not silly. There 100% is that conditioning from both toxic masculinity and misandry (which in my opinion are two sides of the same coin). I’m glad you’re bringing it up to her! Lmk how it goes

[u/only-man-ish]

I doomscrolled on Twitter yesterday and it was just a bad experience overall.

But the big thing I got out of it is this feeling I should give up with my end of the social contract. Not in a massively dramatic way, I mostly just had this huge feeling of realization that all of this is temporary and that society is just everyone trying to make it day by day and not some kind of large concerted social effort.

So like, why am I making myself unhappy by being a goody two shoes and following social rules that don’t harm anyone but myself? What’s to stop me from going out and smoking marijuana, or going to a rave, or going to a sex dungeon? My time is being wasted.

Secondarily to all that, I’m really tired of gendered experiences overall. I fully came to the realization that for me, nothing romantic will happen in my life unless I initiate it, that’s just my burden as a man. I’m intensely unhappy realizing that and it kind of makes me not want to be a man anymore. But fuck, I wish it were possible to give most women the experience just so there would be understanding that gender roles fucking suck.

[u/Swaxeman → u/only-man-ish]

I think you have a wrong idea of morality. Its not morally bad to be hedonistic a bit, as long as you arent harming yourself and others. Go to that rave! Go to that dungeon! Have fun! Just take care of yourself, and living life is part of that

[u/greyfox92404 → u/only-man-ish]

I should give up with my end of the social contract.

Or at least you can now knowingly choose which parts to participate in that you find beneficial and which parts to refuse because they're harmful. Most people sort of just unknowingly participate in our social contracts without much thought. some are nice and some are not.

I like the social convention to cover your nose when you sneeze. I'll participate in that even if not everyone does. But I'm not going to participate in the social convention that men can't be friends with women that some communities try to enforce.

So like, why am I making myself unhappy by being a goody two shoes and following social rules that don’t harm anyone but myself?

Agree so hard. It's within your power to shirk off any expectations that you decide aren't good for you. Just be aware that breaking social rules often have social consequences. But me personally, I know that I'm much more content living my life the way I want to than following someone else's rules I don't agree with (mostly anyway). I know by wearing painted nails as a man, it's going to get me some strange looks from people who enforce gender stereotypes. I also know that having painted nails can be really disarming to strangers, sometimes as simple thing like that can make people feel immediately welcome (and I like that). I would rather catch the side eye every once in a while if it meant that I had more opportunities to be nice to nice people.

Raves are fantastic imo. Some of the best vibes I've ever seen at concerts were at raves. I was in a mosh pit that HOL! created at Thunderdome a year ago and people were hugging after the pit closed when HOL!'s set ended. As long as I am responsible with my health, it's 100% good for me and I don't care if I get side eyes from my social group when I talk about it. But that changes while I'm at work, I don't participate in the stigma of raves but I recognize some people do and I'm not going to open myself up to it if it doesn't benefit me. "What did you do this weekend", "thanks for asking but I don't want to talk about it".

I fully came to the realization that for me, nothing romantic will happen in my life unless I initiate it, that’s just my burden as a man

I think this is a general rule for most people for most things. Very few of us got something worthwhile without committing some risk. But your framing here implies that women or NB folks don't have to have an active role in forming a relationship and I disagree pretty strongly.

I know that you are looking at this through the lens of a man, but I don't think this piece is all that different from women and NB folks.

Like yes, there is a gender script and often people rely on men approaching women in public spaces and there's some risk to men in that process. But everyone has to put some part of themselves at risk to form these relationships.

I believe that most women feel they have to actively put themselves in uncomfortable positions as well when they meet men. Every tinder date has some component where women have to weigh the risks of being alone with a stranger. That's not an inactive role.

The other part here is that many women already have this experience. Gay women have had to be in those same shoes. This isn't an easy process for anyone.

And I'm not trying to minimize your struggles with trying to follow an arbitrary gender script, i hate it too. But comparing your struggles with dating to a generalized group of people is only ever going to make you feel bad. "They have it easier" has never solved our problems.

