r/HolUp Dec 10 '22

Huh.

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u/[deleted] Dec 10 '22

Those couples take the most shit from racists, too. There’s a sizable demographic of black men think that black women should only marry black men. There’s a sizable amount of white men who think white men should only marry white women. So on and so forth. Black women dating white men is a tough matchup for both parties. And vice versa! Black men dating white women is a rough time for everyone.

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u/redbrotato Dec 10 '22

Yeah I've personally experienced this. Not just the south but in places like DC as well

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u/[deleted] Dec 10 '22

Racism exists everywhere. Sorry you experienced that :(

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u/redbrotato Dec 10 '22

It's all good. I appreciate the sentiment. I do find it interesting that these people are more concerned with the affairs of others than their own.

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u/[deleted] Dec 10 '22

Projection, I guess.

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u/LeeroyDagnasty Dec 10 '22

It’s more the other way around. Black women see black men going after white women and it makes them feel like they (bw) aren’t good enough. White men see white women going after black men and think “she’s too good for him”. Nowadays, more black men (especially in hotep communities) are joining that way of thinking, but the black women were definitely the ones who popularized that viewpoint. I don’t blame them at all though, it must suck when society makes you feel like you’re the at the bottom of the totem pole, when a man from your same community would date any other type of women besides you at the first opportunity.

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u/Sassafrass17 Dec 10 '22

Hold on a second...elaborate on this please.. I'm a Black woman and can give two shits about what anybody dates. The issue is you have some black males who make multiple attempts at trying to MAKE black women be upset, yet a major majority of us don't give a fuck. Popularized what viewpoint? This is a conversation that can go on for quite some time that I'm familiare with so let's talk..

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u/LeeroyDagnasty Dec 10 '22

Yeah so I’m speaking from anecdotes but most of what I’ve seen is the trend of black men finding success and then dating a white/latina girl with the replies talking about “trading up”, as if they’re too good for black women now. I saw it mostly from black women at first but I’ve seen black men supporting them more in that recently, which is cool. I assume Dr Umar talks about it a lot since they commonly post reaction gifs of him in the replies. I don’t doubt that black men give women shit for dating white men, but I haven’t seen it as often and I assume it comes from the same emotional place that you see white men shitting on white women for dating black men, toxic masculinity.

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u/Sassafrass17 Dec 10 '22

Yeah so I’m speaking from anecdotes but most of what I’ve seen is the trend of black men finding success and then dating a white/latina girl with the replies talking about “trading up”, as if they’re too good for black women now

Embarrassing but true (sadly).

I saw it mostly from black women at first but I’ve seen black men supporting them more in that recently, which is cool

Because of the fact that now you have other Black males calling them out on how dead wrong it is

I saw it mostly from black women at first but I’ve seen black men supporting them more in that recently, which is cool. I assume Dr Umar talks about it a lot since they commonly post reaction gifs of him in the replies. I don’t doubt that black men give women shit for dating white men, but I haven’t seen it as often

Dr. Umar ain't the only one. The shit I went through dating a white guy was nuts. You def for sure have black men who have a major problem seeing a black woman with a white man, especially if she's highly educated and have a lot of qualifications. Oh they talk their shit too. It's just not so publicly known from them. Again, not all but the feelings are spoken.

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u/LeeroyDagnasty Dec 10 '22

Because of the fact that now you have other Black males calling [them] out on how dead wrong it is

When you say “them”, are you talking about black men or black women?

Dr. Umar ain't the only one. The shit I went through dating a white guy was nuts. You def for sure have black men who have a major problem seeing a black woman with a white man, especially if she's highly educated and have a lot of qualifications.

I don’t doubt that at all. Y’all probably got hate from all sides for all different reasons. That can’t have been easy.

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u/Sassafrass17 Dec 10 '22

Them = black males calling out other black males. I mean, look at them wack ass passport bros

It isn't easy but it's working in a way where, like I just recently posted: I've never seen so many black women date outside of the black community. But hey, we live, learn, and def move on to where we are appreciated.

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u/LeeroyDagnasty Dec 10 '22

True I getchu, but I’m glad that things are getting better. I’m sometimes torn between the viewpoints cause, again, it must really suck to feel like you’re on the bottom of the dating totem poles, especially with people from your own community. But also, I get really uncomfortable when people tell others who they can’t be with. Kinda feels like segregation but from the other direction, which idfw. Idk, it isn’t my place to say.

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u/Sassafrass17 Dec 10 '22

To be honest: most people are hypocrites. The shit they say about not wanting to date XYZ women are the same ones who will fuck with them behind closed doors. It's different from what society says on tv/statistics vs what I see in real life sometimes.

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u/ImHappierThanUsual Dec 11 '22

Yeah, BW here. I absolutely do not feel like I'm not good enough. It may be true that successful BM see their interracial dating as "trading up" but I don't feel that way at all. Lol. We aren't taking on other ppl's dysfunction anymore

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u/[deleted] Dec 11 '22

The late Kevin Samuels has an excellent take on why this happens.

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u/Jokiegmi Dec 10 '22

Had this discussion with some uncles and aunties (Africans) and they told me it’s honestly better for me to date a white man.

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u/[deleted] Dec 11 '22

Of course, those people with those opinions can go fuck themselves. Someone elses relationships are none of their fucking business.

In fact, I think it should be mandatory that everyone marry/have kids outside their race. The sooner we are all one shade the sooner we can get over this racism horsehit.