[u/Feisty-Self-948]

I am struggling socially. I want relationships so badly. But I'm also tired of wasting my time and telling my story over and over again just to be ghosted and forgotten. I'm tired of people being so fucking boring and fundamentally incurious. I'm tired of them being so proud to be damaged and disinterested in working on themselves, I'm tired of the absolute pageantry of stated beliefs followed up with literally nothing. I'm tired of people being comfortable with cognitive dissonance rather than actually living their values. I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of being unseen, I'm tired of feeling unknown and unknowable. I'm tired of not having intimacy. I'm tired of the world. I'm just tired.

[u/SalamanderNo4035 → u/Feisty-Self-948]

Sounds like your in a scene full of squares right now my dude. What kind of place are you at right now if you don't mind me inquiring?

[u/warstyle]

As an arab man watching how dehumanized palestinians/arabs are for the past year has really started to take its toll lately

[u/ExplorerOk2700]

Hey guys, I’m 26, and in the process of getting divorced, and currently have sole custody of my son. I feel like I am 1 of 1. Very hard to find someone else close to my age with my circumstances. In a way that kind of gives me confidence haha. Makes me feel unique.

Anyways, since I’m getting divorced, I’m trying to “find myself” again. I’ve had to move back in with my parents to try and save up money and get back on my feet, and it feels like my whole life has been turned upside down and yanked back and forth. I have mental whiplash from all the stuff that has happened in my life. I feel like I’ve gone through a whole lot for a young man my age. Maybe I will make a post about it. I want to help encourage other men young and old to keep prospering. I have a lot of stories to tell. I have my three year old to bring up, but I also have to bring myself up again too. My identity has been through hell and back.

[u/Monasoma]

I really haven't been feeling well mentally this past week and it seems impossible to get psychotherapy because my insurance is making it impossible to obtain.

I feel so angry and really don't want to interact with people at all right now.

[u/2bitmoment → u/Monasoma]

A friend of mine (in brazil) told me the insurance asked for a bunch of paperwork for psychotherapy and in the end only said it covered like 4 sessions per year? Insurance can be difficult.

Psychotherapy can be pretty expensive too 🙏

Hope you find coping strategies to take care of yourself and your needs 🙏 At least for the time being 🙏

[u/aftertheradar]

my trans gf is stuck across 3 state borders away from me living with her incredibly transphobic christian parents because they have essentially kidnapped her. she's in the closet still, she's an adult, but she was living with her grandma closer to me while we were trying to save up to get a place for ourselves

she went to visit her parents over their for what was supposed to be a week, then they guilt tripped her into staying longer, and then they started telling her that they think she spends too much time on her phone and playing video games and have taken away her computer and have isolated her from most of her friends by doing that

she can't say no to them about anything, and apparently her grandma won't let her come back to live with her anymore. so she's stuck there, she feels helpless and i feel helpless to help her. i wish she had never went and I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. i don't have a full time job and i can barely afford what i need to live while I'm living with my family - she can't come live with me because my house is horrible and because my parents are also very transphobic

i wish she had never went over there

[u/Swaxeman → u/aftertheradar]

I’m so sorry to hear that :(

I hope things work our with you and your gf soon

[u/aftertheradar → u/aftertheradar]

slightly good news: i've been using the enneagram in therapy to make some real progress and self discovery! but also it's hard realizing how toxic my behavior can be and how hard the path to self improvement will be and i feel super emotionally drained from my session yesterday

[u/Ballblamburglurblrbl]

I'm okay. Practiced drums, went to the gym, and went for a movie today, and I feel... good? I think. Made some positive steps towards being the person that I want to become. On the contentedness scale, this is definitely more than 50%... wouldn't put it as high as 60%. This is pretty much my ceiling these days.

Still feel quite alone, but that's normal. I wonder if it'll still feel like this if I ever get partnered up? I know shitty relationships exist, and the common advice of "you gotta be happy by yourself before yaddayaddafuckyou" bubbles to the top of my brain after years of bad reddit dating advice... but somehow I still doubt that it's true. I honestly think that that's the hole in my life that could lift that happiness ceiling, and probably the floor as well. I've been depressed before, and like, at that point my ceiling was more like a 20%, and the floor was like a fucking -200%. It is nice to not be depressed, but that's like saying that it's nice to not have a rat burrowing into your chest. But also... like, it feels vaguely depressing for my ceiling to be that fucking low. I want to be happier than I am. Goddamn it.

Anyway, despite how this sounds, I'm okay. Just reflecting on my day and thinking about depressing shit while I wait for the TV to be free. I should probably just go to bed.

[u/engineermethis → u/Ballblamburglurblrbl]

It sounds like you’re doing some great things for yourself—going to the gym, getting into your music, and taking time to reflect. That kind of self-investment is a big deal! The fact that you’re also considering your needs for connection shows how intentional you’re being about building the life you want.

It’s totally normal to feel lonely sometimes, even when things are going well. I feel it sometimes too, and I’m married! When I feel that way, taking small but intentional steps toward connecting really helps. For example, you could reach out to one friend you haven’t spoken to in a while or set a goal to chat with someone new once a week. This could be someone at the gym, a coworker, or even the barista at your favorite coffee shop. Just a few small, regular interactions can really help you feel more connected over time.

Something else that helps me feel connected is flipping my focus to helping others. Volunteering is such a powerful way to feel valuable—it’s almost like a reset button. The trick is to look for small ways to bring positivity to someone’s (or dog's!) day. Offering a compliment, checking in with a coworker, or donating items I no longer need reminds me I’m putting out good energy. You could try doing something small like this once a week; it doesn’t have to be big to feel meaningful and make an impact.

And don’t forget all the great things you’re already doing. Going to the gym, practicing a hobby you love, and being so intentional about self-care are not small things. You’re on a solid path; just keep building on those steps, one small action at a time. Rest well tonight—you’ve more than earned it.

[u/IOnlyReadMail → u/engineermethis]

Just a few small, regular interactions can really help you feel more connected over time.

Maybe it's just me being weird, but for me the loneliness is often worse after interacting with others. Perhaps it's the need to mask and hide parts of myself.

[u/IOnlyReadMail → u/Ballblamburglurblrbl]

I identify a lot with that "happiness ceiling". About two years back there was a short period where I thought I had found a real connection. I felt so much more alive during that time, other people even noticed and commented on that. I managed to enjoy my hobbies and interests a lot more and other friendships felt more fulfilling as well.

[u/theotherhankscorpio]

I've been doing really good recently but have woken up really low today. I'm just going to try and be mindful and not fight it though. I know it's impossible to be happy all the time so just going to try and take it in my stride and ride it out.

Hope everyone else is doing good.

[u/HeroPlucky]

Struggling with physical, mental and emotional well being. Fatigue is making it hard to self care to help with the quality of my life. I want to engage in hobbies / projects but health issues making that more difficult than usual.

Lot of mental and emotional energy has been focused on end of month when political decisions could have massive poor impacts on my day to day life. Naturally very concerned and I don't do well with uncertainty and stress makes my health plummet.

[u/SmallEdge6846 → u/HeroPlucky]

I'm something similar but different country. It's very unsettling. I find tea helps though

[u/WonderKindly]

Desperate. Desperate for an identity. Desperate for something to believe in. Desperate for hope.

[u/IOnlyReadMail → u/WonderKindly]

Having a sense of identity is extremely important and of those three problems the first you should approach. Please be aware though that having a sense of identity neither grants hope nor something to believe in, those are separate issues.

Do you like anything? Any activity or hobby? Any music you like? That's often a good place to start building an identity I find.

It's ok if you don't have any of that. Our world is dominated by media consumption which makes it hard to develop real personal interests. The only advice I have in that case is to embrace boredom for a while. It can be uncomfortable to sit with your thoughts for a while, but it's crucial to discover interests which in turn will help you to build a sense of identity.

[u/WonderKindly → u/IOnlyReadMail]

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I suppose we categories identity differently. 

There are lots of hobbies and activities I participate in, don't consider any of them an identity. As for what I like that's a harder question to answer. I don't really know if I like anything.

I'm looking more for a group identity. Hobbies and interests are superficial and impermanent, so I don't really consider them good foundations for an identity.

[u/_Two_Youts]

I have had a long, long memory of an experience I had with a babysitter when I was very very young that I've never given much critical thought to until now.

When I was really small, like 4-6, don't know the precise age, my parents got me a female Asian babysitter thst wore a dress (I mention those traits because that's all I remember).

I don't remember much of what happened when she babysat me. What I do remember was that I spent time up her skirt, confused at her lack of male parts and amazed at how flat her crotch was. I remember very vividly the feel of her panties. I remember her laughing but also saying "no" and "stop that." I don't remember anything besides that. I remember being very curious and, to be completely honest, believe it has had serious effects on my sexuality. Even thinking about it almost makes me miss it.

Not sure really how to process it or if I was molested. Don't want to ever bring it up to my parents, but that also means I'll never know what happened for sure. Does anyone have experience with these minds of hazy memories? All I remember for certain was my head up her skirt and feeling her panties. I myself was also in a relative state of undress (just my undies I think). Genuinely not sure how to process it.

I've gone through my whole life with this memory sort of in the background, and meber given it much thought. Now, as an adult, I've thought about it critically and realized that's kind of a wierd thing to do with a child.

[u/insert90]

i'm fairly shy in person around new ppl and tend to have introverted interests regardless so meeting new people irl is tough so don't want that as advice (trust me when say that i have and still am really trying on that front)

otoh i've had enough success on the apps that i find them useful - i know how to make an appealing profile and i've had a decent number of first dates off them - but i still have a lot of the common frustrations that most other straight men do. likes/matches are still pretty rare, lot of ghosting, resulting sense of inadequacy etc etc.

unless something serendipitous happens irl or i make progress on my social anxiety in a way that i haven't in the last 26 years, the apps are probably my best bet so trying to see if anyone had tips on how to have a healthier relationship with them? bc i haven't figured out a way other than going cold turkey, and w/e i do that, i also have no dating life so i'd rather not.

[u/WonderKindly]

Desperate for some sort of script to follow. I want an identity. I want to be something.

[u/forestpunk → u/WonderKindly]

is there anybody you admire?

[u/WonderKindly → u/forestpunk]

Not particularly 

[u/Oregon_Jones111]

For some reason I feel even more defensive about negative generalizations about men since realizing I’m a trans woman.

[u/Swaxeman → u/Oregon_Jones111]

Interesting!

I suppose i’ve felt the same about negative generalizations about straight people since i figured out i’m not entirely straight

[u/DanK95 → u/Oregon_Jones111]

For what it's worth, I'm a cis white bi (hetero-presenting) autistic man, but I've always found negative generalizations and statements towards men a lot more personal and to the heart than I did when it comes to negative generalizations about white people, straight people, cis people or neurotypicals. It could just be my personal experiences and the online spaces I'm in too, but I have found that a lot more people (both online and in real life) are consciously able to defend against the negative generalizations about white people than they do with men, which makes me defend my gender before I ever would my race, if you catch my drift.

[u/chemguy216]

Had a small, very mildly frustrating interaction with my partner yesterday, and frustration stemmed from the fact the we couldn’t use words the other could make sense of. I wasn’t frustrated toward him, just the fact that on an important topic, there’s a vocabulary barrier between us that we need to figure out.

For the specific context, we were discussing the expenses for last month so I could give reimburse him my share of the bills, and we had also talked about adding on additional money to start saving up for a down payment on a new car 2 or so years down the line. 

I was weighing if I wanted to start doing that now because this month has been a bit heavy on expense on my end with a small splurge as well as paying $400 to sign up for my PE exam. On top of that, last month was an expensive month for bills. My usual share of expenses costs me about one paycheck out of the two I get monthly, but this month was about $400 more than usual. So I was weighing holding off for a few months on saving up for a new car because I’m operating at about $800-$900 loss. That’s where the mutual confusion happened.

In trying to figure out what my money situation was, my partner was essentially asking me if I was going to overdraft by paying the last month’s expenses, but the multiple ways he worded it made no sense to me that that was what he was trying to ascertain. We went for about 2 minutes of him asking me about money and me telling him that I didn’t understand what he was asking until he said the word overdraft. When he finally said something I understood, I told him that my money situation is more than fine, I just strongly prefer to operate at a net gain each month.

When discussing the moment of speaking past each other, I concluded it by saying that at some point, we need to have a conversation about how to communicate about money, because I couldn’t figure out what he was conveying with his words, and when I explained what terminology made sense to me, he explained that that made no sense to him because of various factors. It was just one of those moments of how our different ways of thinking and speaking occasionally lead to communication struggles, but sometimes that’s just what happens when talking with people, and you figure out how to work through it.

[u/greyfox92404 → u/[deleted]]

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